SomaCow

Originally lynched at SomaCow.com

From the dictations of Ross P Montegue Esq.

J’s Weight Loss Dillema
Family Guy Too Far?
Burger King: Flame Broiled Retard Fingernails
Geoff’s CONtarded Assassin
The Ankle Cut Scene in Pet Cemetary (link to Youtube)
Geoff’s A.R.M.
Twitter Saves Studio G
Mickey Looking for a House
Somacow Bank
Put Your Hecking Seat Up
Mitt Romney- Hero
40-G-”We fought nakedly and honorably.”
12 Feet of Mexican, for the Record
Mickey Throws the Hitler Card
Learn American, Yo

Tags: Alaskan Govenor, burger king, Buying a home, Herman Munster, Hitler was a pathetic fuck, How to get 1000 followers on twitter, Mitt Romney, sarah palin, Seth McFarlane, twitter, weight loss

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by our new show, Prime Time Geek – Plug in, and be enlightertained!

So, in this hour, we decided to put right a great wrong, namely, underappreciation of our Producer, Ross. The guy goes through so much to get our show out each week… And we don’t even offer him health insurance! Thrill in this hour as we discuss the horrific child abuse he suffered, resulting in this.

Ross is still recovering from his mishap, and so we dedicated a whole episode to his news stories. And don’t think we just skirt a bunch of headlines… This is extensive, deep thrusting journalism. A whole hour of all the news THEY don’t want you to know!

I spent a little time just now, watching CNN, Fox, etc. I am amazed that these channels still exist. Poorly pronounced non-facts being flubbed by overly teethy smilamatrons, lying through their eyes as they glaze over truth and push policy as press. Nasty. Not so here at SomaCow, where we mutter the truth between mouthfuls of whatever food some kind listener has so graciously graced us with.

So we chatted about Chinese Men that smoke, and Waffle Houses, and Waffles in General, and the supreme Waffle.

It was pretty sweet, all around.

If I could turn aside from the jocularity and goofiness we normally get up to, I have a real question for you, the listener. Please be honest.
Why…

Does Burger King…

Make such an awful stomach pain?

You don’t believe me? Go eat some tater tots, and get back to me. IF YOU CAN.

Tags: burger king, Child abuse, Children Youth and Family, cnn, General officer, Health insurance, Journalism, United States

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow brought to you by Redboy Podcast.

Hi everyone! It’s me, Jen. I’m filling in for Geoff while he nurses the baby, er, I mean, sleeps…

Do you miss me? You know, you can always come chat with me while I listen to SomaCow on Ustream, and also of course for Say… Anything. I know I miss my notetaking! I am going to do my best to let you know about this hour using Ross’s cryptic notes.

From the first three lines I can surmise that John Edwards had sex, Bernie Mac died, and the boys have a death wish on another comedian??

Then it says Budweiser is greater than divided by 3. Now I love math, but this formula has had me scratching my head so much the dogs are bringing me the Advantage! This led into “beer talk”. I do remember this from the live show…Kostritzer is teh yummy…

The next line says either WW IIII or WW VII but I think those are both wrong? No clue.

But opposite of war is peace, like the Olympics! The opener was supposed to be grand, and the guys want Bob Costas to get ‘STUF’fed? Do they think he’s too skinny?

Mickey peed in the Navy. OK, I really don’t understand how this is noteworthy! Unless he literally peed IN the Navy…but what does that even mean?

And the last note on the page is that Mickey was stranded at Burger King without paper. I guess Mickey likes taking notes, too?

Well, I know that reading these notes and trying to give them back to you, dear Heard, does not do the hour justice because when listening live from 1-2 PM Eastern last Saturday, it flew by and was quite entertaining. So take a listen, and maybe you can help me decipher these notes. We’ll call it a SomaCow mystery.

What wasn’t a mystery was the music this week!

• They Might Be Giants – Istanbul, not Constantinople

Tags: beer, bernie mac, bob costas, bud, Budweiser, burger king, comedy, dead, dies, internet, john edwards, kingdomofloathing, kol, kostritzer, navy, notes, olympics, orlando, pee, piss, Podcast, radio, redboy, richard belzer, say anything, sex, somacow, talk, they might be giants, tmbg, ustream