SomaCow

Many times, it’s hard for me to write a blog here. yeah baby take it markie take it

It’s not that I can’t muster a thought, it’s that I muster eighty thousand thoughts at the same time. I blame my ADD. ADD is widely why dont i ever see any fireflies in florida misunderstood, so, in an effort to increase your awareness of my affliction, I have recorded the entire, UNEDITED thought process I went through i dont understand why guys want women to shave down there its like a built in bib in writing this blog. Think of it as a trip into my mind, except without beverage service. And no that guy on that sitcom looks exactly like i picture mel gibsons dad would look concierge.

TV or not TV, that is the question

I don’t watch TV much anymore. I don’t yeah baby take it oprah take it have time for it. How can I sit there and stare chickens have really scary feet where did i hear that at the TV for a couple of hours at a time when I have so much to do? I have my Invasion of Grenada Re-enactment Club meetings to attend, people krispee chrispy krisspea krispy chrispee to correct on the internet, and I have started seeing a speech pathologist in order to learn how to roll my Rs youre from south fucking carolina stop trying to sound fancy british or gay by saying everything in meters instead of feet.

Plus, it’s a big pain was i married dora the show where dora was a witch or was she the latino housekeeper in the ass. I have three Universal remotes. One for the TV, one for the DVR and one for the DVD player. Why? yeah baby take it charo take it I don’t know why. Apparently “universal” means “versed in operating one unit” avoirdupois.

There are so few new shows that entertain me. i hate those white tube socks with colored stripes around the top they are made out of zigzaggy material how do they do that Everything is a reality show these days, from “So You Think You Can Farm?” to “America’s Next Top Mime” to “Whittlin’ With the Stars”. I don’t like game shows, and gambolPUDDY gambolPUDDY gambolPUDDY I flat out refuse to watch any show with an ampersand in its title, so there goes Rob & Big, Will & Grace, Hope & Faith, Dharma & Greg and Sex & The City (which doesn’t really have an ampersand, but if I pretend that it does then I don’t have to watch Sarah Jessica Parker’s unfortunate facial tragedy). yeah baby take it mrs cleaver take it

Reruns of the older shows holy shit i thought that was a spider that I did like are never on when I can see them. And my DVR is full, so I can’t record them. We have, i wish i could paint as well as wile e coyote so i could paint a mural of a tunnel that looked so real that people would try to walk into it and smack their faces against the wall like, 500Gb of surgery shows, baby shows, wedding shows and home improvement shows starring hot gay carpenters, so there’s no room for me to record “Columbo” or “Whose Line Is It Anyway?”.

So, I guess I just hang out on the interwebs with you guys. and maybe they were running really fast when they smacked their face into the wall and they collapsed flat and then slid down the wall and then stood up and when they walked away their body went up and down like an accordion

As long as you let ME hold the universal remote. yeah baby take it Sharon Puckett former wftv news anchorwoman in nashville back in the 80s take it

 

 174: We're Gonna Get Ourselves Organized [1:04:41m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow brought to you by A Space That Works.

In this, our finest hour, we had a special guest in the studio, Suzanna from A Space That Works. With her we discuss how she got into this business, what stereotypes come out in people she’s helped, and how she can help us.

Suzanna used to be a messy girl but has reformed and now helps others. Producer Ross won her doing Trivia on Game Show Radio. Well, he won us an hour of her time to help SomaCow get organized in the Martini Room. You see, this is no small task. While the room may be small (and entirely too warm), it has 6 shows worth of crap in there. I mean we have Say… Anything, Just Push Play, The Lunar Room, The Sports Buzz, The Aftermath, and of course, SomaCow. We all bring in our personal items in to make the space more… personal!

If you ever stop by the Ustream chat and you see myself or Jen in there, ask and we shall give you the most awesomest of tours.

We also talked about the difference in trying to organize women vs. men. Do women have more crap? Are they more emotional and attached to said crap? What have you seen? Are you a pack rat?

So Suzanna had some great ideas. Some include:

• One of those industrial mirrors they use to see around corners could help you see each other better during the show. Is there an industry that large? Do whales wear cosmetics?

• Use a lazy susan and/or a big basket in the middle of the desks to hold the crap we keep amassing (a big lazy susan will also help you pass things to each other easily) (We have been saying maybe we need a female in the studio…)

• Put a basketball hoop over the trash can to add fun to your trash J (yeah, J, throw away your trash!)

• Hang a shoe organizer (the one with pockets) on the door to store small items – helps keep them easy to access (I guess this one is for Debe of Say… Anything?)

• Cubbies for different shows is a great idea! You can even have fun painting them, etc. Make sure they are big enough to hold what you need them to. The Say Anything cubby is already overflowing with booze and handcuffs, and the Just Push Play cubby has apparently become Brian’s new apartment.

• Use the half flower pots or similar items on the walls near each chair to hold pens, etc. (oh good, something else Mickey can break instead of our chairs!)

We’re not going to give away ALL of her secrets but she did give some good ones. She is very open to discussion and even has a message board!

We also checked out this new band to the hopper:

• EndeverafteR – I Wanna Be Your Man

 

 173: Hate the Pumper, Not the Pump [1:01:02m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by The Secret Terrorists. Learn the secrets of who killed Kennedy! Thrill to the truth about Bill Clinton! Amaze your friends as you blame every single problem ever met by the world on… The Jesuits? WTF are the Jesuits, mom?

We discussed what happens when you give kids the conch, the real reason gas prices are so damned high, and we lamented those hardest hit by the energy crisis.

It’s no secret that autistic children can be annoying! Their impromptu outbursts, stereotypy, and ritualistic behavior make them into excellent talk radio hosts, but terrible classmates. Enter Port St. Lucie, Florida (The Land That Decency Forgot), and their forward-thinking educators, who assemble a brilliant plan: Rather than wait for these kids to kill Piggy on the recess playground, why not schedule a time IN CLASS to berate an autistic child before banning his sorry ass from the room? Hahahah! Oh, kids, they say the darnedest things. Wendy Portillo, Hitler salutes you!

I get a lot of email from you folks, (well, that isn’t true. I get ten emails from you. One is usually asking me to have somebody tickle J, one is Chrispy, mocking me for not having the sense to eat something as good as what he has been eating for ten years now, six are requests from bands that we play their song on the show, and one is from my mom, who has yet to listen to a single episode, but wonders where the play button can be found) asking me about Gas Prices. We spend a good part of this hour explaining who is at fault with the energy crisis, and how you can help bring them down.

We rounded out the hour with a report on those hardest hit by these ever-increasing fuel prices and steadily-declining dollar value. Truckers? Arsonists? Race Car Enthusiasts? Nope, nope, and nope. But I sure would like to connect to her bp before I chevron her amoco and then exxon all over her mobil until my pump runs dry, ten-four.

Watch the scenery pass you by while you jam on the following great bands:

• Bedouin Soundclash – Until We Burn In The Sun
• 16Volt – Come For You