SomaCow

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Ross no, screw Ross,  he got his hour last week. This hour is brought to you by NASA. Since he apparently is the nexus point of the whole damned show, it’s fitting that he feature prominently, I suppose.

In this hour, we discussed my rapid disenfranchisement with the Chope Express (Curse You, Obama!), we celebrated IamZ’s birthday (He is from Thailand, Mickey. Stop being a cliche!), and the Endeavor Launch.

I hereby dedicate this episode to the fine men, women, dogs, tomato seeds, and monkeys that make up our Space Program. Being one of the good things we do with Government, May your funding be reinstated tenfold, and may you continue to challenge the infinite with your courage and tenacity.

We also chatted a bit about brothers, since mine called in a few times – Cannot thank that man enough for the PAP machine. While it curtails my wife’s advances on me somewhat, it lets me sleep, and that is a good thing, for myself, my career, the listeners, and even random people on the street. I was rapidly becoming one of those idiots that gets out of their car to tap on other people’s windows to discuss the proper way to make a dual left (USE THE CHICKEN SCRATCHES, PEOPLE!!!)

Mickey’s sister made Mickey do the Pee Pee dance. J’s brother dates Hot Ukrainian? Poon. Siblings rule.

Overall, I think our first real Friday went well. Show starts at 7pm, if you ever want to watch live, just swing by the Ustream and join in. Thanks again to Gary of Just Push Playor for vacating to Monday nights at 8pm, where he will remain eardelicious for all your counter, sub, and uber culture needs.

Note from Mickey:

I am truely honored to live in a country that has sent men to touch the sky.  There are times that I feel that Geoff and I were born in the wrong decade.  I think the two of us should have been in a class room sitting next to Dennis the Menace and J, watching gigantic rockets being launched heavenward.  I envy those that not only reach for the stars, but are given the opportunity to dance among them (YES, Mr. Literalpants, I know the stars are way way far off, I was being poetic).

The men and women responsible for theorizing, engineering, building, flying, and caring for the machines that break away from Earth are to be admired, and given our awe.  In thier efforts they provide pride in humanity, pride in America, and pride in intelligence.

As a side note, the production staff has sent out letters to a few people to see if any of the parties would be interested in Kwadal Television.  It will unhinge the need for any other channel.

Referential links, because … if you are a reader, you need something to read…

• On Heels of Campaign Promises, Obama Faces Big NASA Decisions
• If You Believe, We’ll Put A Man On The Moon…
• Future of the U.S. Space Program in Obama’s Hands
• Endeavour heading for space station rendezvous
• Endeavour heading for space station
• Obama on Space
• Shuttle approaches space station

Tags: america, Arts, Barack Obama, brother, comedy, cpap, Dennis the Menace, endeavor, iamz, International Space Station, internet, john mccain, just push play, Kids and Teens, live, nasa, orlando, pap, Podcast, radio, sister, somacow, space, Space exploration, Space Shuttle, Space Shuttle Endeavour, taiwan, talk, thailand, United States, ustream

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by BloodHoundGang.Com – They’re bonzer, and we’re thrilled to be able to bring you a taste of their music here on the ‘Cow -

So, in this hour, we recapped a bit of the election (we promise not to bore – lord knows there was enough coverage, discussion, and politicking already). We’re happy to be done with it, and moving on to our favorite topics, food, the bathroom, and chicks.

I would like to take one moment to laugh at women. HA!

You guys are just… well… girls. And dumb. And sad. Consider for a moment -
You got the right to vote LONG before black folks did.

You represent 50+ percent of the population, whereas blacks float in the low teen percents.

You have poon, and all the power it entails. You can enchant, ensnare, and entrap men simply by doing… well… by simply lying (laying?  Lie’in, lion) there.

I think the first women President is going to be an accidental president, and you guy (gals) even missed the boat on that one.  This was your last best chance to have a chick slide into the Oval Office, AND NOT BE ON HER KNEES.

You dames could have gone the Hillary route, but Hillary is more Janet Reno than Janet… … … uhm.  Are there any attractive Janets?  Well… yes … of course Janet Jackson, but I thought that would have been utterly confusing with Ms. Jackson being related to an half white pop star.

You now how four years to come to terms with the fact that you chicks hit your buzzer a little too soon, and then let the timer run out, and you have to accept the snarky belittling look from Mr. Trebeck.

I want you to sit there and think about what you did wrong.  Maybe next time you will stop being so catty, and be happy that another person without a swinging meat tube is succeeding in the world.  Maybe next time you will not withhold your vote because SHE has on the wrong shoes.  Maybe next time you will feel a bit of solidarity with HER despite her hair being in her eyes and annoying you.  Maybe the next time the guys allow a skirt to play in the big leagues, you will grab the opportunity and stop being so bitchy to your fellow woman.

Stuff to click on while you listen to the show:

• Janet Jackson’s Ticket Sales…Weren’t That Bad?
• Janet Jackson’s Boob Ruled Not Indecent
• Sarah Who?
• Hitch on Palin
• Obama And The Press
• Flat Screen TVs, Waterbeds … for Cows?
• The Long Republican War on Voting Rights

Tags: Animals, Barack Obama, Cows, Elections, hillary, Humor, Janet Jackson, Kids and Teens, Oval Office, politics, Pop music, President of the United States, Recreation, Suffrage, time, Time Waster, United States

Florida is widely known for having the most streamlined voting process in the nation.

By “streamlined” I mean that we don’t actually bother to count a lot of the votes, resulting in fewer tax dollars being wasted on luxuries such as accurate election results. I am certainly no political pundit, but I suspect that part of the problem with the voting system here in Florida may be due to the fact that most of our election officials, as well as election day volunteers, appear to be employed by bait shops during the rest of the year.

So, today I joined the ranks of Americans who gather, once every four years, to engage in that uniquely American pastime of voting on important government offices and issues that we know nothing about.

Fortunately, the media, and crowds of overzealous patriots at the voting locations, are quite happy to educate you on the issues under consideration, via the techniques of mindless speculation and blatant lies.

You can easily spot the McCain propagandists by the dollar sign insignias on their chauffeurs and the filigreed chains on their eelskin wallets. They also frequently wear t-shirts printed with pictures of themselves. They quickly informed me that I should vote for Senator John McCain for President, rather than a candidate who, they say, is known to enjoy poking babies in the eye and pushing old people down stairs, due to lack of political experience. How they say this with a straight face is beyond me, although I suspect that their faces have been pretty much straight since birth. I decided to test this hypothesis by seeing how one of these wild-eyed morality-dictators responded to a simple joke:

Me: Do you know the difference between Sarah Palin and an auto mechanic?
Rich, white McCain supporter: I’ll make sure you are never allowed to wear a thong in the privacy of your own back yard ever again. Or have sex in your bedroom with the lights on.
Me: No! It’s “dipstick”!

Well, so much for that.

The Obama supporters were just as fervent, if a little less stodgy. They merely accused McCain of having harvested the organs for his last five personal transplants from unborn fetuses, ripped from the wombs of middle-class mothers. Then they sang a medley of Barbara Streisand songs. Badly.

But, armed with my driver’s license, since my voter registration card is probably tied up in some kind of bureaucratic bait shop red tape, I strode confidently up to the “Our Lady of Iniquity Catholic Church and Spa” (the voting location for my precinct) and proceeded about the task set forth by our founding fathers: finding out where the refreshments were located. After failing to locate any orange juice, fruit punch or cookies, it occurred to me that I MIGHT have confused voting with giving blood. The two processes are similar in that when you’re finished with either, you’re a little bit pale, sort of dizzy and you try to get out of work for the rest of the day.

But I got through it. I cast my secret and sacred ballot for the individuals and issues of my choice. I even voted for one constitutional amendment that was particularly trickily worded:

“Do you support the reversal of restrictions preventing the legislature from lifting the ban on allowing the negation of existing prohibitions of re-instating the policy of not allowing the State to decline recognition of currently rescinded vetos of the law supporting the denial of applications for coastal easements?”

Knowing me, do you think I voted for or against this amendment?

Yeah, I couldn’t tell, either.

Tags: Barack Obama, boobs, election, john mccain, sarah palin, teen, vote