In this hour the guys discuss:

Time Change
Our Forums
Social Media Cursing
Two Pilots Overshoot Target
Sirius
HD Radio
Classic Rock
Pandora
MySpace
Parody Songs/Movies
Hope to see you all Friday night for the live show!

In this hour, the guys had to talk about the balloon boy and all that drama including the media drama around it. They also discussed a story Geoff found about a Louisiana  judge refusing to marry an interracial couple. He was worried about potential children, after all he had black people in his house and let them use his bathroom…

We also recapped the sushi tweetup and talked about this week’s upcoming tweetup at Willow Tree on Thursday. Join us!

And check out our forums here. We talk things SomaCow and not. Many other podcasts from around the country, nay, the world also have forums there!

Hey! We’re done with the run. Look up there ^. See that? That is a podcast. Press the play button, and listen. It’s that easy.

In this hour, we discussed J’s sudden utilization of 20th century technology, we talked up a good man segment, and we took a call from Carter, who has a cool deal going on over on his blog.

If you were doing it, where would you go, and why?

I’d have to hit it up as a food tour. New York for Bagels, Philly for Cheesesteaks, Tennessee for Whiskey, Charleston for Tide Food, Bawston for Seafood, Alaska for Crabfood, Vegas for Buffets, San Fran for Takeout, St Louis for Barbecue, Georgia for Barbecue, Texas for… Nevermind, I would never willingly set foot in that godforsaken mess. The point is, I am envious of Carter, for seeing an opportunity, and running with it. I hope he has a hell of a time, and gets some good talk fodder. Maybe we can look forward to some updates over the next few weeks.

Meantime, J is terrifying us all. He has a phone that can access email, he posted on Twitter, he has a Facebook, and I can only say that this must signify  that all of those mediums are as dead as disco. Shame, I was enjoying Twitter, at least.

We’re happy to be back to what we love, talking with you. Feel free to swing by our forums, and check out the studio build as it plugs along! I need to go pick out some carpet. Thanks!

In this hour, we talk about Ross’s dereliction of dress, we congratulate our new Listener of the Month, and a bunch of other loosey goosey.

RUFF

RUFF

RUFF

In this hour, we discussed pictures of naked ladies, local politic nutbags, and, even though I tried to avoid it, the horrible story in Arizona.

Also would like to wish a Happy Birthday to listener FooFa, who tunes in damned near every week and always contributes on our forums at http://www.somacow.net – Hope you got laid, paid, or at the very least, a high top fade, yo.

As an aside, I just read a quote from Sarah Palin that states, “Never apologize for our country.” Apparently, she thinks the USA is guiltless, or at the very least, that her people have nothing to be ashamed of.

As part of my 104 part series, “Blame America, Eventually”, I would like to offer 5 instances that Americans should seriously apologize for:

1. Dropping those nukes on Korea and Viet Nam. We totally went there, and it was, like, insensitive. Granted, our nukes DID help cause the mutations that made Pokemon and Lo Mein possible, and the world will always thank us for stopping the spread of Islam in Viet Nam, but we really, like, totally overreacted. Our bad.

2. Killing all those Indians. And by Indians, I believe I mean woo woo. When Jesus Christ first came to America, there were anywhere from 6,000 to 7,000 Native Americans living here. They were very happy to exchange their land, freedoms, and women for delicious scripture (it is a known fact that Indians eat bibles, covered in curry. Look it up, dumbasses). Then, Jesus had to go, but before he left, he gave the Indians fire. They foolishly mixed this with water, which Jesus already had made into wine, and thus the Indians made corn whiskey (they call it maize). Since then, Indians have been on a real bender. I mean, full-on lampshade-wearing, hitting on the boss’s daughter, puking in the fax machine drizunk. America did make good on all the damage caused by firewater to Indians, by teaching them to build Casinos. So, while we did what was right, sorry about all that. Our bad.

3. Canada. You know when you are friends with a guy in elementary school, and then you get to middle school, and you still try to be friends, but now you notice your friend picks his nose, and has a lot of zits, and sometimes smells like pee, and it sorta makes you less cool when you hang out with him, but you know how important it is that he retain his sense of individuality, even though he looks like a Momma’s boy running around paying tribute to the Queen of England and insisting on trying to incorporate the metric system into conversations and mispronouncing words that end in “out”, and you really should just slap him upside the head and say “Cut that shit out, dude”, but you don’t, cause, like, why make a scene like we did with Korea Nam back in the day and piss off everyone, but then your friend grows up, and now he is a senior in high school and he still DOES all that stupid crap plus he puts maple syrup on ham and stuff and just acts weird and is never gonna get laid and now you really wish you hadn’t agreed to room with him in the first place but moving is such a pain and he always wants to trade stuff with you but all his money has beavers and weevils and webelos and shit on it, and it’s just…. Yeah… Sorry about them. Our bad.

4. The Middle East. The Sand People, also known as “Tuscan Raiders”, are painfully uncreative. It is a known fact that these people watch American movies to determine what they should act like. Turn on ANY 80s American movie, and the middle eastern characters are blowing up planes, bitching about their shitty little land parcels, eating hot spicy dirt, being mean to women, lusting after eyebrows, making a bunch of noise, driving cabs poorly, stinking, and attempting to develop nuclear technology in an effort to ensure that they remain globally relevant after the oil runs out (note: oil is not running out. See facts cited by Saint Bush, Saint Cheney, and Saint Nye via Epcot). Maybe if we had portrayed the Sand People as delightful and intelligent, sweet smelling and communicative people obsessed with cooking, art, and social work (i.e. “gays), we would not have all these problems now. Our bad.

5. Katherine Heigl. We’re sorry. We thought she was hot, and now she cannot be extricated from popular culture. Yeesh. Our bad.

Don’t forget to donate to the Cure for the Run! (and participate!)

In this hour, we celebrated two years of phenomenal, swollen, and delicious podcasting. I did not know back then what the show would evolve into, but I like where it is going. One of our listeners has recently decided to go back and listen to the first 100 episodes of the show, and upon taking an earful of that… Holy Johnnycakes, man.

There is a significant difference from what we did in 2007 versus what we do now. In the past, I would rant and rave about THE THOUSAND INJURIES suffered at the hands of society I had borne, Mickey would tell long-winded stories about Steel, the Navy, Georgia, moving from Georgia to escape Steel and join the Navy, hating and loving the Navy while serving on a Steel boat and glad to be rid of Georgia, and Boobs. J would sit in silence, watching our furious back and forth and occasionally coughing between News Bombs.

Now, the show is a snap whiz sheboingo of  me ranting and raving about perceived injustices great and small, Mickey telling long winded stories about Alloys, Georgia, and his service in The Military. J now has a cough button, and he talks over us more. Oh, and we added Ross, a polarizing producer and twitterer extraordinaire that does a fine job of whatever it is that he does here, because it sure as hell isn’t making a decent cup of coffee.

I am really not kidding. Everyone remembers “the incident”, when he salted my drink seconds before a show, then played innocent, stating that he thought a giant container brimming with white crystals beside the coffee maker would contain only sweet minerals. This time, he tokes his way into my kitchen, Bob Marley music humming in his head, and ladles spoiled cream (like, spoiled in March, and this is April) into my java. The dude is trying to kill me. I thought it was his way of “trying to get me to get my own coffee”, but, the weird thing is that he ALWAYS offers to get it for me. Lord knows how much Rosspittle is floating in my stomach by now. Freak.

So, yes, we’ve morphed, changed, and continue to become whatever it is we are. I lose weight, Mickey starts drinking again, J is a rock, never changing, always late, and Ross is coming into his own as content contributor and host-poisoner. It’s fun, this show!

Our new Studio G continues to be constructed, with the electrician scheduled for this week, hopefully to be wrapped up before Friday. Hope you have enjoyed the last two years. Without one missed show, always fresh content, three days a week, 52 weeks a year, even on Holidays.

Did you use Napster? You pirate, you, Arrrr. If you haven’t already, check out this.

SomaCow, we may be funny or sad, we may be interesting or dull… But we are, at all times, consistent.

And persistent.

And perspiring. Seriously. That studio is an OVEN.

I do agree with them that not much new is coming out though. So many bands sound like others or are throw backs to past decades. Great bands are hard to come by which got the chatroom talking about first concerts and best concerts. I think I would love to see Billy Joel and Elton John together as Jen Cook did. My first concert was 7 Seconds unless you count Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith.  What was your first? What was your favorite? My favorite is They Might Be Giants but only because I know and love every song. When it comes to “big” shows I guess I’d have to say REM.

Anyway, this wasn’t all the guys talked about. They also got on a long topic of how fat girls give the best hugs. It’s not just the squishiness factor, but I guess something in their hug is just special? I don’t know, I’ve never noticed a difference. But as a fat girl (but getting less fat), I have noticed I can’t stand hugging skinny guys! I feel like I’m going to break them.

So I’ll have to apologize for this being so short but we have spent every waking moment (even waking up early) working on Studio G and I am pooped! Geoff is already in bed and it’s not even 10 PM! If you want to see how Studio G is coming, check out the updates at our forum. The direct thread is here but I recommend you join us and the discussion! Bring up any topic you’d like or join in on one already made. (Don’t forget you get 7 points for signing up!)

In this hour, we take time out to apologize to our listeners, each other, society at large, puppies great and small, heteros, and any gypsies we may have misaligned. It isn’t really our fault, we’re just large that way.

J’s Newsbomb picked up a sponsor! Foofa’s… ermm…. two way petting zoo? Okay, maybe that was a lark, but I hear tell next week the Newsbomb will be sponsored by… twitter.com/ihateelross? Jesus! I guess we can make our fortune off of listener vendettas… Why not?

We have a lot to be sorry for, between blathering about points (oh! That reminds me! March’s giveaway is in just a few days, so if you are going to make the cut and win the $50.00 from Amazon, you might want to get to it asap, pdq, rtfn, etc.) to dodging Ross’s tale about his dead aunt. I know we will find a way to fit it in this week, Ross, I promise!

If you know of a way Mickey can apologize to our listeners for his purporting of a false rumor regarding gasoline prices, please let me know at moo@somacow.com – I know he does not want to pump gas in a puffy paint shirt. Maybe he can just clean windshields, or install extra ram, or blow on soup to cool it for you guys. Just say the word, cause Lord knows we aims to please.

Our new forum is swollen with members, 50 joined on last week, so if you want to discuss topics we talk about here, or your own individual unground axes, swing by and log in and get wordy with it. I look forward to hearing from you, and really appreciate everyone that has joined up already. Thanks!

In this hour, we begin discussion of the leaderboard, Mickey tells us about his sweaty nights in a Turkish flophouse, and J… Just… Ew.

The prize for March has been announced, namely, 50 sweet dollars to Amazon.com, and many of you have inquired, and enquired, as to how you can accumulate points. It’s quite simple: Help the show.

There are dozens and dozens of ways to help us out in promoting, developing, and crafting this show, and I want to make it clear: SomaCow is YOUR show. We are conduits, albeit thickly swollen and likely to suffer from blockage. The show is at its best when you are emailing, calling, discussing, chatting, partaking, responding, and engaging us. We want this to grow into another part of The Great Conversation, that endless stream of point, counterpoint, dialogue, discourse, and diatribe.

And we are not above bribing you for it. At the end of the year, a final point tally will be developed, and a mega prize will be given to the person dubbed Listener of the Year. It’s exciting. It’s gimmicky. You want to be a part of it, and you can start now. Monthly prizes will be announced and opportunities exist for ANYONE willing to try.

Note: All points are given as decided by SomaCow Media Staff. Points may not be shared or exchanged, and have no actual value, except to me, cause I am sentimental. And Mental.

Prizes are awarded in a manner utterly arbitrary. By participating in the Leaderboard, contestants agree to not act the fool and take it too seriously. We really are giving out prizes, we really are assigning points, and you really can win. But you have a lot to do. I mean, Iceman has been double downloading the show since Monday, and Foofa sent in some contributory, and ChrisP emails us 3000 words in commentary per episode, and Mustang Sally listened to us when we were little, and….

Join in, have fun, and above all else, speak your mind. We do. Your words: Our Voices, you know?

Our middle hour this week included various newspaper discussions, magazine discussions, and manly man discussions.

The guys, and all of us live listeners (and now you), were graced this hour by a call-in from Willoughby Mariano from the Orlando Sentinel. Willoughby reports on homicides in the Orlando area. She takes a more personalized approach though, talking to families, friends, really finding out what happened. On top of all that, she turned what we thought was going to be an off-color question by J into an off-color answer! She’s a cool chick. Her blog is here, and you can follow her on twitter, too! Read, and comment on, her blog, it’s at least helping keep newspapers alive, even if online.

Mickey is tired of Maxim, which keeps coming to his door even after the subscription ran out. But they do have celebrity interviews like with Clive Owens, right? And then there’s Monica Potter who, according to J, looks incredibly hot in one picture and fugly in the next (been a while since you’ve heard that word huh?). Geoff also points to Izzie Stevens from Grey’s Anatomy for being the same. What celebrity do you find hot yet not?

And the guys end up talking about their manly man moments this week an hour early. I guess Geoff just couldn’t wait to tell everyone how he moved out the old nasty funk-filled fridge to the curb AND beat the doors off of it! The other guys…well, J had a dogfight…that’s not bad. Mickey licked keys and Ross was beaten up by a con (have you seen his beard?). Hmmm, looks like these guys might need to do some man searching before Friday!

Mickey’s life coaching, as always, words to live by. Never give up.

Enjoy the episode. I know I did. I’m off to help my daughter with her new fascination of getting me to put her up on the couch and then slide head first back off of it. Fun times!

OOH! Speaking of fun times, we have a new forum! Join up if you haven’t already so I can give you your listener leaderboard point.

jen

Normally, we here on the ‘Cow are happy to do what we are best at, namely, being big, fat, great radio hosts. But we spent some time this hour being big, fat, great investigators, and uncovered a massive, secret concept you may be unfamiliar with. I am talking about B4D. I had seen whisperings of this potentially nefarious “act” on various social media sites, and had no idea what it meant. I took it upon myself to meet with a practitioner of same, and the experience rocked me to my soul. Instantly, my mind was awash in sudden total recall (COHAGEN!), and I “remembered” not only partaking of B4D as a child, but somehow… Enjoying it without shame?

Now, with each passing day, we are confronted with more and more individuals practicing B4D. While a groundswelling has been seen in lower income neighborhoods and amongst those given to slovenly lifestyles, the truth is Doctors, Authors, Television Producers, Engineers, Scientists, Software Programmers, and even Nuclear Technicians have all admitted to engaging in B4D, sometimes as a lark, sometimes with pure dedicated intensity.

I am thankful that I found a wife willing to partake in B4D with me. I was overcome with joy to the point of tears the first time we had B4D together, and now a few times a month we will sit and hold the baby while we enjoy B4D together.

It may seem terrifying at first, as all new things are, but we at SomaCow want you, the loyal members of the Heard, to consider making B4D a part of your life. It can rejuvenate the spirit, it’s easy to do, and you may find that it spices up your relationship with your significant other. I DO recommend you get the proper implements to engage in B4D, and don’t go at it half-cocked. Plan it out, because there is nothing worse than starting a “session”, only to discover one of you has to leave in order to finish the act.

The really amazing thing about B4D is how universal its appeal can be. Americans do it, but plenty of European and Asian cultures were rocking it long before we thought it up. Many cowboys would nestle down with “the boys” doing B4D, as do the Astronauts. You can do B4D with your mother (if she is okay with it), your friends, or even your dog (and believe me, if you have problems getting your dog to come when you call him, THIS will go far towards changing that aspect of his behavior. He’ll practically jump in your lap the minute you even suggest a “B4D” is imminent).

Strangely, D4B is not as satisfying. It’s almost sort of sad, and the people who engage in it are usually poor planners, heavy drinkers, and con.

If you would like to share your pictures of you and yours enjoying B4D, head on over to our new forum, and post away!

(PS, Obama has done lost his mind. I wonder if it has to do with too much, or not enough B4D.)

When reviewing the notes from this episode, I was greeted with the following notes: “Mickey wants to bang Oprah, Geoff’s sack and the shaving thereof, Jen calls…again…”

Wow, I don’t know that there is that much more I can say about those that listening yourself won’t take care of!

There are a few things I feel I must tell you, though. First, we are taking nominations for Listener of the Year-2008. You can nominate someone (or yourself) here on our forums!

Also, Geoff reviewed a fantastic book that he recommends to all-no matter what your beliefs. Even though it was written a few years ago and he’s read it a few times, it still gets him riled up over what is going on out there.

And to update you on the SomaCow Media doings of 2009…

SomaCow is still going strong on Friday nights (live) for 3 hours (7-10 Eastern)! Join us!

Saturdays now showcase Prime Time Geek (PTG) live from 8-10 Eastern. Their first show with SCM was last week and Felix had a great reception. Join us again this week!

On Sundays, The Sports Buzz still continues to discuss the hot sports topics of the day. This week join Ryan and special guest Luke sitting in for Todd, from 6-8 Eastern.

Just Push Play continues to entertain with Brian (titsMagee), CR, and Nova on their new night of Mondays from 8-10 PM Eastern.

And expecting to start this week, Wednesday?, is the return of ComaSow with Geoff and Jen! We’ll be reviewing new bands sent in to us as well as show you all a little glimpse into our crazy life. Check out the site for details on time!

Thank you all for an unbelievable 2008! We are looking forward to an even better 2009.

Jen

We fired up some new intros, and the Hopper rejected them. After a quack recovery, Mickey informed us that this week has just been an all around bad time for him on the technological front. It seems he destroyed his laptop, mouse, desk, and much of the east bedroom at his house. Dude really is Powder… So nice and sweet, and then he gets into a rage and metal starts flying.

We discuss my inherent need to be on the internet, possibly to now include the installation of a swivel arm mounted computer in my bathroom. It just kills me to know that I could be playing scrabulous or posting some snarky reply to a podcasting forum, if only I didn’t take such lengthy trips to the can. It’s a family tradition, it would seem, because I remember many a night I would sit in the living room and stare at the hallway to the bathroom, wondering when dad would emerge again from his epic shits. Dude had a TV, the hotline to the radio station, a telephone, a CB hookup, 2,000 playboys, and several transistor radios, all around an avocado throne.

We bore down on a topic near and dear to my wallet, namely, the Long Distance Relationship. Mickey regales us with a tale from his youthful days, when he was a child and she was a child in a kingdom named Big P. Sad, truly. I told of my ill-fated relationship with a Polack in Mamaroneck (Sorry again about all that!), and J informed us that he was born married to his wife.

What’s the biggest bill you ever ran up talking to the opposite sex? 900 numbers included, you dirty, dirty people.

Hey, while we have a moment…. Did you know that SCM is giving away a free iTouch? S’true. Click the test at SomaCow.com and get into the running now!

So, we at SomaCow frequently make it our goal to explore the mysterious of mankind, and better understand what it means to be a man. Today’s topic of interest – Goatees and Van Dykes. WTF is the deal with this ubiquitous facial fur? Bald guys, hairy guys, emo boys, punk rockers…. I cannot throw a rock without hitting six dudes that have a big satan beard all over their chin. Is this the pinnacle of our beardery? I hope not. I look to my good friend and trendsetter Elross for all my bearding advice.
Don’t forget to check out Mickey’s Life Coaching at the :40 – Topic this week: Sprinkle some happiness!

Is it okay for a guy to hug a guy? How do you hug?

We gay right the hell out of this episode with a brief history of the love that dares to squeeze the charmin.

We beared up on the following great artists in this episode:

• Oppenheimer – This Is Not a Test
• Punchline – Flashlight
• Jeff Howell – A Pretty Little Thing Put a Hurtin’ on Me

Geoff is gearing up to quit smoking. He made it through the holidays with the in-laws and typing just reminds him of his yellow, nicotine-stained, fingers so he is dealing…in his own way…with a bat…

But on a more positive note, at a Starbucks there was an awesome pay-it-forward deal that really represented the feeling of Christmas. It warmed our hearts at least. Except for Mr. 351…

Geoff really would like some snow. We both haven’t really gotten to play in it or see it so why not? Unfortunately the responses from our fans outside of Florida didn’t give us much hope for finding some white during vacation but there’s still time! If you are within an 8-10 hour drive of Central Florida and you have snow let us know where!

So we hope you all had a Merry Christmas if you celebrate it. If not hope you had a great day. Check out our forums at MucheDumbre and join in the discussions.

Jen

Jeff Howell – Bad Limosine
Simple Kids – Self Help Book
BittyBox – SnakeEyes