SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by green beans. They are delicious.
In this hour, I rant a rave about a sickening television trend on TLC, we review GlutenFree Books, and we unveil a brilliant idea for a new Theme Park.
I really cannot say enough negative about parents who enter their children in beauty pageants. But I will try.
Look, everyone wants to live forever. Everyone wishes they had studied harder, or practiced kicking farther, or played more (or less) cello, or kissed that one girl, or not punched that cop in the stomach and run out of the Kmart with his handgun waving it randomly at passers-by, but we all made the choices we made. LIVE with them. Help your child avoid pitfalls, but not at the sacrifice of their childhood. No one cares what you thought you could be, and odds are pretty good your kid will fail too. It’s in their genes.
Daughters, especially, have a whole lifetime to realize that women are judged by their breasts, their hair, their waist size, their teeth, their shoes, their underwear, their nail color, their earrings, and, sometimes, their mind. Why expose them to that truth this early and crush any hope of a day without judgment?
I guess what bothers me so much about Child-Beauty-Talent-Show-Moms is that they are universally loathsome to look at and listen to. Fat, swollen mounds of badflesh, sitting and stewing in their spandex, laboriously flexing their leathery, Jabba-like tongues in anticipation of a win. Frail, emaciated bags of sticks, hawkish and severe as they pinch their kids’ cheeks, desperately seeking mirth via force. Dead-eyed, fish-bellied, and horrific in every way.
And the kids themselves? Precocious was passed, long, long ago. These big haired, over-makeupped preschoolers were doomed from the uterus.
Hey Geoff? I’m a woman and a mom, let me step in here. Thanks. Hi guys! It’s Jen from ComaSow. I can only imagine what these moms are going through. Yeah, I mean that, I would have to have a huge imagination to understand them! I am not a girly girl, most of you know that. I thought I always wanted a son, and when I was pregnant I thought about why. Most of my girlfriends said they wanted girls so they could go shopping and play. I realized that was exactly why I didn’t want a girl, I wasn’t looking for a shopping buddy, I was looking for a child, and boys seemed cooler. When I found out I was having a girl, while ecstatic, I went through a lot of fear and wonder about how she’ll look-will she be too pretty? not pretty enough? and right there I realized I was worried about her looks!
So I’ve stopped that. I let her hair fall in her eyes, I let her wear hand-me-down boy clothes, I don’t make her socks match her outfit. I’m not saying my daughter shouldn’t look good, but these moms mentioned above scare the living crap out of me! Now, I’ve never liked pageants so I wasn’t afraid that I would become one of those moms, but I didn’t even want to come close to it so maybe I’m leaning far over the other way.
I know that as a mom, you want your child to have all you didn’t, but that doesn’t mean you want them to live out YOUR dreams. My mom wanted me to have the “perfect” wedding she couldn’t have, but it crossed over into her trying to plan what SHE wanted, not what I wanted. Thankfully, I was a 31 year old woman who could recognize this and stop it. Unfortunately, a child, hell even someone in their early 20s possibly, does not have that ability. Oh I get so angry! It is so obvious these children are just doing what they think will make their parents happy, not what makes them happy. Do you know many/any 22 year old women who have NEVER been in a pageant and suddenly just want to? No? Not me, either. They all were in some pretty baby shit or little Miss Bartow parade.
So what makes me so mad? It’s the fact that these girls are taught that they have to wear makeup, frilly dresses that are way too short, hair up, and do way too seductive looking poses! It’s sick! They should be out playing, not spinning so judges can see their backsides! And they get it in their mind that they must always dress up, and cover up their face with paint, and show legs, and perform for others, and now they are obsessive about their looks for the rest of their lives. Or maybe they rebel, get fat, have zits, and then regret that they didn’t stay with pageants and force THEIR daughters into them!
Ok, I have gone on long enough. This isn’t a rant episode, but as Geoff was writing this and talking to me about it I just had to get it all out. So what do you all think? Say it. I can take it, I ain’t some pageant girl woos.
Tags: beauty pageants, child, children, comasow, comedy, green beans, internet, orlando, Podcast, radio, somacow, talent, talk
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