Posts Tagged “cnn”Originally voyeured at SomaCow.com
Ross takes notes during the show. Here they are: Jeff Howell Fail-for now
Sep
29
2009
22 Things Men Can Teach Their Daughters About Men and RelationshipsPosted by: Geoff in Cow FlopsI am a dad, and pretty busy, but after reading the snark-dumb of the recent Frisky article “22 Things Women Can Teach Their Sons About Women and Relationships“, (is it 22 things per the title? 15 per the link title? 18 per the CNN title? Come on ladies make up your mind!) I feel I would be remiss if I did not respond in kind. I know an awful lot about men and how to avoid irritating them, so I plan to pass that knowledge down to women in hopes that it will stem the flow, so to speak, of antagonistic gender bullying.
I hope to rid the female sex of all the things that make us rant by raising women with balanced male and female perspectives. Here are the 22 things I’d teach them.
1. Stop fucking with your hair so much. It’s weird. Get a simple cut, one that you can maintain. No woman should be spending over 100 dollars a month on hair care, nor should it take more than 5 minutes to go from “showered” to “ready”.
2. If you want a guy to go down, make sure you have a clean plate, and keep the parsley to a minimum
3. Pick up your feet when you walk, especially if you are the kind of slattern who insists on wearing flip flops every day.
4. If someone tells you that you are being “crazy”, you should evaluate your behavior. It isn’t an idle statement, it’s a subjective opinion that your behavior and thinking are not sane or rational.
5. Cooking, cleaning, and taking care of children are tasks related to establishing a home. A woman can be proud of these things.Young women should be taught to prepare food. Far too many women today are fucking clueless in the kitchen. It isn’t a prison, it’s a life-skill. Know it, and be ashamed of yourself until you do.
6. Stop looking to the eating of food as the solution to your problems. Chocolate is a fattening treat, not a therapy device.
7. Don’t ask your man to do things he does not want to do simply because you want to see if he will. It’s insulting, and he will hate you for it.
8. Gifts are another way of buying you. If you are for sale, then whore up, whore.
9. A woman who earns more than a man is a novelty. Spend less time wondering how it impacts men and more time using your position to set right the imbalances in the sexes with regard to your immediate workplace.
10. Men have nuts. Nuts itch. Welcome to the world.
11. Be on time. Seriously. It’s fucking rude to show up late.
12. Don’t spend more time shopping than you do volunteering. Life is more than pants.
13. If he does not make you happy in bed, it’s because you aren’t telling him what you need done.
14. Stop having so many favorites. A daisy, a tulip, a rose, a buttercup – all have merit, all matter, and all are indicative of the fact that the guy actually thought about you. Take the fucking thing, and smooch him. Be happy someone cares whether or not you are alive.
15. Get the fuck over your shoes.
16. If he does not listen to you, your rhetoric is shamefully dull. Think more, speak less.
17. Sharts happen.
18. Your emotions should be natural. If you are crying to get optimal action from someone else, you are scum.
19. Just because you are fat does not mean you have a great personality. Odds are, you are fat AND narcissitic, fat AND
underread, fat AND suffering from Halitosis. Work it out.
20. Avoid his family, odds are they are assholes.
21. Never say that someone will never understand you. You are not a riddle, a puzzle, or an enigma. You are flesh, sweat, and jokes. If you cannot fuck, function, or be fun, STFU and work on it.
22. Tell your mother to mind her own goddamned business, or he will hate you for it.
Tags: chocolate, cnn, Cooking, crazy, daughters, eating, fat, flip flops, flowers, food, frisky, gift, girls, hair, late, men, mother, on time, relationship, shopping, somacow, sons, teach, volunteering, walk, whore, women SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by The Drew Show. Check ‘em out! They invented the word Twarnival, for crying out loud!
In this hour we discussed Orlando’s Tweetup, which was a pretty good initial effort, with 100+ attendees crammed into a bar, laughing, talking, and desperately seeking drinks. Thanks again to Etanowitz of the Orlando Sentinel for setting it all up. I am not kidding… I met way too many people to list, so I will just randomly toss links at you to enjoy as you listen to this episode: It was nice to see PeakArts again, and he and his lovely significant other (whose blog you can see here with pics) gave me some sweet keychains containing his art. I hoard them now, but you can swing by his site and check out all his stuff. Got to meet some new neato folks, like: Ms. Fitzpatrick, of Metromix, who covers music, bars, and clubs downtown here in Orlando. SirKyle, the shootingnest twitterer I have ever met. Carlos, of CLOS Photography – He was in radio here in town, then went out and did some TV work, and some campaign work for President Obama. Marc Middleton and crew of the GrowingBolder.com group were there, shooting video and covering the event. Want to see me on no sleep mid-Atkins? I warn you, it’s scary, but Marc and his Team are not. They are doing great work, and I hope to hear more from them often. A dude that just travels the entirety of the Earth named Chuck Welch. He lives in Lakeland. Hush, RSilva. C_Lane, local musician and bar crafter extraordinaire, who may be operating on even less sleep than I. I spent an incredible few moments talking with a very tiny, very energetic momblogger who threatened to make Mickey and I the best latkes every crafted by a mom. She and I spent a few reminiscing on Ye Olden Orlando and rapidly tossing out food ideas, and I really wish I had more time. Jen Cook, our News 13 ticker goddess. The legendary Tom Sorrells, natch. Plus people from CNN, local internet misfits, Elross, a guy that works in sound engineering who may be able to isolate J’s nasal whine so we can remove it from future episodes, etc… It was pretty awesome. We sort of flew the flag on a possible April Tweetup involving The Ravenous Pig. Apparently, according the mmsmddsnjdnhe, if you go there on a special day once a month, they cook an entire pig roast dealio. Do not believe Mickey and his strange, awful fetal pig stories, it sounds like it is a really good time. If you were at the tweetup, and want to post your link to your stuff, please do so in the comments for this episode. And if you are NOT local, and frankly could give a crap about Twitter, we also talked about a buncha other stuff, and in the next hour, we talk about food for like a whole week. It’s awesome.  |
|
|
Powered by WordPress, Mandigo theme by tom.
Entries (RSS)
and Comments (RSS).
