SomaCow

Originally encountered at SomaCow.com

In this hour, we talk about Ross’s dereliction of dress, we congratulate our new Listener of the Month, and a bunch of other loosey goosey.

RUFF

RUFF

RUFF

Tags: comedy, elross, forum, internet, kingdom of loathing, kol, listener of the month, orlando, radio, ross, somacow, talk

Originally avoided the issue at SomaCow.com

In this hour, we discussed pictures of naked ladies, local politic nutbags, and, even though I tried to avoid it, the horrible story in Arizona.

Also would like to wish a Happy Birthday to listener FooFa, who tunes in damned near every week and always contributes on our forums at http://www.somacow.net – Hope you got laid, paid, or at the very least, a high top fade, yo.

As an aside, I just read a quote from Sarah Palin that states, “Never apologize for our country.” Apparently, she thinks the USA is guiltless, or at the very least, that her people have nothing to be ashamed of.

As part of my 104 part series, “Blame America, Eventually”, I would like to offer 5 instances that Americans should seriously apologize for:

1. Dropping those nukes on Korea and Viet Nam. We totally went there, and it was, like, insensitive. Granted, our nukes DID help cause the mutations that made Pokemon and Lo Mein possible, and the world will always thank us for stopping the spread of Islam in Viet Nam, but we really, like, totally overreacted. Our bad.

2. Killing all those Indians. And by Indians, I believe I mean woo woo. When Jesus Christ first came to America, there were anywhere from 6,000 to 7,000 Native Americans living here. They were very happy to exchange their land, freedoms, and women for delicious scripture (it is a known fact that Indians eat bibles, covered in curry. Look it up, dumbasses). Then, Jesus had to go, but before he left, he gave the Indians fire. They foolishly mixed this with water, which Jesus already had made into wine, and thus the Indians made corn whiskey (they call it maize). Since then, Indians have been on a real bender. I mean, full-on lampshade-wearing, hitting on the boss’s daughter, puking in the fax machine drizunk. America did make good on all the damage caused by firewater to Indians, by teaching them to build Casinos. So, while we did what was right, sorry about all that. Our bad.

3. Canada. You know when you are friends with a guy in elementary school, and then you get to middle school, and you still try to be friends, but now you notice your friend picks his nose, and has a lot of zits, and sometimes smells like pee, and it sorta makes you less cool when you hang out with him, but you know how important it is that he retain his sense of individuality, even though he looks like a Momma’s boy running around paying tribute to the Queen of England and insisting on trying to incorporate the metric system into conversations and mispronouncing words that end in “out”, and you really should just slap him upside the head and say “Cut that shit out, dude”, but you don’t, cause, like, why make a scene like we did with Korea Nam back in the day and piss off everyone, but then your friend grows up, and now he is a senior in high school and he still DOES all that stupid crap plus he puts maple syrup on ham and stuff and just acts weird and is never gonna get laid and now you really wish you hadn’t agreed to room with him in the first place but moving is such a pain and he always wants to trade stuff with you but all his money has beavers and weevils and webelos and shit on it, and it’s just…. Yeah… Sorry about them. Our bad.

4. The Middle East. The Sand People, also known as “Tuscan Raiders”, are painfully uncreative. It is a known fact that these people watch American movies to determine what they should act like. Turn on ANY 80s American movie, and the middle eastern characters are blowing up planes, bitching about their shitty little land parcels, eating hot spicy dirt, being mean to women, lusting after eyebrows, making a bunch of noise, driving cabs poorly, stinking, and attempting to develop nuclear technology in an effort to ensure that they remain globally relevant after the oil runs out (note: oil is not running out. See facts cited by Saint Bush, Saint Cheney, and Saint Nye via Epcot). Maybe if we had portrayed the Sand People as delightful and intelligent, sweet smelling and communicative people obsessed with cooking, art, and social work (i.e. “gays), we would not have all these problems now. Our bad.

5. Katherine Heigl. We’re sorry. We thought she was hot, and now she cannot be extricated from popular culture. Yeesh. Our bad.

Don’t forget to donate to the Cure for the Run! (and participate!)

Tags: canada, cure for the run, forum, indians, internet, jesus christ, katherine heigl, korea, lo mein, middle east, orlando, Podcast, pokemon, radio, sarah palin, somacow, viet nam, vietnam

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by PrimetimeGeek.com – Felix is purported to have sped across the convention center, nabbing interviews and swag aplenty of the recent Orlando FX con, so, all you connie types, Con Up.

In this hour, we celebrated two years of phenomenal, swollen, and delicious podcasting. I did not know back then what the show would evolve into, but I like where it is going. One of our listeners has recently decided to go back and listen to the first 100 episodes of the show, and upon taking an earful of that… Holy Johnnycakes, man.

There is a significant difference from what we did in 2007 versus what we do now. In the past, I would rant and rave about THE THOUSAND INJURIES suffered at the hands of society I had borne, Mickey would tell long-winded stories about Steel, the Navy, Georgia, moving from Georgia to escape Steel and join the Navy, hating and loving the Navy while serving on a Steel boat and glad to be rid of Georgia, and Boobs. J would sit in silence, watching our furious back and forth and occasionally coughing between News Bombs.

Now, the show is a snap whiz sheboingo of  me ranting and raving about perceived injustices great and small, Mickey telling long winded stories about Alloys, Georgia, and his service in The Military. J now has a cough button, and he talks over us more. Oh, and we added Ross, a polarizing producer and twitterer extraordinaire that does a fine job of whatever it is that he does here, because it sure as hell isn’t making a decent cup of coffee.

I am really not kidding. Everyone remembers “the incident”, when he salted my drink seconds before a show, then played innocent, stating that he thought a giant container brimming with white crystals beside the coffee maker would contain only sweet minerals. This time, he tokes his way into my kitchen, Bob Marley music humming in his head, and ladles spoiled cream (like, spoiled in March, and this is April) into my java. The dude is trying to kill me. I thought it was his way of “trying to get me to get my own coffee”, but, the weird thing is that he ALWAYS offers to get it for me. Lord knows how much Rosspittle is floating in my stomach by now. Freak.

So, yes, we’ve morphed, changed, and continue to become whatever it is we are. I lose weight, Mickey starts drinking again, J is a rock, never changing, always late, and Ross is coming into his own as content contributor and host-poisoner. It’s fun, this show!

Our new Studio G continues to be constructed, with the electrician scheduled for this week, hopefully to be wrapped up before Friday. Hope you have enjoyed the last two years. Without one missed show, always fresh content, three days a week, 52 weeks a year, even on Holidays.

Did you use Napster? You pirate, you, Arrrr. If you haven’t already, check out this.

SomaCow, we may be funny or sad, we may be interesting or dull… But we are, at all times, consistent.

And persistent.

And perspiring. Seriously. That studio is an OVEN.

Tags: anniversary, birthday, Bob Marley, bubbos, coffee, comedy, convention, elross, felix, forum, fx, georgia, greatest, internet, navy, orlando, pittsburgh, Podcast, prime time geek, radio, somacow, spoiled milk, steel, studio g, talk, twitter