Posts Tagged “fart”Originally paying our taxes on time at http://somacow.com
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In this, our… um… Hour, we discussed a myriad of topics, both sophomoric and profound. We ran the gambit of gabbery on a gadabout glorious… We attacked the tough issues facing Amer…. Okay, it was straight fart talk for twenty minutes. But that is to be expected at this point. We all had a lotta ribs and beefs, and that makes for this type of discussion. Surely you can understand. We bravely attempted to pull the show out of its nosedive of frappery with a topic on steakhouses – specifically, is the steakhouse dying? Why are all the chains dropping in quality or shutting their doors? Look at the facts: Outback – Sucked. No two bones about it, whatever they are doing today (dry bread, yellow salads, tough beefs, dumb staff) is a pale shell of what they once had going on Longhorn – Salted beefs? My mamma always said, if you gotta put that much seasoning on, you are trying to hide something. What is the secret to your salty beefs, oh Horn of Assumed Length?  Image via Wikipedia Roadhouse – Closed, assumed Orlando bankrupt. I will miss your yeasty bounty, and bloody medium rare beefs most of all, scarecrow Steak and Ale – Someone finally put the fork in this cheesy seventies franchise. Gasp! Where will rude dumb teenagers hold their post-graduation dinners now?! It doesn’t leave us with much, does it folks? Houstons? Overpriced at best – Seriously – who is paying 12 dollars for a baked potato? It’s a TUBER, for Christ’s sake! Fleming’s – I’ve never been, how is it?  Image via Wikipedia Ruth’s Chris – a fascinating establishment, capable of delivering a steak that tastes like it sat in a bowl of Redenbacher’s finest overnight. By which I mean to say, your butter has beef flavor on it. Ted’s – I would pay a hundred dollars to eat at Ted’s, to try a Ted on the side, and wash it down with a Ted. We, sadly, went all D and D at the end. Mickey tried to save us with some good Life Coaching at the :42, but the damage was done, and we never really recovered. We sat for three hours waiting for our salads, listening to the following great music:
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 WARNING: The scene below contains graphic depictions of socio-economic satire. Readers whose net earnings were below seven figures last year may wish to go here instead. Reader discretion is advised. The Blue Collar Comedy Tour and Blue Collar TV show have proven extremely popular with the American public. We hard-working, lower middle-class Americans love to watch rich entertainers pretending to be awkward southern bumpkins. But what about the elitist? The upper class? The financially driven, clueless executive types? Well… The following is a very good reason why there is no such thing as a White Collar Comedy tour. Scene 4 – Interior (A crowded auditorium with three rich, corinthian leather executive office chairs on stage.) (Geoff, Mickey and J enter stage right and recline in plush luxuriance to thunderous applause.) Geoff: Thank you, thank you. Here at the end of the show we like to come out together and just tell some stories of our many adventures, all of which end with “and then J finished off the rest of my plate.” (laughter from audience) J: (lighting expensive cigar) Ha! Damn you, Geoff, I should reveal to the general public your offshore diversified investment account information! (laughter from audience) Mickey: (looking down at his ascot, with which he is having trouble) Is it supposed to go like THIS or like THIS? Geoff: Oh, Mickey, always with the bourgeois profiling. Mickey: I might as well have bought off the rack! (laughter from audience) J: Oh, Geoffrey, we should tell the story of our greatest success. Mickey: Yes, quite. Geoff: Well, a few years ago we decided to increase our capital gains subsidy in order to bolster our portfolio, when it dawned on us, I think it was Mickey’s brilliant idea, that we could lease the studio equipment back to each show, and let them finance it through the network, thereby netting the fiscal depreciation, the expenditure AND the gross yield for tax reduction! (laughter from audience) Mickey: It WAS one of my better hairbrained schemes. Geoff: What about our tragic boating mishap? J: Ah, yes. We had taken the SomaCow II yacht out for the day in the Caribbean. Imagine our shock when we, and the two dozen topless coeds tanning on board, discovered that the entire ship had been stocked with DOMESTIC scotch! (laughter from audience) Geoff: That, sir, is an oxymoron. (laughter from audience) Mickey: Ah, but this makes it all worth it. Thank you for joining us tonight. We have to go now and fire six members of middle management, then replace them with eighteen more-expensive “offshore” consultants, just because we can. (laughter from audience) (Roll credits) Tags: ascot, blue collar comedy, boobies, bourgeois, consultant, corinthian, fart, fiscal, offshore, oxymoron, poop, scotch, topless, white collar, yacht |
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