SomaCow

 

 SomaCow 337: Shooting [57:16m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Originally posted at SomaCow.com

In this episode, we discussed The Magic being drubbed, Ross’s bet with Felix of Prime Time Geek, the Holocaust Museum attack, and much, much more.

I want to take a moment here to address a topic that irritates me. So I will.
White Supremacy.

My whole life, I have been bumping into people that carry an extra wide chip on their shoulder regarding “White People”, and their supposed right to rule based on genetic superiority.

I’ve dealt with fat, dough-soft skinheads in school, lazily tossing up their hand and wearing shiny boots while misspelling German slogans against other races.

I’ve dealt with chinless, bird-eyed sunken-chested rednecks with bad mustaches, cavorting in sheets at night while their enormowives poison the children with McDonald’s and misinformation home school.

I’ve dealt with smug, bloodshot-eyed coffee stained infarction-awaiting beefobosses, feet crisscrossed on their desk, chewing a cigar like it was a Mannschaft, deriding minorities for their sloven laziness.

All these failtypes, hating, pushing down, fearing, cursing, attacking, loathing, and besmearing other races, based on the fact that white is RIGHT, and anything that isn’t should be shunned, removed, enslaved, deported, disenfranchised, dissolved, or even killed.

I have sad news for these folk.
White people are genetically weak. The genes that you relish, blond hair, blue eyes, fair skin? They are all recessive, and nature works hard each day to weed you out. If not for social intervention, the gross (and I mean gross) majority of white people would be gone already.

And there is nothing you can do about it. You will be a cute rarity one day, like an albino.

If you really take pride in your race, a thing over which you had no control in developing, you have very little to take pride in. If you cannot make money, or get out of jail, or find a person to love you, or provide for your family, or develop industry and commerce in your shitty little towns, or please the opposite sex in bed… Well, at least you have skin, right?

WTG, skin-haver.

I was reading something a few years back about the methods of dehumanizing employed by the nazis. There were steps that were necessary, to get a people to go from “overcharging them at the store” to “burning their corpses in broad daylight after stealing their teeth”.

The first step in that list was mockery, ridicule, or jokes concerning “their nature”.

I like a good joke, in any form. Durkha Durkha, woo woo, heyba, mang.

But sometimes it keeps me up at night, thinking about what road I am driving down when I mock people for their skin, instead of something laughable, like their religion.

Hate the Hater.

 

 160: Four Eyes Are Better Than Your Mom [1:00:40m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Dr. Joseph Vo and his superior optometry skillz. You made an old, feeble, sweet smelling man feel safe, and for that, we salute you!

In this, our finest hour, we discussed J’s new glasses (which you can check out in our Ustream Channel, if he ever wears them again), sharks (and other dangerous things that can lurk in the water), and Hurricanoes and Earthaquakes (We’re all gonna die!)

Ah, glasses. I think no single appliance can so instantly, effortlessly, and effectively ostracize a kid from his existing peer group more so than a good set of really bad eyewear. Certainly, in the last few years, huge leaps have been made in the advancement of the frames and lenses, but, at the end of the day, bottom line, you know in your heart that wearing glasses means you are genetically weak. You are the fail. Team captains will never pick you for any position, and will often try to make the ball connect with your face in hundreds of exciting ways. Women can never truly love you, for you will always suffer from blind spermatozoa, forever bumping their heads uselessly against the vaginal wall, never reaching an egg without squinting their teensy sperm eyes. I hate to be the one to break this to you, but it is time you knew. If we all lived on an island, your “friends” and cohorts would set up the bomb, and drop a giant rock on your head, killing you horribly and forever silencing your fat, whiny mouth. SHUT UP, PIGGY!

But honestly, with all the advancements medical science has given us, like shoving glass into your eyeball and choking your retinas, or slicing open the ocular tissue with friggen laser beams and “deflating” your optic nerve to make it more aesthetically pleasing, you should not worry. There is no reason your continued ocular degeneration should keep you from living a healthy and normal life, swimming through the cavernous depths of some dank cave, forever polishing various junk jewelry and arguing with fat hairy hobbits about where the wind blows.

Look, people. I am just in a bad mood. I can see it in my writing. We talked about some great stuff in this episode, and you should give it a listen. We’re very funny, and very witty, and very self-deprecating, and Mickey and J BOTH get in some good ones, so tune in, and check out the following great bands.

• Goldfinger – One More Time
• Ryan Shaw – I Do the Jerk

I, for one, have already referenced Lord of the Flies AND Lord of the Rings in one blog, and I just do not want to wait around and see what will happen next. I think you and I both are better off without it coming to that.

And don’t forget the Newsbomb at the :20. It’s summed up well:

“You took a week that had no news…”

“…and turned it into a bit with no jokes!”