SomaCow

Originally Deeheed, shaMONed, and Dwongirled at SomaCow.com

In this hour, we recant the Hollywood deaths of the dude with the glove, the dude with the jowls, and the chick with the boobs.

So much to cover, I do not know where to begin. Farrah Fawcett’s Tushie Tumor gave way to Ed McMahon’s Extremely Elderly End gave way to Michael Jackson’s Mysterious Myocardial Infarction, and now this…

Little Bunny Billy, flying on an airline, eating peanuts in first class, and stuff fell on his head?

I do not want to live in a world without Billy. We will all feel for his loss. Billy Mays did more for the world than 10 Michael Jackson’s ever could, and don’t you forget it.

I blame Vince, and his accursed shamwows. He’s had it in for Billy since the first Zorbeez ad aired. The advertising world IS the most dangerous game, people.

Take heart… It is Mickey’s Birthday, and it is a pretty solid hour even in his absence. Thank you to everyone who called in to wish Mickey a Merry Mickmas. Elross will handle doling out your points.

Happy Birthday, Mickey!

Tags: billy may, billy mays, comedy, ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, internet, michael jackson, orlando, Podcast, radio, talk

Originally MCed at SomaCow.com

In this, our finest hour, we talked about the lyrical gangstas, Tasty Kakes, and Small…. umm…. Packages. No, really!

I am now well aware of the fact that J, Mickey, and I are quite white. Quite.

That being said, we certainly want to pay respect to great black music. Who among us hasn’t felt the joggle and bounce of some great “urban” beats and desperately wished they could “hustle”, whatever that is? The sad reality is that it takes a lot to bridge the gap between whites and blacks with regard to music. Sure, it’s easier for you kids today with your equal regard for one another and your crazy zebra love, but there was a lot of racial confusion and misunderstanding leading up to such synergy.

I figured this would be a good time to provide you, dear loyal reader, with my list of the top five Entry-Level Black Artists, Those That Made White People Timidly Shake Shake Shake That Ass, that aren’t Run DMC.

#1. Mike Jackson – He died. Boohoo. Sob. He also may or may not have touched kids, slept with Elvis’s daughter, and freaked out a generation. But before all that, he wanted to rock with you. See? ROCK. Gently lulling the white butt to the dance floor, entrancing white flute-loving folks with his randomly high voice and slick beats, Michael made a lot of people forget his origins as a jive-ass Jackson. And he spent a lot of money bleaching whatever remained.

#2. Wil Smith, aka Will Smith, aka Willard Christopher, aka The Fresh Prince, aka “That nice one” – Before he beat the hell out of Aliens and Zombies and Immortals, Will was a rapper your mom could get behind, or in front of as it was a well known fact that Will Smith would do your mom. Maybe he added the extra ‘l’ for ‘legit’ when he became legit. Legit.

#3. Digital Underground aka Greg “Shock G” Jacobs, a Florida boy! He brought a Weird Al clothing to dope beats. Some of the best lyrics ever written in the “Humpty Dance” and guaranteed to be heard booming out of various pick-up trucks and Preludes across white America. What I liked is that he would just let the music and beat keep on going and rap freestyle to it.

#4. MC Hammer with his lead in “You Can’t Touch This” instantly enslaved an entired generation of MTV listeners, forcing them to take the plunge into black music, equiped only with some parachute pants and some of the chunkiest technicolor fly girls ever filmed. Why are his pants so baggy? Because they’re filled with hope.

#5. Onyx – In theory, this is also a rap band, but you know them as the guys that provide legitamcy to Biohazard’s “Slam”. A little know fact is that there are no actual lyrics to “Slam” or if there are, you’re not aware of them, being white, but you feel authentic as you bounce your head just in time for the chorus again to repeat “slam slam duh duh duh, duh duh duh, nana noise be boys, slam”

Did I miss anyone?

Tags: artists, biohazard, black, comedy, digital underground, elvis, humpty dance, internet, mc hammer, michael jackson, onyx, orlando, Podcast, radio, rap, run dmc, shock g, slam, somacow, talk, tasty kakes, the fresh prince, weird al, wil smith, will smith, willard christopher

Orange Onally Posted at SomaCow.com

In this, their middle hour, the guys talked about being men, eating meat, and meeting men.

The guys talk about their manly things of the week in this hour, and the fact that listener, and friend, Chrispy was coming into town from the great North, to visit The Mouse. Geoff, Rowan, Mickey, Debe, Logan, J, and I, went out to meet the Chrispy family at the new T-Rex restuarant in Downtown Disney. There were dinosaurs that went “RARR” as meteors struck. I found this to be somewhat morbid but I digress.

The food, as the title mentioned, was ok. Not that it was bad but as per Disney would have it, it was ok food for the price. It was a decent size burger Geoff got.

I forgot to ask him how it was. Poor guys is already passed out. He had two of the “Category 5″ drinks they were that good. J liked his drink, too!

Yes, that is cotton candy. They poured over that some mixture (margarita I believe? J?) which melted the cotton candy away. J did proclaim that this was a very good drink. And he got to keep the shaker! All the big fancy drinks gave you a glass to take home and everyone did. Except me. And the kids…Eh, I got to try Geoff’s mega drink and considering I don’t like banana flavoring, it was very very good.

They also had a neat decor. We were seated by the bar (and entrance) which was the water theme but it had some really cool jellyfish lights and real salt water fish. The place also had a fire section, ice section, and some other dinosaury section.

It is pretty loud in there so Chrispy, next time you are in town, we’ll find a quiet place in a park! But you know what, seeing friends is what it’s all about. It’s kind of neat to see someone in person for the first time yet hug them like you’d known them for years.

I do think I want to start doing my reviews again, though. So much more to tell, like the bathroom…whew!

Tags: chrisp for president, comedy, dinosaur, disney, internet, orlando, Podcast, radio, restaurant, review, t-rex, talk