Thanks for listening. J seems to be feeling more and more comfortable. When he first showed up at the studios, he said he felt like he was interrupting an old married couple. At that point, Geoff and I had a rhythm between the two of us that left J out in the cold.
Luckily, Geoff and I are on the outs and this has allowed J to slip in.
Thanks, Jacki! I really appreciate J’s sense of humor, and look forward to many great shows with him. I think that he and I have a wonderful chemistry, and I really appreciate his sense of timing, considerable knowledge, and professional abilities. It’s very refreshing to work with someone that understands this business, and really puts himself out there every day.
Whatever I replied yesterday got lost in the mail so, I can totally write good stuff and say it was what I wrote yesterday. It could however be different.
So, by just visiting this Bog I was instantly transformed into SPAM? How very nice and Sally was having a birthday and all. Justthink how she must feel…shudddddddder.
I tried beer and Mt. Dew once (long sotry, but accidentally opened both cans) and they aren’t bad together. Like eating Mac & Cheese and mixing mustard in there :-)
I just want to make sure I point out the important parts for people that are in a hurry. And my sexy mushtash is a very important part. Chicks dig my sexy mushtash.
You are always supposed to wait until the last possible minute to merge in the construction zones. I agree with Mickey on this one. But he is a horrible driver otherwise.
Geoff and mickey always make me smile with your antics. Maybe one of these comments will actually be seen by you before I give up batteling your spam filters.
I am touched deeply by the 15 minutes of fame that I have received on the SomaCow blog. I downloaded the lastest podcast via iTunes for my on board listening pleasure for my trip to Texas today. I will try to keep the laughter down, but it’s not easy when you boys get going. I look forward to the boys of SomaCow calendar that surely will be coming out for 2008. I am willing to knit each of you a Willie Warmer for the winter month shots.
I had no idea that I was included on this week’s blogs–right there with Lindsay Lohan. Thank you Twitter gods I have finally arrived!
Thanks for stopping by Ann. This might just be the last de-testeronified show though. Geoff ended up beating the entire staff because of the backlogged man stuff.
J is on the list of people that will be getting paid when our sponsorships come in. Although… he’s WAAAAAY down on the bottom of the list of people that will be getting paid when our sponsorships come in.
Good question SomaFan. Mickey is a patient man. Although he is extremely shy, he’s fun to be around. Picture the wisdom of Dolph Lungren, the mental faculties of Luke Perry, and the sexified uber-hottness of Charlie Sheen… on a cocktail of meth, crack, and caffeine.
Can I borrow your $4000 LeVendredi sunglasses? Its hard to be a Vogue model in disguise and I am thinking these might help someone I adore. PS I’ll trade ya my recently acquired leather Gucci bag for the day…
Bert wrote:
Congratulations on the aquisition of your shiny new antic.
Do you just write this stuff down as it comes to you or is there writing and re-writing first?
Thanks! It’s all for you!
The formula for my writing is usually this:
Agonize over a topic. This part takes the longest.
But when I finally settle on a topic that I like, the blog seems to almost write itself.
I write in Notepad with no spell-check, just to live on the edge, and I almost always
make last minute changes right before posting.
Thanks for listening! You rock! No, YOU rock! No, YOU rock…
alphabunny wrote:
Ok, i finally gave in and listened to an entire broadcast plus read a bit. Love the sense of humor. I’ll keep on listening. Excellent stuff, guys.
=================
Well, ma’am, mah work here is done, then.
It was great to see you in our chatroom.
I think you are really cool and/or groovy.
8 – How happy, on the 1-10 scale, The Notorious GC made me.
9 – How happy the GC Happy Dance made me
10 – How suprised I was to find out from the picture above that I had been eating beer-brats from a corn-on-the-cob holder. Stoopit Patrón!
Mustang Sally wrote:
I would like to see a picture of you in an apron
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Yeah, I’m gonna start including pictures/videos in my blogs, but this one would have required costumes, props, hair & makeup, a gaffer, a key grip, a best boy, craft services, etc.
I MAY even use…dun dun DUNNNNN…an animated gif in my next blog entry!
Thanks, as always, for your listening and commenting efforts!
I am anxiously holding my breath in anticipation of the animated gif! That apron pic could be used in a variety of ways–even Blackmail–might have been a great Stripper Friday avatar you know?
I am so not scared of you. Hey! Did you see mirra’s comment on twitter? You guys should totally do the “what a woman needs” show. Shoot to break the internet radio podcast length record!
I do NOT need a pillow… I was lolling when they came by and said “LET’S ALL ENSURE THE WOMEN WE SCREW WILL ALWAYS WONDER ABOUT OUR SEXUALITY!” – Fat floats… The pillow is simply there for Jabba’s Pleasure.
That’s right, real men either loll or LOLZ, maybe the occasional OMGWTF, but never do we simply lol.
It’s good to know that the holy trinity of chubby is a finely tuned machine. Perhaps it was that bottle of Patron keeping the machine so well lubricated
I would just like to point out that you’ve grossly misrepresented Brinstar.
You imply that she is in line with the notion that “Women, rather than trying to outdo men, seem to be happy just to carry along in our Neanderthalic footprints,” when in fact she’s endorsing the exact opposite: that women shouldn’t conform to unacceptable standards just because they are currently the norm for men.
Please read this part of her piece:
The problem with this notion, in my opinion, is that it presumes that the way the ‘big boys’ act is something that we should aspire to, that this culture should be the de facto standard. I don’t agree. Why should I conform when I find many of the standards unacceptable?
Perhaps next time you want to make a pot shot at someone it would be good to read the post that you link to and make sure it supports your point.
I think the implication is… that Brinster is wrong.
Or, it could be a clever way to get people who read our blog and listen to our podcast to reach out and discover other (well written and well thought out) opinions on a particular subject.
I don’t know for sure, because I can’t speak for Geoff.
Um… That was exactly why I plugged her blog, Tekanji – Because I found her mentality on the matter to be exactly in line with my opinions, and that she was a great example of an evolved person. Hence my inclusion of her as a link. I am not sure if you have heard many of our shows, but we tend to use sarcasm, irony, and tongue-in-cheek representations of things.
But I thank you for the comment, and for checking out the show.
And I have no idea what Mickey is referring to, which is status quo!
I’m not familiar with your podcast. From reading your ‘about’ page, it’s clear that you’re a humour-oriented broadcast. The humourous intent is probably even more evident in audio. However, in text, it’s more problematic to come to a new site and try to decide whether someone is making condescending statements with a “just kidding” tacked on at the end in order to (patronisingly) placate the one whose opinions you disparage, or whether you’re reading something that is ’sarcastic’. I can be a sarcastic person as well, but tone doesn’t convey well on the internet, particularly when a reader is not familiar with a website’s history, style, etc.
Thank you for reading and linking to my post, regardless of your opinion.
I will try to give your podcast a listen in the next couple of days.
Please pardon the charmingly unsophisticated advances of my occasionally over-exuberant co-hosts.
You may rest assured that their intentions were honorable with regard to your website and/or personal beliefs.
Yes, please do sample a podcast or two, or listen live on Sundays from 2-5pm eastern time.
We look forward to a mutually entertaining relationship in the future.
Debe wrote:
I’ve been to toy parties for couples. Those are so much fun! We should have a SomaCow sponsored party.
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Sex toys for couples?!
You mean, like, they have a dildo on one end and a bag of Funyuns on the other?
I think it would be too embarassing. Somebody would say to me “Oh, I see you bought the extra small model. You like it really tight, huh?”
I have tried to think of a response to this, but there are so many more important things to fight and try to change, and basically anything I say counter to what I’ve heard in the first five minutes of this episode will just paint me as a ‘feminazi’.
Thanks for your perspective, Mickey – err, sorry Geoff, think I’ll be clicking on the ‘unsubscribe’ button. Seems like that’s the only thing that gets people’s attention, if any. Shame, really.
ok, the reason why women don’t give you sex is because most men are so lousy at it. if you get your woman off every time, she is going to want it just as much as you, maybe more. bad boys usually get more action because the whole danger thing is a turn on and they make a woman come like a machine gun. so what if he is a jerk, he makes you spasm and twitch. what guys don’t get is that women initially are just looking for sex like you guys. they just get so cynical and jaded because most of you have absolutely no clue about getting a woman off. and I will say this, us women don’t help matters. there are the fakers out there, which are a vast majority that fake it for their men. when they really should be teaching them how to lick the slit and utilize fingers properly. gay guys have enough sense to give reach arounds. what’s wrong with you straight men! you don’t even have to be a good lay. you just have to be able to manipulate that clit properly. you do a good enough job, and you will get it whenever you want it. women who don’t give sex just aren’t getting it good enough. why do something if there is only a 20% likelihood at getting off. might as well just use a vibrator and get 100% satisfaction. you guys need to get your acts together and get better at giving the peach a good send off!
Rach, thanks for taking the time to address the real issues. Like the poor young lady that was slaughtered by her father and packed in a suit case because she dishonored her family. I will be sure to toss my copy of “Brenda’s Big Book of Sexual Euphemisms” since the ones I used went over like a Herpes suffering leper at a kissing booth.
Honey… you are so right. When sex is mutually enjoyable, it is had aplenty. When it sucks… it sucks.
J… thanks for throwing me under the bus.
John thanks for stopping by. FindingAmerica.tv is some great stuff. I wish I would have taken my camera with me when I traveled the world.
Thanks John! We’ll look forward to seeing you in Orlando in the future. Love the site, by the way! http://www.findingamerica.tv/ is just great. I am going to watch the rest of them tonight.
Check out http://www.sayanythingradio.com – I will not attest to the consistency of their vaginas (vaginii?), but they sure are a great female issue oriented podcast… And they have been known to help folks in removing that giant stick that seems so firmly lodged in your unsubscribicious ass!
In fact… No. You may NOT listen to our show anymore. We have canceled your subscription for you, and ask that you please pick up all these batons and move it along.
Mickey wrote:
J… thanks for throwing me under the bus.
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d00d, I’m just pulling you under the bus where I already am.
I’ve made it quite comfy here. I have an air-hockey table and
a little beer fridge.
Also, Rachel appears to have confused SomaCow with Cannity & Holmes. Just more proof that most women don’t understand comedy, and sometimes can’t even recognize an attempt at it.
Unless she is hott, in which case “You GO gerfren! I’ve gotcher back! Damn that Mickey!”
I don’t know if Rachel will find what she is looking for on our show Say… Anything but who knows!
PureHoney though? Absolutely! She is just up our alley :)
And no, boys, I’m not talking about the fuzzy peach alley…
I am really down with what PureHoney had to say, but Rachel was right too. I know I have a hard time listening to Soma somethimes because the Misogyny is too much for me to take. Saying its a joke does not make something funny.
It’s amazing how closed minded some women can be… it causes them to breeze right by the point.
Not to mention, no one has yet addressed the REAL issue on the table. A young, beautiful, intelligent woman was murdered by her father because of her one sin of being a woman who wanted to be more than what her cultured allowed her to be.
This is a woman who faced certain doom in order to rise above what she was told she was allowed to do. I think some of you girls can take a second to reflect on that and get passed a few off color remarks.
I have heard guys say “knock the bottom out of it”, but I haven’t ever heard -Fu! say it. Has anyone else?
I”m trying to imagine a woman saying to me “you wanna knock the bottom out of it?”, and I’m having a difficult time. Would I be turned on by it? Would I be turned off by it? Would I be suspicious of her original gender? I just don’t know.
If their barking cannot be controlled have their vocal chords cut or get rid of them. You will live with this pain in the ass situation for years to come otherwise. Perhaps you can get your former neighbors to file a complaint so the heat is off of you to an extent.
Next time get a german bred, black and tan shepherd named Hans or Fritz that will bark when there’s a good reason.
I love pretty much any animal but why someone would select wiener dogs, I don’t know. I understand they were presents. They’re not cheap but a professional dog trainer could recommend some things to stop the barking. They probably need to understand what bedtime is and be put in a kennel(cage), covered up with a blanket or tarp until morning.
J, I wouldn’t say you’re predictable, but there are tribes of Amazonian Indians as yet undiscovered by civilisation that know what you are going to blog about next. get some new material, will you?
…and I-phone is an anagram for totally useless POS!
I’ll take an O-phone! yes please!
and the orgasmatron really does exist!!! wish I had 5K :(
Typical software engineer situation. Unnecessarily complex jargonized piffle creates confusion in the workplace. Why didn’t she have a GUI with a puppy that barked as she moused over the proper action/big red button? Because you FAILED her!
That s a funny story. She obviously knows little about software, so wouldn’t get the build concept for a file. But working in accounting, BILLED came naturally to her. Jaffe is right – you failed her! :P
I’m not closed minded – and to those poeple who think I don’t have a sense of humour, we’ll, that’s your opinion. I’m just trying to reconcile how on one hand you could care about a shocking story of an honour killing, and on the other hand the drivel you wrote in this entry. Off colour remarks aren’t humour – they’re kind of sad actually. But if that’s your humour, whatever man.
BTW the ‘unsubscribe’ button of sorts was through Bloglines and Twitter.
I don’t want schwag, even if it is a neon green shirt. I didn’t write that thing up there either – if I had, trust me, it would have been a little more funny.
The ‘woman are like x’ and ‘men are like y’ stuff – it’s tiring. Try thinking of individuals rather than genders and you might find yourself actually living a more interesting life.
Just call-in (407) 788-0479 to the show… This constant flirting is annoying my wife. If you really have listened to us at any length, you will know that we welcome the duscussion of any subject, so long as it is presented with candor and passion.
You hating me because I am good looking and hot is just as bad as me calling a chick a chick. You know the old saying, “Do onto other… whore in the bedroom.”
Pure Honey has the right idea. Chicks need to go on a world wide good will tour teaching men how to have sex. I myself am a slow learner, but luckily The Chick That I Am Dating loves to teach… ALOT.
Reread what I wrote and read it carefully and completely. If not, you are missing so much. But, seeing as how you are a woman, I’m sure you are used to that.
Last time I saw Racism she had red pumas on and was licking an ice cream cone really slowly with her fat, muscular tongue and swinging her hips that were tightly encased in some short army shorts that said ‘cakes’ on the back…
Damn, what did you guys do to Racism? I saw him listening to MCR and saying how “it’s just not fair” then he cried on the phone to his dad! He’s so getting a whuppin when dad gets home.
I feel ashamed for talking bad about Racism. She’s a nice girl… a little chunky, but nice. I guess it is just a little shame. After all Racism did ask for it. She always spreading lies and rumors. She’s always hating other people.
But still, like Edward James Almos once told me, “a negative times a negative equals a positive”… no, wait. That didn’t come out right.
DooD! Don’t give away new topics! I hadn’t planned our, “Teachers that turn a school around with Tuff Love” topic to hit until Episode 80 or something…
Maria wrote:
“Aloha! Congrates on your daughter’s wedding.. Greeting from Singapore!”
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Aloha, Maria! I hope you enjoy our podcasts and share them with all of your friends! Be sure to check out our womanly show “Say…Anything” at http://www.sayanythingradio.com/ too!
Ok so I wanted to come and check out your blog and leave a comment ya know to be cool and shit cuz you came to mine. But yeah, you guy’s are way out of my league in the whole “witty response” dept. I’m just not smart enought to hang here. Shit you all are funny!
My ass! We really DO appreciate you checking out the show, but you totally have a well developed sense of humor. Never sell yourself short, and I’ll keep telling people looking for a funny woman with huge balls (figuratively speaking!) to head to http://www.lindystars.blogspot.com -
Somebody is trying to ruin your day. Those dresses NEED fluffed and you should also check that they are wearing panties. You don’t want any embarassing moments at the boquet toss.
Just sayin.
“Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate — we can not consecrate — we can not hallow — this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth whore in the bedroom. ”
Maybe I don’t understand how to play this game yet.
I always thought that the vaccination mark on the shoulder was due to small pox vaccine that they quit giving shortly before I would have required it because small pox have been eradicated in the US.
The hell it is! This article is a rehash of George Carlin’s!
“Then you have tennis. Tennis is very trendy and very fruity, but it’s not a sport. It’s just a way to meet other trendy fruits. Technically, tennis is an advanced form a Ping-Pong. In fact, tennis is Ping-Pong played while standing on the table. Great concept, not a sport.
In fact, all racket games are nothing more the derivatives of Ping-Pong. Even volleyball is, technically, racketless, team Ping-Pong played with an inflated ball and raised net while standing on the table. ”
And if I am working with a guy as good as Carlin…. Well that ain’t so bad.
Am I the only one that was disappointed there wasn’t a hidden picture on the enlarged versions? I mean other than the white rabbit eyeballing the polar bear in the first pic.
They showed barts doodle??? Great now I’m truly Fuc8%! because I got a chick boner from freaking Harry Potter and now I’m going to see Barts schlong. That’s not cool, next thing you know I’ll be getting caught on Dateline.
Yeah, you tell em Vanatru. “Y’all should make the whole damned thing outta that black box stuff! Ain’t gotta be no derned Nassau scientist to figger that out! Sum’bitches!”
Geoff wrote:
“I threw out a challenge for J and Mickey but you all can join in-want to rewrite the Preamble to the Constitution…”
————————————————————————————————————————————-
LOLZ:
OH HAI! we cn has freedumz pls? is beddr n beddr!
takin ur bukkit: do not want!
sivul warz: do not want!
turrist: do not want!
u cn has ALL cheezburgers 2!
im n ur postarittys, keepun dur freedumz!
we has made conztehtooshuns!
kthxbye!
Redneck:
Hey man! HEY!!
Ya’ll lissen up, now! Hoyt? Turn the race off fer a minit. Baby, open me up
another PBR right swuft. Awright. Ya’ll wownted to make this trailer park
better? Let’s call this here “Plan A”. I thought of that muhself. Ya’ll
heard about “eye fer an eye”? Ya’ll heard about that? That’s justice right
thur. Live it! But lissen, ya’ll gotta quitcher fightin’ n belly-aikin over
the piddly shit, awright? Keep yer sawed-offs on yer dashboard, next to
yer spit cups, and everthang’ll be coo. Mommas, don’chall worry neither.
We’re gonna have WIC and everthang such as that. So all them young’uns is
gonna be just as fat n’ happy as a tick on a coon hound.
So that there’s the plan, now, what’chall thank?
Republican:
We the rich people, in order to form a more exclusive place to harbor our
yachts, increase our profits at the expense of the elderly and infirm,
protect our valuables from undesirable minority criminals,
insure that we are not overrun by foreigners, except when they provide
cheap labor, veto every bill that would increase welfare payouts, and
secure insider trading information which will allow us to send our
children to the most expensive colleges, should the draft ever be
reinstated, do ordain and establish ourselves as the highest class of
Americans. Oh, Muffy! That hilarious show with the old poor black
gentleman and his son running the junkyard is coming on TVLand now.
Bring more single malt scotch!
One comment about China…. I lived there for a few months and I figured that I could get all the sweet toys for cheap (it’s where they are made right?) but alas, they had really crap toys with all sorts of stuff that falls off and become choking hazards. So for every American child that swallows a magnet, there are 10 Chinese children that die because of the same thing.
It’s all about low low wages and materials== Good business.
I drive a 15 year old buick that has seen better days. When I’m at work, I leave it unlocked. My friends ask me why and “aren’t you afraid that someone’s going to break into it?” My answer “have you seen my car? People will look at it, open the door and throw money into it so I can buy a new car.”
After many years of working on my car (and other cars) I have come to the conclusion that I don’t enjoy it. If I can afford to, I’ll pay someone else to do these things for me. (If my typing looks bad, it’s because there’s a problem with this page, and I cannot see what I’m typing).
Ah, here we go, I can see this part. I wonder what I wrote above? Since there’s no “preview” button, I guess I’ll see it when you guys do.
We certainly formed our party from balanced classes, and, having won the initiative roll, proceeded 2 by2 down the next 10 feet of rough corridor, dwarves and elves listening carefully and tapping the ground ahead of us with a long pole, thus adding +2 to our reaction rolls for surprise.
Oh.
Street trucker lingo.
I thought you said geek f*cker lingo.
On a happier “’bout damn time” note, I appear to have rejoined the land of the living, save only for the occasional tasty lung projectile, and fatigue so deep you can dive into it without fear of scratching your face on the bottom.
While convalescing, I listened to Episode 58. Smooth…as…glass. We are seriously going to have to start charging each other for our services.
Now, was anybody able to come up with an emo Little Jack Horner costume for Mickey yet? I have some ideas…
Now you know how women who never had (nor intend to have) babies feel like at Baby Showers.
Two hours of unadulterated, cloying sweetness only made bearable when there is wine involved.
I usually just buy an expensive gift now and make my excuse for not attending and advise you to do the same – hand over the charge card and encourage the inviting of a close girl friend to the shopping and offer to have something lovely for dinner upon their return. Applebee’s grilled shrimp spinach salad is a good one – just get the dressing on the side so the shit doesn’t wilt before they show up at the house.
Funny stuff overall – and Darth is a dick. Dave Barry made a ton of money on a schtick I thought of in 1979 and never followed up – you, grasshopper, assume the mantle for the next generation!
Ha Ha, This might be a possible thing man, kinda funny how you got your radio thing and mine will be starting up very soon. So we might have something in common to go along with the weight loss. I’ll get at you soon and we’ll figure out some details, thanks for coming by the site man how did you hear about me?
I rather do like your World of Cow cartoon strip – and you completely need to make that clean little arrow huge, massive, enormous, and big… Hearing your take on the cartoons is absofuckinglutely brilliant. The desert cows made me bark laughter like a seal.
You wished Canadians a “belated” Boxing Day. Very belated, I’d say. It would be more appropriately to wish us an early Boxing Day. Boxing Day is the day after Christmas Day.
Boxing Day is an interesting Canadian tradition. As you probably know, hockey is a major part of the Canadian culture and fights are often a part of hockey. On the day after Christmas, all across Canada, we hold hockey games that focus on the fighting (or “boxing”, hence the name, “Boxing Day”) aspect of hockey. A knockout counts as two goals; a technical knockout as one. You are still allowed to score points by shooting the puck in the net, but few players bother with that.
Traditional foods for Boxing Day include beaver stew cooked over heated hockey pucks, maple syrup wine and a drink made by melting snow that a dog has pissed in.
Hell Bro, you had it easy. 4 trips to the store, minding the hound from hell and be thankful you weren’t behind the supid illegal with 40 twelve packs on sale that the cashier can’t figure out howq to ring up.
You rock, young Dude.
Buy a Sharpie and go to the store on Saturday and scoop all Holiday seasonings and write “11/07″ on them. They’ll be good for several years after that. Throw them out in ‘10. That will save you some grocery trips.
:)
I recover from the Hogan leg drop by not having a son who trashes a 500 hp Toyota Supra and gets away with it with a slap on the wrist, a pat on the head and a sugar cube in my mouth. Diggin the Powerman 5000 tunes.
I agree that the proper way to engage in mutual oral pleasure (69) is to have the woman on top. The view of her is spectacular, access unlimited and I don’t have to worry about choking or gagging my partner during my throes of extasy (she has a wider range of options and control up there rather than being pinned to the bed).
That instrument is revenge designed by the women afflicted with the “miraculous” hair-yanker-outer thingie from the ’80s which was supposed to leave us with smooth legs for days. The EpiLady caused more than one divorce, I am sure.
Hope your face heals more quickly than my legs did.
Happy New Year!
Tim, I was an Explorer, correct! Medical Explorer to be exact and I loved whipping out my card “Jennifer is a member of the Boy Scouts of America” whee!
Thanks for playing our song :) Your all great. You guys gotta come out and party with us sometime. If you want all the boobs you can handle, you should come to Winbowl XVI at the Wachovia Specturm on Feb, 1st. It will be a wing eating contest, with lots and lots of strippers. We’re the official band :)
Florida should get a new slogan: “Florida…it’s where New Yorkers come to die.” It can mean old retirees, or a failed drug buy in Miami. Brilliant! But why do us Yankees come down there…it’s the fucking weather!!! Granted it’s raining today, and at least it’s not snow, but if you haven’t checked the weather channel, it’s balls-ass cold up here!!! From the sounds of it, I’ve been visiting Florida longer than you’ve been down there. My first trip…1975…and I’m the same age as you. My grandparents retired down there in 1972 (before I was born), and I was born the next year. We always flew into PBI, or Lauderdale, God forbid. But any Disney trips (or other assorted Orlando locales) originated from within the state. So we never flew into MCO. It was only in 2002 that we took the family down to Disney, and did the whole transfer from the airport thing, and yes, they got every single one of my dollars spend in the state, other than in the airport on the way out. And isn’t Disney World the size of Rhode Island? You take the facility out of the equation, and what’s left of the local economy other than oranges and cattle? Hell, I remember when International Drive just ended in a sand pit, and they were pouring the foundations of the next hotels and 4/$10 t-shirt shops in the distance. But here’s what’s going to save Orlando, and the state for that matter. Legalized, full-out casino gambling. And no, I don’t mean the Injun stuff. I mean the Vegas of the East. Well, Southeast, since Atlantic City is trying to re-invent itself. Where? Oh, there’s all that land east of Orlando along the Bee Line Expy. You have a blank slate. Now let’s get ourselves some lobbyists and venture capital, and get cracking! I appoint myself CEO of this idea, but I’ll have some board-level positions set aside for your guys. :P Oh, and you forgot to mention Circus World. Perhaps the worst Orlando attraction…EVER!!! I was bored to sleep.
I’ve never been to Jax, but isn’t there a Busch brewery to sweeten the air?
I know it’s a BBQ chain, but that Garbage Can Lid special you can get at Famous Dave’s is quite a bargain! It’s the all-American BBQ feast (or a half-size for two), and they serve it in a metal trash can lid. Seriously. They’re over in Tampa: http://www.famousdaves.com/index.cfm I don’t eat seafood (any more), and I did spend a couple of years in Boston, and from what they tell me, Legal’s is the best. But they ARE a chain with over 30 locations. If they get a pass, then so should Famous Dave’s.
Miami Subs? You really have to come north of the Mason-Dixon and get yourself a real Philadelphia hoagie. Or a cheesesteak. Why don’t I just shit on a roll and serve it to you, Miami subs? Geez!
They Might Be Giants, as I’m sure you’re aware of, has really good kids stuff. And it’s an excuse to buy more of their stuff. New album hits the stores next Tuesday. I refuse to say “drop”. I’m no Neanderthal.
So is the next show a Superbowl pregame? Are you on the Giants bandwagon yet? Granted I lean toward the Jets, but I like this bunch. But I’m in a no-win situation. I want to see the Pats win and finally shut up those old geezers on the ’72 Dolphins in what’s the worst yearly display of sportsmanship. And I’d like to see the Giants take one and beat a Boston team, and hopefully begin to right the ship in the New York-Boston rivalry. So either way, I’m going to be disappointed, as somebody has to win this game.
Now don’t knock tourmaline. It’s a semi-precious stone, and sold often on Gems TV, DirecTV channel 233. Yes, I watch all the time, because there’s like 400 channels, and nothing’s on. Oh, and here’s the reason…I’ve nicknamed her Busty Spice: https://www.gemstv.com/presenters/presenter_vicky.jsp Love the British accent…
I should really do this in some sort of blog form, but where? The forums?
I really thank you for the insights. Parking Wars, by the way, was phenomenal, and a great heads up! I love the pretty boy kid, walking his meter maid route, getting randomly bird-shot and hollered at… Funny, funny stuff.
Circus World! Holy CRAP that was dismal! Boardwalk and Baseball be damned…
Even the Circus Circus strip clubs still bear shame under that name. We actually lost our orange groves during one of the hard freezes. The majority are now down south near Sebring and Avon Park. The remaining groves here in town that were not buried under by rampant condo development have gone feral. You have not lived until you eat an orange that leaves herpes on your lips from the acid, and gives you a case of the hot mess for a week to boot.
I like the idea of a casino state, but how do we keep it from going all Atlantic City? That town is like a wetnap found on the shoe of a homeless man working the mop on a back alley gynecologist’s office/tarp. Just ick!
I loved Freakonomics! Maybe I will review that this week, as long as you promise not to tell anyone I didn’t actually read it this week.
Fun Fact about Miami Subs – It actually does look, smell, and taste like shit on a roll. But, instead of a roll, replace it with shit!
I had no idea TMBG has a new album out. The last concert I went to, I damn near died laughing, because they kept doing all these songs dedicated to the really interesting places they had toured. Like, one was titled, “The House of Blues in San Francisco”, and then another one was “The House of Blues in Orlando”, and, “Man, we love the House of Blues in Seattle”. Or maybe it was Hard Rock. Either way, my daughter will get a more than healthy dose of that. Did I ever tell you that when Jen and I were announced at our wedding reception, it was to “Birdhouse In Your Soul”? Thank God. If I ever told you that, you’d laugh right the hell off our podcast.
Tourmaline… Where the hell am I gonna find Alexandrite (or whatever it is called)? That stuff is way expensive, at least for the real stuff. I really want to see Vicky as a mechanic covered in baby oil now.
Thanks, as always, Chris. We really enjoy your partaking of the show.
Amtrak really should be a few different companies. The Auto Train is relatively successful, bringing all those Snowbirds down and back. And the Acela’s in the Boston-New York-Washington DC corridor (aka the Northeast Corridor) are the closest thing we have as a country to high-speed rail. Yes, they’ll go over 100 mph here and there, but that’s the exception rather than the rule. The cool thing about them is that the car bodies actually TILT into the turn, thus enabling them to go faster. But intercity passenger rail service should be reduced to popular corridors, or the occasional tourist train. However, you have a system funded by Congress, and everybody wants a train to hit their state, hence 46/48 of the contiguous states have Amtrak service, which siphons precious funding away from where it’s needed. They should privatize it and let companies that want to run the service and develop the service do so, and drop it where it won’t survive.
If they paid people $20 to donate a pint of blood, they’d never have a shortage again.
Looking to do a Florida road trip? Pete and Shorty’s in Tampa. It’s across the parking lot from the original Hooters restaurant. (Still, I never saw the point.) But the fried pickles are to die for. Yes, my wife was pregnant at the time, but that’s besides the point. Cheap beer, great food, dive bar, right on Gulf to Bay on the right hand side. Oh, and it’s the rumored location where David Well’s and George Steinbrenner negotiated his 2002 return, snubbing the D-backs. http://www.peteandshortys.com/locations.html
No shit, on those trains? I figured there had to be some kind of subsidization going on there. I had a history teacher that really made me think. Why would a nation continue to dump money into its farms, and trains, and copper lines underground, knowing that they were loss leaders and would never compete with modern technologies. The best I could come up with was that a government that intended to need those things again one day would ensure their continued existence. Farming, especially, was of paramount importance to Jefferson and Washington. Maybe just so they could keep copping field booty, who knows?
Dude, I would destroy that wing bowl. I wonder how many we could do, as a group? Mickey is down for a solid 40 on a regular night. I know I could break 60. J insists on putting extra breading on his, which I have tried explaining is sabotage, but the man is his own man, and what can be done of it?
I cracked up watching the flugtags. Brilliant competition
I have been to that Hooter’s! (wife grew up near there) and the food was meh. Kills me to know great grub was sitting across the street… Damnit.
Circus World!! Now I remember loving it…or at least I have pics of me smiling there.
Busch brewery, are you thinking of Busch Gardens? Unfortunately they closed the brewery tour (before I turned 21) but they do still serve beer and the park is awesome. It’s in Tampa.
and TMBG new album? Rock! We have to get the kids ones for the kid…I have all the other ones. Been my favorite band for years! Put on a fabulous show every time.
And Philly Cheesesteaks are the best. I’ve only been once but I still remember them.
I love Florida for a lot of reasons, but mostly because I hate cold weather. My ass hurts when it gets below 60.
One of the great places in my area is the Tarpon Springs sponge docks and the best Greek food ever at Hellas. http://www.hellas-restaurant.com/
My suggestion for a new podcast is a “couplecast”.
One of my favorite podcasts, other than the Somcow network, is http://www.arewethereyetpodcast.com/
I have thought about doing one myself, but I suck at telling stories.
Geoff wrote:
Belly Buttons – Do Not Touch. Ever. Period. Just… Quit it. Stay AWAY. Seriously. What the hell is wrong with you that you need to touch it so much?
————————
You neglected to mention that Mickey’s starfish is an outtie.
You know, I loved the Necroscope series, right up until the Vampire World stuff, which was neat but ultimately kind of left me flat. Heck, I even wrote some material for the Necroscope RPG, but the line was discontinued before my piece was published, a fact that has always made me kind of sad.
Still cool to hear a reference to it, and even cooler to hear there’s going to be a movie.
If you liked Lumley, you might like Richard Laymon, an author I did not discover until after his passing. Very grim, very grisly work that still manages to have its own sense of humor about a world that is often very, very mad.
When you get pre-approved for a mortgage, they never take into account the fact that you have to pay for utilities, or food for that matter. I like to eat! They pre-approved us for something ridiculous like 425k or 450k, and in actuality, what we were able to afford was a house for under 200k. But we were in the right place at the right time in 2004 (closing on the house and moving in three weeks before we got married), and got instant equity, which we dumped right back into the place…windows, bathrooms, doors. And it’s big enough that we don’t need to move, because if we did, we’d probably just have to do all those remodeling jobs all over again.
But people who burn their houses down because they can’t afford their mortgages? Three words for them…Dee Dee Dee! (Please tell me you watch Mind of Mencia!) I know I sure didn’t read the pile of papers that is my mortgage, but if you burn your house down, it’s a violation of the terms, as the bank now has not more collateral, so it’s the handy-dandy wrist-warmers for you!
And if somebody trashes the house before you move in, again, it’s the fuzzy gray area. Did you do a walk-through right before closing? Was it in the terms of sale to leave the bushes, etc.? Or was it already trashed?
Belly-button play is only between me and my daughter.
Not much here. I remember Green Day filling up Foxboro Stadium, and they put it on NBC or something, perhaps for a 9/11 tribute? But it really goes to show how they sold out and went against anything they stood for when they first got started.
Ms. Pac-Man was a much better game than Pac-Man. I can kick ass in Ms. Pac-Man, and can’t do squat in Pac-Man. With a little practice, I’d be willing to go against anybody.
Have you ever hit rock bottom where you have to steal toilet paper from your place of employment? I do think the fast food scam was a great one, though.
Here’s the latest currency conversion.
Live rates at 2008.02.11 21:08:30 UTC
1.00 USD=3.23875 MYR
Yay! I feel sooo special having my e-mail answered! I am sooo going to have to try your diet. I’ve gone through so many and ended up with disas.. disasti.. disasstur… horrible results. The most recent being the Dr. Pepper diet which is popular here because of it’s prune juice and corn syrup combo. The customers didn’t enjoy my sugar buzz which caused me to move like I was having seizures and that I might toss my cookies at any moment. I think a stiletto flew across the room and almost killed someone, too, I can’t remember. Whatevs.
While I’ve drank just about most of those beers at one time or another, the list wasn’t that far off. But one big notable miss…no Rolling Rock? OK, I realize that it’s not the same since they stopped brewing in Latrobe, and sent it Bud’s Newark, NJ brewery, and it was always better in the returnable glass bottles, but this really has been my go-to baseball-season beer. I usually have a case of long-necks, and a case of 7 oz. pony bottles in the fridge. The pony’s are the best! I could really go for a beer right now, but not a whole one…voila, I’ll have a pony!
As mentioned on the show, Sam Adams Honey Porter is a great beer, but a real drinkable, and less expensive brew, is Yuengling Porter. It has a red label, not to be mistaken for the black and tan, which, too, is a great beer. Dark, yet not heavy. I know Dick Yuengling has finally gotten into the contract brewing business, as you can finally get Yuengling outside of PA, but give him credit, when he only had the one original brewery and demand was swelling outside his territory, he stayed true to his local fans, and said that if he cannot serve them first, then it’s not worth tapping into new markets. The great thing about any Yuengling product…they’re full of flavor, but not heavy like a Sammy.
Also, dark yet drinkable, and a great alternative to Corona…Negra Modello. I’ve really gotten into the Caribbean beers in the past year or so, like Red Stripe and I’ll throw Corona in there, but the one great beer that’s flying under the radar…Caribe. It has a real crisp taste, and you don’t even need the lime.
How any list can put anything above Guinness…that’s blasphemy. Yes, I can drink that all night, and not even stop for dinner. It truly kills two birds with one stone. It’s how I got through my senior year at college.
I LOVE Rolling Rock! I tried the green light stuff, with its low carbiness, but it loses something. Rolling Rock is the perfect clear day beer, and it gives a nice clean buzz, even after downing a sixer in one hour. I gotta find out more about these ponies, cause all I ever see are 12 oz. versions.
I have never tried the Yuengling Porter, and will do so immediately next diet=fail day.
We do the Negro Modella at the local chain Tijuana Flats. It goes great with a megajuana bean and beef burrito, wet with queso.
Jesus, I am foaming…
Guinness has always been a staple of my drinking, but I am a temperature freak…. it needs to be nearly sub arctic, like, 50 degrees is ideal to me. The warmer it gets, the more it takes to get my throat to guzzle it down, and then I just start sipping it, and then I am barely rinsing my lips with it. I know in Europe it is supposed to be warm, but I never learned to drink it that way.
I hardly ever drink tea. There was a local “teahouse” here in Delaware that my sister-in-law went in to. She drinks the stuff all the time. They didn’t sell tea. How f-ed up is that? Needless to say, they went out of business.
I love my coffee. They have Wawa coffee at work, which ain’t bad at all. Wawa puts all convenience stores to shame. But at home, I still love the Bokar blend of the good old-fashioned 8 O’Clock Coffee. Dark, but not too dark…just like Obama!!!
I’m not a jazz listener, but don’t EVER knock the Charlie Brown Christmas.
An anaconda tried to eat me once, because I forgot to wash my hands after holding the rabbits previous to playing with the snake… the store workers yelled at me WHILE their snake was trying to eat my face off. It was entertaining ^_^
WOW! thank you for your enlightening manual…Until now i had NO IDEA what to do with MY vagina…Though after reading the testimonials it occurs to me that i am not charging or demanding NEARLY enough for the use of my vagina by others. Poor boys. But now…thanks to you…i will never be confused about my va-j-j again! Thanks!
Krysi.
While a flat income tax rate would be fair, I am in no way in favor of one of those crazy schemes where you get rid of the IRS and just charge a 40% sales tax on everything/giant consumption tax. Right now, I PAY NO SALES TAX! That’s the whole reason I live in Delaware! Yes, it’s annoying when I go to Target and half the cars have out of state tags, and it’s mayhem and gridlock during Christmas season, but even if you were to begin to charge a sales tax to cover local state budgetary shortfalls, you’ve just lost your competitive advantage to PA, Maryland, and Jersey.
OK, the cat’s out the bag. I live in Delaware, and only work in Philly. Why? My property tax is a quarter of what it would be in PA, and why would anybody want to live in over-taxed New Jersey? Cheap gas isn’t enough of a reason. Are the schools in PA four times better than Delaware? Hell no, they’re even better than PA in many cases. So who cares if you’re a few more miles from Center City Philadelphia? I have a bigger house, smaller mortgage and property tax payment, and thanks to all the companies that incorporate in Delaware (Bank of America, DuPont, etc.), there’s no need for a sales tax.
Now I’m a product of the Catholic schools on Long Island. My high school was such a Republican factory, it’s amazing I’m a Democrat. They cranked out many successful people from business to politics (we’re talking household names), and even, as I shake my head, Bill O’Reilly. I learned in speech and debate club early on that if you just tell the other person “you’re wrong” over and over, you’ll eventually win the argument, and the other person will give up and walk away. But how can such a fine institution (I really do like the place) graduate somebody like the leather man from the Village People? Oh, no! A faggot! In our ranks? Yes, class of ‘69. I kid you not.
So it really is no surprise that I’m in favor of uniforms. We had a strict dress code in high school, jacket and tie, not uniforms, but people need less choices, because if you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile. And while charter schools have been successful in inner cities, they’ve also been a great tool here in Delaware for the gifted…a challenging push, but without the tuition bill of a Catholic school. But if you really want to increase the test scores, productivity, etc., SEPARATE THE BOYS AND GIRLS!!! The secret to my high school, for better or worse, was that we didn’t have girls. Yes, we had staircases, even though fairies fly. The bulk of us managed to fit in a social life with the fairer sex, but the pressing issue of the day was getting thought the 3 hours of nightly homework. Like they say in Rob and Big, “Do work!”
I’ll pass on the Asian chicks, but if you figure out how to live on just 1,000 calories a day (while still having the energy to play video games), do let me know.
You lucky dogs! My buddy and I have been talking about making the trek to Newark, NJ for some great rodizio. Yes, the Portugese restaurants up there have long been a well-kept secret, and our favorite, with pitchers of sangria for $17, and rodizio for $21, you’ll never know you’re minutes from midtown Manhattan. Now that the Devils are playing around the corner, as people begin to discover the Ironbound District restaurants, I’m sure prices will rise. We went one year with a large group of people from work, and somebody’s boyfriend, let’s just say he’s a simpleton, could not stop laughing. Somebody asked if he bought his buffet pants…you know, the ones like tuxedo pants with the expandable waist band. Well he brought up the joke about a dozen times through the night, falling over laughing.
And if I was going to go to spring training this year, this would have been the weekend I would have picked! Phils and Yanks home and home…that’s a great weekend! Sure, that’s in Tampa and Clearwater, but I’d make the trip up I-4. But then I’d probably have to make a trip to the Compound, as the wife loves Disney. So I’ll just sit up here and freeze…supposed to be snow tonight. Ugh.
First: Mickey always lies. Women dont flock….Secondly: I love those pickup lines. Maybe if someone used a shitty line like those i would laugh more….since anyone stupid enuogh to use lines like that deserve to be shot, i may as well amuse myself with them first. And Fourth: (since i wouldnt want to embarase you by counting correctly) You forgot the all famous line, how do u get into ur pants? Can i get in ‘em too? And “you must be tired from running through my mind all night” of course, that last one IS more stalker worthy….but still worth mentioning. ^_^
krysi
FINE! have a response. I’ve decided that these kittie-kitties are WAAAYYY too cute to represent ANY of u guys. There; i said it- what the rest of the world was thinking. MAYBE…if you found some fat drooly doggies….that might work. call it loldogz…n we spellz like dees cuz dogz be stoopeed…and then it would be OK to put one up about the beefs…o_O
Krysi.
um…belly buttons are scary. Sometimes they are inny’s, outies, hairy, shaved, peirced…i mean OMG they got more varieties than my va-j-j and THATs saying something…so no more belly button discussion please…it scares me…
Well, remote control vibes? not so good…Best bet? have her put in the ben-wa balls before you go out. THAT will get ‘er all juicy… She might even let u put it in her bum!! Wont u be lucky?
Oh OH OH!!! and before i forget: The next time ur in the mood for anal REMEMBER: 50% of all gay men are givers not takers o_O
I always feared those balls, cause the fake ones are magnets (what if it pinched up in a fold by the uterus or something?) and the real ones are filled with mercury.
“Honey! Want to try something frisky?!”
“Like what, sweetie?”
“I want to shove this industrial grade carcinogen into your hoo hoo!”
I have read that gay men, for the most part, do 80% oral. Who wants a shitty dick, you know?
I’m about to listen to the podcast right now, but first, how cool is that beard dot org fromunda shot on my franz joseph? You can see all the way up to my brain through my nostrils…
Aaaand I quote-
“This hour also features the oddest, and most frightening thing I have ever been asked by a listener. I don’t even want to go into it. It’s just… odd.”
That was disturbing. The sound file is nowhere near as uncomfortable to listen to as the live feed was to watch. I had to look away after a second. I did laugh at it later, though, once the awkwardness was fading.
Mickey has got to be the smartest man alive. Everything he says blows my mind, like, it opens up a whole new way of looking at things and uncovers a brand new world.
First and foremost i think it is necesary to point out that if your “annonymous” listener wants to have amazing J tickled he has to comment productivly for the next 10 consecutive shows….soooo…..whats the point of protecting the identity if they have to comment…and leave a name o_O JUST thought id point that out…I would also like to request that u SPARE jen the horror of tickling amazing J…Make Geoff do it ^_~ and make sure you get em drunk first…so we cant hear what hes saying cuz it’ll be slured and so he will be suseptable to the tickles….and cuz DRUNK fat guys being tickled is flippin hillarious.
Krysi
Politicians arent SUPPOSED to be hawt. Cuz if they were sexy in any way shape or form the media would be all over em, talking about the next bill clinton…though truth be told i would rather my president get some good head in his office than have my president f*cking everything up…but thats what u people get for electing an oil man into office…one who bankrupted 2 companies before the 3rd didnt fail…because someone ELSE took care of it…but thats enough of that.
krysi
I still need to watch some Rob and Big. Mickey has referred to it during an in house meeting, a dinner meeting, our show, and I believe he was whispering it to himself while walking through downtown.
I was at that wedding. Was fun! J did a good job handing out the munchies but the man gives crappy directions. I was totally in the wrong area for a whole area wondering where the hell the happy couple and guests were.
Ikea first opened on Long Island back in 1991, so I’m experienced. I think they are the pioneers of cheap, flat, assemble-it-yourself particleboard furniture. I’ve had many a coffee tables, bookcases, and chairs from there. It can be an intimidating place for the rookies. Here’s how you survive.
1. When you’re in the maze known as the showroom, and you just have to get out (God forbid in a fire), look up. The red exit signs will tell you how to get out. Now they’ll even point out the shortcuts.
2. Who needs to pack food when you have two places to buy food within the store. There’s the main restaurant (Swedish meetballs and lingonberry juice…yummy!), and the cafe by the cashiers (pick up some cinnamon buns to go!).
3. Where do those silly names come from? Well Wikipedia, the bastion of all knowledge pointed it out for me: IKEA products are identified by single word names. Most of the names are Swedish in origin. Although there are some notable exceptions, most product names are based on a special naming system developed by IKEA.[3]
Upholstered furniture, coffee tables, rattan furniture, bookshelves, media storage, doorknobs: Swedish placenames (for example: Klippan)
Beds, wardrobes, hall furniture: Norwegian place names
Dining tables and chairs: Finnish place names
For example, DUKTIG (meaning: good, well-behaved) is a line of children’s toys, OSLO is a name of a bed, JERKER (a Swedish masculine name) is a popular desk, DINERA (meaning: dine) for tableware, KASSETT (meaning: cassette) for media storage. One range of office furniture is named EFFEKTIV (meaning: efficient), SKÄRPT (meaning: sharp or clever) is a line of kitchen knives.
It’s not even 6am, and I already learned something today!
4. Not everything at Ikea is created equal. For example, you can have two chairs next to each other. One may last forever, the other may last a week. Kick the tires. Look at the materials. I’ve had both ends of the spectrum…some stuff lasts a decade, some stuff lasts a couple of months. Hint: look for solid wood like butcher-block. That should last longer rather than particle board.
OK. Time for the funny story. It’s 1997, Sunday afternoon, went to a Yankee game, and hit the Ikea in Elizabeth, NJ on the way back to Delaware. I needed an entertainment center. Nothing too big. Something for a TV, VCR, stereo, and a place to put the CD’s and video tapes. They had the perfect one for something crazy like under $200. Perfect. And since the Ikea in Elizabeth is within spitting distance from the port, you only pay half the sales tax, so that’s 3%. (There’s still no Ikea in sales-tax-free Delaware). So I go upstairs, find the one I saw in the catalogue, and I think I had to go to the furniture pickup, not the warehouse aisle, if I remember correctly. So this thing comes out in two long boxes on the flatbed. OK. I go pay, and then, because they’re afraid you’re going to steal their funky shopping carts, there’s posts all around the store, so I have to leave my purchase on the curb, and hope nobody’s going to steal it. Remember, we’re in Jersey, and I’m by myself. So I go get the car, my 1986 Monte Carlo. No, it’s not an SS. I tried to get the one box into the trunk, and it just doesn’t fit, and I have a second one to boot. Now I can barely lift it up over the bumper, and now I have to get this thing onto the roof??? I couldn’t do it. The store’s closing, and it’s starting to rain. Well, this Ikea employee must have felt bad for me, and heaved them onto my roof and ran off before I could thank him. I tied them down, and no my roof didn’t collapse on my trip down the Jersey Turnpike. I don’t even remember bringing them into my apartment, but thankfully I was in a basement, so gravity was working for me going downstairs. It took me two days to get the damn thing together, but it lasted through five apartments. By the last one, it was looking more like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. We slid it down the stairs, brought it to the curb, and it really didn’t take much more than a poke with a finger, and it collapsed like a house of cards. But still, that bitch was heavy!
YAY! i always wondered how to get married…though as a gurl i must say, i didnt leave at the begininng when you told me to…first cuz i dont listen very well and second cuz im already married…BUT! if i ever get divorced? I will keep a handy dandy copy of ur “how to…” in my pocket so i wont forget. Thanks amazing J!
Krysi
First things first: When in Ikea, BLUE exit signs LIE! DIRTY DIRTY LIES! Second: Ikea is the 2nd most evil in the world…Vista being 1st…NEXT! Labrinth was a SUPER move! Despite the fact it had david bowe in it o_O NEXT: Dont ever tell me about ur thigh chafing..NEVER EVER! That was just scarey….AND AND AND! Its a shitty contest cuz it costs more than $50 to get the hell outta the store! oK. Im done now. ^_^ Lovely show boys!
Krysi
I am not allowed to talk about this on the show, but J is directionally impaired. The date was June 25th, 2004. It was my birthday. It was Mickmas. (Mark that in your calendars and buy gifts. You can also send donations to Mickey@somacow.com).
Since it was my birthday, I was beyond drunk. J was kind enough to be the driver for the night.
Being an albino Gypsy, I was equipped with a homing device at birth. It allows me to get as drunk as I want and still find my way home.
J did not believe me. When we came to a cross roads, I insisted that we should turn south. J, felt that, since I was so drunk, I must be wrong.
[...] SomaCow guys recently talked about the 8 things every guy needs (here). We were going to make a similar list, but there would not only be thousands of things on the [...]
Ah, They Might Be Giants…everybody’s favorite band to see in a standing-room-only venue. Yes, I too have been hooked since the early ’90’s. Just about every one of my college buddies were fans, and we saw them all over New England. We saw them in different venues in Boston and Providence, later on in Philly, and even in Central Park back in ‘93, I think. Good times buying beer from shady characters out of trash bags, but it was summer, and it was outside. I forget which concert it was, but they cranked through the entire first album before “starting” the show. My Apollo 18 t-shirt has faded from black to gray, and I still can’t believe I’m still wearing something that old. My wife can’t believe I still wear something so scary, with that evil squid, and all.
Can’t believe you listed Bill below Freddie!!! Bill is WAAAAY hotter.
I look forward to your leaps in hottttttnesss, sir. Hope the trip leads to more witty repartee.
Alton Brown needs to be moved up and Charlie Sheen down. Also, we need pictures of “J back in 1983″ before we can confirm that you do indeed deserve the spot above both Brad Pitt and George Clooney.
I agree with Candy, Alton Brown is so way hotter!
and Candy, I don’t know which episode but flip through the archives and there’s a pic of J on a mug-he tells us that’s him at least :)
Ah, baseball season is upon us. Opening day is next week. And if you really want a great/expensive way to pass the time, try a beer an inning. Or if you don’t have as much money, try cotton candy and beer. I’ve only tried the former, but I’ve heard the latter will have the same effect on you. OK, so we won’t have chicks with skimpy outfits at the ballparks up north for a couple of months, but they will show up. Trust me.
I have seen said picture and I have concluded that the person on the mug deserves the place between Bill Clinton and Tim McGraw. NOT the top spot. So that would place J below Alton Brown (who should be above Freddie) on the correct Hottness Meter.
““Inflatable hat nookie” should be obvious to you. I think I was referring to the fact that, at one point, a guy walked into one of the bars wearing a gigantic, green, inflatable novelty hat. I’m talking about a really big hat. No, like seven feet wide and nine feet tall. Biiiig hat. And women ran from all corners of the bar to nestle against him under his giant hat. He left with about twelve of them.”
I’d have thrown cheap beer in his face, stolen the hat and used it for inflatable hat snow racing.
Although many people are ga-ga for Dunkie’s coffee, I could take it or leave it. But their donuts are the best for a mass produced chain. (You really can’t beat a cream stick from one specific Trenton, NJ Italian bakery.) But Krispy Creme’s donuts are deep fried hockey pucks. You can’t eat more than one, and when you go in, and they hand you a free donut as a sample…why bother staying in line and paying for more? I got the one I want, and I won’t even bother with their crap McDonald’s ripoff bad coffee. But I don’t think there’s a Dunkie’s filled donut that I won’t pass. Well maybe Boston Cream. But all the jellies, apple, apple crumb, chocolate cream, vanilla cream… I’m pissed that you never get many of them in an express dozen.
Perkins is a good late-night joint, but they do make a mean pie.
I must be lucky, but there are competing local Mexican joints here in Delaware that are cheap, and the food is to die for. Our one favorite it situated in an old convenience store (it still looks like a Wawa), and has combos that can fill you up after a hard day’s work in the yard for under $10. Then the high-end entrees for $12…hell, you can well afford a couple Negra Modello’s or margarita’s, and still get out for under $20…under $30 if there’s drinks.
I have to disagree with chrispy…when I first found out that I was pregnant some friends brought over a box of KK donuts and they were gone! Now you might say “oh but you were pregnant” oh no, this was not the first time. Try about a million times in college. You might say “oh but you had the muchies” but then what about in high school huh? (i was a good girl!)
yeah, I love me some Krispy Kremes. And my second favorite is Hotties chocolate peanutbutter donut.
But, for all around variety of yummies? dunkin donuts. I don’t like other KKs (just glazed and hot) and same with Hotties but DD I can chow on boston creme, vanilla or chocolate cream filled, glazed, cruellers, chocolate glazed…
sweetie? donut run?
I always pulled the same April Fools joke every year on my parents.
I would wake up, go in the bathroom and scream bloody murder yelling “a roach” and wake them up.
Then when they came running yell “April Fools!”
Wow, J. You seriously have the rebel bad boy thing going on when it comes to April Fools jokes. In the wise and infamous words of Paris Hilton, “That’s hot.”
Nice idea. Hope you don’t mind some feedback here. These are my thoughts on each story:
Story : Mr. Picklepumper’s Naughty Day
My thoughts: This would make a great show like Barney only with a grumpy old man in a giant Gherkin suit in place of the dinosaur.
Story : Georgie Throws a Whiz
My thoughts: Sounds like a book about a peeing contest. Is there any of that in there?
Story : Who Cut The Cheese?
My thoughts: This would be good if it also included a list of ways of how to blame your farts on someone else which no kid should be without.
Story : But Daddy Said I Could Pet the Bees
My thoughts: Sure to be revolutionary in the children’s genre. A must have for all new fathers.
Story : Real Estate Law in a Foreclosure Market
My thoughts: Probably THE greatest bed-time story ever written.
Story : 101 Standard Household Items That Will Fit Into Your Mouth
My thoughts: I never knew there were that many. Have all these been thoroughly tested?
Story : Breastfeeding: Leave Some For Daddy
My thoughts: Ooo. This might not be so good. I ran this by a few friends and they all thought it implied that men were babies. Not a good sell for the fathers out there. Unless it contains pictures.
Story : Let’s Build a Plastic Bag Fort!
My thoughts: I could have used this as a child. Many was a day we had a full garage but nothing for me to occupy my time with.
Story : Goldilocks and the Three Carnivorous Ursine Antagonists
My thoughts: Sure to be a favorite. I can see this getting older children to read to their younger siblings.
All in all, I’m impressed. I’m going to have to vote for Goldilocks and the Three Carnivorous Ursine Antagonists as my favorite.
Glad you got the ‘puter fixed. Yes! Newegg.com is awesome! Used them for quite some time now and buy pretty much all my computer related items through them.
You know, Mormons like Mitt Romney creep me out. I wouldn’t buy a used car from him. And if you want to piss one off, don’t hand them a cup of coffee or a gin martini, ask them about the Magical Mormon Underwear.
It’s simple to not use the A.C in you car…when the A.C. in your car doesn’t work! God, I love my shitbox I drive to the train station.
What killed interest in the Olympics? The end of the Cold War, Cable TV, and the internet. Welcome to Apathy, USA! Home of cheap imported shit from China sold to you in Wal-Mart by people making an unlivable wage. U! S! A! U!S! A!
You only covered part of the video. The entire video is about half an hour long. Later they knock her out and continue to beat her with a toaster. All the beating girls could get 20 years in prison each, they are being tried as adults.
[...] “Where have all the flowers’ stink gone?” It seems that, in addition to the crazy exodus of bees wi-fi has allegedly been causing, now the very flowers are turning listless, their scent a fraction [...]
I love teh Ross almost as much as I love teh -fu!
Muche grateful that Glorious Manhood is represented in all its varieties – halfway opened door and fully opened door:)
as far as this being the summer of the penis….I would go farther and say this may be the YEAR of the penis….Zack and Mary make a porno is coming out in cOctober and there is full frontal by Jason Mewes in that!
This topic was so good…i love it! it’s not necessarily true about the myspace thing though? i’ve got myspace, have done for two years now and my computers faster than prune juice through a incontinent child. AOL is definitely the best way to screw up your computer though…i use the free disks they send me as coasters =) great post!
[...] So Debe’s birthday has passed but of course we’ll continue to talk about it all month! No, seriously, Happy Birthday Debe! She went to Capone’s for some dinner theatre and had a fabulous time. We also went on her actual birthday to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall, also fabulous and with penis! [...]
I’m glad that such a great time was had by all. I’d go on a show about obituaries and farm reporting
if it was going to get me on the air. I still find that I had to dig through several layers to find the blogs. I’m not sure how much incentive the common man has to do that, if you all want greater participation. I would suggest a link on the very first somacowmedia page that people come to. At muche, the first prominent sm button doesn’t lead to the blogs is what I’m saying. People are lazy and need things to be simple or they generally will choose not to bother.
That sounds like so much fun. I love trivia! I just suck at music trivia for anything after about 1989:)
(Jackie has started a website for our columns!)
No, Jen hasn’t given birth yet, so she’s not a mom. She’s still a mom-to-be. However, Geoff really blew the opportunity for brownie points. But getting her a not-yet mothers day present, he would have had a get out of jail free card for any time he forgets mothers day in the future.
Arby’s has the most diverse fast food menu out there. There’s nothing better than a Big Montana, onion petals, and a fistfull of curly fries. It’s the only place you can get them. Oh, the Roy Rogers on the Turnpike has them, but that’s a shell of a former self of an eating establishment if I ever saw one.
Subway is garbage. So is Quiznos. If you want a real sandwich, you really need to go to a mon and pop deli, that doesn’t use the grade D meats that Subway does. Wawa makes a decent hoagie for being a chain, but there’s a dozen better places to get one in and around Philly. But when it’s 1 am, and you’re coming up I-95 and you hit Richmond, and there’s that beacon coming from a sign of life from north of the Mason-Dixon Line, the southernmost Wawa, there’s nothing that tastes better.
Dude! I know… I suck. It more had to do with the fact that I’m feeling guilty on all the gifts we have received from friends, family, and listeners. As the “thank you” debt climbs into the thousands of dollars, I just cannot see buying extra gifts.
I did spend $650.00 on her car today. Does that count? Probably not.
I am excited about this coffee we received. I am drinking some Saturday, and during the show. It smells good!
Strangely, I really, really like horsey sauce. But more for my fries. The horseradishiness tends to overpower the Montana after a few bites.
While I’m sure Dolly Parton’s mess of an attraction should here, it’s closed now, so you might want to consider an alternate. Perhaps the Holy Land Experience?
I have always wanted to visit Flea World, but for some reason have always held back. (Maybe because I still have all my teeth and shower frequently. Am I being too judgemental?) Perhaps this post gives me reason to actually do it now.
the wii itself is 250 bucks but wii fit comes with a new controller type called the balance board which is something you stand on and it measures your weight on 4 different scales so it says how balanced you are so wii fit is 90 bucks. The controller for wii fit is different from the regular wii controller. you’ll need more like 370 to buy both with tax
The 2×8’s need to be pressure treated wood (the stuff that is green) or it will rot faster than you can go to the store and buy another 24 pack, drink it and run up and down the street naked. Fun times, fun times.
There’s some things you can make at home that you’ll never get at any restaurant. First of all, you need to fry up some bacon in your fry pan. Once you’re done, you have all that glorious grease and bacon bits in the pan that normal people just put to waste. My wife like to cook sunny side up eggs in that grease, where you flick the grease onto the eggs and cook them from both sides. I don’t like eggs at all, but she’ll take your arm off for “dippy eggs”, as the yolk is still runny. But then you can fry your pancakes in that grease, and the bacon bits and grease will absorb into the pancakes, making them tastier, a wee bit heavier, but mostly delicious.
This summer I’ll be going to go to my parents’ house. We’re going to be building a deck. Again. We built a massive one at the front of the house a few years back, now they’re working on the back.
I feel certain that the work will not be as much fun as this.
Sweet Monkey Christmas. Can NOT believe that The Secret Terrorists made it to the web. It’s not the same if you don’t just randomly receive it in the mail in a plain brown wrapper with no information as to who among the people that know your address thinks that you need to know about the Jesuit conspiracy.
I could point to articles Ben Stein (yes, him) has written making the case for not punishing the oil companies, or the ads that the oil and natural gas folks run saying that healthy energy companies will benefit the average Joe’s 401k. But people need to change their driving habits. Not all solutions will work for everybody. Carpooling will work for some. Transit will work for others.
Orlando already has TCT…umm Lynx bus service. http://www.golynx.com But google is my friend, and it looks like Central Florida is getting commuter rail service. http://www.cfrail.com Just whatever you do, don’t sponsor the naming rights for the Altamonte Springs station, when you can slap stickers all over the billboards on the platform for much less money. :P
Ah, commuter rail. This will be its third attempt. We actually, as a state, passed a mandate once for it. Then Governor Bush didn’t think we understood how expensive that would be to his interests, so they had us revote and bury it in silliness.
Never tax a corporation. They just pass that crap right back onto us. Tax religion.
I feel so…bereft…where o WHERE was the “YEAH KRYSI TAKE IT!” I cant decide if i feel left out, or if i deserved it for disappearing on you for undisclosed amounts of time…hmmm…i just may have to think about that one, and i may have add also but um…i get the added perk of being female, so you dont EVEN wanna know what goes thru my convoluted mind. ^_~
Hold up a minute j! Why the hell would you WANT to use the internet for some purpose OTHER than porn?? Unless its to play wow since that technically is part of the internet…and was oddly not listed o_O and as for central florida? Remind me never to go there…
So im wondering why u list hairy european men and then think of sno cones….was that a bit of a freudian slip there? Think about it. In other news, um…your trip sounds like you needed more sno cones.
you only included instructions for the men, not the women. Well, i will solve that little problem for you…The following is how WOMEN will build the deck;
Gee j…ur such a strong smart man! Will you help me at the hardware store? Im not sure i will be able to chose the right wood…i bet YOU can though…i bet ur an EXPERT on wood …*at this point we have gone to the store and you do the work, and once we get home the rest of the building looks like this*… O gosh! Who knew what a big project this was! Well, j, ur such a strong and smart man, can you show me how its done? *you will then show me, i will try to copy and suck so badly that you do the whole thing for me* Ladies? these instructions work for any project you dont wanna do. Thanks J~ Ur a champ ^_~
I checked the USTREAM, and there is no amniotic fluid spraying around, so I remain skeptical. There is no WAY that Geoff would miss streaming the birth live.
On the off-chance that this is NOT a bit, I could not possibly be happier for Jen and Geoff, unless maybe they had a birthing room next to the one where Patricia Heaton from “Everybody Loves Raymond” was delivering, and Geoff happened to pass by her door with his camcorder on while her knees were up to her chin.
I laughed (pooping a loofah?), I cried, I think I stopped breathing! OMFG!
My heart goes out to your precious little family, Geoff!
Poor Jen!
I had a post-partum hemorrhage after Meg, but it was a week later. It was the worst thing, ever! But at least I had a week to recover from the birth! Even then, I only needed a couple of units of blood. You are right, she really does have incredible strength. But I think that strength comes from LOVE!
screw AOL have you ever tried to uninstall Mcaffee that comes preloaded on DELLs? Beamish put the CDs in the microwave then use as coasters. And it isn’t all people just me I can f*ck up a computer with my eyes closed especially macs. someone help me stop hacking
I think I’ve only been to the ER where someone other than myself is in need of it’s services only once. Do you have any tips for people who are there for the medical attention?
Let us not neglect to mention that this was THE funniest Life Coaching segment EVER!! Geoff and I can usually keep it together, but we totally lost it over this one. Mickey KILLED us! In the good way!
Gin isn’t something you drink to get fucked up. It’s something you sip, and enjoy in moderation. By it’s nature being natural grain spirits distilled with botanicals, it’s those impurities that flavor it and give it its yummy taste. But you CANNOT go cheap on gin. It’s Tanqueray (regular, Ten, Rangpur) or Plymouth. And you need good tonic water, preferrably Canada Dry in the small glass bottles, and fresh limes. And when you make you gin and tonic (or Tom Collins or gin gimlet), usa a pint glass, and take your drink like a man…or an alcoholic. :P
What’s in my coffee maker? Chock Full O’Nuts original. Their New York Blend is on deck.
City-wide wi-fi still has kinks to be worked out. Earthlink backed out of installing free wi-fi blanketing the City of Philadelphia. Guess the concept of who’s going to pay for this and how are we going to make money off of it finally hit them like a ton of bricks.
Take it from a former recruiter…not all jobs are posted on monster.com, in the classifieds, etc. Those cost money, you know. Ads are mostly to garner interest from applicants, and the recruiters and/or HR dicks will figure if you’re any good, or put you in the circular file. Your resume better be sharp, or you’re in the old circular file in about 5-10 seconds. But job searching sucks, and it’s a numbers game. The more you apply, the better the chance you might get a fit. But even if company A is a place you would like to work for, but the advertised position is way above or below you, send a resume anyway. What’s the worst that will happen, they’ll hit the delete button?
Serious answer: That area isn’t very sensitive for some women and they don’t get that “Oh, God! Yes!” experience from it. Some even experience discomfort instead. Or maybe the person they were with was really bad. *shrugs*
Non-serious answer: There never was such a thing. It was all an elaborate hoax put in place by the politicians who are really aliens doing research. Someone alert Mulder!
Oh crap! I think the aliens have found me! I have to hide! Where’s my tin foil hat?!
*door breaks down*
Save yourselves! And FIND MULD.. AAAaaaHHhhh *screams of horror*
Please invite Curtis Earth back again sometime… sorry I wasn’t able to chat while he was there…I am sure it would have been fun…great show, guys…thanks
Oh, -Fu!
The fun is just begun – there will be many trips to estate sales for perfect new antique knick-nacks, seasonal and holiday front door wreaths from Kirkland’s.
1. The facility caters to mouth breathers who have just taken their first and only trip on an aeroplane. They’re the same breed that when in Vegas, they’re actually in Italy when in the Venetian.
2. Mickey lived in this little town in Georgia we all know and love as Hazard.
3. The most “look at me” food is the kitchen sink, which can be found at any ice cream parlor. The most look at me drink? That’s a Scorpion Bowl.
Or was I supposed to pay attention while listening?
Isn’t it funny how the booger eaters who actually drink Bud think that it will be bad if it’s imported? There’s no way InBev will close the dozen AB breweries in the US and start importing in all that beer. Although that would be one way to fill those ships coming in from Europe…
So what’s in my beer fridge?
Guinness, even out of the bottle or can, it’s close enough to what you can get at the corner taproom. And you don’t have to drive home!
Rolling Rock. It’s not the same since they stopped using returnable bar bottles, let alone since they started brewing it in Newark, but you still can get ponies. Ah, the convenience!
Corona. OK, they’re leftover from July 4th. I’d rather have Caribe. Crisp, refreshing, and they don’t need a lemon or lime.
But what should you seek out the next time you hit the package store? Dogfish Head. http://www.dogfish.com Yes, there’s more to Delaware than DuPont and Bank of America.
Dear Mr. J:
Like you, there are times when I need some “ME” time and do not wish to be my normal “hunk” self. I have found the following works for me and it is my wish it will help you….
1) If out in public, I like to wear dark blue denim jeans with the bottoms rolled up. Evidently this has not gone completely out of fashion so I like to take it a step further. After rolling up the bottoms of my jeans I will wrap them with a colored masking tape to prevent the cuffs from unraveling. I always color coordinate the tape with my shirt.
2) I like to wear an old color faded sweat band on my wrist. If you do not have much perspiration I recommend keeping a mist bottle of water so you can keep the sweat band wet. I like to go the extra mile and mix in a hint of aqua velva into the water.
3)The finishing touch for me is to wear a mood ring. When trying to unhunker down, I have found nothing keeps the chickies away as much as wearing a mood ring.
4)If all else has failed I will put on my walkman and play Boy George music. This typicall serves two purposes. First, it has proven effective to help me have the “ME” time I have been craving. Second, it greatly reduces the amount of “ME” time I want. After listening to “Do you really wanna hurt me” I find I am motivated to return to my normal hunk self.
[...] this hour, we whet our appetites with a tale of three men, hunkered and blown by the vicious Tropicane Fay. Thrill to stories both musty and drippy as Geoff recants his harrowing experience, where 13 [...]
We’re all friends here. You don’t have to refer to Geoff’s “bedtime outfit”.
You can just come right out and say “Anthony Bourdain jammies with feet in them”
THAT is why I have a clear card!!! They carry my stuff through security for me!
Unfortunately, CLEAR is not everywhere yet. The worst TSA situation I have ever been involved in was in Chicago. ( I had planned on writing the whole story here, but it is raiining AGAIN and my red dog is trying to climb on head). Let’s just say it was right after the liquid ban and there was a woman who clearly didn’t understand the words – liquid or 3oz, because she was having great difficulty. They held the entire line up while trying to get this woman to understand, and a gentleman in front of me realized he has now missed his flight reached into the machine to retrieve his bags. I guess you are NEVER supposed to reach into the machine. The TSA woman went nuts, and actually threatened this man to a CAVITY SEARCH!
I quickly and quietly picked up my bag (which was not yet on the belt) and backed away and went to another line and was through security within 5 minutes.
I am finally making good on our bet, ELROSS. Sorry it took so long. Not exactly sfw but I listened to it anyway. I learned so much in just the first 15mins! I disagree with “a tit is a tit is a tit.” Some are simply better than others. ;)
Remember watching the Soprano’s, where at the construction site, they had those jobs where the guys would just sit on beach chairs, smoke cigars, eat Italian delicacies, and bullshit all day long, but not actually partake in the the actual construction of whatever project that was going on, but get paid hansomely for it as a favor for Tony? I think that’s what Ross’ job is. I just feel bad that Somacow had to succumb to mafia money laundering in order to get their product out on the air, but hey, it’s for us, the listeners, right?
Is it just me, or are the show notes complete but the episode isn’t available. There’s no link on the main page, and my aggregator says it hasn’t been posted either. Good thing I’m still working my way through the archives, cause I don’t know what I’d do without my regular doses of SomaCow!
How fun…this is why i put everything (and you dont wanna know what i mean by everything ^_~) in my checked baggage. Only thing that goes on the plane with me is my purse…and thats so the TSA nazi’s dont single me out for having no carry-on lol…and nazi’s have no sense of humor J…dont waste it on them…just make whats his nuts take the chip outta ur head so u wont go beep anymore ^_^ so easy, but you silly boys make it so complicated.
omg! J…THATS where youve been….youve left me for the computerize version of “munchkin”, and if you dont know what that is, you need to find out…Damn it j, now i gotta go play KoL if i wanna stalk you. What the hell kinda way is that to treat the KRYSI just cuz i havent commented in a while….a looong while…Hmm…
oh my goodness j! your poor cards! i bet the dogs lovingly ate them while u werent looking, in responce to ur neglectful unappreciation of the little piles of “love” they left you….you might need to do something about that, but i will leave it up to you to decide……also? i will not demean myself by telling you how to “unhunker down”. i figure i did it for years when i lived in hawaii and COULDNT evacuate, so u need to learn to deal. ur a champ, and abuot as “unhunkered” as is humanly possible ^_~
sadly i like the game of twister better. My boobies are nicer than micky’s so therefore i will win, and he will lose. Im sure hes used to it by now…and im equally sure that the rubik’s cube needs to be custom made with various pictures of, well, ME! cant beat that! No, i am NOT conceited, so quit thinking that…and while we’re on the subject…why WASNT my pic on the etch-a-scetch? Not talented enough to draw something so stunning? Im sure thats it. Best get to practicing ^_^
sadly j, its ur own fault for NOT being gay. If you were gay, youd have a man to boss around, YOUD get to change UR mind, and spend HIS money instead of yours…or if you were born a woman, youd get the joy of being on our end, and have a nice pair of hooters to play with…not that urs arent nice o_O just urs are better ^_^
silly silly boys….the “g spot” is in the same place it always is. We dont move it because that way, you will never find it. Because of course, its put away. But i must say i agree that its not that big a deal…so ur better off playing with the more obvious and easier to find Clit. which is short for clitorous…im sure if you google it you will find plenty of user-friendly instructions and guides on how to find and use the clit. Of course, many of those same site will prolly charge you $19.95 per month for the education….shit…J? i think ur screwed.
poor J…your old. Deal with it. And the Hippity went outta ur hop years ago…or at least thats what geoff says…o_O heehee
and who knows? maybe in a retirement community there will be less space to move the ever-changing design for the living room furniture ^_^
So J, when i start sending my HMP pics to ur inbox, how quickly can i expect them to be posted somewhere on the internet? But if you promise to photoshot the face into a cream pie, we have a deal ^_^ Not THAT type of cream pie, u perv. >.< rwar. On that subject, i found a youtube vid that you would enjoy, so here…enjoy ^_^
PS actually, its two vids…u’ll live. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEWgs6YQR9A
and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbFnH66eGtU though im pretty sure ur the one who posted the second one…hmmm….
We were attacked my Robot Zombie Ninja Pirate Hackers from the Des Moines Iowa Chess team. They said we insulted them. I don’t remember ever talking about the chess club.
Seriously, why the hell would we talk about the chess club. They rate so low on the “interesting things to talk about” scale that they register right below my Uncle Melvin’s waxy looking nipples. Although, that’s not a fair comparison, because Uncle Mel would pop those babies out every Thanksgiving and a heated discussion would erupt.
People often wonder why I hate holidays. How to you explain Aunt Bethany throwing the contents of a freshly opened can of Pumpkin pie filling at my Uncle’s head for simply showing off an interesting body part. Granted, she was only 18 and about 30 years younger than him, but come on, there was no blood relation there. Hell, she was the neighbors kid. And she was smoking hot.
I don’t ever recall seeing a Joanie Loves Chachi t-shirt being filled out so… completely. I wish I could remember her name so I could look her up on Facebook. Although, she might be a bit worn down by now.
Any way, sorry for the inconvenience, the staff is working on the server, so hopefully there shouldn’t be any further issues. (after they fully fix it).
A lot like that, Chris, except, to date, I have only been paid: 20 paypal bucks, a set of bluetooth headphones, two slices american cheese, 11 rolos, 11 whatchamacalits, 2 Cy-Gor action figures and 100, 000 KoL meat.
How do I leave a comment?
Oh, wait… … …
LOVED the News Bomb segment! J sounds like he’ll fit in just fine.
So.
I stand by my opinion that Neat should be on NPR. Maybe he could interview David Sedaris for me?
I really liked this music in this section… episode? Whatever.
Fire the -Fu!!! He’s bringing down the show… Oh wait, that was just his chair being lower than the others for some odd reason…
Those are absolutely beautiful but they made the book lover in me hurt. :)
So, ya’ll do know they’re COLLARD greens right? Not COLORED greens. Silly boys.
Woah.
If a soy cappuccino makes me all posty and type-y, I wonder what this will do to me!
Masterpiece. I can’t wait to hear what happened to the piss-soaked little boy! Damned Germans!
Aaaaaaahahahaha.
“I would kill you until you were dead.”
I may or may not steal that.
Too.
No more morning guys voices!
Just say NO!
More like Atlas, mugged
Nice enhanced biceps, those are some L33t M$Paint Skillz
According to their calculations it would take 24g of pure caffeine to kill me. That’s roughly 46 gallons of Diet Mountain Dew…
It’s good to have goals.
yes i visit now u vote LOL
Totally love, love, love that picture. It rocks!
Here you go!
http://www.mcphee.com
This is what you need, Mr. Atkins: http://www.mcphee.com/items/11065.html
:)
I really enjoyed this episode.
It seems like J is settling in well.
Thanks for listening. J seems to be feeling more and more comfortable. When he first showed up at the studios, he said he felt like he was interrupting an old married couple. At that point, Geoff and I had a rhythm between the two of us that left J out in the cold.
Luckily, Geoff and I are on the outs and this has allowed J to slip in.
Do we peel the avocado first?
No but really…are ya’ll fat or what??
hey…Are you as fat as me???
Thank you Paul for addressing that question that I had.
So, you guy’s fat or what?
How did you get a login?
I knew there was a reason we hired that guy!
P.S. Please return my air hockey puck.
Thanks, Jacki! I really appreciate J’s sense of humor, and look forward to many great shows with him. I think that he and I have a wonderful chemistry, and I really appreciate his sense of timing, considerable knowledge, and professional abilities. It’s very refreshing to work with someone that understands this business, and really puts himself out there every day.
Thanks! I’ll get one for those jerky poots during our roadtrip to Charleston this weekend. 16 hours in a Caddy, listening to Hopper Music… Rock.
So do you peel the Malibu first?
Who are you again?
Did you get my topless photo?
So now that you are a big radio star, how do you shop and eat at the arches without being mobbed?
Are you as fat as geoff?
You are a great addition to the show.
OK, Here is your Comment, You bloggy whore! Anyhoo, Why is everyone so fat? Well, not you – FU. Your just HOT!
Is it the avocado that makes you guys fat?
Magic powers. Ask me for some sometime.
You are not big boned, you are fat.
Roadrunner – Yes… for health reasons
Debe – Yes
Howey – Uhm… not yet
Lisa – Yes
Craig – You have to at least take the top off
JackiOh – Yes he did, and he shared with all of us
beautygirl – It’s glandular
Gryffyn – We are still looking into that
Lisa – Que?
KlingonChick – Why yes… yes we are!
Will we be sending 78g an autographed picture of Mickey?
Whatever I replied yesterday got lost in the mail so, I can totally write good stuff and say it was what I wrote yesterday. It could however be different.
Ya know what I mean?
How fat is that mickey anyhow?
Which part of the amaretto do we use?
I have submitted two comments, neither of which show up. You guys are just hateful.
Sorry Bert and Mustang Sally, our Spam filter is overeager to win our affection. It has been thwarted and dealt with.
Avocadoes are high in carbs
I am not paunchy.
and.
Butter-y goop? You should get that checked out.
Mt. Dew beer chasers? That sounds … nasty.
DIET Mt. Dew.
Seriously… if I drank regular Mt. Dew… I’d be even fatter.
Damned fine hour! Went by too fast. And the music? From Rollins to Gary Numan?!?!
Terrestrial radio just had a stroke!
So, by just visiting this Bog I was instantly transformed into SPAM? How very nice and Sally was having a birthday and all. Justthink how she must feel…shudddddddder.
I tried beer and Mt. Dew once (long sotry, but accidentally opened both cans) and they aren’t bad together. Like eating Mac & Cheese and mixing mustard in there :-)
My bad, I thought he was asking how I got in here.
Hmmm…The Say…Anything girls will have to print these rules out and make sure we’re following them religiously.
You guys are really turning into the new Perez Hilton, with the writing on the pictures shit.
I sent the requestd pix. I am so glad they are safe now.
I just want to make sure I point out the important parts for people that are in a hurry. And my sexy mushtash is a very important part. Chicks dig my sexy mushtash.
Normally hybrids frighten me.
Also, I will comment on any blog entry that contains the word “pelt” used as a noun.
This is the worst blog ever written. I am very proud of you all. Hey, I gained 8 lbs in 2 days. It’s a kind of magic!
You are always supposed to wait until the last possible minute to merge in the construction zones. I agree with Mickey on this one. But he is a horrible driver otherwise.
I’ll still read your shit though.
“Jacksonville smells like a zombie toenail cheese burning factory” HA
I don’t see no mushtash
The mushtash is there, and it is a vary vary sexy mushtash!
Sorry I burned down your Sweet Grass ashtray :(
Geoff and mickey always make me smile with your antics. Maybe one of these comments will actually be seen by you before I give up batteling your spam filters.
Keep up the good work.
I am saving up for an antic.
Also “(We snapped this picture of him after he lifted the studio off of a dog that ran out in front of Episode 9.)” made me laugh more than once.
I am touched deeply by the 15 minutes of fame that I have received on the SomaCow blog. I downloaded the lastest podcast via iTunes for my on board listening pleasure for my trip to Texas today. I will try to keep the laughter down, but it’s not easy when you boys get going. I look forward to the boys of SomaCow calendar that surely will be coming out for 2008. I am willing to knit each of you a Willie Warmer for the winter month shots.
I had no idea that I was included on this week’s blogs–right there with Lindsay Lohan. Thank you Twitter gods I have finally arrived!
:o)
Ann
P.S. Thanks Jen for the heads up!
Thanks for stopping by Ann. This might just be the last de-testeronified show though. Geoff ended up beating the entire staff because of the backlogged man stuff.
Will you guys pay J so he can get an antic?
J is on the list of people that will be getting paid when our sponsorships come in. Although… he’s WAAAAAY down on the bottom of the list of people that will be getting paid when our sponsorships come in.
What is Mickey really like?
I would bet that you reek of coronas and not limes.
and.
HEY!
I don’t know why I keep doing this! You don’t comment MY blog.
The limelight suits you!
I’m still trying to figure out which of you has 4 stomachs…
I love the trash basket you got. It’s purty. :)
What is Mickey really like?
Good question SomaFan. Mickey is a patient man. Although he is extremely shy, he’s fun to be around. Picture the wisdom of Dolph Lungren, the mental faculties of Luke Perry, and the sexified uber-hottness of Charlie Sheen… on a cocktail of meth, crack, and caffeine.
Congratulations on the aquisition of your shiny new antic.
Now that I see it works I will ask a question.
Ok, ok, ready?
Do you just write this stuff down as it comes to you or is there writing and re-writing first?
Ok, i finally gave in and listened to an entire broadcast plus read a bit. Love the sense of humor. I’ll keep on listening. Excellent stuff, guys.
Can I borrow your $4000 LeVendredi sunglasses? Its hard to be a Vogue model in disguise and I am thinking these might help someone I adore. PS I’ll trade ya my recently acquired leather Gucci bag for the day…
So. Do you have to peel the Malibu?
Bert wrote:
Congratulations on the aquisition of your shiny new antic.
Do you just write this stuff down as it comes to you or is there writing and re-writing first?
Thanks! It’s all for you!
The formula for my writing is usually this:
Agonize over a topic. This part takes the longest.
But when I finally settle on a topic that I like, the blog seems to almost write itself.
I write in Notepad with no spell-check, just to live on the edge, and I almost always
make last minute changes right before posting.
Thanks for listening! You rock! No, YOU rock! No, YOU rock…
alphabunny wrote:
Ok, i finally gave in and listened to an entire broadcast plus read a bit. Love the sense of humor. I’ll keep on listening. Excellent stuff, guys.
=================
Well, ma’am, mah work here is done, then.
It was great to see you in our chatroom.
I think you are really cool and/or groovy.
8 – How happy, on the 1-10 scale, The Notorious GC made me.
9 – How happy the GC Happy Dance made me
10 – How suprised I was to find out from the picture above that I had been eating beer-brats from a corn-on-the-cob holder. Stoopit Patrón!
Would have called in yesterday but I was Freaking out in Sanford. However, tasty German black beer was consumed.
Great show, as always! J’s “Guinness Light” comment made me spew my chicken fried rice!
Damn you, J! No wonder there is a shortage of limes on Sundays!!
I’d almost bet you try to fit your ghetto ass into one of those french maid outfits.
Ugh! I now want to gouge out my eyes with a spoon!
Hmm.
What about the floor mopping apron?
Or the kitchen cleaning apron?
I would like to see a picture of you in an apron
Mustang Sally wrote:
I would like to see a picture of you in an apron
—————————————————————————————————————————————–
Yeah, I’m gonna start including pictures/videos in my blogs, but this one would have required costumes, props, hair & makeup, a gaffer, a key grip, a best boy, craft services, etc.
I MAY even use…dun dun DUNNNNN…an animated gif in my next blog entry!
Thanks, as always, for your listening and commenting efforts!
Ahhhh manly men doing manly stuf in a manly way
I am anxiously holding my breath in anticipation of the animated gif! That apron pic could be used in a variety of ways–even Blackmail–might have been a great Stripper Friday avatar you know?
:o)
Ann
Geoff is so dead for insulting Milo. Puh!
I am so not scared of you. Hey! Did you see mirra’s comment on twitter? You guys should totally do the “what a woman needs” show. Shoot to break the internet radio podcast length record!
Neat needs a pillow to stay upright in the pool?
Points off, I say!
I do NOT need a pillow… I was lolling when they came by and said “LET’S ALL ENSURE THE WOMEN WE SCREW WILL ALWAYS WONDER ABOUT OUR SEXUALITY!” – Fat floats… The pillow is simply there for Jabba’s Pleasure.
And that is LOLLING, not l-o-ling. Real men do not lol.
Jesus, Geoff really DOES need to do something about that armpit lump. He wasn’t kidding!
So, lol’ing is gay but synchronized swimming is not?
That’s right, real men either loll or LOLZ, maybe the occasional OMGWTF, but never do we simply lol.
It’s good to know that the holy trinity of chubby is a finely tuned machine. Perhaps it was that bottle of Patron keeping the machine so well lubricated
Are Geoff and J twins?
They look like twins.
No, really!
Bert wrote:
Are Geoff and J twins?
They look like twins.
No, really!
——————————————————————————————–
What a HORRIBLE thing to say.
About Geoff.
I’d just like to thank ya’ll for the new desktop picture. :)
Nice flotation, boys!
How was your free float?
Did you need a pillow?
It is funny to hear J call Neat “Geoffrey.”
Funny weird, not funny haha.
Will he be interacting with Michael, next?
Paris Hilton is a stoopit spoiled whore.
I am speachless
I land in your world once again, this time I get to hear your voice, wow.
I’m a money earnin’ bitch!
_\|/_ _\|/_
| |
KRAY-ZEE MICKEY indeed!
BWAAaaaaaaaa private memberships indeed. I love it and hope the IRS does also. How much for loofa viewing?
So. Do you have to peel the Malibu for that?
I am glad you didn’t die, Mickey!
Note to Geoff:
Let’s get together and review Mickey’s insurance policy, please, and/or eat some pie. Mmmm…pie.
I don’t think I’ve laughed at anything as hard as I laughed at Mickey’s “I was a C-section so it was a wound” comment. The boy kills me.
Thanks Sally and Debe!
There are many burgers in that pic.
Ommegang! I’m a new fan of SomaCow. Can the Cow send a Bullpen to the White Sox?
Someone needs to, bgood! Thanks for checking out the show, and cheers!
I appreciate the enthusiasm (and especially all the tasty beer) about drinking weird beers.
Rare Vos is really good…slightly better than the Witte beer, but my favorite is what we had Saturday night, good old Ommegang Abbey Ale.
Tonight it’s delicious Aventinus.
Mostly because Uberbastard is making me drink Famous Grouse for some reason on 4Play.
That site is truly….neat!
I was surprised at how long so many things took to get even slightly messed up.
Science is cool.
Where’s Jeezus when ya need him? He could show you how it’s done. All hail DBo.
good read.
You should post it again on Tuesday but in all bold.
Poor J. Is there unfunny rehab you can check into?
I am currently in funny rehab. Trying to get out.
I have called 911, but they said they can’t help me since I am already in a hospital.
See?
*I* need the funny rehab.
Meh.
HAAAAHHHAAAAAAAAA!HHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!HHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would just like to point out that you’ve grossly misrepresented Brinstar.
You imply that she is in line with the notion that “Women, rather than trying to outdo men, seem to be happy just to carry along in our Neanderthalic footprints,” when in fact she’s endorsing the exact opposite: that women shouldn’t conform to unacceptable standards just because they are currently the norm for men.
Please read this part of her piece:
Perhaps next time you want to make a pot shot at someone it would be good to read the post that you link to and make sure it supports your point.
I think the implication is… that Brinster is wrong.
Or, it could be a clever way to get people who read our blog and listen to our podcast to reach out and discover other (well written and well thought out) opinions on a particular subject.
I don’t know for sure, because I can’t speak for Geoff.
Um… That was exactly why I plugged her blog, Tekanji – Because I found her mentality on the matter to be exactly in line with my opinions, and that she was a great example of an evolved person. Hence my inclusion of her as a link. I am not sure if you have heard many of our shows, but we tend to use sarcasm, irony, and tongue-in-cheek representations of things.
But I thank you for the comment, and for checking out the show.
And I have no idea what Mickey is referring to, which is status quo!
Why am I NOT surprised it was food related?? Ha!
So. Do you have to peel the Malibu?
I’m not familiar with your podcast. From reading your ‘about’ page, it’s clear that you’re a humour-oriented broadcast. The humourous intent is probably even more evident in audio. However, in text, it’s more problematic to come to a new site and try to decide whether someone is making condescending statements with a “just kidding” tacked on at the end in order to (patronisingly) placate the one whose opinions you disparage, or whether you’re reading something that is ’sarcastic’. I can be a sarcastic person as well, but tone doesn’t convey well on the internet, particularly when a reader is not familiar with a website’s history, style, etc.
Thank you for reading and linking to my post, regardless of your opinion.
I will try to give your podcast a listen in the next couple of days.
I thought the poster said MOO so I played the trailer.
Dear Valued Potential Listener Brinstar:
Please pardon the charmingly unsophisticated advances of my occasionally over-exuberant co-hosts.
You may rest assured that their intentions were honorable with regard to your website and/or personal beliefs.
Yes, please do sample a podcast or two, or listen live on Sundays from 2-5pm eastern time.
We look forward to a mutually entertaining relationship in the future.
Sincerely,
J
SomaCow Host
Also, tekanji is a big doody-head
Oh dear God.
You know what is going to happen, right? She is gonna listen to Wednesday’s podcast and think we are talking about her.
There’s just no winning, is there?
What a brilliant idea! You’d make a fortune!
In my shrill, nagging, megaphone voice…I would like to say…that was funny! :)
Uhm… we did talk about her on Wednesday’s (Episode 26) Podcast.
I’ve been to toy parties for couples. Those are so much fun! We should have a SomaCow sponsored party.
Debe wrote:
I’ve been to toy parties for couples. Those are so much fun! We should have a SomaCow sponsored party.
—————————————————————————————————————————-
Sex toys for couples?!
You mean, like, they have a dildo on one end and a bag of Funyuns on the other?
I think it would be too embarassing. Somebody would say to me “Oh, I see you bought the extra small model. You like it really tight, huh?”
And I would say “No. What do you mean?”
We did?
Was she hott?
That would be a strange party to go to. You do make it sound fun though.
“greased up slit hole”? What are you guys, 10?
I have tried to think of a response to this, but there are so many more important things to fight and try to change, and basically anything I say counter to what I’ve heard in the first five minutes of this episode will just paint me as a ‘feminazi’.
Thanks for your perspective, Mickey – err, sorry Geoff, think I’ll be clicking on the ‘unsubscribe’ button. Seems like that’s the only thing that gets people’s attention, if any. Shame, really.
ok, the reason why women don’t give you sex is because most men are so lousy at it. if you get your woman off every time, she is going to want it just as much as you, maybe more. bad boys usually get more action because the whole danger thing is a turn on and they make a woman come like a machine gun. so what if he is a jerk, he makes you spasm and twitch. what guys don’t get is that women initially are just looking for sex like you guys. they just get so cynical and jaded because most of you have absolutely no clue about getting a woman off. and I will say this, us women don’t help matters. there are the fakers out there, which are a vast majority that fake it for their men. when they really should be teaching them how to lick the slit and utilize fingers properly. gay guys have enough sense to give reach arounds. what’s wrong with you straight men! you don’t even have to be a good lay. you just have to be able to manipulate that clit properly. you do a good enough job, and you will get it whenever you want it. women who don’t give sex just aren’t getting it good enough. why do something if there is only a 20% likelihood at getting off. might as well just use a vibrator and get 100% satisfaction. you guys need to get your acts together and get better at giving the peach a good send off!
Eagerly awaiting the response to this one…heh!
I’m not saying I disagree with Mickey’s MANifesto.
I’m saying that I’m going to be using him as a human shield after the chicks hear it.
Your inbox has to be full of “Hate Male – Hate Mail”.
Great show – downloading some archived shows for the road.
Good meeting you guys at the Bayou. Keep up the good work!
Mmmm….Mushy Flounder Cake!
Rach, thanks for taking the time to address the real issues. Like the poor young lady that was slaughtered by her father and packed in a suit case because she dishonored her family. I will be sure to toss my copy of “Brenda’s Big Book of Sexual Euphemisms” since the ones I used went over like a Herpes suffering leper at a kissing booth.
Honey… you are so right. When sex is mutually enjoyable, it is had aplenty. When it sucks… it sucks.
J… thanks for throwing me under the bus.
John thanks for stopping by. FindingAmerica.tv is some great stuff. I wish I would have taken my camera with me when I traveled the world.
Thanks John! We’ll look forward to seeing you in Orlando in the future. Love the site, by the way! http://www.findingamerica.tv/ is just great. I am going to watch the rest of them tonight.
Hey Rachel!
Check out http://www.sayanythingradio.com – I will not attest to the consistency of their vaginas (vaginii?), but they sure are a great female issue oriented podcast… And they have been known to help folks in removing that giant stick that seems so firmly lodged in your unsubscribicious ass!
In fact… No. You may NOT listen to our show anymore. We have canceled your subscription for you, and ask that you please pick up all these batons and move it along.
OK… OK… I’m an asshat! I understand that.
But… did you check out the strong female singers that we featured in this show?
The Dollyrots – Because I’m Awesome
Spanking Charlene – I Hate Girls
Belladonna – Black Swan
Hydrovibe – Killer Inside
Mickey wrote:
J… thanks for throwing me under the bus.
—————————————————————————————————————-
d00d, I’m just pulling you under the bus where I already am.
I’ve made it quite comfy here. I have an air-hockey table and
a little beer fridge.
Also, Rachel appears to have confused SomaCow with Cannity & Holmes. Just more proof that most women don’t understand comedy, and sometimes can’t even recognize an attempt at it.
Unless she is hott, in which case “You GO gerfren! I’ve gotcher back! Damn that Mickey!”
I’m ashamed to call myself TCTHID.
I don’t know if Rachel will find what she is looking for on our show Say… Anything but who knows!
PureHoney though? Absolutely! She is just up our alley :)
And no, boys, I’m not talking about the fuzzy peach alley…
Great show guys!
HEY!
I like vanilla hazelnut mocha ice cream (lowfat)!
Dude… Express Mail gets here in, like, two days. I don’t have that kind of time. Imagine the chafing.
I know -Fu really wrote that manifesto thinigie, cause the word “bub” was used.
So what the hell does this have to do with the Malibu?
ewwww, yellow cream cheese!
Yellow Cream Cheese? Man is someone getting bitchy about women!
I am really down with what PureHoney had to say, but Rachel was right too. I know I have a hard time listening to Soma somethimes because the Misogyny is too much for me to take. Saying its a joke does not make something funny.
It’s amazing how closed minded some women can be… it causes them to breeze right by the point.
Not to mention, no one has yet addressed the REAL issue on the table. A young, beautiful, intelligent woman was murdered by her father because of her one sin of being a woman who wanted to be more than what her cultured allowed her to be.
This is a woman who faced certain doom in order to rise above what she was told she was allowed to do. I think some of you girls can take a second to reflect on that and get passed a few off color remarks.
I have heard guys say “knock the bottom out of it”, but I haven’t ever heard -Fu! say it. Has anyone else?
I”m trying to imagine a woman saying to me “you wanna knock the bottom out of it?”, and I’m having a difficult time. Would I be turned on by it? Would I be turned off by it? Would I be suspicious of her original gender? I just don’t know.
Can I get a yellow cream cheese T shirt?
Rachel wrote:
“err, sorry Geoff, think I’ll be clicking on the ‘unsubscribe’ button.”
————————————————————————————————–
We have an unsubscribe button?
Get rid of that, please, Mickey.
Willow Tree will never be the same!
Gary wrote:
“Willow Tree will never be the same!”
——————————————————————————————
Please tell me that means that the accordion guy broke a hip.
You seriously got upset at the slit hole comment? Wow, what are you? 10?
So did they take your Malibu too?
Why do I feel like everyone was in on the joke except you?
Go watch Big Daddy. You are the chinese delivery guy and everyone else was the kid.
need to hear more from that band SOJH. that song “went limp quick” was hallarious…
“It’s not such a bad little blog.” – Charlie Brown
We should get you your own login!
If their barking cannot be controlled have their vocal chords cut or get rid of them. You will live with this pain in the ass situation for years to come otherwise. Perhaps you can get your former neighbors to file a complaint so the heat is off of you to an extent.
Next time get a german bred, black and tan shepherd named Hans or Fritz that will bark when there’s a good reason.
-Funny! Please forward the Raisenettes to Fat Guy, Holy Hell, Florida. Oh, I’ll take the weiner dogs, too!
“but I think it would be much simpler if I just handed my in-laws each a twenty as I greet them at the front door.”
That’s how I feel everytime work takes me to Nevada, like now. Can’t I just send the hotel my per diem and stay home?
Cats don’t bark…
ever!
Give your kids some more of those Raisinettes! :)
I love pretty much any animal but why someone would select wiener dogs, I don’t know. I understand they were presents. They’re not cheap but a professional dog trainer could recommend some things to stop the barking. They probably need to understand what bedtime is and be put in a kennel(cage), covered up with a blanket or tarp until morning.
I read it.
I am sorry your weiner is noisy.
Can I take the Mickmas lights down yet?
What you lack in poker-playing skills, you more than make up for with wonderful wit and humor!
Blogalicious!
HA!
Funniest comment ever goes to ‘Chele.
Do I qualify as a bitch?
I forgot.
tee hee
You do always bring the funny… thanks :)
ahhh…sounds like a marvelous new piece of technology..
Me? I’m holding out for the O-Phone and hoping that they get that issue of batteries straightened out before the O-Phone goes into full production.
A woman has needs you know?
J, I wouldn’t say you’re predictable, but there are tribes of Amazonian Indians as yet undiscovered by civilisation that know what you are going to blog about next. get some new material, will you?
…and I-phone is an anagram for totally useless POS!
I’ll take an O-phone! yes please!
and the orgasmatron really does exist!!! wish I had 5K :(
BRavo!
You caught the Tuesday funnies.
When I think of SomaCow, I think “Olympic athletes”.
See board for reply.
Where’s the funny?
You can tell J meant to be funny, because he used comic sans. An uproarious font, to be sure. yar.
Comic sans my ass!
Wait, where’s my ass? Stupid literal button.
Then you could have Grammar Nazi school.
Is midget really a derogatory word? Little did I know…
Maybe your best work so far, keep it up as I love your big manly blogs.
Typical software engineer situation. Unnecessarily complex jargonized piffle creates confusion in the workplace. Why didn’t she have a GUI with a puppy that barked as she moused over the proper action/big red button? Because you FAILED her!
Now you know what your tech support people suffer every day…
Where is the “any key”?
So, did you ever figure out what the problem was?
I still laugh thinking about “naked time”
That s a funny story. She obviously knows little about software, so wouldn’t get the build concept for a file. But working in accounting, BILLED came naturally to her. Jaffe is right – you failed her! :P
Actually funny this time.
I have never tried Rolling Rock…will put it on my to-do list…
…wtf is abecedarian?
Congrats Jacki and John!
Hey Mickey,
I’m not closed minded – and to those poeple who think I don’t have a sense of humour, we’ll, that’s your opinion. I’m just trying to reconcile how on one hand you could care about a shocking story of an honour killing, and on the other hand the drivel you wrote in this entry. Off colour remarks aren’t humour – they’re kind of sad actually. But if that’s your humour, whatever man.
BTW the ‘unsubscribe’ button of sorts was through Bloglines and Twitter.
Best of luck.
Rachel
I don’t want schwag, even if it is a neon green shirt. I didn’t write that thing up there either – if I had, trust me, it would have been a little more funny.
The ‘woman are like x’ and ‘men are like y’ stuff – it’s tiring. Try thinking of individuals rather than genders and you might find yourself actually living a more interesting life.
Just a thought.
Hey Rachel?
Just call-in (407) 788-0479 to the show… This constant flirting is annoying my wife. If you really have listened to us at any length, you will know that we welcome the duscussion of any subject, so long as it is presented with candor and passion.
Can’t wait to hear your take, sugarbritches!
I have to agree with Tina on this one. I have the same problem with words sounding alike, yet they are spelled differently.
HEY, wait a minute…!
Try for quality not quantity
It’s excellent beer, if you want to drink something clean and lift-y. I call it “The Sprite of Beers”.
Abecedarian? Oh, him just a friend. Brother’s name is Lemangelow… Or was that Oronjahlough?
That was truly funny as balls.
4 in the tar baby
Dear Rach,
You hating me because I am good looking and hot is just as bad as me calling a chick a chick. You know the old saying, “Do onto other… whore in the bedroom.”
Pure Honey has the right idea. Chicks need to go on a world wide good will tour teaching men how to have sex. I myself am a slow learner, but luckily The Chick That I Am Dating loves to teach… ALOT.
Reread what I wrote and read it carefully and completely. If not, you are missing so much. But, seeing as how you are a woman, I’m sure you are used to that.
I love the creative naming Apple has. I mean iThought? Je-zus, who are the add wizards who named this one?
Picture Hulk Hogan, if you will.
“Brother, that was funny. It brought shit, to a whole new level. A level, of funny. You, brother, are righteous.”
I thought it was funny; though, I think Mikey has a fetish. I could be wrong though.
Awww. Dude, how old are you?
Wow! I didn’t realize the wedding day was coming up so soon. Best wishes to the bride and groom. Your list is hilarious.
You have cascading style sheets?
Blond Fu is getting married? I feel so out of the loop… :)
We kicked racism’s ASS! *high five*
^5!
I saw racism running home, crying and trippin on its shoelaces. Racism, strangely, wears ‘Roos.
Told ya you shoulda gotten a GOOD wedding planner. Oh well.
Racism’s momma is so fat, when she stands on one of those talking scales, it says “One at a time, please.”
Last time I saw Racism she had red pumas on and was licking an ice cream cone really slowly with her fat, muscular tongue and swinging her hips that were tightly encased in some short army shorts that said ‘cakes’ on the back…
Damn, what did you guys do to Racism? I saw him listening to MCR and saying how “it’s just not fair” then he cried on the phone to his dad! He’s so getting a whuppin when dad gets home.
I feel ashamed for talking bad about Racism. She’s a nice girl… a little chunky, but nice. I guess it is just a little shame. After all Racism did ask for it. She always spreading lies and rumors. She’s always hating other people.
But still, like Edward James Almos once told me, “a negative times a negative equals a positive”… no, wait. That didn’t come out right.
DooD! Don’t give away new topics! I hadn’t planned our, “Teachers that turn a school around with Tuff Love” topic to hit until Episode 80 or something…
He was a pockmarked latino… seriously.
Aloha! Congrates on your daughter’s wedding.. Greeting from Singapore!
Maria wrote:
“Aloha! Congrates on your daughter’s wedding.. Greeting from Singapore!”
—————————————————————————————
Aloha, Maria! I hope you enjoy our podcasts and share them with all of your friends! Be sure to check out our womanly show “Say…Anything” at http://www.sayanythingradio.com/ too!
Thanks for listening!
Ok so I wanted to come and check out your blog and leave a comment ya know to be cool and shit cuz you came to mine. But yeah, you guy’s are way out of my league in the whole “witty response” dept. I’m just not smart enought to hang here. Shit you all are funny!
My ass! We really DO appreciate you checking out the show, but you totally have a well developed sense of humor. Never sell yourself short, and I’ll keep telling people looking for a funny woman with huge balls (figuratively speaking!) to head to http://www.lindystars.blogspot.com -
Very cool that you gave Joey a shout-out and well wishes…
Hahahahah, just say yes to everything and write cheques, thats your only job.
Luck!
Marry the fuck out of those two!
He’s a trooper. Just saw him today, and it gave me a hell of a topic for tomorrow.
Great show and great allusion to a song that holds a funny story to me…
Somebody, I don’t care who, but somebody better throw a damned chair tomorrow!
…I wannna see J break dance…
Is there any way you could play that song on the show? I love that song.
Somebody is trying to ruin your day. Those dresses NEED fluffed and you should also check that they are wearing panties. You don’t want any embarassing moments at the boquet toss.
Just sayin.
I will so get right on that! I love Concrete Blonde in general!
Johnette is doing solo work now so I requested both :)
You guys told the Pope to shut the fuck up. My god I’m pretty sure I need to start listening to your show. Cuz damn.
Maybe they wanted the asshole guy to finish his lunch.
“Clean your plate, asshole!”
5. “To me, it’s six of one and half a dozen of the other.â€
OR
Peace pipe/ crack pipe.
Phil Leotardo from the Sopranos “Let me tell you a couple of three things”
No funny again.
When in Rome!
“Women, you can’t live with them… whore in the bedroom.”
“A bird in the hand is worth a whore in the bedroom.”
“Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate — we can not consecrate — we can not hallow — this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth whore in the bedroom. ”
Maybe I don’t understand how to play this game yet.
I always thought that the vaccination mark on the shoulder was due to small pox vaccine that they quit giving shortly before I would have required it because small pox have been eradicated in the US.
I thought so as well, Sue. But Mickey said no!
My mom says hers came from the smallpox vaccination, but she has a 5″ oily black hair growing from hers, so the testimony is suspect.
mmmm yak milk!!!
Each one you do is getting better!
No, really, each one you do is getting funnier YOU are make Jeezus look like a comic wasteland.
I was about to complain that there were no blog entries in a while. I feel better now. This is one of my favorite blogs.
Use only the mallets… stick quiz.
Very good Fu.
The hell it is! This article is a rehash of George Carlin’s!
“Then you have tennis. Tennis is very trendy and very fruity, but it’s not a sport. It’s just a way to meet other trendy fruits. Technically, tennis is an advanced form a Ping-Pong. In fact, tennis is Ping-Pong played while standing on the table. Great concept, not a sport.
In fact, all racket games are nothing more the derivatives of Ping-Pong. Even volleyball is, technically, racketless, team Ping-Pong played with an inflated ball and raised net while standing on the table. ”
And if I am working with a guy as good as Carlin…. Well that ain’t so bad.
In retrospect… That first pic kinda makes Mickey look like a muppet.
Scary, angry muppet Mickey.
I heard a George Carlin routine, once.
It was about ways to make baseball more exciting.
Seems like it was kinda funny.
Chair throwing? I may need a moment after seeing that display of muscles! Whew!
That dude in the pictures needs some sun. Dear lord, he’s pale.
Beautiful pictures :) If you want some BE credits, email me with your BE user name
You have given me a new appreciation for fine art.
Am I the only one that was disappointed there wasn’t a hidden picture on the enlarged versions? I mean other than the white rabbit eyeballing the polar bear in the first pic.
It’s orginal I think. amusing some what. And what RR said.
Two out of five stars.
DontBetOnMeJ — hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaha
are you sure you don’t have fred and berts comments mislabled?
This show made me change my profile music on that social networking site that doesn’t allow nude pics, according to all my new ‘friends.’
We need to see the Dark Romantics at some point…me equals lame.
What a great find! I hadn’t heard them before you and ComaSow played them.
I really hope to get to hear more of their music and this is definitely on my list of next CD buys!
Don’t be hatin’ on my N, J. Srsly!
***
So…
Is Bart circumcised?
Someone throwing a chair? YYYEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
Is Lisa gay?
They showed barts doodle??? Great now I’m truly Fuc8%! because I got a chick boner from freaking Harry Potter and now I’m going to see Barts schlong. That’s not cool, next thing you know I’ll be getting caught on Dateline.
Holy! Shit! Batman! It’s the Chimpmonks!
The RoBB drops floor me. SomaCow Media, Inc. has the sexiest sexy voice announcer in radio today.
Sweet, so we’re going to the strip club soon?
mmmmm, sweet sweet cancer sticks…..
I think I need a shower.
*****
***
I saw the end coming.
I feel dirty.
That’s…. what… she said?
Jackanapes!
Oh, I would totally go to a strip club with you, Gary!
I was touching myself halfway through it. Now I just feel wrong.
Oh, how I pine for that bag. Me want kicky kicky!
This isn’t about Scotch?
WOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOw.
I could comment but it might be wrong so I will keep my mouth shut! :)
If the ice don’t break em the killer foam will.
Where can I get some of this space ice? I’m having a party. Oh, and Rye-Krisps are cheaper at BJ’s.
I am unable to concentrate on this.
****
Abso-fucking-lutely correct. I don’t understand why the fucking aerospace fans harp on me for saying what a piece of crap the shuttle is.
“Well, it’s a complex machine.”
“No shit? And after a few hundred million you’d think we’d have come up with something that won’t break like this, again, and again.”
Yeah, you tell em Vanatru. “Y’all should make the whole damned thing outta that black box stuff! Ain’t gotta be no derned Nassau scientist to figger that out! Sum’bitches!”
Danielle made me horny.
****
it’s Bill PULLMAN. if you’re going to show a man naked, get his name right.
You are kinda a “twinkly” person.
When did she make the pot roast?
*****
That’s what I SAID – Bill Paxton! Jeez…
Geoff wrote:
“I threw out a challenge for J and Mickey but you all can join in-want to rewrite the Preamble to the Constitution…”
————————————————————————————————————————————-
LOLZ:
OH HAI! we cn has freedumz pls? is beddr n beddr!
takin ur bukkit: do not want!
sivul warz: do not want!
turrist: do not want!
u cn has ALL cheezburgers 2!
im n ur postarittys, keepun dur freedumz!
we has made conztehtooshuns!
kthxbye!
Redneck:
Hey man! HEY!!
Ya’ll lissen up, now! Hoyt? Turn the race off fer a minit. Baby, open me up
another PBR right swuft. Awright. Ya’ll wownted to make this trailer park
better? Let’s call this here “Plan A”. I thought of that muhself. Ya’ll
heard about “eye fer an eye”? Ya’ll heard about that? That’s justice right
thur. Live it! But lissen, ya’ll gotta quitcher fightin’ n belly-aikin over
the piddly shit, awright? Keep yer sawed-offs on yer dashboard, next to
yer spit cups, and everthang’ll be coo. Mommas, don’chall worry neither.
We’re gonna have WIC and everthang such as that. So all them young’uns is
gonna be just as fat n’ happy as a tick on a coon hound.
So that there’s the plan, now, what’chall thank?
Republican:
We the rich people, in order to form a more exclusive place to harbor our
yachts, increase our profits at the expense of the elderly and infirm,
protect our valuables from undesirable minority criminals,
insure that we are not overrun by foreigners, except when they provide
cheap labor, veto every bill that would increase welfare payouts, and
secure insider trading information which will allow us to send our
children to the most expensive colleges, should the draft ever be
reinstated, do ordain and establish ourselves as the highest class of
Americans. Oh, Muffy! That hilarious show with the old poor black
gentleman and his son running the junkyard is coming on TVLand now.
Bring more single malt scotch!
I read that with a twinkle in my eye.
One comment about China…. I lived there for a few months and I figured that I could get all the sweet toys for cheap (it’s where they are made right?) but alas, they had really crap toys with all sorts of stuff that falls off and become choking hazards. So for every American child that swallows a magnet, there are 10 Chinese children that die because of the same thing.
It’s all about low low wages and materials== Good business.
I find it funny/odd that two shows on the same network talked about itchy teeth.
For the record, I listen to SomaCow when I am napping under the car.
Also! I learned a Johnny Pneumoniatic Device to help me remember the jumper cable order of operations:
Black before Red, Shocked Until Dead
Red before Black, Shocked Until Dead
It’s very simple, and easy to remember.
WitB.
I drive a 15 year old buick that has seen better days. When I’m at work, I leave it unlocked. My friends ask me why and “aren’t you afraid that someone’s going to break into it?” My answer “have you seen my car? People will look at it, open the door and throw money into it so I can buy a new car.”
*****
When I owned the Datsun B210, one of the guys that worked nights at my job left a five dollar bill under my windshield with a note.
“For when you’re ready to upgrade and take the bus”.
The bastard was right. The lynx at least had AC.
Brilliant! All along I thought I really had to learn to change my own oil. Also, do guys think its hot if a chick can change her own oil?
Only if it’s sessy oil, and by “change” you mean, “cover herself in more of”.
Or peanut oil… Mmmm… Five Guys.
After many years of working on my car (and other cars) I have come to the conclusion that I don’t enjoy it. If I can afford to, I’ll pay someone else to do these things for me. (If my typing looks bad, it’s because there’s a problem with this page, and I cannot see what I’m typing).
Ah, here we go, I can see this part. I wonder what I wrote above? Since there’s no “preview” button, I guess I’ll see it when you guys do.
“Jig” is correct. So who is “Can’t see his Johnson Man”?
***
He really is smuggling pigs.
I can see them.
Our image department needs a raise.
Geoff wrote:
“Our image department needs a raise.”
———————————————————————————————-
I agree! They kick some major ass!
I LOVE the world map! ha!
We certainly formed our party from balanced classes, and, having won the initiative roll, proceeded 2 by2 down the next 10 feet of rough corridor, dwarves and elves listening carefully and tapping the ground ahead of us with a long pole, thus adding +2 to our reaction rolls for surprise.
Oh.
Street trucker lingo.
I thought you said geek f*cker lingo.
On a happier “’bout damn time” note, I appear to have rejoined the land of the living, save only for the occasional tasty lung projectile, and fatigue so deep you can dive into it without fear of scratching your face on the bottom.
While convalescing, I listened to Episode 58. Smooth…as…glass. We are seriously going to have to start charging each other for our services.
Now, was anybody able to come up with an emo Little Jack Horner costume for Mickey yet? I have some ideas…
However, to truly screw things up, you need a professional.
My knowledge is innate.
According to a couple of young guys in my chemistry class, the explicit purpose of Windows Vista is also to crash your system.
That was very well written. I agree, the world has changed
Beautiful commentary, -Fu.
We are some patriotic sumbitches!
Who is the model?
Also, make sure that moo@somacow.com gets forwarded to j@somacow.com for, ummm, editing purposes.
You rock!
Woa, sounds like you actually worked on this one. Excellent job…
When do you get to sleep, what with all the standing guard?
I think you have a winner here
More Dirt Poor Robins, please!
**.5
Now that is vintage J. I love those stories. That was great.
d00d!
We totally need to have a “Forbidden Zone” movie night!
Herve IS the King!
Personally I think you write at least as well as Dave Barry. Then again I always hated Dave Barry.
One of the best ever…
Now you know how women who never had (nor intend to have) babies feel like at Baby Showers.
Two hours of unadulterated, cloying sweetness only made bearable when there is wine involved.
I usually just buy an expensive gift now and make my excuse for not attending and advise you to do the same – hand over the charge card and encourage the inviting of a close girl friend to the shopping and offer to have something lovely for dinner upon their return. Applebee’s grilled shrimp spinach salad is a good one – just get the dressing on the side so the shit doesn’t wilt before they show up at the house.
Funny stuff overall – and Darth is a dick. Dave Barry made a ton of money on a schtick I thought of in 1979 and never followed up – you, grasshopper, assume the mantle for the next generation!
Excellent writing though I was grossed out with the boob milk squirting thing.
Oh and my baby showers rocked. They were co-ed and we had contests, like who can drink a beer out of a baby bottle fastest.
Reason 1489573842 why I am never having a brat.
“Show me your tits” is appropriate, so long as “I’m hungry” appears in fine print.
Hey! I need to go shopping for a baby shower soon! Wanna come with me, -Fu?
Geoff and Jen:
It is hardly possible to overstate my congratulations.
I wish you two all the best on this, your proudest journey.
PS: “J” makes a great middle initial, too!
PPS: Good luck with the nipple chafing! Same to Jen!
Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Congrat’s Guys!!! Well, Jen’s gonna be doing most of the work!
Congratulations you two!!!
barf
I actually lomited. It was a very exciting time for me!
DUDE… DO NOT Hassel the Hoff!
I need to read that Enough is Enough book. I think I can apply it to Halo 3.
I am no longer amazed when i see that everything has already been done in this world:
http://www.phatpimpclothing.com/pimpstrong.htm
Think DoucheStrong would work? MooStrong? BoobStrong?
I love the -Fu…with wings.
In Vegas I came across a Dairy Queen with Diet Dew on tap in the dining room… I cried.
YAY!!
Mumpsy!
Poop Talk!
I have never been so proud!
Nor so lying!
Also, in a single NewsBomb:
“light night”?
“hospitaled”?
“overheered”?
What’s up, mushmouth?
Where were these burns in the show, silent j?
Why would I burn myself on the show?
I much prefer to do it here in print.
Another top ten, -Fu.
Poor fluffy bunny.
Great show, guys. Awesome to be working with you.
Or in context of the current post, “arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf”.
Dude. No boobies. Uncool.
The list is funny but still didn’t make up for the lack of boobies.
Still having writer’s block? :P
DooD! I am so disappointed! No BOOBIES! you suck!
U haz a sausuch hand!
Dear Geoff,
I’m glad our friendship’s growing strong
And it shall come to pass
That SomaCow hits Number One
And you can kiss my day job goodbye.
I relish every show we do,
The talents you have mastered
Will make a star of each of us
Though you’re a freaky guy with a big heart.
You said you’d win your Lady Fair
And from on high you’d pluck her.
And now you’ve gone and knocked her up
You horny mother and father to be.
So please accept this birthday wish
I promise it’s no snowjob
And hope you like the gift I have
I’m giving you a blowfish sashimi platter at Amura.
Happy Birthday!
Ha Ha, This might be a possible thing man, kinda funny how you got your radio thing and mine will be starting up very soon. So we might have something in common to go along with the weight loss. I’ll get at you soon and we’ll figure out some details, thanks for coming by the site man how did you hear about me?
I’ve been thinking about this stupid riddle for two days.
Is it popcorn? It had better not be popcorn, or I will slap you on the scrota with a carp.
Awesome show! Loved the idea of DC Survivor!
Tee Hee! One of your best evah, -Fu!
Hey, just between you and me, he is trying to kill you.
Sounds like the perfects makings of a B-horror movie, but I’m glad you finally dispelled the perfectly seasoned mini-shurikens.
just wait until prepping for your first colonoscopy….
Hey, J.
I was researching that, and you are due for a camera up the butt, Can we have a doctor in to do it live?
Geoff says:
Hey, J.
I was researching that, and you are due for a camera up the butt, Can we have a doctor in to do it live?
——————————————————————————————————
You’re about a year too late. Would you like .WMV or .AVI?
Damn I’m glad to see the return of your stories. I really enjoy each of them. This one contains characters that I feel like I know.
Hey! I’m RELATED to some of these people! Sure you weren’t up in Eridu?
Thanks for the fun read:)
Um, yeah I’m sorry it took me so long to get there. My evening rarely starts before 11PM
You might like my World of Cow cartoon strip. :-)
I rather do like your World of Cow cartoon strip – and you completely need to make that clean little arrow huge, massive, enormous, and big… Hearing your take on the cartoons is absofuckinglutely brilliant. The desert cows made me bark laughter like a seal.
Good site, StiK. Thanks for the swing-by.
You wished Canadians a “belated” Boxing Day. Very belated, I’d say. It would be more appropriately to wish us an early Boxing Day. Boxing Day is the day after Christmas Day.
Boxing Day is an interesting Canadian tradition. As you probably know, hockey is a major part of the Canadian culture and fights are often a part of hockey. On the day after Christmas, all across Canada, we hold hockey games that focus on the fighting (or “boxing”, hence the name, “Boxing Day”) aspect of hockey. A knockout counts as two goals; a technical knockout as one. You are still allowed to score points by shooting the puck in the net, but few players bother with that.
Traditional foods for Boxing Day include beaver stew cooked over heated hockey pucks, maple syrup wine and a drink made by melting snow that a dog has pissed in.
Hell Bro, you had it easy. 4 trips to the store, minding the hound from hell and be thankful you weren’t behind the supid illegal with 40 twelve packs on sale that the cashier can’t figure out howq to ring up.
You rock, young Dude.
Buy a Sharpie and go to the store on Saturday and scoop all Holiday seasonings and write “11/07″ on them. They’ll be good for several years after that. Throw them out in ‘10. That will save you some grocery trips.
:)
Good work, -Fu!
Dood! I am so trying that hot tub video spot this damned weekend. Wish me luck.
I recover from the Hogan leg drop by not having a son who trashes a 500 hp Toyota Supra and gets away with it with a slap on the wrist, a pat on the head and a sugar cube in my mouth. Diggin the Powerman 5000 tunes.
-Xander
[...] Seven Minute Sopranos [...]
Good one J
Your urethra has the throughput of a coffee stirrer… Get to a Urologist, stat!
Dammit. Tricked again.
Where’s the hot guy in the Santa outfit!
December 4th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
Howey says:
Dammit. Tricked again.
Where’s the hot guy in the Santa outfit!
————————————————-
I SAID “instead”… :)
[...] Listen [...]
My “people” are already hard at work trying to get Oliver’s sentence reduced. He should be free…to spread the word about SomaCow.
The 100th was:
1. Memory lane.
2. Platinum, not gold(platinum shines in the dark).
3. Intriguing.
I remember where I was when I first heard it. It’s THAT time-stopping.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go take my green pill(at least it’s a festive color).
-Xander
Xander and Lorraine were a delight to have in the studio. They have so much youthful energy and exuberance. It’s clear that they love what they do.
And one of them smells really, really good!
I agree that the proper way to engage in mutual oral pleasure (69) is to have the woman on top. The view of her is spectacular, access unlimited and I don’t have to worry about choking or gagging my partner during my throes of extasy (she has a wider range of options and control up there rather than being pinned to the bed).
Thanks, man. I was wearing vanilla bodyspray. Ok, nevermind…..
-Xander
“And the explosive events grow lengthy in mirth”
Are you sure NOS wasn’t talking about teh grumblypants?
Ha!
That instrument is revenge designed by the women afflicted with the “miraculous” hair-yanker-outer thingie from the ’80s which was supposed to leave us with smooth legs for days. The EpiLady caused more than one divorce, I am sure.
Hope your face heals more quickly than my legs did.
Happy New Year!
The men of SomaCow, I’m thinking cheesecake calenders!
Happy New Year Guys, and thanks for the mention.
Beware of old hippies bearing brownies
[...] About [...]
you are soooo right.
Congratulations!!!! I am sure it was quite a moment seeing the hamburger for the first time! :)
I loved that the u/s tech kept calling it her “cookie”
I knew it! Congrats!
So, the study was correct – manly men make fine girl chilluns straight out of the chute. Next you’ll have a boy.
haha!
I knew it since 9/27.
:)~
YAY!!!
A girl Boy Scout? Awesome! Depending on your age that must mean you were either an Explorer or Venturing Scout. Great show!
Tim: Thanks!
Jen: You spelled “nucular” wrong :)
Fu – that’s why we have talk radio….loose the music.
Good luck,
T.
P.S. I love your stories!
Cinnamon Girl = No sugar tonight mother nature
J-you wanna write the blog??? ;P
Tim, I was an Explorer, correct! Medical Explorer to be exact and I loved whipping out my card “Jennifer is a member of the Boy Scouts of America” whee!
Party tricks, oh yeah!
Well at least you didn’t call me Yoko this time.
Thanks for playing our song :) Your all great. You guys gotta come out and party with us sometime. If you want all the boobs you can handle, you should come to Winbowl XVI at the Wachovia Specturm on Feb, 1st. It will be a wing eating contest, with lots and lots of strippers. We’re the official band :)
All my delectably seasoned tofu are belong to you!
Diets are EVIL unless you have a buddy suffering the portion control and exercise with you.
I think you can buy ppl online now…. :D
So there was NO mystery book? Is that what you are sayin? I want my money back.
unfair…where’s my asian chicks and futon?
What he said. I’ll take an asian chick too, need a good maid.
Cassie you sounded great! Good show guys :)
Thanks!! You guys have a good thing going on with this!
I love Appliances!
[...] Contact [...]
*chuckle*
“Unquote”
Perfect.
I love J. He is such a talented writer… If only he weren’t so stout!
Carol says:
February 1st, 2008 at 9:57 am
I love J. He is such a talented writer… If only he weren’t so stout!
————————————————————————————–
I’ve lost 21 lbs. since January 1st, beeotch!
Wait…
Mom, is that you?
Florida should get a new slogan: “Florida…it’s where New Yorkers come to die.” It can mean old retirees, or a failed drug buy in Miami. Brilliant! But why do us Yankees come down there…it’s the fucking weather!!! Granted it’s raining today, and at least it’s not snow, but if you haven’t checked the weather channel, it’s balls-ass cold up here!!! From the sounds of it, I’ve been visiting Florida longer than you’ve been down there. My first trip…1975…and I’m the same age as you. My grandparents retired down there in 1972 (before I was born), and I was born the next year. We always flew into PBI, or Lauderdale, God forbid. But any Disney trips (or other assorted Orlando locales) originated from within the state. So we never flew into MCO. It was only in 2002 that we took the family down to Disney, and did the whole transfer from the airport thing, and yes, they got every single one of my dollars spend in the state, other than in the airport on the way out. And isn’t Disney World the size of Rhode Island? You take the facility out of the equation, and what’s left of the local economy other than oranges and cattle? Hell, I remember when International Drive just ended in a sand pit, and they were pouring the foundations of the next hotels and 4/$10 t-shirt shops in the distance. But here’s what’s going to save Orlando, and the state for that matter. Legalized, full-out casino gambling. And no, I don’t mean the Injun stuff. I mean the Vegas of the East. Well, Southeast, since Atlantic City is trying to re-invent itself. Where? Oh, there’s all that land east of Orlando along the Bee Line Expy. You have a blank slate. Now let’s get ourselves some lobbyists and venture capital, and get cracking! I appoint myself CEO of this idea, but I’ll have some board-level positions set aside for your guys. :P Oh, and you forgot to mention Circus World. Perhaps the worst Orlando attraction…EVER!!! I was bored to sleep.
I’ve never been to Jax, but isn’t there a Busch brewery to sweeten the air?
I know it’s a BBQ chain, but that Garbage Can Lid special you can get at Famous Dave’s is quite a bargain! It’s the all-American BBQ feast (or a half-size for two), and they serve it in a metal trash can lid. Seriously. They’re over in Tampa: http://www.famousdaves.com/index.cfm I don’t eat seafood (any more), and I did spend a couple of years in Boston, and from what they tell me, Legal’s is the best. But they ARE a chain with over 30 locations. If they get a pass, then so should Famous Dave’s.
Miami Subs? You really have to come north of the Mason-Dixon and get yourself a real Philadelphia hoagie. Or a cheesesteak. Why don’t I just shit on a roll and serve it to you, Miami subs? Geez!
Book suggestion: Freaknomics.
Stuff to do in Florida? http://mermaid.weekiwachee.com/
They Might Be Giants, as I’m sure you’re aware of, has really good kids stuff. And it’s an excuse to buy more of their stuff. New album hits the stores next Tuesday. I refuse to say “drop”. I’m no Neanderthal.
So is the next show a Superbowl pregame? Are you on the Giants bandwagon yet? Granted I lean toward the Jets, but I like this bunch. But I’m in a no-win situation. I want to see the Pats win and finally shut up those old geezers on the ’72 Dolphins in what’s the worst yearly display of sportsmanship. And I’d like to see the Giants take one and beat a Boston team, and hopefully begin to right the ship in the New York-Boston rivalry. So either way, I’m going to be disappointed, as somebody has to win this game.
Now don’t knock tourmaline. It’s a semi-precious stone, and sold often on Gems TV, DirecTV channel 233. Yes, I watch all the time, because there’s like 400 channels, and nothing’s on. Oh, and here’s the reason…I’ve nicknamed her Busty Spice: https://www.gemstv.com/presenters/presenter_vicky.jsp Love the British accent…
I should really do this in some sort of blog form, but where? The forums?
Best regards,
I really thank you for the insights. Parking Wars, by the way, was phenomenal, and a great heads up! I love the pretty boy kid, walking his meter maid route, getting randomly bird-shot and hollered at… Funny, funny stuff.
Circus World! Holy CRAP that was dismal! Boardwalk and Baseball be damned…
Even the Circus Circus strip clubs still bear shame under that name. We actually lost our orange groves during one of the hard freezes. The majority are now down south near Sebring and Avon Park. The remaining groves here in town that were not buried under by rampant condo development have gone feral. You have not lived until you eat an orange that leaves herpes on your lips from the acid, and gives you a case of the hot mess for a week to boot.
I like the idea of a casino state, but how do we keep it from going all Atlantic City? That town is like a wetnap found on the shoe of a homeless man working the mop on a back alley gynecologist’s office/tarp. Just ick!
I loved Freakonomics! Maybe I will review that this week, as long as you promise not to tell anyone I didn’t actually read it this week.
Fun Fact about Miami Subs – It actually does look, smell, and taste like shit on a roll. But, instead of a roll, replace it with shit!
I had no idea TMBG has a new album out. The last concert I went to, I damn near died laughing, because they kept doing all these songs dedicated to the really interesting places they had toured. Like, one was titled, “The House of Blues in San Francisco”, and then another one was “The House of Blues in Orlando”, and, “Man, we love the House of Blues in Seattle”. Or maybe it was Hard Rock. Either way, my daughter will get a more than healthy dose of that. Did I ever tell you that when Jen and I were announced at our wedding reception, it was to “Birdhouse In Your Soul”? Thank God. If I ever told you that, you’d laugh right the hell off our podcast.
Tourmaline… Where the hell am I gonna find Alexandrite (or whatever it is called)? That stuff is way expensive, at least for the real stuff. I really want to see Vicky as a mechanic covered in baby oil now.
Thanks, as always, Chris. We really enjoy your partaking of the show.
Some quick thoughts…
Amtrak really should be a few different companies. The Auto Train is relatively successful, bringing all those Snowbirds down and back. And the Acela’s in the Boston-New York-Washington DC corridor (aka the Northeast Corridor) are the closest thing we have as a country to high-speed rail. Yes, they’ll go over 100 mph here and there, but that’s the exception rather than the rule. The cool thing about them is that the car bodies actually TILT into the turn, thus enabling them to go faster. But intercity passenger rail service should be reduced to popular corridors, or the occasional tourist train. However, you have a system funded by Congress, and everybody wants a train to hit their state, hence 46/48 of the contiguous states have Amtrak service, which siphons precious funding away from where it’s needed. They should privatize it and let companies that want to run the service and develop the service do so, and drop it where it won’t survive.
In Ep. 122, perhaps you were talking about this? http://www.redbullflugtagusa.com/
If I were to be in an Olympic event, I’d love to do the bobsled. No homo.
Here’s one I can’t do any more: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wing_Bowl
If they paid people $20 to donate a pint of blood, they’d never have a shortage again.
Looking to do a Florida road trip? Pete and Shorty’s in Tampa. It’s across the parking lot from the original Hooters restaurant. (Still, I never saw the point.) But the fried pickles are to die for. Yes, my wife was pregnant at the time, but that’s besides the point. Cheap beer, great food, dive bar, right on Gulf to Bay on the right hand side. Oh, and it’s the rumored location where David Well’s and George Steinbrenner negotiated his 2002 return, snubbing the D-backs. http://www.peteandshortys.com/locations.html
Best regards,
No shit, on those trains? I figured there had to be some kind of subsidization going on there. I had a history teacher that really made me think. Why would a nation continue to dump money into its farms, and trains, and copper lines underground, knowing that they were loss leaders and would never compete with modern technologies. The best I could come up with was that a government that intended to need those things again one day would ensure their continued existence. Farming, especially, was of paramount importance to Jefferson and Washington. Maybe just so they could keep copping field booty, who knows?
Dude, I would destroy that wing bowl. I wonder how many we could do, as a group? Mickey is down for a solid 40 on a regular night. I know I could break 60. J insists on putting extra breading on his, which I have tried explaining is sabotage, but the man is his own man, and what can be done of it?
I cracked up watching the flugtags. Brilliant competition
I have been to that Hooter’s! (wife grew up near there) and the food was meh. Kills me to know great grub was sitting across the street… Damnit.
WTF is a fried pickle?
Dude, I LOVED The Princess Bride!
Circus World!! Now I remember loving it…or at least I have pics of me smiling there.
Busch brewery, are you thinking of Busch Gardens? Unfortunately they closed the brewery tour (before I turned 21) but they do still serve beer and the park is awesome. It’s in Tampa.
and TMBG new album? Rock! We have to get the kids ones for the kid…I have all the other ones. Been my favorite band for years! Put on a fabulous show every time.
And Philly Cheesesteaks are the best. I’ve only been once but I still remember them.
<jen
I love Florida for a lot of reasons, but mostly because I hate cold weather. My ass hurts when it gets below 60.
One of the great places in my area is the Tarpon Springs sponge docks and the best Greek food ever at Hellas.
http://www.hellas-restaurant.com/
My suggestion for a new podcast is a “couplecast”.
One of my favorite podcasts, other than the Somcow network, is http://www.arewethereyetpodcast.com/
I have thought about doing one myself, but I suck at telling stories.
Thank you!
Fantastic , more for the troops!
What? No replies. Shame on youze guyz.
Geoff wrote:
Belly Buttons – Do Not Touch. Ever. Period. Just… Quit it. Stay AWAY. Seriously. What the hell is wrong with you that you need to touch it so much?
————————
You neglected to mention that Mickey’s starfish is an outtie.
Wait…was that on the show or during a break?
You know, I loved the Necroscope series, right up until the Vampire World stuff, which was neat but ultimately kind of left me flat. Heck, I even wrote some material for the Necroscope RPG, but the line was discontinued before my piece was published, a fact that has always made me kind of sad.
Still cool to hear a reference to it, and even cooler to hear there’s going to be a movie.
If you liked Lumley, you might like Richard Laymon, an author I did not discover until after his passing. Very grim, very grisly work that still manages to have its own sense of humor about a world that is often very, very mad.
When you get pre-approved for a mortgage, they never take into account the fact that you have to pay for utilities, or food for that matter. I like to eat! They pre-approved us for something ridiculous like 425k or 450k, and in actuality, what we were able to afford was a house for under 200k. But we were in the right place at the right time in 2004 (closing on the house and moving in three weeks before we got married), and got instant equity, which we dumped right back into the place…windows, bathrooms, doors. And it’s big enough that we don’t need to move, because if we did, we’d probably just have to do all those remodeling jobs all over again.
But people who burn their houses down because they can’t afford their mortgages? Three words for them…Dee Dee Dee! (Please tell me you watch Mind of Mencia!) I know I sure didn’t read the pile of papers that is my mortgage, but if you burn your house down, it’s a violation of the terms, as the bank now has not more collateral, so it’s the handy-dandy wrist-warmers for you!
And if somebody trashes the house before you move in, again, it’s the fuzzy gray area. Did you do a walk-through right before closing? Was it in the terms of sale to leave the bushes, etc.? Or was it already trashed?
Belly-button play is only between me and my daughter.
[...] Bands [...]
Not much here. I remember Green Day filling up Foxboro Stadium, and they put it on NBC or something, perhaps for a 9/11 tribute? But it really goes to show how they sold out and went against anything they stood for when they first got started.
Ms. Pac-Man was a much better game than Pac-Man. I can kick ass in Ms. Pac-Man, and can’t do squat in Pac-Man. With a little practice, I’d be willing to go against anybody.
Have you ever hit rock bottom where you have to steal toilet paper from your place of employment? I do think the fast food scam was a great one, though.
Here’s the latest currency conversion.
Live rates at 2008.02.11 21:08:30 UTC
1.00 USD=3.23875 MYR
United States Dollars
Malaysia Ringgits
1 USD = 3.23875 MYR
1 MYR = 0.308761 USD
Best regards,
Yay! I feel sooo special having my e-mail answered! I am sooo going to have to try your diet. I’ve gone through so many and ended up with disas.. disasti.. disasstur… horrible results. The most recent being the Dr. Pepper diet which is popular here because of it’s prune juice and corn syrup combo. The customers didn’t enjoy my sugar buzz which caused me to move like I was having seizures and that I might toss my cookies at any moment. I think a stiletto flew across the room and almost killed someone, too, I can’t remember. Whatevs.
Can’t wait until your next show! – Candy
Broke Broke!
dude, you didn’t use adjectives — you used nouns. but i agree with the ones you used.
(bush is also a totally corrupt chronic liar.)
gack!
You are correct.
Add an “-ic” to most of those words, then!
Uber has dreamy eyes.
Thanks for the WoW props, but I’m afraid you found the skinniest healthy WoWer out there. I’m 5′4″ and 118 lbs of lean muscle.
If you’d like, I can point the way to several 300+ lb players.
[...] Bands [...]
J, Have you lost weight?
Think I found it.
While I’ve drank just about most of those beers at one time or another, the list wasn’t that far off. But one big notable miss…no Rolling Rock? OK, I realize that it’s not the same since they stopped brewing in Latrobe, and sent it Bud’s Newark, NJ brewery, and it was always better in the returnable glass bottles, but this really has been my go-to baseball-season beer. I usually have a case of long-necks, and a case of 7 oz. pony bottles in the fridge. The pony’s are the best! I could really go for a beer right now, but not a whole one…voila, I’ll have a pony!
As mentioned on the show, Sam Adams Honey Porter is a great beer, but a real drinkable, and less expensive brew, is Yuengling Porter. It has a red label, not to be mistaken for the black and tan, which, too, is a great beer. Dark, yet not heavy. I know Dick Yuengling has finally gotten into the contract brewing business, as you can finally get Yuengling outside of PA, but give him credit, when he only had the one original brewery and demand was swelling outside his territory, he stayed true to his local fans, and said that if he cannot serve them first, then it’s not worth tapping into new markets. The great thing about any Yuengling product…they’re full of flavor, but not heavy like a Sammy.
Also, dark yet drinkable, and a great alternative to Corona…Negra Modello. I’ve really gotten into the Caribbean beers in the past year or so, like Red Stripe and I’ll throw Corona in there, but the one great beer that’s flying under the radar…Caribe. It has a real crisp taste, and you don’t even need the lime.
How any list can put anything above Guinness…that’s blasphemy. Yes, I can drink that all night, and not even stop for dinner. It truly kills two birds with one stone. It’s how I got through my senior year at college.
I LOVE Rolling Rock! I tried the green light stuff, with its low carbiness, but it loses something. Rolling Rock is the perfect clear day beer, and it gives a nice clean buzz, even after downing a sixer in one hour. I gotta find out more about these ponies, cause all I ever see are 12 oz. versions.
I have never tried the Yuengling Porter, and will do so immediately next diet=fail day.
We do the Negro Modella at the local chain Tijuana Flats. It goes great with a megajuana bean and beef burrito, wet with queso.
Jesus, I am foaming…
Guinness has always been a staple of my drinking, but I am a temperature freak…. it needs to be nearly sub arctic, like, 50 degrees is ideal to me. The warmer it gets, the more it takes to get my throat to guzzle it down, and then I just start sipping it, and then I am barely rinsing my lips with it. I know in Europe it is supposed to be warm, but I never learned to drink it that way.
AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ARTAX!!!!!
I don’t care if you put Bozo the Clown in there, that’s a sad scene.
The Neeeeeever-ending Storeeeeeeeeeeeee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeeee
I hardly ever drink tea. There was a local “teahouse” here in Delaware that my sister-in-law went in to. She drinks the stuff all the time. They didn’t sell tea. How f-ed up is that? Needless to say, they went out of business.
I love my coffee. They have Wawa coffee at work, which ain’t bad at all. Wawa puts all convenience stores to shame. But at home, I still love the Bokar blend of the good old-fashioned 8 O’Clock Coffee. Dark, but not too dark…just like Obama!!!
I’m not a jazz listener, but don’t EVER knock the Charlie Brown Christmas.
I know I like to pet snakes o_O
An anaconda tried to eat me once, because I forgot to wash my hands after holding the rabbits previous to playing with the snake… the store workers yelled at me WHILE their snake was trying to eat my face off. It was entertaining ^_^
Specifically, I am collecting jokes about racists, not just jokes about rednecks, though the one may certainly be a subset of the other.
WOW! thank you for your enlightening manual…Until now i had NO IDEA what to do with MY vagina…Though after reading the testimonials it occurs to me that i am not charging or demanding NEARLY enough for the use of my vagina by others. Poor boys. But now…thanks to you…i will never be confused about my va-j-j again! Thanks!
Krysi.
I remember the first time I ever asked a girl out.
She said “Where would we go?”
I still hate her.
Here’s a fact… I have never asked a woman out. Twang just simply flocks to me.
While a flat income tax rate would be fair, I am in no way in favor of one of those crazy schemes where you get rid of the IRS and just charge a 40% sales tax on everything/giant consumption tax. Right now, I PAY NO SALES TAX! That’s the whole reason I live in Delaware! Yes, it’s annoying when I go to Target and half the cars have out of state tags, and it’s mayhem and gridlock during Christmas season, but even if you were to begin to charge a sales tax to cover local state budgetary shortfalls, you’ve just lost your competitive advantage to PA, Maryland, and Jersey.
OK, the cat’s out the bag. I live in Delaware, and only work in Philly. Why? My property tax is a quarter of what it would be in PA, and why would anybody want to live in over-taxed New Jersey? Cheap gas isn’t enough of a reason. Are the schools in PA four times better than Delaware? Hell no, they’re even better than PA in many cases. So who cares if you’re a few more miles from Center City Philadelphia? I have a bigger house, smaller mortgage and property tax payment, and thanks to all the companies that incorporate in Delaware (Bank of America, DuPont, etc.), there’s no need for a sales tax.
Now I’m a product of the Catholic schools on Long Island. My high school was such a Republican factory, it’s amazing I’m a Democrat. They cranked out many successful people from business to politics (we’re talking household names), and even, as I shake my head, Bill O’Reilly. I learned in speech and debate club early on that if you just tell the other person “you’re wrong” over and over, you’ll eventually win the argument, and the other person will give up and walk away. But how can such a fine institution (I really do like the place) graduate somebody like the leather man from the Village People? Oh, no! A faggot! In our ranks? Yes, class of ‘69. I kid you not.
So it really is no surprise that I’m in favor of uniforms. We had a strict dress code in high school, jacket and tie, not uniforms, but people need less choices, because if you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile. And while charter schools have been successful in inner cities, they’ve also been a great tool here in Delaware for the gifted…a challenging push, but without the tuition bill of a Catholic school. But if you really want to increase the test scores, productivity, etc., SEPARATE THE BOYS AND GIRLS!!! The secret to my high school, for better or worse, was that we didn’t have girls. Yes, we had staircases, even though fairies fly. The bulk of us managed to fit in a social life with the fairer sex, but the pressing issue of the day was getting thought the 3 hours of nightly homework. Like they say in Rob and Big, “Do work!”
I’ll pass on the Asian chicks, but if you figure out how to live on just 1,000 calories a day (while still having the energy to play video games), do let me know.
You lucky dogs! My buddy and I have been talking about making the trek to Newark, NJ for some great rodizio. Yes, the Portugese restaurants up there have long been a well-kept secret, and our favorite, with pitchers of sangria for $17, and rodizio for $21, you’ll never know you’re minutes from midtown Manhattan. Now that the Devils are playing around the corner, as people begin to discover the Ironbound District restaurants, I’m sure prices will rise. We went one year with a large group of people from work, and somebody’s boyfriend, let’s just say he’s a simpleton, could not stop laughing. Somebody asked if he bought his buffet pants…you know, the ones like tuxedo pants with the expandable waist band. Well he brought up the joke about a dozen times through the night, falling over laughing.
And if I was going to go to spring training this year, this would have been the weekend I would have picked! Phils and Yanks home and home…that’s a great weekend! Sure, that’s in Tampa and Clearwater, but I’d make the trip up I-4. But then I’d probably have to make a trip to the Compound, as the wife loves Disney. So I’ll just sit up here and freeze…supposed to be snow tonight. Ugh.
First: Mickey always lies. Women dont flock….Secondly: I love those pickup lines. Maybe if someone used a shitty line like those i would laugh more….since anyone stupid enuogh to use lines like that deserve to be shot, i may as well amuse myself with them first. And Fourth: (since i wouldnt want to embarase you by counting correctly) You forgot the all famous line, how do u get into ur pants? Can i get in ‘em too? And “you must be tired from running through my mind all night” of course, that last one IS more stalker worthy….but still worth mentioning. ^_^
krysi
Wish we coulda had meat with youse.
FINE! have a response. I’ve decided that these kittie-kitties are WAAAYYY too cute to represent ANY of u guys. There; i said it- what the rest of the world was thinking. MAYBE…if you found some fat drooly doggies….that might work. call it loldogz…n we spellz like dees cuz dogz be stoopeed…and then it would be OK to put one up about the beefs…o_O
Krysi.
um…belly buttons are scary. Sometimes they are inny’s, outies, hairy, shaved, peirced…i mean OMG they got more varieties than my va-j-j and THATs saying something…so no more belly button discussion please…it scares me…
I read these and listened to “Convoy”.
…
I’m calling Roadway!
I miss you guys
I am deeply flattered by your sentiment.
I really thought you little fat boys were going to start blubbering up on me.
Now lets let ole Uncle Uber have those kiddies!
Come home, goodbuddy.
So do we.
Instead, we will eat crabs.
Hey, the “crack-whore” sensor, is that new technology? I could’ve used one a time or two.
Good stuff J
That picture of Mickey is hott. My wife totally wants to do him now. I would totally let her.
so when are u gonna do one one loldogz???
krysi
i love your advice! my daughter had gum in HER hair and the oven took it right out! thanks J…you truly are “amazing” ^_~
Krysi
Well, remote control vibes? not so good…Best bet? have her put in the ben-wa balls before you go out. THAT will get ‘er all juicy… She might even let u put it in her bum!! Wont u be lucky?
Oh OH OH!!! and before i forget: The next time ur in the mood for anal REMEMBER: 50% of all gay men are givers not takers o_O
krysi
I always feared those balls, cause the fake ones are magnets (what if it pinched up in a fold by the uterus or something?) and the real ones are filled with mercury.
“Honey! Want to try something frisky?!”
“Like what, sweetie?”
“I want to shove this industrial grade carcinogen into your hoo hoo!”
I have read that gay men, for the most part, do 80% oral. Who wants a shitty dick, you know?
NO… The whole idea behind Atkins is no carbs.
I don’t even like Root Beer.
(Streeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetch)
I’m about to listen to the podcast right now, but first, how cool is that beard dot org fromunda shot on my franz joseph? You can see all the way up to my brain through my nostrils…
Aaaand I quote-
“This hour also features the oddest, and most frightening thing I have ever been asked by a listener. I don’t even want to go into it. It’s just… odd.”
That was disturbing. The sound file is nowhere near as uncomfortable to listen to as the live feed was to watch. I had to look away after a second. I did laugh at it later, though, once the awkwardness was fading.
You think it was awkward to watch, trying being there and doing it!
I think next time Mickey or Geoff can do it.
;)
Mickey mentioned Rob & Big. That has to be the only watchable show on MTV…and it’s on my DVR.
Mickey has got to be the smartest man alive. Everything he says blows my mind, like, it opens up a whole new way of looking at things and uncovers a brand new world.
First and foremost i think it is necesary to point out that if your “annonymous” listener wants to have amazing J tickled he has to comment productivly for the next 10 consecutive shows….soooo…..whats the point of protecting the identity if they have to comment…and leave a name o_O JUST thought id point that out…I would also like to request that u SPARE jen the horror of tickling amazing J…Make Geoff do it ^_~ and make sure you get em drunk first…so we cant hear what hes saying cuz it’ll be slured and so he will be suseptable to the tickles….and cuz DRUNK fat guys being tickled is flippin hillarious.
Krysi
RHPS for old people…”There’s a liiiiiight, burning in the Nurse’s Station”
wow…so, if i never hear this story again i will live a happy life…though i must say that bingo IS rather fun…when ur in vegas o_O YAY FOR J!
Krysi
Politicians arent SUPPOSED to be hawt. Cuz if they were sexy in any way shape or form the media would be all over em, talking about the next bill clinton…though truth be told i would rather my president get some good head in his office than have my president f*cking everything up…but thats what u people get for electing an oil man into office…one who bankrupted 2 companies before the 3rd didnt fail…because someone ELSE took care of it…but thats enough of that.
krysi
I still need to watch some Rob and Big. Mickey has referred to it during an in house meeting, a dinner meeting, our show, and I believe he was whispering it to himself while walking through downtown.
It’s either a great show, or he needs a nap!
Krysi – Obama FTW!
I’m glad I read that article. I though I was looking at sex toys for old people!
I was at that wedding. Was fun! J did a good job handing out the munchies but the man gives crappy directions. I was totally in the wrong area for a whole area wondering where the hell the happy couple and guests were.
I have an Ikea tabletop in my shed, if anyone wants to buy it.
And those meatballs are tasty, no doubt about it.
Late for a WoW wedding… oh the levels of social fail that must entail.
Shawno – A tabletop? What in the name of God are you doing with the LEGS, man???
Ikea first opened on Long Island back in 1991, so I’m experienced. I think they are the pioneers of cheap, flat, assemble-it-yourself particleboard furniture. I’ve had many a coffee tables, bookcases, and chairs from there. It can be an intimidating place for the rookies. Here’s how you survive.
1. When you’re in the maze known as the showroom, and you just have to get out (God forbid in a fire), look up. The red exit signs will tell you how to get out. Now they’ll even point out the shortcuts.
2. Who needs to pack food when you have two places to buy food within the store. There’s the main restaurant (Swedish meetballs and lingonberry juice…yummy!), and the cafe by the cashiers (pick up some cinnamon buns to go!).
3. Where do those silly names come from? Well Wikipedia, the bastion of all knowledge pointed it out for me: IKEA products are identified by single word names. Most of the names are Swedish in origin. Although there are some notable exceptions, most product names are based on a special naming system developed by IKEA.[3]
Upholstered furniture, coffee tables, rattan furniture, bookshelves, media storage, doorknobs: Swedish placenames (for example: Klippan)
Beds, wardrobes, hall furniture: Norwegian place names
Dining tables and chairs: Finnish place names
For example, DUKTIG (meaning: good, well-behaved) is a line of children’s toys, OSLO is a name of a bed, JERKER (a Swedish masculine name) is a popular desk, DINERA (meaning: dine) for tableware, KASSETT (meaning: cassette) for media storage. One range of office furniture is named EFFEKTIV (meaning: efficient), SKÄRPT (meaning: sharp or clever) is a line of kitchen knives.
It’s not even 6am, and I already learned something today!
4. Not everything at Ikea is created equal. For example, you can have two chairs next to each other. One may last forever, the other may last a week. Kick the tires. Look at the materials. I’ve had both ends of the spectrum…some stuff lasts a decade, some stuff lasts a couple of months. Hint: look for solid wood like butcher-block. That should last longer rather than particle board.
OK. Time for the funny story. It’s 1997, Sunday afternoon, went to a Yankee game, and hit the Ikea in Elizabeth, NJ on the way back to Delaware. I needed an entertainment center. Nothing too big. Something for a TV, VCR, stereo, and a place to put the CD’s and video tapes. They had the perfect one for something crazy like under $200. Perfect. And since the Ikea in Elizabeth is within spitting distance from the port, you only pay half the sales tax, so that’s 3%. (There’s still no Ikea in sales-tax-free Delaware). So I go upstairs, find the one I saw in the catalogue, and I think I had to go to the furniture pickup, not the warehouse aisle, if I remember correctly. So this thing comes out in two long boxes on the flatbed. OK. I go pay, and then, because they’re afraid you’re going to steal their funky shopping carts, there’s posts all around the store, so I have to leave my purchase on the curb, and hope nobody’s going to steal it. Remember, we’re in Jersey, and I’m by myself. So I go get the car, my 1986 Monte Carlo. No, it’s not an SS. I tried to get the one box into the trunk, and it just doesn’t fit, and I have a second one to boot. Now I can barely lift it up over the bumper, and now I have to get this thing onto the roof??? I couldn’t do it. The store’s closing, and it’s starting to rain. Well, this Ikea employee must have felt bad for me, and heaved them onto my roof and ran off before I could thank him. I tied them down, and no my roof didn’t collapse on my trip down the Jersey Turnpike. I don’t even remember bringing them into my apartment, but thankfully I was in a basement, so gravity was working for me going downstairs. It took me two days to get the damn thing together, but it lasted through five apartments. By the last one, it was looking more like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. We slid it down the stairs, brought it to the curb, and it really didn’t take much more than a poke with a finger, and it collapsed like a house of cards. But still, that bitch was heavy!
YAY! i always wondered how to get married…though as a gurl i must say, i didnt leave at the begininng when you told me to…first cuz i dont listen very well and second cuz im already married…BUT! if i ever get divorced? I will keep a handy dandy copy of ur “how to…” in my pocket so i wont forget. Thanks amazing J!
Krysi
First things first: When in Ikea, BLUE exit signs LIE! DIRTY DIRTY LIES! Second: Ikea is the 2nd most evil in the world…Vista being 1st…NEXT! Labrinth was a SUPER move! Despite the fact it had david bowe in it o_O NEXT: Dont ever tell me about ur thigh chafing..NEVER EVER! That was just scarey….AND AND AND! Its a shitty contest cuz it costs more than $50 to get the hell outta the store! oK. Im done now. ^_^ Lovely show boys!
Krysi
And HEY! i was at the wow wedding too! ^_^ J’s directions SUCKED ass…but it was uber! Hi candy!
Candy/Krysi…
I am not allowed to talk about this on the show, but J is directionally impaired. The date was June 25th, 2004. It was my birthday. It was Mickmas. (Mark that in your calendars and buy gifts. You can also send donations to Mickey@somacow.com).
Since it was my birthday, I was beyond drunk. J was kind enough to be the driver for the night.
Being an albino Gypsy, I was equipped with a homing device at birth. It allows me to get as drunk as I want and still find my way home.
J did not believe me. When we came to a cross roads, I insisted that we should turn south. J, felt that, since I was so drunk, I must be wrong.
He turned north.
4 days later, I finally arrived home.
sadly…im sure that is a tru story…except for the albino part…your prolly just white o_O
so its been decided..NO BOOBS FOR MICKEY! However, if j sends me a somacow shirt i will get it wet and send pics of boobs to him, lol
krysi
[...] SomaCow guys recently talked about the 8 things every guy needs (here). We were going to make a similar list, but there would not only be thousands of things on the [...]
Hah! J is two faced!
Yes. j is a freak with two heads…hmm….GO J! even with out my awesomeness, you did a super, and, dare i say, AMAZING job? WOOT! GO YOU!
krysi
Ah, They Might Be Giants…everybody’s favorite band to see in a standing-room-only venue. Yes, I too have been hooked since the early ’90’s. Just about every one of my college buddies were fans, and we saw them all over New England. We saw them in different venues in Boston and Providence, later on in Philly, and even in Central Park back in ‘93, I think. Good times buying beer from shady characters out of trash bags, but it was summer, and it was outside. I forget which concert it was, but they cranked through the entire first album before “starting” the show. My Apollo 18 t-shirt has faded from black to gray, and I still can’t believe I’m still wearing something that old. My wife can’t believe I still wear something so scary, with that evil squid, and all.
Pimp that cadbury egg:
http://www.pimpthatsnack.com/project.php?projectID=302
Ha!
We actually talked about that very egg last year, on the show!
Well, not THIS show… that other show… NEUSBAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!
Love the pictures :)
So do I. I sometimes think Mickey has a “make it bright and shiny” filter, cause all his graphics look great!
Nice one, J! I can lend you one ab, mine are hidden anyway.
I heard about a cure for warts involving duct tape, I’ll see if I can find the article for ya.
There already is a Church of Mickey, and YOU WORK THERE ALREADY!!! DUH!!!
No offense, but that is one meaty hand. I sure don’t want to be on the receiving end of that!!!
Can’t believe you listed Bill below Freddie!!! Bill is WAAAAY hotter.
I look forward to your leaps in hottttttnesss, sir. Hope the trip leads to more witty repartee.
You all should make LOL-Leroys. That would make me laugh.
Alton Brown needs to be moved up and Charlie Sheen down. Also, we need pictures of “J back in 1983″ before we can confirm that you do indeed deserve the spot above both Brad Pitt and George Clooney.
I agree with Candy, Alton Brown is so way hotter!
and Candy, I don’t know which episode but flip through the archives and there’s a pic of J on a mug-he tells us that’s him at least :)
Ah, baseball season is upon us. Opening day is next week. And if you really want a great/expensive way to pass the time, try a beer an inning. Or if you don’t have as much money, try cotton candy and beer. I’ve only tried the former, but I’ve heard the latter will have the same effect on you. OK, so we won’t have chicks with skimpy outfits at the ballparks up north for a couple of months, but they will show up. Trust me.
I have seen said picture and I have concluded that the person on the mug deserves the place between Bill Clinton and Tim McGraw. NOT the top spot. So that would place J below Alton Brown (who should be above Freddie) on the correct Hottness Meter.
Don’t be baggin’ on the cinnamon toast crunch. I know the guy who invented it and he’s awesome.
““Inflatable hat nookie” should be obvious to you. I think I was referring to the fact that, at one point, a guy walked into one of the bars wearing a gigantic, green, inflatable novelty hat. I’m talking about a really big hat. No, like seven feet wide and nine feet tall. Biiiig hat. And women ran from all corners of the bar to nestle against him under his giant hat. He left with about twelve of them.”
I’d have thrown cheap beer in his face, stolen the hat and used it for inflatable hat snow racing.
-Fu, have I told you lately that I love you?
wow…thats all. just…wow.
o dear. imma have to watch out for u. o_O
well, the news was at the :42…not the :40…and J, that shit WAS funny…you should read it Peace love and lollipops guys! WOOT
Thanks, Krysi!
Shit… I want a lollipop…
Although many people are ga-ga for Dunkie’s coffee, I could take it or leave it. But their donuts are the best for a mass produced chain. (You really can’t beat a cream stick from one specific Trenton, NJ Italian bakery.) But Krispy Creme’s donuts are deep fried hockey pucks. You can’t eat more than one, and when you go in, and they hand you a free donut as a sample…why bother staying in line and paying for more? I got the one I want, and I won’t even bother with their crap McDonald’s ripoff bad coffee. But I don’t think there’s a Dunkie’s filled donut that I won’t pass. Well maybe Boston Cream. But all the jellies, apple, apple crumb, chocolate cream, vanilla cream… I’m pissed that you never get many of them in an express dozen.
Perkins is a good late-night joint, but they do make a mean pie.
I must be lucky, but there are competing local Mexican joints here in Delaware that are cheap, and the food is to die for. Our one favorite it situated in an old convenience store (it still looks like a Wawa), and has combos that can fill you up after a hard day’s work in the yard for under $10. Then the high-end entrees for $12…hell, you can well afford a couple Negra Modello’s or margarita’s, and still get out for under $20…under $30 if there’s drinks.
I have to disagree with chrispy…when I first found out that I was pregnant some friends brought over a box of KK donuts and they were gone! Now you might say “oh but you were pregnant” oh no, this was not the first time. Try about a million times in college. You might say “oh but you had the muchies” but then what about in high school huh? (i was a good girl!)
yeah, I love me some Krispy Kremes. And my second favorite is Hotties chocolate peanutbutter donut.
But, for all around variety of yummies? dunkin donuts. I don’t like other KKs (just glazed and hot) and same with Hotties but DD I can chow on boston creme, vanilla or chocolate cream filled, glazed, cruellers, chocolate glazed…
sweetie? donut run?
I always pulled the same April Fools joke every year on my parents.
I would wake up, go in the bathroom and scream bloody murder yelling “a roach” and wake them up.
Then when they came running yell “April Fools!”
god, I’m going to get a little me aren’t I?
Wow, J. You seriously have the rebel bad boy thing going on when it comes to April Fools jokes. In the wise and infamous words of Paris Hilton, “That’s hot.”
Nice idea. Hope you don’t mind some feedback here. These are my thoughts on each story:
Story : Mr. Picklepumper’s Naughty Day
My thoughts: This would make a great show like Barney only with a grumpy old man in a giant Gherkin suit in place of the dinosaur.
Story : Georgie Throws a Whiz
My thoughts: Sounds like a book about a peeing contest. Is there any of that in there?
Story : Who Cut The Cheese?
My thoughts: This would be good if it also included a list of ways of how to blame your farts on someone else which no kid should be without.
Story : But Daddy Said I Could Pet the Bees
My thoughts: Sure to be revolutionary in the children’s genre. A must have for all new fathers.
Story : Real Estate Law in a Foreclosure Market
My thoughts: Probably THE greatest bed-time story ever written.
Story : 101 Standard Household Items That Will Fit Into Your Mouth
My thoughts: I never knew there were that many. Have all these been thoroughly tested?
Story : Breastfeeding: Leave Some For Daddy
My thoughts: Ooo. This might not be so good. I ran this by a few friends and they all thought it implied that men were babies. Not a good sell for the fathers out there. Unless it contains pictures.
Story : Let’s Build a Plastic Bag Fort!
My thoughts: I could have used this as a child. Many was a day we had a full garage but nothing for me to occupy my time with.
Story : Goldilocks and the Three Carnivorous Ursine Antagonists
My thoughts: Sure to be a favorite. I can see this getting older children to read to their younger siblings.
All in all, I’m impressed. I’m going to have to vote for Goldilocks and the Three Carnivorous Ursine Antagonists as my favorite.
Haha! Good stuff!
Glad you got the ‘puter fixed. Yes! Newegg.com is awesome! Used them for quite some time now and buy pretty much all my computer related items through them.
Goldilocks and the Three Carnivorous Ursine Antagonists is my fav..but Breastfeeding* makes a very close second. ^_^
You know, Mormons like Mitt Romney creep me out. I wouldn’t buy a used car from him. And if you want to piss one off, don’t hand them a cup of coffee or a gin martini, ask them about the Magical Mormon Underwear.
I really thought you were kidding. I just googled the underwear.
Okay, seriously?
WTF?!?!
ok, so I thought you were BOTH kidding so I, too, googled it and holy crap! It doesn’t look too comfortable and white always makes me look fat(ter)
You should try betting on horses as well if you like the greyhound races.
[...] « SomaCow 153: Quentin’s Dirty Little Fetish Apr 12 2008 [...]
It’s simple to not use the A.C in you car…when the A.C. in your car doesn’t work! God, I love my shitbox I drive to the train station.
What killed interest in the Olympics? The end of the Cold War, Cable TV, and the internet. Welcome to Apathy, USA! Home of cheap imported shit from China sold to you in Wal-Mart by people making an unlivable wage. U! S! A! U!S! A!
I love this list!! I was considering writing a similar one, but you’ve covered a lot of great points. Awesome!
You only covered part of the video. The entire video is about half an hour long. Later they knock her out and continue to beat her with a toaster. All the beating girls could get 20 years in prison each, they are being tried as adults.
Ha! You so funny, J!
Dude. I’ve been LOOKING for a place to get Confederate Currency! Thanks!
nice site
I want to see the U-Stream footage of Mickey going for the button. I was startled by his speed…he struck like cobra…
Happy Belated Birthday!!!
I’m of the firm opinion that getting older physically has nothing to do with getting older mentally and emotionally.
It’s those damn kids that keep trying to tell me I’m old!! ;)
[...] “Where have all the flowers’ stink gone?” It seems that, in addition to the crazy exodus of bees wi-fi has allegedly been causing, now the very flowers are turning listless, their scent a fraction [...]
More sojh…. that happy fun song was insane.
Oh, you’ve not lived til you have seen the video:
http://sojh.com/funstuff/happyfunsong.htm
Requires flash, but who doesn’t have flash, seriously?
Thanks for listening!
WOOT! Now your OFFICIALLY OLD! YAY!
But only cuz ur older than me…I still think ur sexy though. ^_~
i didnt bother to read it cuz im sure its funny. LOL! j/k. Word up homie!
..and that’s why I hire jobs like this out…..
I love teh Ross almost as much as I love teh -fu!
Muche grateful that Glorious Manhood is represented in all its varieties – halfway opened door and fully opened door:)
Owned. Game Show Radio. Well Played, Clerks. Well Played.
http://i102.photobucket.com/albums/m97/THE_ELROSS/0501080944.jpg
What makes fat girls go bad? The scarcity of lemon cake! really :))) believe me, I know it!
as far as this being the summer of the penis….I would go farther and say this may be the YEAR of the penis….Zack and Mary make a porno is coming out in cOctober and there is full frontal by Jason Mewes in that!
This topic was so good…i love it! it’s not necessarily true about the myspace thing though? i’ve got myspace, have done for two years now and my computers faster than prune juice through a incontinent child. AOL is definitely the best way to screw up your computer though…i use the free disks they send me as coasters =) great post!
J has GOT to stop using me so loudly!
Signed,
J’s Left Nostril
[...] So Debe’s birthday has passed but of course we’ll continue to talk about it all month! No, seriously, Happy Birthday Debe! She went to Capone’s for some dinner theatre and had a fabulous time. We also went on her actual birthday to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall, also fabulous and with penis! [...]
You guys need to figure out where to get drunk on Curtis’ dime.
I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m having a blast doing this.
Seriously, this week, SomaCow sticker, somewhere, not sure where, maybe Steadman’s or Curtis’ car. Or both.
I’m glad that such a great time was had by all. I’d go on a show about obituaries and farm reporting
if it was going to get me on the air. I still find that I had to dig through several layers to find the blogs. I’m not sure how much incentive the common man has to do that, if you all want greater participation. I would suggest a link on the very first somacowmedia page that people come to. At muche, the first prominent sm button doesn’t lead to the blogs is what I’m saying. People are lazy and need things to be simple or they generally will choose not to bother.
That sounds like so much fun. I love trivia! I just suck at music trivia for anything after about 1989:)
(Jackie has started a website for our columns!)
The Tight ‘Uns is in reference to our shirt buttons, correct?
[...] guys from SomaCow decided to visit a local radio station. 1190 AM in Orlando is the home of 0000. It is hosted by [...]
No, Jen hasn’t given birth yet, so she’s not a mom. She’s still a mom-to-be. However, Geoff really blew the opportunity for brownie points. But getting her a not-yet mothers day present, he would have had a get out of jail free card for any time he forgets mothers day in the future.
Arby’s has the most diverse fast food menu out there. There’s nothing better than a Big Montana, onion petals, and a fistfull of curly fries. It’s the only place you can get them. Oh, the Roy Rogers on the Turnpike has them, but that’s a shell of a former self of an eating establishment if I ever saw one.
Subway is garbage. So is Quiznos. If you want a real sandwich, you really need to go to a mon and pop deli, that doesn’t use the grade D meats that Subway does. Wawa makes a decent hoagie for being a chain, but there’s a dozen better places to get one in and around Philly. But when it’s 1 am, and you’re coming up I-95 and you hit Richmond, and there’s that beacon coming from a sign of life from north of the Mason-Dixon Line, the southernmost Wawa, there’s nothing that tastes better.
Dude! I know… I suck. It more had to do with the fact that I’m feeling guilty on all the gifts we have received from friends, family, and listeners. As the “thank you” debt climbs into the thousands of dollars, I just cannot see buying extra gifts.
I did spend $650.00 on her car today. Does that count? Probably not.
I am excited about this coffee we received. I am drinking some Saturday, and during the show. It smells good!
Strangely, I really, really like horsey sauce. But more for my fries. The horseradishiness tends to overpower the Montana after a few bites.
It’s like mayo, with FIRE IN IT!
Thanks, Chrispy!
[...] Contact [...]
While I’m sure Dolly Parton’s mess of an attraction should here, it’s closed now, so you might want to consider an alternate. Perhaps the Holy Land Experience?
I have always wanted to visit Flea World, but for some reason have always held back. (Maybe because I still have all my teeth and shower frequently. Am I being too judgemental?) Perhaps this post gives me reason to actually do it now.
Hey! I like Muscovy ducks. Mostly.
And I take care to spell everything correctly. I share your (see? used correctly) pet peeve. See you on Social Spark?
No. Those duck-things are UnGodly Ugly. Sorry.
I’m game.
I sooo wanna know who the shitty podcaster who sux is! I got you guys a new NC fan. I got my friend Holly listening to SomaCow and Say Anything now.
Ha!
He’ll probably surface, soon enough.
Thanks for recruiting! We always appreciate it, and hope we’re half as entertaining as you think we are!
I love this show, and I have sex with its blogs.
hope? How can you say that? You guys are the best talk radio show ever! Aren’t ya?
[...] « SomaCow 170: Here! Have a SAD May 23 2008 [...]
That’s what the moose out front says.
the wii itself is 250 bucks but wii fit comes with a new controller type called the balance board which is something you stand on and it measures your weight on 4 different scales so it says how balanced you are so wii fit is 90 bucks. The controller for wii fit is different from the regular wii controller. you’ll need more like 370 to buy both with tax
The 2×8’s need to be pressure treated wood (the stuff that is green) or it will rot faster than you can go to the store and buy another 24 pack, drink it and run up and down the street naked. Fun times, fun times.
There’s some things you can make at home that you’ll never get at any restaurant. First of all, you need to fry up some bacon in your fry pan. Once you’re done, you have all that glorious grease and bacon bits in the pan that normal people just put to waste. My wife like to cook sunny side up eggs in that grease, where you flick the grease onto the eggs and cook them from both sides. I don’t like eggs at all, but she’ll take your arm off for “dippy eggs”, as the yolk is still runny. But then you can fry your pancakes in that grease, and the bacon bits and grease will absorb into the pancakes, making them tastier, a wee bit heavier, but mostly delicious.
This summer I’ll be going to go to my parents’ house. We’re going to be building a deck. Again. We built a massive one at the front of the house a few years back, now they’re working on the back.
I feel certain that the work will not be as much fun as this.
[...] Bands [...]
Sweet Monkey Christmas. Can NOT believe that The Secret Terrorists made it to the web. It’s not the same if you don’t just randomly receive it in the mail in a plain brown wrapper with no information as to who among the people that know your address thinks that you need to know about the Jesuit conspiracy.
I saw that story last night on CNN about the teacher. That’s some wack shit!
I could point to articles Ben Stein (yes, him) has written making the case for not punishing the oil companies, or the ads that the oil and natural gas folks run saying that healthy energy companies will benefit the average Joe’s 401k. But people need to change their driving habits. Not all solutions will work for everybody. Carpooling will work for some. Transit will work for others.
Orlando already has TCT…umm Lynx bus service. http://www.golynx.com But google is my friend, and it looks like Central Florida is getting commuter rail service. http://www.cfrail.com Just whatever you do, don’t sponsor the naming rights for the Altamonte Springs station, when you can slap stickers all over the billboards on the platform for much less money. :P
Ah, commuter rail. This will be its third attempt. We actually, as a state, passed a mandate once for it. Then Governor Bush didn’t think we understood how expensive that would be to his interests, so they had us revote and bury it in silliness.
Never tax a corporation. They just pass that crap right back onto us. Tax religion.
I’ll see what I can do.
I feel so…bereft…where o WHERE was the “YEAH KRYSI TAKE IT!” I cant decide if i feel left out, or if i deserved it for disappearing on you for undisclosed amounts of time…hmmm…i just may have to think about that one, and i may have add also but um…i get the added perk of being female, so you dont EVEN wanna know what goes thru my convoluted mind. ^_~
Holy fat cow, shit man!! I want gambling lessons! no no…i lied…i wanna GIVE gambling lessons! *i wanna take the money not lose it ^_~ We miss u j!
Hold up a minute j! Why the hell would you WANT to use the internet for some purpose OTHER than porn?? Unless its to play wow since that technically is part of the internet…and was oddly not listed o_O and as for central florida? Remind me never to go there…
So im wondering why u list hairy european men and then think of sno cones….was that a bit of a freudian slip there? Think about it. In other news, um…your trip sounds like you needed more sno cones.
wow. thats all i can think of. Wow.
YAY FOR HOLIDAYS! Especially the ones which have only one purpose…to get drunk!
you only included instructions for the men, not the women. Well, i will solve that little problem for you…The following is how WOMEN will build the deck;
Gee j…ur such a strong smart man! Will you help me at the hardware store? Im not sure i will be able to chose the right wood…i bet YOU can though…i bet ur an EXPERT on wood …*at this point we have gone to the store and you do the work, and once we get home the rest of the building looks like this*… O gosh! Who knew what a big project this was! Well, j, ur such a strong and smart man, can you show me how its done? *you will then show me, i will try to copy and suck so badly that you do the whole thing for me* Ladies? these instructions work for any project you dont wanna do. Thanks J~ Ur a champ ^_~
just to tell you Jesse Ventura was the governor of Minnesota, I’m from there
OMG!!! That was scary! And SO why I love you !
How was he?
I call “bit”!!
I checked the USTREAM, and there is no amniotic fluid spraying around, so I remain skeptical. There is no WAY that Geoff would miss streaming the birth live.
On the off-chance that this is NOT a bit, I could not possibly be happier for Jen and Geoff, unless maybe they had a birthing room next to the one where Patricia Heaton from “Everybody Loves Raymond” was delivering, and Geoff happened to pass by her door with his camcorder on while her knees were up to her chin.
Or something less creepy.
Best of luck!!
Ep 177 had one of the best openings.
Remember, you need a license to drive a car, but any asshole can have a baby.
great great job you did!
Very entertaining post! Please let me know once these open-up — I’d like to come visit.
I’m SO waiting for them to bring in the tables. I want to play roulette!
Yo!
games wii…
yep! for me wii is also the best console on earth…
Funny stuff, Master -fu!
I laughed (pooping a loofah?), I cried, I think I stopped breathing! OMFG!
My heart goes out to your precious little family, Geoff!
Poor Jen!
I had a post-partum hemorrhage after Meg, but it was a week later. It was the worst thing, ever! But at least I had a week to recover from the birth! Even then, I only needed a couple of units of blood. You are right, she really does have incredible strength. But I think that strength comes from LOVE!
[...] birth story. You can hear an even longer and “other side” version in 2 SomaCow Episodes here and here where Geoff tells his [...]
[...] You can hear an even longer and “other side” version in 2 SomaCow Episodes here and here where Geoff tells his [...]
screw AOL have you ever tried to uninstall Mcaffee that comes preloaded on DELLs? Beamish put the CDs in the microwave then use as coasters. And it isn’t all people just me I can f*ck up a computer with my eyes closed especially macs. someone help me stop hacking
I think I’ve only been to the ER where someone other than myself is in need of it’s services only once. Do you have any tips for people who are there for the medical attention?
:Geoff: Well, is there any situation in which sparks should be shooting out of the baby’s rect*click*”
No hot wings or spicy Italian sausage either, Geoff.
Here are some French idioms as well…
http://www.k-international.com/french_idioms
v funny
Let us not neglect to mention that this was THE funniest Life Coaching segment EVER!! Geoff and I can usually keep it together, but we totally lost it over this one. Mickey KILLED us! In the good way!
I love the Notorious MSG and it’s all because of SomaCow!
“Homemade Pron: by J” was hilarious by itself! Great Blog!
i feel cheated and used
Gin isn’t something you drink to get fucked up. It’s something you sip, and enjoy in moderation. By it’s nature being natural grain spirits distilled with botanicals, it’s those impurities that flavor it and give it its yummy taste. But you CANNOT go cheap on gin. It’s Tanqueray (regular, Ten, Rangpur) or Plymouth. And you need good tonic water, preferrably Canada Dry in the small glass bottles, and fresh limes. And when you make you gin and tonic (or Tom Collins or gin gimlet), usa a pint glass, and take your drink like a man…or an alcoholic. :P
The easiest way to not be dropped in on by you parents is to move to another state. Works like a charm.
What’s in my coffee maker? Chock Full O’Nuts original. Their New York Blend is on deck.
City-wide wi-fi still has kinks to be worked out. Earthlink backed out of installing free wi-fi blanketing the City of Philadelphia. Guess the concept of who’s going to pay for this and how are we going to make money off of it finally hit them like a ton of bricks.
I totally have to agree with J…I hate PUKING!
I will avoid it at any cost.
The worst is when I puke and then I get so grossed out by puking that I puke again!
But Geoff! You don’t understand!
MonaVie and Noni are packed with powerful anti-oxidants!
I am not sure what this means, but I have applied undiluted MonaVie to my backyard grill, and now all the rust is gone.
Take it from a former recruiter…not all jobs are posted on monster.com, in the classifieds, etc. Those cost money, you know. Ads are mostly to garner interest from applicants, and the recruiters and/or HR dicks will figure if you’re any good, or put you in the circular file. Your resume better be sharp, or you’re in the old circular file in about 5-10 seconds. But job searching sucks, and it’s a numbers game. The more you apply, the better the chance you might get a fit. But even if company A is a place you would like to work for, but the advertised position is way above or below you, send a resume anyway. What’s the worst that will happen, they’ll hit the delete button?
You just earned yourself some more man points, my friend.
Go forth and preach this from on high!
Serious answer: That area isn’t very sensitive for some women and they don’t get that “Oh, God! Yes!” experience from it. Some even experience discomfort instead. Or maybe the person they were with was really bad. *shrugs*
Non-serious answer: There never was such a thing. It was all an elaborate hoax put in place by the politicians who are really aliens doing research. Someone alert Mulder!
Oh crap! I think the aliens have found me! I have to hide! Where’s my tin foil hat?!
*door breaks down*
Save yourselves! And FIND MULD.. AAAaaaHHhhh *screams of horror*
*silence*
Bravo!
[...] Bands [...]
Please invite Curtis Earth back again sometime… sorry I wasn’t able to chat while he was there…I am sure it would have been fun…great show, guys…thanks
J, we are going to do our best to answer your question tonight live! 7-8 pm eastern at http://ustream.tv/channel/somacow-media
see you there! ;)
I can’t wait to find out who won….
it’s such a dilemma…black is slimming, white is not
Black makes you sweat and is way too hot in Florida…white is not.
What is a fattie to do???
That guy looks JUST like Wolverine!
It’s amazing
Oh, -Fu!
The fun is just begun – there will be many trips to estate sales for perfect new antique knick-nacks, seasonal and holiday front door wreaths from Kirkland’s.
Enjoy your new home:)
If Wolverine were gay………… and couldn’t make coffee.
Wolverine is Canadian, I think that makes him automatically gay.
Where’s my participation trophy? Am I the only ass who comments here?
I have a “Thespian of the Year” trophy…..that’s about it.
I miss you guys….
Not as much as we miss your big ass, probably. How’s West Carolina?
That bio is a damned good read!
Funny stuff J
Here’s my answers for the Mickey Quiz…
1. The facility caters to mouth breathers who have just taken their first and only trip on an aeroplane. They’re the same breed that when in Vegas, they’re actually in Italy when in the Venetian.
2. Mickey lived in this little town in Georgia we all know and love as Hazard.
3. The most “look at me” food is the kitchen sink, which can be found at any ice cream parlor. The most look at me drink? That’s a Scorpion Bowl.
Or was I supposed to pay attention while listening?
Isn’t it funny how the booger eaters who actually drink Bud think that it will be bad if it’s imported? There’s no way InBev will close the dozen AB breweries in the US and start importing in all that beer. Although that would be one way to fill those ships coming in from Europe…
So what’s in my beer fridge?
Guinness, even out of the bottle or can, it’s close enough to what you can get at the corner taproom. And you don’t have to drive home!
Rolling Rock. It’s not the same since they stopped using returnable bar bottles, let alone since they started brewing it in Newark, but you still can get ponies. Ah, the convenience!
Corona. OK, they’re leftover from July 4th. I’d rather have Caribe. Crisp, refreshing, and they don’t need a lemon or lime.
But what should you seek out the next time you hit the package store? Dogfish Head. http://www.dogfish.com Yes, there’s more to Delaware than DuPont and Bank of America.
I agree, the wording should be:
“Tune in every week – it’s funny, and it’s podcasting to which listening is worth.”
Dear Mr. J:
Like you, there are times when I need some “ME” time and do not wish to be my normal “hunk” self. I have found the following works for me and it is my wish it will help you….
1) If out in public, I like to wear dark blue denim jeans with the bottoms rolled up. Evidently this has not gone completely out of fashion so I like to take it a step further. After rolling up the bottoms of my jeans I will wrap them with a colored masking tape to prevent the cuffs from unraveling. I always color coordinate the tape with my shirt.
2) I like to wear an old color faded sweat band on my wrist. If you do not have much perspiration I recommend keeping a mist bottle of water so you can keep the sweat band wet. I like to go the extra mile and mix in a hint of aqua velva into the water.
3)The finishing touch for me is to wear a mood ring. When trying to unhunker down, I have found nothing keeps the chickies away as much as wearing a mood ring.
4)If all else has failed I will put on my walkman and play Boy George music. This typicall serves two purposes. First, it has proven effective to help me have the “ME” time I have been craving. Second, it greatly reduces the amount of “ME” time I want. After listening to “Do you really wanna hurt me” I find I am motivated to return to my normal hunk self.
As always, I’m here to help.
Brad
[...] this hour, we whet our appetites with a tale of three men, hunkered and blown by the vicious Tropicane Fay. Thrill to stories both musty and drippy as Geoff recants his harrowing experience, where 13 [...]
Dear Jen,
We’re all friends here. You don’t have to refer to Geoff’s “bedtime outfit”.
You can just come right out and say “Anthony Bourdain jammies with feet in them”
THAT is why I have a clear card!!! They carry my stuff through security for me!
Unfortunately, CLEAR is not everywhere yet. The worst TSA situation I have ever been involved in was in Chicago. ( I had planned on writing the whole story here, but it is raiining AGAIN and my red dog is trying to climb on head). Let’s just say it was right after the liquid ban and there was a woman who clearly didn’t understand the words – liquid or 3oz, because she was having great difficulty. They held the entire line up while trying to get this woman to understand, and a gentleman in front of me realized he has now missed his flight reached into the machine to retrieve his bags. I guess you are NEVER supposed to reach into the machine. The TSA woman went nuts, and actually threatened this man to a CAVITY SEARCH!
I quickly and quietly picked up my bag (which was not yet on the belt) and backed away and went to another line and was through security within 5 minutes.
Thanks for the promotions of Hydrovibe. As an independent band, we appreciate all the help we can get!
xx Heather St. Marie
HYDROVIBE
I am finally making good on our bet, ELROSS. Sorry it took so long. Not exactly sfw but I listened to it anyway. I learned so much in just the first 15mins! I disagree with “a tit is a tit is a tit.” Some are simply better than others. ;)
As always, it’s a great pleasure to listen in and watch the live feed! You guys put on a good show.
you are what I aspire to be… Bravo!
too bad I am a Maher fan and have lost all those IQ points tho…. ;)
I have to disagree with what you said about politics because RUMBLE ROBBLE ROBBLE GLAB GLEEB GLOOB.
do you know when you the next tractor pull is?
Remember watching the Soprano’s, where at the construction site, they had those jobs where the guys would just sit on beach chairs, smoke cigars, eat Italian delicacies, and bullshit all day long, but not actually partake in the the actual construction of whatever project that was going on, but get paid hansomely for it as a favor for Tony? I think that’s what Ross’ job is. I just feel bad that Somacow had to succumb to mafia money laundering in order to get their product out on the air, but hey, it’s for us, the listeners, right?
Is it just me, or are the show notes complete but the episode isn’t available. There’s no link on the main page, and my aggregator says it hasn’t been posted either. Good thing I’m still working my way through the archives, cause I don’t know what I’d do without my regular doses of SomaCow!
You sooo need to have more J. Theres not enough ^_^
How fun…this is why i put everything (and you dont wanna know what i mean by everything ^_~) in my checked baggage. Only thing that goes on the plane with me is my purse…and thats so the TSA nazi’s dont single me out for having no carry-on lol…and nazi’s have no sense of humor J…dont waste it on them…just make whats his nuts take the chip outta ur head so u wont go beep anymore ^_^ so easy, but you silly boys make it so complicated.
omg! J…THATS where youve been….youve left me for the computerize version of “munchkin”, and if you dont know what that is, you need to find out…Damn it j, now i gotta go play KoL if i wanna stalk you. What the hell kinda way is that to treat the KRYSI just cuz i havent commented in a while….a looong while…Hmm…
oh my goodness j! your poor cards! i bet the dogs lovingly ate them while u werent looking, in responce to ur neglectful unappreciation of the little piles of “love” they left you….you might need to do something about that, but i will leave it up to you to decide……also? i will not demean myself by telling you how to “unhunker down”. i figure i did it for years when i lived in hawaii and COULDNT evacuate, so u need to learn to deal. ur a champ, and abuot as “unhunkered” as is humanly possible ^_~
sadly i like the game of twister better. My boobies are nicer than micky’s so therefore i will win, and he will lose. Im sure hes used to it by now…and im equally sure that the rubik’s cube needs to be custom made with various pictures of, well, ME! cant beat that! No, i am NOT conceited, so quit thinking that…and while we’re on the subject…why WASNT my pic on the etch-a-scetch? Not talented enough to draw something so stunning? Im sure thats it. Best get to practicing ^_^
O baby! got me all wet….hot bod with a nickname tounge fu? A gurl cant lose! lol…ur a silly boy ^_^
sadly j, its ur own fault for NOT being gay. If you were gay, youd have a man to boss around, YOUD get to change UR mind, and spend HIS money instead of yours…or if you were born a woman, youd get the joy of being on our end, and have a nice pair of hooters to play with…not that urs arent nice o_O just urs are better ^_^
silly silly boys….the “g spot” is in the same place it always is. We dont move it because that way, you will never find it. Because of course, its put away. But i must say i agree that its not that big a deal…so ur better off playing with the more obvious and easier to find Clit. which is short for clitorous…im sure if you google it you will find plenty of user-friendly instructions and guides on how to find and use the clit. Of course, many of those same site will prolly charge you $19.95 per month for the education….shit…J? i think ur screwed.
poor J…your old. Deal with it. And the Hippity went outta ur hop years ago…or at least thats what geoff says…o_O heehee
and who knows? maybe in a retirement community there will be less space to move the ever-changing design for the living room furniture ^_^
So J, when i start sending my HMP pics to ur inbox, how quickly can i expect them to be posted somewhere on the internet? But if you promise to photoshot the face into a cream pie, we have a deal ^_^ Not THAT type of cream pie, u perv. >.< rwar. On that subject, i found a youtube vid that you would enjoy, so here…enjoy ^_^
PS actually, its two vids…u’ll live.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEWgs6YQR9A
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbFnH66eGtU though im pretty sure ur the one who posted the second one…hmmm….
thanks! i will remember that next time i go. Ur super de duper!
Awww…i always knew geoff and J would be good parents ^_^ Im just glad jen was so understanding about it lol
We were attacked my Robot Zombie Ninja Pirate Hackers from the Des Moines Iowa Chess team. They said we insulted them. I don’t remember ever talking about the chess club.
Seriously, why the hell would we talk about the chess club. They rate so low on the “interesting things to talk about” scale that they register right below my Uncle Melvin’s waxy looking nipples. Although, that’s not a fair comparison, because Uncle Mel would pop those babies out every Thanksgiving and a heated discussion would erupt.
People often wonder why I hate holidays. How to you explain Aunt Bethany throwing the contents of a freshly opened can of Pumpkin pie filling at my Uncle’s head for simply showing off an interesting body part. Granted, she was only 18 and about 30 years younger than him, but come on, there was no blood relation there. Hell, she was the neighbors kid. And she was smoking hot.
I don’t ever recall seeing a Joanie Loves Chachi t-shirt being filled out so… completely. I wish I could remember her name so I could look her up on Facebook. Although, she might be a bit worn down by now.
Any way, sorry for the inconvenience, the staff is working on the server, so hopefully there shouldn’t be any further issues. (after they fully fix it).
-m
And, just to tie it all together, Uncle Melvin’s nips were totally bishops and not at all pawns, IYKWIM.
A lot like that, Chris, except, to date, I have only been paid: 20 paypal bucks, a set of bluetooth headphones, two slices american cheese, 11 rolos, 11 whatchamacalits, 2 Cy-Gor action figures and 100, 000 KoL meat.
Now I totally need to hear that song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPjggN-KByI