SomaCow

Originally pasteurized at SomaCow.com

In this hour we discussed Famous Fat Guys, Ross’s Dapper Makeover, and An Incident at Chick-Fil-A.

I spent a good amount of energy screaming about breastfeeding in this hour, and I know that I sometimes get so hot that facts get ignored, or emotion overcomes discussion. I want to take a moment to give you some real reasons to not only allow women to breastfeed, but to further encourage them to do so:

1. A baby with a mouthful of titty shuts up. It’s true! Some stoic babies may make a few muffled “meh” noises between sucks, but for the most part, boob in mouth means I can eat my chicken sandwich and not hear

AAAAAHHHHHHHHGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

for half an hour. Isn’t that nice? Yes it is. Shhh.

2. Breastfeeding moms use up more calories, and therefore are not giant and fat and nasty. It’s true. If you know a chick with a baby, you can tell her to damn near ignore “getting back to the gym” simply by eating marginally healthy and using her boob for its intended purpose.

3. Might see a boob – as Elross points out in this hour, few boobs under the age of 65 should go unobserved.

4. Formula, and the poop made BY formula, stinks 256% more than regular poop. Seriously. That smell? That awful smell coming from over there? That’s Enfamil, Nestle, and whatever other poison crap most moms seem to give their kids these days.

5. SOMEONE in the restaurant should be eating a food that doesn’t kill them from the inside.

I am officially at the end of my rope on this topic. I welcome you, whomever you are, to let me know in person that you are against breastfeeding. Stupid bastards.

Tags: baby, boob, breastfeeding, chick-fil-a, comedy, fat guys, formula, internet, orlando, Podcast, radio, somacow, talk

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow brought to you by La Leche League. Feed your babies untainted milk!

In this episode the guys talk about beefs, small packages, and porn!

You know, having a baby sure does change your life. And I’m not talking about the physical act of birthing the baby, I mean just having one around. You might say “duh” but let me tell you… For the last 9 years, until 4 months ago, Geoff was a night owl. He would be up until 1 am easily watching TV, playing on the computer… I can’t count the number of times I fell asleep sitting up just trying to keep up with him. But that baby…you suddenly have all of these new worries, or, if they are the same worries, they are 10 times more worrisome now… Is the baby eating enough? Too much? How will I pay for her college? Is she happy? Will I lose my job? Who will watch her? Will she take the bottle???

And while I worry about them, Geoff works 60 hour weeks, puts on a great show, and spends as much time as he can with Rowan, all along worrying about the above and 100 other things. I’m glad he worries, I’m glad to know I’m not alone, and it’s good he thinks about these things and doesn’t just shrug things off until the worst happens.The worrying never goes away, though, does it?

So anyway, yeah, I’m using this blog space to type this (what else will I do with the notes I have ha! *wink*) as Geoff has passed out next to me at 9 PM and has to be up again early tomorrow morning. I’ll be sure to also throw his bedtime clothes on.

So in this episode, where Geoff, Mickey, J, and the live chatroom were definitely not sleeping, McDonalds was blamed for the meatpocalypse. Then Mickey talked about his small package and gave us all an update. Thanks Mickey!

After that they went into porn and the Chinese Milk drama. I can not wait to go back and listen to THAT segue!

Most importantly, birthdays were talked about. Who doesn’t love a birthday?? Well, Ross is hitting a big one (not the rolled up or water or gravity style, his age silly) and we hear he is having some kind of get together. Rumor has it maybe some trivia involved? We are so there!

So Ross, Happy Birthday. Despite what the song says, you are special!

And Geoff’s birthday is coming up and we are planning some mega-eating for that one. Check in, we’ll keep you posted on where and when but for now, pencil in Saturday, October 25th for some eating!

And in this week’s Weekly Constitutional (which he really does have to do in the bathroom, when else would he have time?) Geoff laments the fact that his Borders was going out of business. The only good thing? The number of books he got for next to nothing! But it is sad…all the little independent stores are practically gone and now the big ones, too?

What isn’t gone is our great music played this episode:

• Dirty Wormz – Top of the Food Chain
• No More Kings – God Breathed

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Tags: baby, beef, birthday, borders, breastfeeding, chat, comedy, dirty wormz, formula, geoff, Happy Birthday to You, Holidays and Special Days, internet, Kids and Teens, kingdom of loathing, kol, la leche league, La Leche League International, mcdonalds, meatpocalypse, milk, orlando, Podcast, porn, radio, sleep, small package, somacow, stress, talk, television, trivia, ustream

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Enfamil. If you want a baby with allergies, stomach cramps, constipation, ear infections, and a low IQ, you CANNOT go wrong with formula!

In this hour, we discussed Home Birth vs. Hospital Death, Public Breastfeeding, and just what do you do with all those leftovers?

When I first met my wife, I held a vague image of what a birth should be like. The mother would lie down in a sterile hospital, surrounded by competent medical staff, who would work to get a television on for her so she would not be bored while she sat through her experience. She’d rest, munching ice chips and bon bons, comfortably numb from the waist down, and waiting for gravity, or a pair of tongs, to gently wrest her baby from inside of her body. I, the beleaguered and smoking husband, would pace, at a bar, presumably, and wait for a shiny black rotary phone hung on the wall to ring. Upon the moment of birth, a nurse would call me, and I would hand out cigars and go to meet my son. Or daughter. Probably son, though.

Fast forward to today. After spending some time researching the topic, watching The Business of Being Born, and speaking to God knows how many angry women, I now realize that hospital birth is unnatural. Hospitals are a place for the dying. What good they did in cutting back the infant mortality rate is now being overshadowed by the rising tide of generally unwell people we are becoming. Diabetes, infections, weak immune systems and most of today’s illnesses and emotional disorders can be drawn back, convincingly, to improper treatment of the mother and the fetus during birth.

It’s entirely possible that the ass that just cut you off in traffic, flicking a cigarette butt at your windshield and chowing down on a bacon double cheeseburger was in fact NOT breastfed as a child. Or, J. Or Mickey, last year? Or even me. But I was breastfed… Most of the time.

We discussed public breastfeeding, which I am for, and dry-boob breastfeeding, which I am not for, and the oversexualization of a food source. I ask the men of our audience, have you ever wondered just WHY you like boobs so much? I always thought it was silly, but I learned through enough Married With Children episodes that it was my duty to care for the bags of milk glands, and so I did. I wouldn’t want to go back, but… To this day, when I see boobs, I am sort of unimpressed. Cursed, my existence.

We also chatted about Placentas. In my birthing class, I learned that some people sell Breast Milk and/or Placenta tissue on the internet. Is this true? This cannot be true. Somebody, get me a fact sheet, or a final sale Ebay auction, or something. Our teacher said that there was a doctor with some kind of cancer, and he was paying fat bank for mom moojuice on the internets. Urban legend? Let me know.

Mickey was out again, and so Ross filled in with us once more, giving some good fatherly advice beside J on the subject of Potty Training, Violence at Furniture, and even stepping up for a little Life Coaching at the :40! It’s truly a One to Grow On moment for everyone involved! Those of you bored from the boob talk can enjoy our suggestion for the newest RonCo Device.

We supped from the burgeoning teats of the following great boobs:

• The Meat Purveyors – 100 miles
• Birds & Batteries – Heart of Gold

Tags: baby formula, batteries, birds, bon bons, boobs, breast milk, breastfed, breastfeeding, breastmilk, business of being born, comedy, constipation, ear infections, ebay, formula, home birth, hospital, indie, internet, low IQ, meat purveyors, mortality, music, orlando, placenta, Podcast, potty training, public breastfeeding, radio, ronco, stomach cramps