Hey! We’re done with the run. Look up there ^. See that? That is a podcast. Press the play button, and listen. It’s that easy.

In this hour, we discussed J’s sudden utilization of 20th century technology, we talked up a good man segment, and we took a call from Carter, who has a cool deal going on over on his blog.

If you were doing it, where would you go, and why?

I’d have to hit it up as a food tour. New York for Bagels, Philly for Cheesesteaks, Tennessee for Whiskey, Charleston for Tide Food, Bawston for Seafood, Alaska for Crabfood, Vegas for Buffets, San Fran for Takeout, St Louis for Barbecue, Georgia for Barbecue, Texas for… Nevermind, I would never willingly set foot in that godforsaken mess. The point is, I am envious of Carter, for seeing an opportunity, and running with it. I hope he has a hell of a time, and gets some good talk fodder. Maybe we can look forward to some updates over the next few weeks.

Meantime, J is terrifying us all. He has a phone that can access email, he posted on Twitter, he has a Facebook, and I can only say that this must signify  that all of those mediums are as dead as disco. Shame, I was enjoying Twitter, at least.

We’re happy to be back to what we love, talking with you. Feel free to swing by our forums, and check out the studio build as it plugs along! I need to go pick out some carpet. Thanks!

OK, seriously, we’ve been putting out SomaCow shows on the Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule for eons. This means the blogs are written Sunday/Tuesday/Thursday night. So why do they keep playing the NBA finals games on blog writing night???

And Geoff is out in the garage Studio G trying to fix things now that our a/c was completely destroyed today (yeah, the one we just bought). So here I am, by myself. But let me take this time to mention our good friends at The Channel Project. Check out their shows!

In this, their finest hour, the guys talked about comedians, sponsors, and barbecue.

The guys are trying to make their top list but what is a good number? 100? Is that too long? But seriously can you only do 10?

We would love some more sponsors, too bad the car industry is sucking so bad.

Maybe some of the local barbecue places? Barbecue is really something that’s hard to chain, it needs to be some home cooking.

I’m really sorry these are so short but the game is back on. And the baby is pulling out the power cord. And I’m thirsty.

Bye!

Jen

We round out our third and final hour with Felix of Prime Time Geek with a bit of J. A whole lot of J. In fact, if you like J, this might be the hour for you to listen to, because Mickey and I don’t talk over him for whole seconds at a time!

J reveals the secret of the gift I purchased him, and just what that Chinese character meant. Those of you who guessed “Portly, but Firm”, and “Hair of Elvis, Voice of Fish” will simply have to tune in and see who won.

J regales us with tattoo talk, and I throw to my audience wide and at large: Have you any inks? Can we see them? I do not have a tattoo, and neither, weirdly, does anyone on the show that we know of. I never got around to stripping Ross and checking. I bet there is a bar code, or a heart, somewhere on his nethers. I, and you, are all gayer for having read that.

I stopped in at a local barbecue chain, namely Bubbalou’s, and we discussed that for quite some time. I really do recommend the mustard sauce. It is so good, and goes with anything from Fries to Slaw. Mmm… Slaw.

We discussed Girls Night Out (The concept, not the podcast), and determined that I am a psycho control freak, Mickey is vaguely aware of TCTHWODAMOAWK (The Chick That He Was Dating And May Once Again, Who Knows), Ross’s wife enjoys Hot Hymnal Action, and J is, apparently, rolling in bitches from Lake Jessup to the 408.

Weekly Constitutional was on “Life of Pi“. I am pretty sure I reviewed it once before, but still, go buy it, read it, and enjoy it. Best damn thing to come from an Indian since Buffalo Ribs. Mmm.

Also – If you are the sort of person who enjoys the Rocky Horror Picture Show, there is a local meet and greet doing a viewing here in Orlando. Members of SomaCow will not be present, as they have all slept with women and like to shower, but I hear it is a good time for those of you that throw toast and rub elbows and all that jazz.

There are no bones about it; we spend quite a bit of time discussing J in this hour, and then later we touch on J, followed by quite a lengthy dissertation by Mickey on the subject of J.

J likes riddles, and so, I will simply convert this episode’s blog to a series of three riddles. See if you are smart enough to come up with the answers. Try not to cheat, you silly little Googlizers!

1) – There are at least ten body parts that are spelled in three letters. Can you name them all?

2) – With pointed fangs it sits in wait, With piercing force it doles out fate, Over bloodless victims proclaiming its might, Eternally joining in a single bite. What am I?

3) – I’m a riddle in nine syllables,
An elephant, a ponderous house,
A melon strolling on two tendrils
O red fruit, Ivory, fine timber!
The loaf’s big with its yeasty rising
Money’s new minted in this fat purse.
I’m a means, a stage, a cow in calf.
I’ve eaten a bag of green apples
Boarded the train there’s no getting off.

So, yeah. Have fun with that!

We talked about J, sure, and then did a decent discussion on Mr. John McCain, who seems to need a rage doll. The man just gets into fits, and we are not so sure that is a bad thing. Better to be angry, but smart, than a complete boob. I am still pulling for Mr. Obama, as he is certainly capable of bringing eloquence back into vogue. Just look at that sentence! It REEKS of vocabulary!

Hillary? Bitch, please. I hate to relegate such a powerful woman null, but the reality is that her very actions have done that FOR her for the last twenty years. Forget all the republican spewed vitriol about “not pleasing her man” and “knowing her place”. I like a strong woman. I just feel that she is duplicitous and does not have the best interest of this nation in her “to do” list. The woman is avarice personified, and lacks genuine empathy. Or at least, that is what I know for a complete fact, having never met the woman, nor spent any real time in her company.

See, that is what I hate about the internet. Four billion yahoos yammering off their fool heads about subjects that they have no idea about. It’s sort of beautiful, isn’t it?

Okay, Heard – We haven’t really boiled it down, but – who do you want as President, and why? What is important to you now? The War? The Economy? The Food Prices? Black Preacher Etiquette? Sound off, and get into the discussion. I want to actually participate in this year’s election, instead of voting the way my wife’s dad tells me to. Let’s hear what you think, and maybe elect the better candidate.

Time Magazine turns 85, and I am lining up to be the first to pull the m’f'ing plug. DNR, all the way. What a travesty, that these people are paid any money to develop news content. I have spent time in waiting rooms, flipping through that particular week’s articles, and actually come away from Time Magazine DUMBER than I was about the subject when I sat down. Misinformation, second hand sourcing, and late-late-late breaking news. Time Magazine is news at the speed of fail.

In fact, we’d be alright with it if someone were to take Time, modern Pundits, and whoever beta tested Vista, and put them in a small room with no windows for a very long time.

Oh, and Ross was booted off the mic for the very first time! Tune in to hear why, as it will probably be an answer in whatever elaborate and unnecessarily complex trivia contest we next host.

You know who DOESN’T have suckers on their appendages? These fantastic bands!:

• All Time Low – This Is How We Do
• Toy Gun Cowboy – 99.9%

In this hour, we react to Stephen Colbert’s mock-tage of Floridian News Stories. Yes, we are a punchline, and yes, we attract weirdos, murderers, and nutbars at a far higher rate than any other state can claim… Except maybe Michigan… There has to be a lot wrong with you to live in Michigan… Seriously. It’s all…. Mitteny.

So, we highlight what hopefully will grow into a massive undertaking – The Must See/Do List of Floridian Attractions Aplenty. Not to be confused with Weird Florida, or any of a hundred other publications out there seeking to do about the same damn thing.

We touched on airboats, unchained barbecue, black hammock eats, deep sea fishing, body surfing (seriously, the Atlantic Ocean is just piss poor for board surfing. I would spend hours down at Ponce Inlet laughing at the blonde dorks, painfully slamming their bodies against the rocks, trying vainly to catch a 4 foot wave with a forty foot longboard, then, later, they would climb from the seafoam, their taut bodies rippled with exertion, and lay their lithe bodies in the warm sand for hours… Wow… This is the gayest parentheses I have ever written in. Someone close this thing, already!) and swan boat riding, and… like… more eating.

So, I was serious about the google map, detailing the locations of the best barbecue to be had in this fine state, but our chatroom apparently wasn’t, so PLEASE, comment the blog with some of those, and any of your must see/dos in this great state. We’ll make a whole thing out of it.

Also in this hour, I reviewed Albert Camoo’s “The Stranger”. Thanks to CR for the read. I cannot tell you how I felt about the book, but I will certainly read more of this author’s schtuffs. Check it out today, here’s a linkideedoodah:

We slathered sauce all over the following great tunes:

• Sullivan – Florida Queen
• The Frauds – Asphalt Dungeon
• The Vandals – So Long, Farewell

In this hour, we celebrate the rise to power for Mr. Obama. In all honesty, it is refreshing to have such a candidate, summated by Dear Ol’ Joe “Whole Lotta Darkies Under My Toolshed” Biden

“I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy [...] I mean, that’s a storybook, man.”

Indeed it is, you big bad douche. I am thrilled at a return to hope and decency. I am sure that the Republicans will throw everything they have at Mr. Obama in the coming months, but I do not worry about his ability to overcome such adversity. I mean, he will have already defeated the great spite of the Clintons. Talk about trial by fire.

It’s Listener-Mongo’s birthday, and we wish him a happy happy one at that. Also, sad news for Listener-Juan, as his entire village was recently attacked by a massive volcano. Send him pictures of your boobs c/o Mickey@somacow.com – He will make sure they find their way to Juan in this time of need.

We also discussed the failure of the Republican Party to maintain a single plank of their own platform. Show me the candidate that will actually provide:

Smaller Government
Hushing of Religion
Less Egregious Spending
Effective Foreign Policy

While I wait, I will enjoy the following great bands featured in this, our finest hour:

• Against Me – Sink Florida Sink
• Mad Caddies – State of Mind
• Nick Atoms – Different Strokes
• 350 – The World is Born of Flame