SomaCow

The east coast of Florida suffered significant damage from TropiCane Fay. Our thoughts and prayers are with them.
Inland, where I live, not so much with the flooding or wind damage.
Still, that doesn’t mean I can’t get all emotionally fired up about this tragedy…

As we all pull together the shattered remnants of our lives in the wake of the carnage and destruction wrought by TropiCane Fay, I look back and see how I could have better prepared to withstand Mother Nature’s onslaught. Though the misadventures I report below may be nerve-shattering, I hope that they might help you fare better than I did through future stormy disasters.

• Ensure that all playing cards are stored securely in their cases! I overlooked this obvious preparation, and stood helpless as I watched several cards whisked away by the fierce winds. I now face the reality of enduring whatever may come, in the form of nature’s fury, bereft of the Six of Clubs and the Jack of Diamonds.
  How the hell am I supposed to play Texas Hold’em with no Six of Clubs or Jack of Diamonds?!
• The floor lamp on my patio will never again shed its warm, comforting light on me.
  At least, not until I replace the bulb that was shattered when the lamp tipped over and smacked against the side of the house.
• At one point, my son opened the French doors in order to check on the unspent fury of the storm. Though the doors were only open for a brief moment, it was still long enough to blow the pages of my desk calendar ahead by four days. Those are four days of my life that I will never get back.
• Why, oh why, did I not bring inside the People magazine with Christina Applegate on the cover.
  Now, her beautiful face is blurred by the pelting rain, and the cologne sample cards inside are of no use to anyone.
• Our beloved family pets, dachshunds Blitzen and Riley, whom we now lovingly keep outside because they lovingly pissed all over the carpet when we had them inside, may never be the same. Long-haired Blitzen was slightly dampened, resulting in an unsightly matted ear, while Riley was devastated by the loss of part of an old trash bag that he had been chewing on. Lovingly.
• The coupon, left on my front door by Mama Mental Pizza, is no more. The anguish of that missed opportunity is unbearable.
  Maybe we could order Chinese. See? Already I am looking bravely to the future.
• The little red plastic flag on my mailbox was blown from the up position to the down position, despite the fact that I have outgoing mail.
  How will I communicate with the outside world?!
• At one point, as I endured the fierce gales, my hair moved.
  I have no words.

PS: Does anyone have instructions on exactly how to go about unhunkering down?