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 257: In House [59:21m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Prime Time Geek, coming soon to SomaCow Media, Inc! We welcome them…him…to our network.

In this hour we talked about returning items, gas prices, and Christmas presents.

Geoff took back a monitor that suddenly just quit on us. Epic fail. What was great about this monitor was the instructions telling you to “push the power button on” but there was no power button! I swear! I think Geoff didn’t believe me at first and he and his whole workplace was having a big ole laugh-at-Jen party but I was happy to watch him come home and say “hmmm, there’s no power button”. Yeah, I was right but I didn’t rub it in. So he took it back to Target where we purchased it a few weeks back, sans receipt. Target used to be the best place to return things but I guess people took advantage of that and now they are the worst!

The guys also splattered in some talk on pick up lines, twitter and the sudden media frenzy that has come with it, and good ole Spuds Mackenzie. Remember him? Yeah, you’re old.

Don’t forget, when gas prices are under 1.00/gallon, that you heard it hear first! Don’t worry, you won’t forget, Mickey won’t let you.

And Christmas presents. Do you buy them for everyone? How long is your list? Have you ever had the “let’s make something creative (and cheap)” year? It’s the thought that counts, right?

Disney World, Universal Studios Islands of Adventure and MGM Studios just ain’t gonna cut it anymore.

With gas prices soaring to over $22.00 per gallon, Florida is going to have to come up with something new and different this summer if they expect to remain “Tourist Rip-off Capital of the World”.

Fortunately, Florida…I’m there for ya, bro.

I’ve devised a series of theme parks that offer something for every member of the family. Something new. Something fun. Something expensive. Something that you will take pictures of, to put on your MySpace pages.

Li’l Rollers Casino

Kids will be kids, and now, they can also be kids with serious gambling addictions!
Recharge the HandyCam, Dad, your little man just went craps! Children love winning a bet as much as grown-ups do, so they will enjoy hours of playtime fun at our “Will This Fit Up Your Nose?” booths (located near the Nickel Snot Machines), our Texas Poop’em tables, and in the exciting “Will Mommy and Daddy Get a Divorce as a Result of This Vacation?” stations. And, while junior and little Cyndy are enthralled by all the brightly-colored plastic chips they have eaten, Mommy and Daddy can enjoy some Baccarat (which I believe is a delicious Greek dessert) in the “Migraine Lounge”.

Parents’ Paradise
Parents today have driven cross-country with the kids, gone on cruises with the kids, chased the kids around day spas, yelled at the kids across sugar-white tropical beaches and ridden thrill-rides with the kids until the kids throw up or Daddy has to tighten up his truss. Finally, there is a place that knows just what Mom and Dad need. “We know just what Mom and Dad need!” is the slogan of this all-inclusive resort for parents. While the kiddies are being tended by caring nurturers, who are themselves being supervised by law enforcement personnel, who are overseen by actual, sexually frustrated nuns, parents can get exactly what they’ve always wanted! Dad can choose to actually watch an entire ballgame from start to finish, in the luxuriously appointed “Den”; take a lengthy, relaxing poop without anyone knocking on the door asking “Ummm… is… ummm… Dad?… ummm… is… ummm… Dad?… ummm… is the kitchen sink spraying water on the ceiling because of the Pokemon I stuck in the faucet?” at our various “Throne Rooms”, or even enjoy a game of cards with no little-people throwing up on people’s shoes under the card table.

Mom? We haven’t forgotten about you! Imagine the luxury of making a ONE-HOUR-LONG phone call to your best Ya-Ya girlfriend…completely uninterrupted! Or, how about eating ice cream and watching “Sex and the City” without having to wipe anybody’s nose or bottom! Or, for the daring, try one of our special Bath Houses, where you will be allowed to…TAKE A BATH! A LONG ONE! WITH CANDLES IF YOU WANT!

Finally, Mom and Dad can end a day of excitement in one of our soundproof, triple-locked “Happy Time” rooms, with unlimited free condoms, spermicidal foam and IUDs from the fully stocked mini-bar.

Senior Pavilion
“Support-Undergarment Junction”, “The Bran Depot” and bingo, 24-7. ‘Nuff said.

So, join us this summer, won’t you, in sunny, carefree Florida, where our motto is:
“We won’t charge you a penny more, if we can charge you $75.00 more and get away with it.”