SomaCow » Cooking http://somacow.com The Greatest Internet Radio Talk Show, Ever. Fri, 17 Dec 2010 05:49:20 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 en hourly 1 ©SomaCow somacow@gmail.com (SomaCow) somacow@gmail.com(SomaCow) Comedy 1440 comedy, humor, fat, food, eat, men, talk, orlando The Greatest Internet Radio Talk Show, Ever. The Greatest Internet Radio Talk Show, Ever. SomaCow SomaCow somacow@gmail.com No yes http://somacow.com/images/somacow-2009.jpg SomaCow http://somacow.com 144 144 SomaCow 576: Watch That Oil http://somacow.com/somacow-576-watch-that-oil http://somacow.com/somacow-576-watch-that-oil#comments Tue, 13 Jul 2010 01:29:57 +0000 jen http://somacow.com/?p=1858 Originally an owie at http://somacow.com

Geoff’s Burned Belly
Will Cook for Mickey
Daily Show vs Women
Predators
Old School Dentist
Jagged Teeth
Mickeyoke
Soma Movie List
Web </3
B.O.C. 4 Ever

]]> http://somacow.com/somacow-576-watch-that-oil/feed 0 1:04:19 Originally an owie at http://somacow.com Geoff's Burned Belly Will Cook for Mickey Daily Show vs Women Predators Old School Dentist Jagged Teeth Mickeyoke Soma Movie List Web #60;/3 B.O.C. 4 Ever Originally an owie at http://somacow.com Geoff's Burned Belly Will Cook for Mickey Daily Show vs Women Predators Old School Dentist Jagged Teeth Mickeyoke Soma Movie List Web #60;/3 B.O.C. 4 Ever Podcast SomaCow yes No 22 Things Men Can Teach Their Daughters About Men and Relationships http://somacow.com/22-things-men-can-teach-their-daughters-about-men-and-relationships http://somacow.com/22-things-men-can-teach-their-daughters-about-men-and-relationships#comments Tue, 29 Sep 2009 15:14:42 +0000 Geoff http://somacow.com/?p=1549 I am a dad, and pretty busy, but after reading the snark-dumb of the recent Frisky article “22 Things Women Can Teach Their Sons About Women and Relationships“,  (is it 22 things per the title? 15 per the link title? 18 per the CNN title? Come on ladies make up your mind!) I feel I would be remiss if I did not respond in kind. I know an awful lot about men and how to avoid irritating them, so I plan to pass that knowledge down to women in hopes that it will stem the flow, so to speak, of antagonistic gender bullying.

I hope to rid the female sex of all the things that make us rant by raising women with balanced male and female perspectives. Here are the 22 things I’d teach them.

1. Stop fucking with your hair so much. It’s weird. Get a simple cut, one that you can maintain. No woman should be spending over 100 dollars a month on hair care, nor should it take more than 5 minutes to go from “showered” to “ready”.

2. If you want a guy to go down, make sure you have a clean plate, and keep the parsley to a minimum

3. Pick up your feet when you walk, especially if you are the kind of slattern who insists on wearing flip flops every day.

4. If someone tells you that you are being “crazy”, you should evaluate your behavior. It isn’t an idle statement, it’s a subjective opinion that your behavior and thinking are not sane or rational.

5. Cooking, cleaning, and taking care of children are tasks related to establishing a home. A woman can be  proud of these things.Young women should be taught to prepare food. Far too many women today are fucking clueless in the kitchen. It isn’t a prison, it’s a life-skill. Know it, and be ashamed of yourself until you do.

6. Stop looking to the eating of food as the solution to your problems. Chocolate is a fattening treat, not a therapy device.

7. Don’t ask your man to do things he does not want to do simply because you want to see if he will. It’s insulting, and he will hate you for it.

8. Gifts are another way of buying you. If you are for sale, then whore up, whore.

9. A woman who earns more than a man is a novelty. Spend less time wondering how it impacts men and more time using your position to set right the imbalances in the sexes with regard to your immediate workplace.

10. Men have nuts. Nuts itch. Welcome to the world.

11. Be on time. Seriously. It’s fucking rude to show up late.

12. Don’t spend more time shopping than you do volunteering. Life is more than pants.

13. If he does not make you happy in bed, it’s because you aren’t telling him what you need done.

14. Stop having so many favorites. A daisy, a tulip, a rose, a buttercup – all have merit, all matter, and all are indicative of the fact that the guy actually thought about you. Take the fucking thing, and smooch him. Be happy someone cares whether or not you are alive.

15. Get the fuck over your shoes.

16. If he does not listen to you, your rhetoric is shamefully dull. Think more, speak less.

17. Sharts happen.

18. Your emotions should be natural. If you are crying to get optimal action from someone else, you are scum.

19. Just because you are fat does not mean you have a great personality. Odds are, you are fat AND narcissitic, fat AND
underread, fat AND suffering from Halitosis. Work it out.

20. Avoid his family, odds are they are assholes.

21. Never say that someone will never understand you. You are not a riddle, a puzzle, or an enigma. You are flesh, sweat, and jokes. If you cannot fuck, function, or be fun, STFU and work on it.

22. Tell your mother to mind her own goddamned business, or he will hate you for it.

]]> http://somacow.com/22-things-men-can-teach-their-daughters-about-men-and-relationships/feed 4 SomaCow 227: Foul Wind http://somacow.com/somacow-227-foul-wind http://somacow.com/somacow-227-foul-wind#comments Wed, 01 Oct 2008 08:22:02 +0000 Geoff http://somacow.com/?p=1081 omaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you this week by our myspace page! Never updated, and rarely checked, it’s the best way to get in touch with us this side of walking outside of your house and shouting, “SomaCow!”

Neighbors done looking at you yet? Good.

In this, our… um… Hour, we discussed a myriad of topics, both sophomoric and profound. We ran the gambit of gabbery on a gadabout glorious… We attacked the tough issues facing Amer….

Okay, it was straight fart talk for twenty minutes. But that is to be expected at this point. We all had a lotta ribs and beefs, and that makes for this type of discussion. Surely you can understand. We bravely attempted to pull the show out of its nosedive of frappery with a topic on steakhouses – specifically, is the steakhouse dying? Why are all the chains dropping in quality or shutting their doors? Look at the facts:

Outback – Sucked. No two bones about it, whatever they are doing today (dry bread, yellow salads, tough beefs, dumb staff) is a pale shell of what they once had going on

Longhorn – Salted beefs? My mamma always said, if you gotta put that much seasoning on, you are trying to hide something. What is the secret to your salty beefs, oh Horn of Assumed Length?

a baked potato with butter

Image via Wikipedia

Roadhouse – Closed, assumed Orlando bankrupt. I will miss your yeasty bounty, and bloody medium rare beefs most of all, scarecrow

Steak and Ale – Someone finally put the fork in this cheesy seventies franchise. Gasp! Where will rude dumb teenagers hold their post-graduation dinners now?!

It doesn’t leave us with much, does it folks?

Houstons? Overpriced at best – Seriously – who is paying 12 dollars for a baked potato? It’s a TUBER, for Christ’s sake!

Fleming’s – I’ve never been, how is it?

Ruth's Chris Steak House, Inc.

Image via Wikipedia

Ruth’s Chris – a fascinating establishment, capable of delivering a steak that tastes like it sat in a bowl of Redenbacher’s finest overnight. By which I mean to say, your butter has beef flavor on it.

Ted’s – I would pay a hundred dollars to eat at Ted’s, to try a Ted on the

side, and wash it down with a Ted.

We, sadly, went all D and D at the end. Mickey tried to save us with some good Life Coaching at the :42, but the damage was done, and we never really recovered.

We sat for three hours waiting for our salads, listening to the following great music:

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]]> http://somacow.com/somacow-227-foul-wind/feed 0 54:50 omaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you this week by our myspace page! Never updated, and rarely checked, it's the best way ... omaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you this week by our myspace page! Never updated, and rarely checked, it's the best way to get in touch with us this side of walking outside of your house and shouting, "SomaCow!" Neighbors done looking at you yet? Good. In this, our... um... Hour, we discussed a myriad of topics, both sophomoric and profound. We ran the gambit of gabbery on a gadabout glorious... We attacked the tough issues facing Amer.... Okay, it was straight fart talk for twenty minutes. But that is to be expected at this point. We all had a lotta ribs and beefs, and that makes for this type of discussion. Surely you can understand. We bravely attempted to pull the show out of its nosedive of frappery with a topic on steakhouses - specifically, is the steakhouse dying? Why are all the chains dropping in quality or shutting their doors? Look at the facts: Outback - Sucked. No two bones about it, whatever they are doing today (dry bread, yellow salads, tough beefs, dumb staff) is a pale shell of what they once had going on Longhorn - Salted beefs? My mamma always said, if you gotta put that much seasoning on, you are trying to hide something. What is the secret to your salty beefs, oh Horn of Assumed Length? [caption id="" align="alignright" width="202" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption] Roadhouse - Closed, assumed Orlando bankrupt. I will miss your yeasty bounty, and bloody medium rare beefs most of all, scarecrow Steak and Ale - Someone finally put the fork in this cheesy seventies franchise. Gasp! Where will rude dumb teenagers hold their post-graduation dinners now?! It doesn't leave us with much, does it folks? Houstons? Overpriced at best - Seriously - who is paying 12 dollars for a baked potato? It's a TUBER, for Christ's sake! Fleming's - I've never been, how is it? [caption id="" align="alignright" width="202" caption="Image via Wikipedia"][/caption] Ruth's Chris - a fascinating establishment, capable of delivering a steak that tastes like it sat in a bowl of Redenbacher's finest overnight. By which I mean to say, your butter has beef flavor on it. Ted's - I would pay a hundred dollars to eat at Ted's, to try a Ted on the side, and wash it down with a Ted. We, sadly, went all D and D at the end. Mickey tried to save us with some good Life Coaching at the :42, but the damage was done, and we never really recovered. We sat for three hours waiting for our salads, listening to the following great music: Mad Caddies - Villians Related articles by Zemanta You Don't Have to Go Out for Good Food! Slaphappy Federal Gov't Employees Buy iPods, Panties With Your Money! [Credit For All] Chain Restaurant Elitism Podcast SomaCow no No SomaCow 189: Dancing Queen http://somacow.com/somacow-189-dancing-queen http://somacow.com/somacow-189-dancing-queen#comments Fri, 04 Jul 2008 12:29:24 +0000 Geoff http://somacow.com/?p=776 SomaCow Media Network is proud to present Somacow, brought to you today by Semoran Skateway. If you’re ever in the Orlando area, it’s the only place left, really, for you to throw down and trip the lights on a fat four wheeled skate session.

Episode 189

In this hour, we talked about Mickey’s 35th birthday party, which The Chick That He Is Dating was kind enough to throw. It was… surreal, and J and I came to the terrifying realization that Mickey was born to skate. He just looks right, twirling around, gossamer threads of diet mountain dew sweat arcing from his magnificent suddenly seven foot tall hair. The dude needs to be retro-installed into every ABBA video.

We also discussed Bill Gates leaving office, as tipped by one of our chat room listeners. If you ever want to listen live, its pretty easy – just swing by the ustream and you can watch anonymously, or create a log-in and take part in our discussion. Just one of the many gifts that Bill Gates and his OS of shame have yet to take away from us. Maybe next build, yeah?

We rounded out the hour talking about pie. Specifically, $60.00 if you eat it, you get it for free pie. I have yet to hear from the guys this week, as I know they are cowardly and afraid of my skills in the fields on munch, I cannot say that I am surprised. But I promise you this – the competition will happen, there will be video, and I will not fail. What’s 29 inches, multiplied by 3.14? Lunch, that’s what.

Happy 4th of July to all our listeners. Try not to blow off any of your appendages, and send pictures of your firecracker boobs to Mickey@somacow.com. I will, apparently, be spending much of today getting to know our new toilet seat. I wish we had gone with the $700 dollar model.

And listen to these fine tunes with us:

]]> http://somacow.com/somacow-189-dancing-queen/feed 0 1:05:32 SomaCow Media Network is proud to present Somacow, brought to you today by Semoran Skateway. If you're ever in the Orlando area, it's the only ... SomaCow Media Network is proud to present Somacow, brought to you today by Semoran Skateway. If you're ever in the Orlando area, it's the only place left, really, for you to throw down and trip the lights on a fat four wheeled skate session. In this hour, we talked about Mickey's 35th birthday party, which The Chick That He Is Dating was kind enough to throw. It was... surreal, and J and I came to the terrifying realization that Mickey was born to skate. He just looks right, twirling around, gossamer threads of diet mountain dew sweat arcing from his magnificent suddenly seven foot tall hair. The dude needs to be retro-installed into every ABBA video. We also discussed Bill Gates leaving office, as tipped by one of our chat room listeners. If you ever want to listen live, its pretty easy - just swing by the ustream and you can watch anonymously, or create a log-in and take part in our discussion. Just one of the many gifts that Bill Gates and his OS of shame have yet to take away from us. Maybe next build, yeah? We rounded out the hour talking about pie. Specifically, $60.00 if you eat it, you get it for free pie. I have yet to hear from the guys this week, as I know they are cowardly and afraid of my skills in the fields on munch, I cannot say that I am surprised. But I promise you this - the competition will happen, there will be video, and I will not fail. What's 29 inches, multiplied by 3.14? Lunch, that's what. Happy 4th of July to all our listeners. Try not to blow off any of your appendages, and send pictures of your firecracker boobs to Mickey@somacow.com. I will, apparently, be spending much of today getting to know our new toilet seat. I wish we had gone with the $700 dollar model. And listen to these fine tunes with us: Richard Cheese - Welcome to the Jungle Richard Cheese - Hey Ya! Richard Cheese - Material Girl Podcast SomaCow yes No