SomaCow

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by PlentyofFish.com – When s*&% goes south, they’re there to help you find Mr. or Ms. Right for Right Now with a quickness!

So, I was rebuffed in my efforts to welcome a new show here to the network, as it seems the cohosts slotted to fill that bill are no longer… “into” it. Shame, but that is the way of love. I am just hoping that Mickey and The Chick That He Is No Longer Dating, But Remains Amicable With For Now While They Serve Out Their Lease are each happy when the dust from this all settles.

Love is weird, whether you are single and dating, or being a part of a traditional relationship. Simple logic would seem to indicate that men and women should be together, and yet society, our own lusts, and a multitude of other reasons always culminate in our often messy and usually painful break ups. With so many classifications existing now to describe your “way” of being with another, from F-buddy to life partner to booty call to platonic friend to soul mate to the ol’ ball and chain to sweetheart to wife and back again… As a species, we sure have a lot of names for “mate”.

We all look forward to living vicariously through Mickey, as he thrusts forth into the wading pool of modern dating, and hope to develop significant topic mileage out of his triumphs and pratfalls as he goes to find the new CTHWBD.

Seriously, ladies. He’s a catch. Pay no attention to his modest self-descriptions. Maybe I will go make him a profile at PoF.com now. Hmm.

I mean hell, he beats this guy:

http://www.plentyoffish.com/member8445197.htm

Hey folks.  Just a side note from us folks down at the production staff.  We are normally given a list of topics and from those we create the cover for each show.  Before the “announcement” (seriously, how pathetic was that?) we were paid by a sponsor to slip their info into the cover.

This was supposed to be the cover before cry-boy took the spotlight:

The good thing about the breakup is that he has stopped yelling at us and throwing shit around the room.  He just sits in his office sobbing like a wounded beef-a-lo.

Tags: advice, breakups, chick, comedy, dating, Life partner, love, Mickey Miller, orlando, Platonic love, plenty of fish, Podcast, radio, relationships, Romance, Single, somacow, Swimming pool, talk

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by muchedumbre.com. I was told every time a user creates a free account and posts there, a Mickey gets his due dew.

Right off the bat, as promised, I just wanted to provide the link to “Office Space” as a drama:

http://www.thetrailermash.com/office-space-drama/

Sorry, still cracks me up.

In this hour, we break free from topicality and attempt to center the holy light of our podcast onto the shining countenance of our very own Mickey. New listeners can get up to speed on what makes this production dynamo tick, and old listeners can compare this episode’s lies with previous lies and see which lies lie best!

We talk about my good, good friend quite a bit, and so I will just add a simple game here in the blog. Winner gets a free slap and tickle!

Better know a Mickey:

Mickey works at “The Facility” – what industry does the facility cater to?

Mickey lived in Georgia at one point. I know, ick, right? What town did he call home for the most part in that awful, awful state?

Mickey has a Chick. The chick once ordered “the most look-at-me food” in existence. What dish says “PAY ATTENTION TO ME!”?

Add up your scores, and let me know how you did!

While enjoying an hour of Mickey, we also cavorted (yeah, I said cavorted) to the following bands:

• Gogol Bordello – Supertheory of Supereverything
• Goldfinger – Handjobs for Jesus

Tags: Arts, Characters, chick, comedy, drama, georgia, gogol bordello, goldfinger, internet, kingdom of loathing, kol, mickey, movies, muchedumbre, music, office space, orlando, Podcast, radio, slap and tickle, somacow, space, talk, the facility

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Kevin’s stupid hat. It really is the dumbest looking hat a man can wear.

If you personally own such a hat, throw it in a trash can with all speed. Seriously.

So, SomaCow invaded Disney’s Wide World of Schportzen to watch the Atlanta Braves take on the Cleveland Indians. It was an absolutely gorgeous day, and Disney has a great ballfield out there in Kissimmee. I highly recommend it, but you will need to take certain steps to ensure you enjoy the day.

1. Bring water, so that you have something to drink on your way to the concession stand to buy beer. Remember that after a few beers, you will develop sun-skunk mouth, so make sure you bring a few extra bucks for a cool-refreshing soda. The soda will probably be too sweet, so you will want to get a pretzel to cut the sweetness, at which point, you will realize that you are pretty hungry, so you might as well get a hot dog. OooH! OR a burger! and nothing goes with a burger like fries, or better still, cheese fries! Those are pretty good, and you might as well grab some popcorn while you are waiting for all that food to cook, so go ahead, at least, unless you would rather have a lemon-icee… Woof… That was pretty sour, better nip up on some of that cotton candy to reset your tongue, although… cotton candy is kinda dry, so, yeah, make sure you bring some water. It is important to stay hydrated.

2. Get the Program if you have kids. It’s a good memento for them, and it will remind you of who the hell is playing. If you do not have kids, save your money for “water”.

3. Get a seat on the lawn. The lawn is where it is at. If you are in a seat, you can not see what is going on. Below is a picture of what I saw from a seat:

Whereas this is what I saw from the lawn:

Yeah.

4. Even in springtime, it can get downright scorching outside. Plan in advance, as the ladies above did, by wearing very little and keeping a cool breeze on your skin. Unless you are a guy. If you are a guy, use beer in copious quantities, and under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you ever remove your shirt. No one wants to see that, and people paid money to be here, for God’s sake.

(Pic Deleted Out of Taste and Dignity)

5. If you must remove your shirt, do not allow your reasonably hot girlfriend to apply sunscreen for you. The application of sunscreen is a one-way understanding. Male applies to Self, Male applies to Female, Ideally, Females apply to Female, and then tickle Female a lot. NO self-respecting guy should ever get himself into a situation where he is having gay love messages quasi-permanently emblazoned into his skin.

6. Be shade for someone. It’s the right thing to do.

We were joined again by the lovely ladies of Say… Anything, which is always nice. Thanks to everyone that has let us know how great they sounded. We will be sure to have J grow some boobs. We talked up the proper care of hotdogs, and the idea that all relationships are doomed.

They are, you know. Consider every relationship a game of Tetris. You work hard, trying to fit all their stupid shit into your brain, constantly praying that they will drop you some nookie, in the form of a four-in-a-row piece. On and on you plod, shoving their insecurities here, their inconsistencies there, and all of the sudden, you have holes all over the place, and the stupid b&$ch hasn’t given you head in four months, and her dumb friends are coming over again for the third time this week, and they’re all fat, and loud, and short, and they smell like cinnamon farts, and her cat shat all over your shoes again, which is fine, cause they are the stupid shoes she picked out for you to wear in the first place, and kinda made you look gay, but now you have nothing to wear when she drags you off to some retarded renaissance fair, where you will AGAIN get to hang out with her fat friends, except with stupid fancypants and bad food and mosquitoes and fat nerds from Omaha wearing poorly cut felt hats. Anyway… F%$k the Russians, F@&k that Bard, and F*#k Tetris!

We enjoyed the following quality music selections in this, our finest hour:

• They Might Be Giants – Why Does the Sun Shine?
• The Presidents of the United States of America – Rot in the Sun

Stay tuned at the :40 for some Life Coaching with Mickey (Who is NOT an asshole, and is actually quite pleasant)

And some cereal talk. I don’t know why, it just happened.

Tags: asshold, atlanta braves, ballpark, be, beer, chick, cinammon farts, cleveland indians, coaching, comedy, disney, food, giants, hot, hot dog, independant, independent, internet, lawn, lesbian, life, lotion, massage, might, music, omaha, orlando, Podcast, potus, presidents of the united states, radio, relationships, russians, say anything, seat, shade, shirt, soda, somacow, stupid hat, talk, tetris, they, tmbg, water, wide world of sports