SomaCow

Originally bitten at http://somacow.com

Mickey Has Crooked Eye
Mickey Doesn’t Like Sweet Puppies
50 Beers in 50 Days
Jamie Played Poker
Jamie Mowed The Grass
Geoff Did The Dishes
Do Something Nice For Your SO
Sorcerer’s Apprentice
Netflix vs Rental vs In Theatre
Internet Killed The Video/Game/Music Star
Self Checkout

Check out the forum for neat stuff from everyone!

Tags: 50 beers, 50 brews, bite, comedy, crooked eye, dishes, dog, internet, mow the grass, netflix, orlando, Podcast, poker, puppy, radio, self checkout, somacow, sorcerer's apprentice, talk

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Dr. Joseph Vo and his superior optometry skillz. You made an old, feeble, sweet smelling man feel safe, and for that, we salute you!

In this, our finest hour, we discussed J’s new glasses (which you can check out in our Ustream Channel, if he ever wears them again), sharks (and other dangerous things that can lurk in the water), and Hurricanoes and Earthaquakes (We’re all gonna die!)

Ah, glasses. I think no single appliance can so instantly, effortlessly, and effectively ostracize a kid from his existing peer group more so than a good set of really bad eyewear. Certainly, in the last few years, huge leaps have been made in the advancement of the frames and lenses, but, at the end of the day, bottom line, you know in your heart that wearing glasses means you are genetically weak. You are the fail. Team captains will never pick you for any position, and will often try to make the ball connect with your face in hundreds of exciting ways. Women can never truly love you, for you will always suffer from blind spermatozoa, forever bumping their heads uselessly against the vaginal wall, never reaching an egg without squinting their teensy sperm eyes. I hate to be the one to break this to you, but it is time you knew. If we all lived on an island, your “friends” and cohorts would set up the bomb, and drop a giant rock on your head, killing you horribly and forever silencing your fat, whiny mouth. SHUT UP, PIGGY!

But honestly, with all the advancements medical science has given us, like shoving glass into your eyeball and choking your retinas, or slicing open the ocular tissue with friggen laser beams and “deflating” your optic nerve to make it more aesthetically pleasing, you should not worry. There is no reason your continued ocular degeneration should keep you from living a healthy and normal life, swimming through the cavernous depths of some dank cave, forever polishing various junk jewelry and arguing with fat hairy hobbits about where the wind blows.

Look, people. I am just in a bad mood. I can see it in my writing. We talked about some great stuff in this episode, and you should give it a listen. We’re very funny, and very witty, and very self-deprecating, and Mickey and J BOTH get in some good ones, so tune in, and check out the following great bands.

• Goldfinger – One More Time
• Ryan Shaw – I Do the Jerk

I, for one, have already referenced Lord of the Flies AND Lord of the Rings in one blog, and I just do not want to wait around and see what will happen next. I think you and I both are better off without it coming to that.

And don’t forget the Newsbomb at the :20. It’s summed up well:

“You took a week that had no news…”

“…and turned it into a bit with no jokes!”

Tags: attack, bite, glasses, goldfinger, lord of the, orlando, Podcast, see, shark, sight, somacow, vision

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you this episode by the fine folks at Nobodylikeonions.com. If you like podcasting, these boys broke serious ground and have held up admirably over the years.

So, in this hour, we say goodbye to ‘07 and all that it entailed, including a rundown of our respective Christmases. I had a really great time at my wife’s parents, Mickey had a miserable time in Jacksonville, and J got a tie clip, and some slinkies, or something.

Okay, so, Christmas – Three things:

1. What the hell is the deal with Brighthouse trying to pretend they are giving us a Yule Log Exclusive? I am watching my TV, and here is a yule log, courtesy of Channel 13… I go to my wife’s parents’ house, and there is the EXACT SAME YULE LOG, NOW FROM BAY NEWS 9? SINNERS!

So, yeah…. tell me how those stocking weren’t hung with care for dear old “Cunt”? Classy, you crazy cable companies.

2. Christmas Eve Dinner – One should not trust that Albertson’s will be open on Christmas Eve, because, it turns out, the manager may decide to suffer spontaneous Anti-Scroogification and send his whole staff home at 6pm, leaving you with only one Christmas Eve Dinner Option:

Believe me… If you eat this kind of meal, Santa will not come, although any creatures that may have once stirred in your home will be quite dead from the fumes, including your dogs, wife, and fish.

And…

3. Make sure you swing by Kobe and check out Isamu Mao, or whatever Diana says was his name. This dude lit the fires of Nippon and served it up with unparalleled skill and ruthlessness.

Look at that onion. LOOK AT IT. It’s like some kind of Vegeta of Babel, and stuff.

Oh, and screw the RIAA! Merry New Year, you guys! We appreciate it all, and we’ll be back Wednesday with Resolute Desks… and stuff!

Straight Outta Junior High – Meat Heads, Douche Bags, and Me
Justice – D.A.N.C.E.
NOFX – Separation of Church and Skate
PieTasters – Change My Ways

Tags: 7-11, alternative, big, bite, christmas, desks, dog, happy, high, hot, independant, independent, internet, junior, justice, kobe, likes, merry, new, nobody, nofx, onion, orlando, outta, Podcast, radio, resolute, sojh, straight, year