SomaCow

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by… SomaCow! It’s our anniversary, and we’re glad to celebrate it with you, dear listeners. Thank you to all of you that take the time to comment the blog, write Itunes reviews, vote for us on Podcast Alley, send us mail, donate to the show, subscribe to our feeds, and join us in the Ustream channel each week. It means the world to us, and we only do what we do for the sick ego feeding your attention does provide us. Thanks for that, truthfully!

In this, our finest hour, we gave away the free iTouch to a lucky listener, discussed Fair Rides, and Yet Another Way We Will All Surely Die.

At last, it was time to give up the goods, and by goods, I mean the SomaCow 8GB iTouch Media Player, which we have been trying to give to a lucky listener for weeks now. The test we set up was grueling, and we thank everyone who participated. Your email addresses are being lovingly expedited to our Chinese Masters, who will surely send you plenty of offers for mortgage enlargements and Nigerian brides. Enjoy, and give all our love to Nboonswa!

We launched into a topic of the Fair, which was in town this week here in Orlando. I personally am glad to have NOT attended, as I am a notorious (sucker) gamesman, and frequently (rarely) win the many games of chance made available on the Midway. We talked about one of my favorite small town rides, namely, the Gravitron. What an incredible comic-book like invention, allowing you to feel a momentary burst of super human strength as you cut a swath through terrified attendees, slamming hot dog carts aside and nerf-tossing popcorn machines. Am I confused, or have you ever felt this burst of sudden strength after riding this ride?

We asked the question, no, not that question, “Where have all the flowers’ stink gone?” It seems that, in addition to the crazy exodus of bees wi-fi has allegedly been causing, now the very flowers are turning listless, their scent a fraction of what it once was. Mickey is presumably all for it, as he sees no purpose in stopping to smell the roses when there is plenty work to be done. Check out his Life Coaching at the :40, spanning the topic of Sticking to Your Guns. Peanut Buttery!

We have a new producer, Ross, and he gives some great notes, specifically pulling quotes right out as they are said. I think, as a new value added addition to the value our show provides, I am going to pop in some of the better quotes at the end of these blogs.

:50 – “I’m the crazy old guy at the crossroads, shouting, “There’s Death that way!”"

Jam to the world coming down to the following dope beats:

• They Might Be Giants – Ana Ng
• Against Me! – Sink Florida Sink

Tags: against me, bees, carnie, comedy, death, elross, fair, flower, gravitron, independant, independent, indie, internet, itouch, midway, music, orlando, Podcast, pollen, radio, rides, scent, smell, somacow, talk, TEST, they might be giants, tmbg, wifi

The baby shower for the SomaCalf is coming up soon, and during a show break I asked Geoff if he wanted me to pick a gift from their registry, or whether he would prefer something more personal.

He said that what would please him most of all is if I would write and illustrate a children’s book that he could read to the baby.

This just goes to show that nothing good can ever come from talking to other humans.

Ha! No! I was actually extremely moved by his request. Children really are our future, and I would love to have a small part in stimulating their tiny minds. So, I immediately started coming up with ideas for the children’s book. Of course, I have never written a children’s book before, and I can’t even draw a picture of a circle that you would recognize as being a circle, but I am determined to give it my best shot.

Let me know which idea YOU think would be best.

---

Mr. Picklepumper’s Naughty Day
Children are naturally curious about the human body. Mr. Picklepumper’s adventures in San Francisco teach kids that its ok to look, but not touch.

Georgie Throws a Whiz
During his potty training, Georgie learns that there are a very limited number of places where it’s socially acceptable to pee.

Who Cut The Cheese?
A mystery story that encourages analytical thought and deductive skills.

But Daddy Said I Could Pet the Bees
Sometimes new parents can be inconsistent. Through simple examples, this book helps children learn to sort out conflicting information from their parents by teaching them that Mommy is always right.

Real Estate Law in a Foreclosure Market
With interest rates climbing and record numbers of Americans losing their homes, your child can be prepared to succeed regardless of industry-wide financial trends.

101 Standard Household Items That Will Fit Into Your Mouth
Rainy day activities that will keep EVERYONE on their toes!

Breastfeeding: Leave Some For Daddy
A child should feel very important in its parents’ lives. But sometimes, Mommy and Daddy need some alone time.

Let’s Build a Plastic Bag Fort!
Don’t throw away that junk in the garage! Hours of creative, fun projects to work on TOGETHER!

Goldilocks and the Three Carnivorous Ursine Antagonists
Some parents favor imagination and creativity. Others prefer a more practical, no-nonsense approach. Burst your child’s bubble early with this gritty, intense, psychological thriller.

Tags: babies, baby, bees, book, breast feeding, cheese, child, children, children's book, draw, foreclosure, parent, pee, potty training, San Francisco

A cold wind blows across the dusty plains of what was once a fertile land. Harsh, acidic rain pours down upon the horrorscape that the world has become. Mutants leap with delight on the outskirts of the few remaining pockets of humanity… A dark and mournful “moo” their only warning, before leaping upon the stragglers and travelers desperate enough to venture so far from the safety of the tent cities.

In other words, the future is bleak, people, and today we talk about why. Robots controlled by the same people responsible for this. Can you imagine the many and lame ways with which our doom will befall us? I submit that you cannot, and therefore we will be happy to expound, pontificate, and generally chat up the end of mankind.

We talked previously about the fact that all the bees disapparated, and now we know just where they all got off to…

right into this lady’s brain, apparently.

Mother Russia… Mother Russia… Mother Russia rain down down down. Look, I may just be a kino runner for the DDR, but it looks like Putin and the rest of the Generals want one more chance with the ball. Can we survive a reheating of the cold war? Hopefully we win again this time. I only hope there is enough time to get a new team captain before the game. Five dollars to the first member of The Heard that figures that convoluted analogy out. Here’s a visual aid:

SomaCow needs to get right with the Lord, if for no other end than the fried okra… mmmm… Colored Greens. That naturally led to what you need to do before you die, and it seems that no one is saving one damn penny for their retirement. 401K or Soylent Green, the choice is yours. Great book out there by the name of Die Broke. Check it out, if you wish… Better to pretend you meant to screw up your golden years than be all surprised by it.

We unleashed the holy terror of the News Bomb. There are no words to summarize what the News Bomb is. I leave it to you to go discover, and report what you have found here.

We rounded out the hour with a little surprise from Bart Simpson. Ew. Seriously. No one needed to see that.

Featured artists of the hour went jiggy thusly:

Richard Cheese-Welcome to the Jungle
Devo-Satisfaction (I Can’t Get No)
Dr. Steel-Build the Robots
Die So Fluid-Spawn of Dysfunction

Share and Enjoy, friends. Tell one friend, and then the two of you will have a secret to lord over others.

Tags: 401k, beekeeper, bees, comedy, devo, die so fluid, dr steel, internet, mother russia, orlando, Podcast, radio, richard cheese, robots, soylent green