SomaCow

Needless to say, today is a big day for me.

April Fool’s Day? The day when jokes are king? I’m like turmeric oleoresin in your Post® Fruity Pebbles, man: I’m all up in it!!

Even when I was a kid, I would celebrate this day by making prank phone calls. My favorite was to call someone at random, then hang up before they could answer the phone! I don’t recall at the moment why this was considered a prank. I would also sneak into the kitchen when Mom was cooking supper, and turn down the temperature on the oven by 5 degrees, so it took about eight minutes longer for the food to cook. I’m not sure what the point of that one was, either, but I had a great laugh!

Later on, though, my April Fool’s pranks grew more sophisticated and clever. One year, my friends and I went downtown and put quarters into all the parking meters. Ha! We never got caught! Then we went to one guy’s house and smeared grease all over the tracks of his garage door so it opened really smoothly and quietly. He never found out who did it!

As my sense of humor matured, my April Fool’s Day pranks become more subtle and devious. A group of us decided to freak out the employees at the local library, so we all returned our overdue books on April 1st, and we each paid our fine with a twenty dollar bill which they were unable to break, so they had to keep all the change! Then, that afternoon, we went down to the main drag and stepped off of
the curb, bringing traffic to a complete standstill, every time the light turned red or the crossing guard helped some school kids across. We nearly got busted on that one!

Now, as an adult, some people think that I should be above all this tomfoolery and/or shenanigans. Nothing could be further from the truth. Already today, I have tricked the new clerk at the convenience store by buying a different brand of cigarettes than the ones I actually smoke, and when I went through the drive-thru at the bank, I replaced the bank’s ballpoint pen with one of my own. I wish I could see their faces when they realize what happened!

I hope you all enjoy pulling your pranks today. I gotta run, because I’m about to go and unzip all the ZipLock bags in the box in the kitchen cabinet. Then, when somebody takes one out, it will already be unzipped and they won’t know what hit them!

So watch your back today. You never know when YOU might be the victim of one of my over-the-top pranks.

MUAHAHAHAHA!

Tags: april, april fools day, fool, fools', funny, gag, joke, jokes, pranks

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by The Olde Cup and Saucer. It’s the best damn gypsy business in town, and Jen and I absolutely love it.

In this episode, we discussed my newfound love for tea, in all its forms, from the new Pure Leaf stuff being pimped by Lipton to this special magic brew oolong bomb secret spicy tea I am drinking. I only ask 2 things from my tea – be cold, and not taste like rotting fruit. There is NOTHING worse than tea that has sat in a cistern at a fast food restaurant for too long, and now every sip makes you wonder if it was brewed from the grout cleanings at the local YMCA shower. Except maybe Nestea. Holy crap, there must be acid in that stuff, like, scour your pooldeck acid, cause it will give you the burning coughy all day long.

We tried out a new segment, where I quiz my fellow hosts in an effort to determine who is paying attention. I think it was fun, Mickey and J looked silly, and the listeners enoyed playing along, so I think I will make it a Staple each week. Play along in the chatroom, and prove to everyone else that you are the smart!
We talked about a terrible story from Hawaii, where bureaucracy has caused one family the ultimate in suffering. For shame, faceless governmental agency sprouting needlessly from our senseless fear… For SHAME.

We also talk about my MAN! He may not be as lefty as Kucinich, or as outsidery as Ron Paul, but I feel like it is time. It’s time, for

I cannot wait! A vote for Obama is a vote against old people!

I choked down so much meat this week, that my olfactory isn’t making enough ol’ offal for me to get through Henry Rollins, so I cheated and pre-reviewed Mr. Black’s book. I am ashamed, you are nonplussed, Amazon is waiting for your credit card number.

We all agree that the writer’s strike, while lengthy, was unnecessary. After watching recent episodes of all the major evening shows, it is apparent that the writers were not what made the shows so good.

Mickey rarely suggests links, so you should take notice of these:

Funny or Die

You Suck At Photoshop

Andy Mila… Millakno…. Milinoc…. That Fat Greek Kid is NOT The Man Show Boy. I am serious, look it up.

Mickey also regaled us with a film that we must go see, if only to look for traces of Chrispy.

Please feel free to send us your independent music, movie scripts, finger paintings, pictures of bewbs, and other assorted creative stuffs, and we will happily display it in a place of prominence, here, on the internet’s refrigerator door of justice. moo@somacow.com!

Music:

• The Saints – Je Fuckin’ T’aime

• Bad Astronaut – Auto Care

Hey, about that Free iPod! Make sure you check the top o’ the page for the linkity link!

Tags: alternative, andy, astronaut, atkins, bad, barack, black, boobs, chat, comedy, constipation, cup, die, diet, free, funny, futi, hawaii, henry, independant, independent, internet, ipod, kucinich, leaf, lewis, man, michael, milonakis, movie, music, obama, olde, orlando, paul, photoshop, pittsburgh, Podcast, pure, quiz, radio, rollins, ron, saints, samoa, saucer, scripts, show, shower, suck, tea, ustream, ymca