SomaCow

This is a blog about a fat guy who got hip checked when reality handed him Diabetes and asked, “Do You Want To Die?”

Today is Halloween, All Hallow’s Eve, and my samhnag was carved up and ready to go by 12:00 noon today.

I was standing outside, reflecting on what life had become over the last month, while I waited for trick or treaters to come to my house. I watched kids chasing through the shadows, eager to fill their sacks and buckets with as much sucrose as they could lay hands on.

So many of them were fat, pudgy, short of breath, asthmatic, possibly? There’s their dad, smoking like a chimney, his tummy paunched forward, maybe just a gut, maybe cirrhosis.

There’s their mom, walking in that vaguely penguin way women must when their thighs have grown so flabby the skin rubs raw with each heavy, flip-flop mauling step.

As I asked on the show this week, “Why do I need to watch horror movies anymore?”

What emotion  can I muster from watching Pinhead flay the flesh from some chump’s bones, when I know a few high glucose numbers, or low numbers, could see me in a coma, never to wake again?

What terror could possess me about hell, the devil, or demons, when I know I have probably given my own child a loosely wrapped gift, which she may inadvertently open one day and discover this idiot disease waiting inside?

My dreams are no longer haunted by a Freddy Krueger, they are filled with visions of needles and foot amputation and ever-blander diets and waking up one day to find the meds just do not work anymore, or heart disease has finally come home to stay, or my eyes are no longer working.

If the body is a house, this disease is mold. It gets in the eaves, the spaces between the walls, underneath the floorboards, and it festers. It grinds away at the good parts, and corrupts what it touches.

I am thankful I can still see, I just wish the view was not this weirdness.

I know, it looks like I forgot to wash myself.

I didn’t. And those aren’t freckles.

It’s either little burst blood vessels from all of my exercising, or diabetic dermopathy, or some new horror. My next appointment isn’t until January 20 somethingth, and I think I might should schedule a look-see before then.

I’ll keep an eye on it. I really hope nothing is wrong. Otherwise, I had a great birthday, and Rowan had a great Halloween, and I am off to pay back some sleep debt!

Tags: ankles, brown, brownish, calf, dirty, dots, foot, leg, little, red, shin, small, specks, spots, tiny, weird

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Repticon. For all your stinging, biting and creeping horror needs, Repticon is a one stop shop for pets sure to scare the living crap out of your neighbors.

Saturday was a big day for me and my wife, as we decided to actually leave the SomaCow Studio Compound and Sausage Emporium and head out. I had been told by a friend that Repticon made for a good fun walk-around, so we piled into the Saturn Running Show and headed over.

Place was amazing. I talk about it some in this episode, and Jen got a buttload of excellent pics which you can check out while listening – Some of these things have otherwordly colors, and blew my mind. Hell of a lot bigger selection than what we see at Pet Bazaar or any of the local cricket and mealworm shops.

There were lots of women there, surprisingly. I really do not know what that is about. Mickey and J say Snakes=Penis. Mickey feels that pets signal the death of a person’s social life, and I tend to agree.

Those of you that like snakes, you should head down to the Central Florida Zoo and wave “hi” to a good friend of ours serpents, both of whom idle away their luxuriant life in happy herpe heaven. Maybe next weekend I will hit the zoo and get you guys some pics. God knows something good has to come out of that camera I bought Jen.

We talk a lot about snakes, and Mickey clues us in to what it REALLY means when a chick touches a reptile. I wonder what it means when a chick touches her iPod iTouch, that she won from SomaCow Media? Take the test and win!

Also – PSA -don’t have hermit crabs as pets- You think it’s cute. Your kid may say they do, but they are lying. Stop scaring your children, people.

We finally agree that, for some people, reptiles are just their “Thing” – Everyone needs to have a thing, something that they get nutty for, or follow religiously. Mickey’s might be comics, mine might be authors and their first editions, and J… J loves shrimp.It came up during the episode, and maybe you can sound off here: How much would you pay for a piece of the moon, or what object would you pay an exorbitant amount for, far above it’s supposed “value”?

Check out J’s NewsBomb at the :40, where he makes Mickey AND I laugh. No. REALLY!
In sadder news -

Guess who’s Back?

Back Again?

Nader’s Back.

Stupid Bastard.

Yeah, it didn’t rhyme, but there is no less evocative, more meaningless, less likely candidate to ever announce. I have more belief that Chavez, or Charlie Chaplin, or Charlie freaking Brown, could be elected, than Ralph. S. Mouse Nader. Dude is a perfect example of the guy that just does not know when to leave the party and go the F home. And that’s coming from a card carrying member of the Green Party. That whole organization is falling apart at the seams. Maybe I will fix it in a later episode.

We rounded out the hour with some Oscar talks. We must just not get out to the theaters enough, cause I have not seen a single big contender. Give me some suggestions, listeners. I saw 3:10 to Yuma, and it was excellent. What else from this year’s harvest should I be seeing?I apologize for the Jungle Fever singing. Sincerely.

Don’t forget to check out Justice at the Club at Firestone, coming soon. Get in, get’tained, and let us know how it was.

And enjoy the following hissy hissy tunes in this episode:

• Cobra Starship – Bring It (Snakes on a Plane)
• Bittybox – Snake Eyes

Tags: anything, bastard, bazaar, bittybox, brown, camera, central, chaplin, charlie, chavez, club, cobra, comedy, contest, cricket, dance, emporium, firestone, fl, flickr, florida, free, green, independant, independent, ipod, itouch, justice, mealworm, mouse, music, mysgyn, nader, nikon, orlando, oscar, party, penis, pet, Podcast, radio, ralph, repticon, reptile, s, sanford, saturn, sausage, say, snake, starship, stupid, talk, woman, women, zoo