SomaCow

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Orlando Ichiban – If you want to taste some Succulent Tunas and Juicy Meats, swing on by here in Sunny Downtown Orlando for some of the better sushi available. Tell them SomaCow sent you, and they may blink expectantly before repeating “May we help you?”

In this hour, we discussed The New Deal, namely, a vulgarity clause we were asked to sign off on by the Powers that Be, or whatever. It seems that in order to gain access to millions of fans, we need to clean up our acts. I am shocked. I thought we ran a clean show. Sure, we have been guilty of dropping the occasional F bomb, but who hasn’t? We struggle to define what IS vulgar, exactly, and what makes a thing unmentionable to you.

Hot Topics aside, we were again joined by Iceman, who came to the studio wearing Jorts. I am not sure why I keep mentioning that. Hell, I have worn Jorts myself a hundred times. But not since 29. I think once you hit 30, your Jorts days are at an end. Time to get some chinos, or whatever the old folks wear. I’ll ask J.

I will leave you loyal members of The Heard with an assignment – What IS offensive? Try to craft the most offensive 30 words or less sentence in the comments to this post, and I will award the nastiest as judged by SomaCow with $20.00 from Bath and Body Works (or a store of your choosing) to wash your foul, foul mind clean.

Mickey’s Life Coaching (near the :50, holy crap I suck at time management) centers on finding a job. SomaCow knows that you are pounding the pavement, emailing your resume, calling your friends and bitching about it – There just doesn’t seem to be ANYWHERE that is hiring!!!

Well listen in, chumpypants, and you may discover a way to get that damned job.

Tags: alternative, Bath & Body Works, business, chinos, coaching, comedy, downtown, find, health, hire, ichiban, internet, job, jorts, life coaching, New Deal, offensive, orlando, Podcast, radio, somacow, sushi, swear words, talk, the heard, Time management, vulgar

Somacow Media is proud ter present SomaCow, broot ter yer on dis gran’, bonny day by Finnegan Seamus, McMeck o’Malleys Sheep Shaggerin’ ‘all an’ Bail Bonds Service. Fer al’ yisser four legged legal endeavors, call Finnegan! we spent a gran’ porshun av dis ‘our discussin’ al’ things Oirish, includin’ de nade ter draink, me desire ter join de military, chinese grub, an’ tattoos.

Jaysus! No wonder that country never built roads ’til the English came and gave ‘em what for.

History is replete with fine examples of Irishmen that have really made the world a better place, and SomaCow salutes them today:

(The Sweetest Pieces of Irish Lass)

Excellent Irishmen, all of them.We’ll be out toasting your health this Monday at Wall Street, enjoying some drinks and watching Enter the Haggis beat down the stage. We never really got into it during the show, but… Who invented that gay “pinch if you aren’t wearing green” schtick? Was that just a Woolworth’s invention to sell off massive reserves of shitty green clothing, or is there some real reason we do it? I never seem to get pinched by hot women, just weird dudes that look all happy about doing it. I have no idea why people generate so much pleasure from touching me. Psychos.

Don’t forget to check out J’s Newsbomb at the :40!

We also chatted about McCain, who apparently forgot to buy something at the Green Zone market last time he was in Iraq and has returned once more this week to bust down on some Baghdad Bargains. Best of luck to you, sir. Please try not to create an international incident during your visit.

And Obama, who had to work hard to distance himself from yet another foaming at the mouth lunatic, this time in the form of his Reverend. I am not sure I disagree with Goodman Wright’s statements, because, behind all the “fohty acres an’ a mool” rhetoric, there is some real truth is what he is saying. Consider these quotes:

“We have supported state terrorism against the Palestinians and black South Africans, and now we are indignant because the stuff we have done overseas is now brought right back to our own front yards. America’s chickens are coming home to roost.”

Well…. We did, regardless of how I feel Israel has a right to exist, we are pissing on the Palestinians when we support Israel. You cannot take a side without opposing another.

What we have allowed to happen, both with arms trade and resource rape, in Africa and other places, is simply unconscionable. The fact is, militant and psychotic Islamic fundies would not be able to win the hearts of these people if we would start showing them the good that America can do.

Another Wrightism:

“Barack knows what it means to be a black man to be living in a country and a culture that is controlled by rich white people…” “Hillary can never know that. Hillary ain’t never been called a n*****.” (censoring mine)

That is a fact. White rich people DO run this country. Well, rich white people and Saudi Royalty. AND! Hillary has never been called the n-word. She has, quite reasonably, lived a life of hate from the right, but nothing along the lines of what many blacks experience, even today.

These are opinions, given by a black man speaking to a congregation. They do not indicate Obama’s mind, no less than the fact that George Bush attended a school run by a religion known for having sex with pigs indicates that George Bush enjoys sticking his junk in a squealing oinker. ALL religion is dumb. As long as you people in this country insist on having a President that goes to church, you will continue to experience stupid preachers that say outlandish shit, and retarded terms like “Chief Spiritual Advisor”. What is this, Tenochtitlan circa 4oo BC? Ooonga the motherfuck Boonga, people.

One opinion that is fact is that we played fabulous music this week:

• Flogging Molly – Requiem for a Dying Dream
• Dirt Poor Robins – Eleanor Rigby
• Presidents of the United States of America – Mixed Up S.O.B.

Tags: advisor, african, alternative, america, baghdad, black, boonga, chief, chinese food, comedy, day, dirt, enter, flogging, goodman, green, haggis, hillary, independant, independent, internet, iraq, ireland, irish, israel, mccain, military, molly, obama, ooonga, orlando, palestine, patricks, patties, pattys, Podcast, poor, presidents, radio, reverend, robins, saint, south, spiritual, st, states, tatoos, tenochtitlan, united, wright, zone

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by The Aftermath. Every Saturday night from 8:00 to 10:00pm (Eastern), check out their relentless and entertaining show!

So, we’re always growing here on the network. We’ve enjoyed success with many new additions over the last few months, and we are very excited about our new show, The Aftermath. Jordan and CJ are bringing fresh takes on all manner of topics, from politics to entertainment to local issues… There isn’t a row they won’t hoe. I don’t even know what that means. Get in there and check ‘em out!

 

A long time ago, George Carlin once commented that “Most people that are against abortion are people you wouldn’t want to F#$@ in the first place.” I wanted to see if that could be true, and we valiantly, if not vainly, attempted to find a hot republican woman. Babs? Ann? Laura? Sigh… Government is broken.

We touched on the Florida Voting Armageddon, set to unleash as,yet AGAIN, Floridian Idiots will end up somehow deciding the fate of the entire nation. How does this continue to be the recurring theme in every election? At least, this time, Michigan will have to take some of the heat. The Democratic Party should be ashamed of themselves, and I changed my party affiliation to Democrat so that I can participate in the special election they will inevitably force soon.

I am not going to mount a soapbox here, I just want you to think about this. The Democrats are broken. The Republicans are broken. We need third party intervention, or fifth party, or seventy eighth party… There are far too many voices in this country to summate the scope with a single man. It may have worked in the 1700s, and even the 1900s, but we can no longer have the bomb, the military, and the veto in one dumb hand. Time for government to shut up for a while, and people to get busy producing. Let’s aim for creating a quagmire, and halt the addition of ANY new legislation.

Okay. Enough about world issues. We discussed a dark secret of one of our very own hosts. Followers of Oz may remember a certain prison term known as “spooning”. Which of us harbors such a creepy history? Strangely, this is the part of the blog where I will not choose to inform you that SomaCow is giving away a free iTouch media player. Take the test for a chance to win damn near $300.00 of shiny plastic and glowing parts. You deserve it, sweetie.

Please forgive the singing. I swear, I never wanted you to hear that. We made it up to you with the following fantastic artists:

• Dirty Wormz – Black Piranha
• Dirty Wormz – Wig On The Pig

Can someone please tell me why Simon is doing this all the time now on American Idol?

Did they finally address it on the show? I noticed it a few weeks ago, and it’s just…… WEIRD

Tags: abortion, aftermath, alternative, american, ann, baba, barbara, bullwinkle, carlin, comedy, democrat, dirty, election, florida, free, gargamel, george, hand, hbo, idol, independant, independent, internet, ipod, itouch, laura, moose, orlando, oz, Podcast, primary, prison, radio, republican, simon, spooning, vote, woman, wormz