SomaCow

 

 213: Gayest Show on Earth [58:44m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media is proud(?) to present… ThomaCow! Brought to you this week by PFLAG.

So in this episode Mickey talks about his experience eating at a gay bar. He went to Hamburger Mary’s, a new burger establishment/bar in Orlando and gave it rave reviews for scenery (and food)! He says he didn’t realize it was a gay establishment at first, but as a self-proclaimed cock tease I think he was just trying to save face. Geoff is hoping Karma bites Mickey in the ass one time when he goes into a gay bar cock-teasing with his handsome charm, wit, and good looks.

So after this, the guys go into a lengthy discussion on their various gay encounters throughout the years. OK, this part wasn’t so bad…interesting insight into the past lives of Geoff, Mickey, and J. Then they jumped into the smell of semen and how J’s doesn’t smell but Geoff swears there is a scent to it. The live chatroom loved getting into this discussion! So what’s the verdict? Does semen smell? Does the scent change? Discuss!

After about 30 minutes of gay bar/semen talk, the old SomaCow came back around and focused on the real issue of hour 3… FOOD!

Is there such a thing as too many incredibly hot and wonderful fries? I think not! Who has the best fries out there?

And then, the topic shifts again…Geoff swears that if a drag queen is hot enough it doesn’t matter if they are a man. I mean there are some that are just incredibly beautiful!

J had had just enough of this talk so he had to finish the hour on a more masculine discussion. He has hooked Geoff on one of the more manly habits a man can have…putting a long thick thing in their mouth and sucking.

Thank you all for joining us in this hilarious and insightful hour! We also enjoyed the following music:

• Devin Lima – Crafty Bitch
• Baskervilles – Slip a LIttle and Boom!

And the show notes of the week from Ross:

“3:13 J ‘You sure have a nice boy (box?) for 15.’”

We would also like to add, if you have a SomaCow Sticker and have placed it in a really cool place, take a picture and send it in. This weeks SomaCow sticker comes from our listener Gryffyn who has recently become a pilot.

I get it! I’m a big guy! An obvious target!

I am especially conscious of this fact when I travel. I recently had occasion to fly out of state, which means: I had to pass through airport security.

I understand that the fine men and women of the TSA (Passenger Harassment Authority) are there to keep us safe. Especially, they are interested in keeping us safe from dangerous grooming products, as you will soon see.

I was making my barefoot, unbelted-pants way through the security checkpoint. I must have looked like I was wildly caressing myself as I made a last-second check for anything metal that might make the detector beep. I always make the detector beep. I suspect that Geoff has implanted a microchip in my skull in order to steal both of my funny ideas, and that must be what sets off the alarms.

Nervously, I approach the electronic gate of Purgatory.

*BEEP*

Dammit.

They asked me, as always, to check my pockets and then step back through, but I am pretty sure they only do this to rub it in my face that I will always make the metal detector beep.

*BEEP*

“Step this way, sir.”

This time, they took me, and my carry-on bag, over to the side. They didn’t use the metal detector wand thingy on me. They just questioned me directly.

TSA Nazi: “You’re sweating. A lot.”
Me: “Yes.”
TSA Nazi: “Are you nervous?”
Me: “No, I am fat, in Florida, in August.”
TSA Nazi: “Do you always sweat this much?”
Me: “Don’t make me have to speak to you in a stern voice.”
TSA Nazi: “I’m going to open your bag.”
Me: “I’m going to sweat on your podium.”
TSA Nazi (going through my bag): “Hmmm…hmmm…uh-HUH!”
Me: “What?”

He pulls out what is clearly a highly explosive, fully charged, aluminum-plated can of armor-piercing shaving cream. He shows it to me, with a look on his face as if he expects me to confess to a crime.

Me (trying to be helpful): “It’s for sensitive skin.”

He drops it into the blast-proof hazmat disposal container on the floor beside him.

Me: “Ok, sorry for the trouble. I’ll just be…”
TSA Nazi (still rummaging through my stuff): “What is this?”
Me: “Laser fluid.”
TSA Nazi: “What?”
Me: “Hair gel.”
TSA Nazi: “You can only transport 3 ounces of gel, in a clear container!”
Me: “Well, that’s an eight-ounce bottle, and it’s a little over half full. Can you just squeeze some out?”
TSA Nazi: *silence*
Me: “I mean it. I’ll speak VERY sternly.”

So, they finally let me through, after confiscating half of my toiletries.

I put my shoes and belt back on, and moved quickly out of the way, because…well…

The woman in line behind me had a jar of Noxzema.

With a laser scope on it.

 

 212: I Can't Take It Anymore [58:01m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow brought to you by Say… Anything (which is the most awesome show that you should go check out now!)

So this week I was asked, “What does Ross do exactly? Cause it looks like he is just on twitter the whole show?” And, being the supportive friend that I am, told them that he has to watch levels and take notes so that Geoff (or I) can write the blog!

So as Geoff has fallen asleep right before rollover. I made sure he had his bedtime outfit on and jumped online. I pulled the infamous green book down off the shelf and on one page, triple spaced, are the following notes from Ross.

“Paper Towels Masturbation Chat”. Wow. That sounds painful guys! I mean I have heard of tissues, maybe even a nearby towel, but paper towels??

“Deoderant Choices Mickey’s Bust”. Now, I know that Mickey is a self-proclaimed sweater but has he really gone so far off the (Atkins) wagon that he now has moobs that require that oh-so-fresh protection? Ew.

“Mickey’s Rumor Paying Off McDonalds”. So we are all trying to be part of the solution.

And Mickey is taking the profits and paying off McDonalds? Maybe they were keeping his moob secret a…well…secret?

What wasn’t a secret is the music played this hour:

• The Gaslight Anthem -  The 59 Sound
• Dearestazazel – Sex is a Sin

“I heard a rumor that gas prices would be one dollar per gallon by March of 2009!”