SomaCow

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Yes & Know Invisible Ink Games.

In this episode, we discussed the Ridiculous Airplane Crises, the Deterioration of Our Nation’s Truck Stops, and Ungrateful Chinese Childrens (is they learning?)

We watched United, Southwest, and American Airlines run around like massive chickens sans massive heads last week, grounding planes, destroying schedules and delaying air travelers worldwide, all the while pointing their monkey pointer finger at the FAA, for suddenly waking up and asking, “Are all the bolts on that plane on?” Without exaggeration, the entire airline industry in this country has really dropped the ball. In an effort to make flights cheap, they have made flights miserable, cramped, hot, smelly, boring, stiff, starvation fests that scare the living shit out of every person who undertakes to travel. From peanuts to pilots, we discuss where air travel went wrong. What is the worst experience you had on a flight? Tell us about it. We do offer the airline industry some tips, including Mickey’s idea for a traveling show (he really is a gypsy) and my… well… idea. Think hamster ball. At 40,000 feet.

We also discussed truck stops, which I had the pleasure of frequenting last week on my road trip. I am sad to report that the truck stop of yesteryear is dying fast, as our once proud Stuckey’s are steadily replaced by row after row of Flying J(ihad) Travel Plazas. The coffee smells like burnt hair, the staff has been replaced by sullen Pakistani men, and the jerky is being swapped out for incense. How much friggen existential meditation are these truckers doing? I get all republicany as I pine for a time I remember when the stores were bright and clean, the coffee was piping hot and fresh, and the staff did not mutter, “Death to America” after every transaction.
We round out the hour discussing China and the new wave of spoiled rotten children. They are in their twenties, they stay out all night bathing and doing coke and circus peanuts, and they do NOT call home, ever. Chinese couples are actually hiring twenty somethings to come by, simply to fulfill the role their children will no longer take. I wonder how much money one could make being a guilt-sink, or a back-sasser. hell, you could retire in that country simply by being a thing-off-shelf-getter-downer

Don’t forget to check out Mickey’s Life Coaching segment at the :40, where he details the importance of budgeting! I am more of a shotgunner in my money dealing. Probably explains why everything is feast or famine around my house. Well, let’s be honest… I never “famine”.

We apologize for the delay in starting the show. While you are waiting please enjoy our skymall magazine and these delicious musics:

• Cobra Starship – Bring It (Snakes on a Plane)
• The Dollyrots – Brand New Key
• Powerman 5000 – Return to the City of the Dead

Tags: airline, airplane, american airlines, animal, bolts, children, chin, chinese, cobra, comedy, crisis, dollyrots, faa, famine, flying j, hamster ball, independant, independent, internet, life coaching, music, orlando, peanuts, pilots, Podcast, radio, sky mall, somacow, southwest, starship, starvation, stuckey's, talk, truck stops, united

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this, our finest hour by Mickey’s Life Coaching and Old People Computer Use Help Desk.

The ladies of Say Anything sit in with us for a final hour, which, again, is far prettier eye candy than what we are used to. We start out with something that aggravates us to no end, the end user that can’t use their computer to a meaningful end. That being said, I think I picked up a few thousand “applications” from my last bout of “browsing”. The only thing that is protecting me at this point is Vista’s hostility towards the operation of ANY program, much less scumware and spyware.

Mickey brings up a valid point that NO candidate can hide from the public lens, and will forever be hiding from their past. How prescient (that means “future done seen”, Apopka) of him, considering Hillary Clinton’s current efforts to align her memory with actual footage. I am still praying for a last minute third party swoop-in, saving us from four years of… THOSE people.

We have no time for politicking on SomaCow, it seems, and quickly get off topic into tongue piercing and oral. It’s the effect of the girls in the studio, I believe.

As an aside – Hiter was Swedish. Shocking, isn’t it?

Why is America so willing to “take back” Obama? I mean, I like the guy. I had NO problem with him and his racist friends, but I do not understand that whole battered wife/Stockholm “just say you are sorry and all will be fine again” mentality people seem to be approaching this with. Nothing is fine, and glossing this race issue over is just a guarantee that it will revisit with a vengeance in October. Oh well… The Democrats know how to lose an election, and it shows!

Again, why are we talking about Politics during a visit from the ladies?

I think it had a lot to do with THIS (read at your own leisure and peril)

After reading that article, I was in a tizzy. Our society: bankrupt. Our way of life: defeated. A giant fat wet fart and The American Way is On the Way Out. We have to take steps to avoid this calamity, in addition to all the other calamities we are currently facing (Disease, The Housing Market, and Starbucks Coffee).

I had high hopes for Starbucks, as I thought they had clearly identified their problem (bitter, bad coffee, dumb staff, unethical managers, and too many layabouts holding up The Line). So, today, I swung by a Starbucks adorning my local mall and went to get a Venti Caffe’ Americanoeoee. It was god-awful. Bitter and repugnant, I see no change in their corporate behavior evidenced, as “Morris”, the 17 year old cheese-face that poured my Joe, stared at me, thenm stared at the machine, then stared at me, then stared at the sink, then WALKED TO THE SINK AND POURED MORE TAP WATER INTO MY COFFEE. Mmm… Nothing makes coffee taste better than the microbial soup of a dirty sink tap.

Let me be clear, I have no problem drinking from “A” tap. I drink from mine at the house, public drinking fountains… Hell, I have sucked off a garden hose just to feel that cold, slightly dry iron-y mouth feeling. But this sink was a cesspool of spilled beverages, uncleaned canisters, and filthy steam rags. Screw you, Morris. I sentence you to another year of working in a Mall Starbucks under the not-so-watchful eye of Bernice.

Speaking of Starbucks, THIS JUST IN, one thing you can get that’s good at Starbucks? your barista’s kidney!

We continued our topic sprint in an effort to get the girls to chime in, and they finally came to as we did a bit of girl vs. guy trivia. Feel free to play along:

Thanks to Paul Redman for the idea. Next week, Dialing for Dollars, or something. Mickey hates trivia, which sucks, cause he is good at it. at the :40, for my Weekly Constitutional, I reviewed The Bible. It was a complete pantload, mostly about this guy with daddy issues… But – it gave me a GREAT idea for a story. More details later!

For now, simply bask in the glow of the following great bands:

• The Dollyrots – Nobody Wants You
• Notorious MSG – Warlord

Tags: anything, barista, clinton, coaching, comedy, constitutional, debe, disease, dollyrots, hilary, hillary, hitler, housing, independant, independent, internet, jen, kidney, ladies, life, market, msg, music, notorious, obama, orlando, Podcast, politics, radio, say, somacow, starbucks, swedish, talk, the bible, vista, weekly

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you this week by The Sports Buzz. Check out Ryan and Todd’s recent interview with ESPN’s Buster Olney on SportsBuzzRadio.com!

In this hour, we talk about a subject unheard of here on SomaCow – Meat! Specifically, the eating of copious quantities of beefs, at a very mafia-swank establishment tucked away off Howard and Armenia in Tampa, Fl. I highly recommend it for anyone looking for a very upscale steakhouse experience. Strangely, even with the 75 dollar plates, the ever present guy wearing flipflops and a hat was still present at this joint. Dress code violators notwithstanding, I highly recommend Bern’s for the eating of beefs. It even made me fall in love with my Mother-in-Law.

Hey! We are giving away a free iTouch media player here on SomaCow Media! It’s a nigh on $300.00 piece of technology neatiness, and you can win it simply by answering some questions. Little listening, and you are in the running. What could be simpler? Besides a woman?

We also discussed the service industry in general, and some experiences we have had recently, and we delved into the top ten things restaurants would really rather you did not notice. Maybe it would be better to just eat in tonight, yeah? It’s some good eatvice, which is just the sort of thing you can rely on SomaCow to provide you, our value-added listeners.

Don’t forget to come down and join us this Sunday, March 2nd, as we invade Texas de Brazil to hang out and consume a ridiculous amount of well seared animal. The menu from this place blows my mind, and I am really hoping it lives up to the hype. International Drive, Sunday night – see you there!

We comped the following great songs on your check for the evening:

• Straight Outta Junior High – The University of Shit Face
• The Dollyrots – Out of LA

Tags: beef, bern's, brazil, buster, buzz, clinton, comedy, de, debate, dollyrots, eat beef, eat meat, espn, free, guys, high, independent, indepependant, indie, indy, international drive, internet, ipod, junior, mafia, meat, music, obama, olney, orlando, outta, Podcast, radio, restaurants, sports, straight, talk, texas, touch