Posts Tagged “dad”Originally oilmanced at http://somacow.com
Oilmance Well, we’re all excited that the SomaCalf has finally arrived!! You can tell I’m excited about her because I keep using TWO exclamation points, and because I typed “two” in all caps!! Being well-versed in the ways of child-rearing (which is the creepiest parenting term ever invented) as a result of raising the twenty-eight kids in my house (including the eight Vietnamese kids), it is only natural that Geoff would come to me for advice for the new Dad. What is not natural, is that he now calls me every three hours, including 1, 4, and 7 am. I don’t mind the 1am and 7am so much, because I’m up at those hours anyway, watching “Matlock”. Don’t get me wrong. Geoff will make a fine father. It just takes a little bit of breaking in, at first. One of the most *brrrrring* Oh, hang on. Geoff is calling me right now. Me: Yello? You’ve got to give him credit. He tries so hard. But I was going to say that one of the most important things about *brrrrring* Hang on… Me: Yo. Ha! He’ll get the hang of it, don’t worry. And along the way, he will learn that one of the most important things about being a father is to always *brrrrring* BRB… Me: What up? I gotta go. Tags: baby, boobs, dad, fatherhood, parenting, peanut butter, SomaCalf, sparks, teen, VietnameseSomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Steak and Ale. If you still have a good set of teeth, and your rest home allows for it, it’s the place to BE! We host the black flag this morning here on SomaCow, as we bid adieu to our dear Uberbastard from the State of Florida. Rare and strange is the sort of fast friendship that I have developed with this man, who drips with sexcasm and sardonicry with every word. Consider this a “Cautionary Tale of Woe” to you, dear listeners… If you know a large man with a big heart (not an enlarged heart, a big heart) that likes to drink and crack wise, take him out now and fill his giant, saucy belly with booze and his ear with camaraderie. You only get so much time in the Sun of a Star like Uber, people, and you really should soak it in while you can.
So, Goodbye to you, Uberbastard. May you find whatever it is that you need in North Carolina. See you in 2 years, tops. No one gets out alive. J and I are losing weight (50 lbs between us so far!) and Mickey is terrified of losing his status of “Show Hot Guy”. I actually gained all of this weight to keep the constant stream of hoors off of my doorstep, and am interested to see what will happen this time around. Gotta drop the pounds fast now, as I only have 100 days until my daughter arrives. No one wants to be dropped off at school by FatDad. We talked about shopping, and revealed Mickey’s dark shopping secret. I wonder if he ties a nice pink ribbon in his hair before entering the grocery store. Paper or plastic? I never know now. It used to be paper, cause plastic was chemically and bad. Then it was plastic, cause you could recycle the bags, and paper kills trees. Now it’s cloth, but that has to cost something somewhere too, right? I remember reading that cotton fields were bad for the environment or something. From now on, I say we just drag an ice wagon behind us. Better hurry home, before your groceries are all over the sidewalk. Mickey and TCTHID do not eat together. I gotta do something about that. There is a bond that occurs between a man and his woman when they sit in silence and listen to each other chew. Check out J’s newsbomb, as it was my turn this week to derail him. I took the camera in our Ustream and directed it at his neck fat, only to realize, HE HAS NO MORE NECK FAT! The man is svelte, ladies… And single (hubba hubba!) By single, I actually mean married. The Russians blah blah blah. Screw them potato drinking pansies! We played the following fantabulous musics in this, our finest hour:
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