SomaCow

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Uncle Jones Nothin’ Mo’ Betta BBQ. The entire staff of SomaCow (except Ross, who had a date with a cube steak and his bare hands) invaded this friendly little soul food kitchen and broke bread, then seat, then stomach together in honor of J.

There are no bones about it; we spend quite a bit of time discussing J in this hour, and then later we touch on J, followed by quite a lengthy dissertation by Mickey on the subject of J.

J likes riddles, and so, I will simply convert this episode’s blog to a series of three riddles. See if you are smart enough to come up with the answers. Try not to cheat, you silly little Googlizers!

1) – There are at least ten body parts that are spelled in three letters. Can you name them all?

2) – With pointed fangs it sits in wait, With piercing force it doles out fate, Over bloodless victims proclaiming its might, Eternally joining in a single bite. What am I?

3) – I’m a riddle in nine syllables,
An elephant, a ponderous house,
A melon strolling on two tendrils
O red fruit, Ivory, fine timber!
The loaf’s big with its yeasty rising
Money’s new minted in this fat purse.
I’m a means, a stage, a cow in calf.
I’ve eaten a bag of green apples
Boarded the train there’s no getting off.

So, yeah. Have fun with that!

We talked about J, sure, and then did a decent discussion on Mr. John McCain, who seems to need a rage doll. The man just gets into fits, and we are not so sure that is a bad thing. Better to be angry, but smart, than a complete boob. I am still pulling for Mr. Obama, as he is certainly capable of bringing eloquence back into vogue. Just look at that sentence! It REEKS of vocabulary!

Hillary? Bitch, please. I hate to relegate such a powerful woman null, but the reality is that her very actions have done that FOR her for the last twenty years. Forget all the republican spewed vitriol about “not pleasing her man” and “knowing her place”. I like a strong woman. I just feel that she is duplicitous and does not have the best interest of this nation in her “to do” list. The woman is avarice personified, and lacks genuine empathy. Or at least, that is what I know for a complete fact, having never met the woman, nor spent any real time in her company.

See, that is what I hate about the internet. Four billion yahoos yammering off their fool heads about subjects that they have no idea about. It’s sort of beautiful, isn’t it?

Okay, Heard – We haven’t really boiled it down, but – who do you want as President, and why? What is important to you now? The War? The Economy? The Food Prices? Black Preacher Etiquette? Sound off, and get into the discussion. I want to actually participate in this year’s election, instead of voting the way my wife’s dad tells me to. Let’s hear what you think, and maybe elect the better candidate.

Time Magazine turns 85, and I am lining up to be the first to pull the m’f'ing plug. DNR, all the way. What a travesty, that these people are paid any money to develop news content. I have spent time in waiting rooms, flipping through that particular week’s articles, and actually come away from Time Magazine DUMBER than I was about the subject when I sat down. Misinformation, second hand sourcing, and late-late-late breaking news. Time Magazine is news at the speed of fail.

In fact, we’d be alright with it if someone were to take Time, modern Pundits, and whoever beta tested Vista, and put them in a small room with no windows for a very long time.

Oh, and Ross was booted off the mic for the very first time! Tune in to hear why, as it will probably be an answer in whatever elaborate and unnecessarily complex trivia contest we next host.

You know who DOESN’T have suckers on their appendages? These fantastic bands!:

• All Time Low – This Is How We Do
• Toy Gun Cowboy – 99.9%

Tags: all, barbecue, bbq, birthday, body parts, comedy, cowboy, elross, gun, hillary, independant, independent, indie, internet, j, low, mccain, music, obama, orlando, Podcast, quiz, radio, riddle, ross, somacow, talk, time, time magazine, toy, uncle jones

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, sponsored in this hour by drewshow.com (again!). The first of what needs to be many of his podcasts is now available on his webpage, so listen here, then listen there, then overlap them, and create a remix, and then sell it to BMG records for millions, and then give me, like, 7 dollars for that.

In this hour, we react to Stephen Colbert’s mock-tage of Floridian News Stories. Yes, we are a punchline, and yes, we attract weirdos, murderers, and nutbars at a far higher rate than any other state can claim… Except maybe Michigan… There has to be a lot wrong with you to live in Michigan… Seriously. It’s all…. Mitteny.

So, we highlight what hopefully will grow into a massive undertaking – The Must See/Do List of Floridian Attractions Aplenty. Not to be confused with Weird Florida, or any of a hundred other publications out there seeking to do about the same damn thing.

We touched on airboats, unchained barbecue, black hammock eats, deep sea fishing, body surfing (seriously, the Atlantic Ocean is just piss poor for board surfing. I would spend hours down at Ponce Inlet laughing at the blonde dorks, painfully slamming their bodies against the rocks, trying vainly to catch a 4 foot wave with a forty foot longboard, then, later, they would climb from the seafoam, their taut bodies rippled with exertion, and lay their lithe bodies in the warm sand for hours… Wow… This is the gayest parentheses I have ever written in. Someone close this thing, already!) and swan boat riding, and… like… more eating.

So, I was serious about the google map, detailing the locations of the best barbecue to be had in this fine state, but our chatroom apparently wasn’t, so PLEASE, comment the blog with some of those, and any of your must see/dos in this great state. We’ll make a whole thing out of it.

Also in this hour, I reviewed Albert Camoo’s “The Stranger”. Thanks to CR for the read. I cannot tell you how I felt about the book, but I will certainly read more of this author’s schtuffs. Check it out today, here’s a linkideedoodah:

We slathered sauce all over the following great tunes:

• Sullivan – Florida Queen
• The Frauds – Asphalt Dungeon
• The Vandals – So Long, Farewell

Tags: albert, attacks, barbecue, body, camus, colbert, drew, florida, map, michigan, mittens, mockery, montage, orlando, places to eat, review, show, stephen, surfing, the stranger, weird

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this episode by DrewShow.com – Check out Drew, unleashed and unfettered!

In this hour, we celebrate the rise to power for Mr. Obama. In all honesty, it is refreshing to have such a candidate, summated by Dear Ol’ Joe “Whole Lotta Darkies Under My Toolshed” Biden

“I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy [...] I mean, that’s a storybook, man.”

Indeed it is, you big bad douche. I am thrilled at a return to hope and decency. I am sure that the Republicans will throw everything they have at Mr. Obama in the coming months, but I do not worry about his ability to overcome such adversity. I mean, he will have already defeated the great spite of the Clintons. Talk about trial by fire.

It’s Listener-Mongo’s birthday, and we wish him a happy happy one at that. Also, sad news for Listener-Juan, as his entire village was recently attacked by a massive volcano. Send him pictures of your boobs c/o Mickey@somacow.com – He will make sure they find their way to Juan in this time of need.

We also discussed the failure of the Republican Party to maintain a single plank of their own platform. Show me the candidate that will actually provide:

Smaller Government
Hushing of Religion
Less Egregious Spending
Effective Foreign Policy

While I wait, I will enjoy the following great bands featured in this, our finest hour:

• Against Me – Sink Florida Sink
• Mad Caddies – State of Mind
• Nick Atoms – Different Strokes
• 350 – The World is Born of Flame

Tags: african, barack, barak, baraka, barbecue, ca ca, caca, columbia, drew, drewshow.com, hotness, hussein, iraq, mongo, mongolian, new, obama, osama, show, volcan, volcano