For most people, the chance to throw your hands up in the air and declare, “I WON!” is a rare thing.  To be completely adn utterly basked in victory, is such an awesome feeling.  For me, it’s no big deal, it happens all the time.  Hell, my last paycheck for Wild Wild West came on a flatbed.

How do you measure a podcaster, what makes a blogger great?
Is it the downloads?  20 mil.
Is it the cars?  Kawasaki.
Is it the women?  The Chick That I Am Dating.
Is it the money?  Please.

(Seriously, please donate if you are entertained.  We discovered that, if we want to get a hot chick on the show, we may have to pay for it.)

So, our big win this week, gas prices.  Look around, leaves are brown, it’s a hazy shade of winter… BUT… the gas prices are falling faster than President Bush’s approval ratings.  Several months ago, we declared that we heard a rumor that gas would be one dollar per gallon by March of 2009, and it hit 34 cents.

On this week’s show we took a moment to recognize some great boobs.  Ms. Elizabeth Shue, you have got some great boobs.

Dang, diggy, dang, da-dang, da-dang, diggy, diggy.

Random Junk You Might Find Interesting:

• Steampunk USB Drive, Because You Don’t Yet Have a Steampunk USB Drive [Gadgets]
• The Wild Wild West of China
• Why was Harry Truman less popular than George W. Bush?
• George W. Bush: Worst President Ever According To America
• Abundance Comes from Being Grateful
• Hackers, The Computer Revolution, and Generating Something Useful

Geoff and Mickey are always teasing me about being “old man on the show”. I secretly suspect that this is merely because I was born a long time before they were. But now I guess I can’t complain, because I have finally committed the ultimate old-person act:

“*GASP*”, you gasp, “You have purchased white Sans-a-Belt slacks?!?!”

No, don’t be ridiculous.

I have registered to vote.

Registration, and the whole voting process, conjures up images in my mind of my grandfathers who, after watching fat, old, white men in black suits on the evening news for two hours, causing me to miss the crucial opening minutes of “Sanford and Son” where the whole premise of the episode is established, would grumble and cuss and kick their pale, veiny, spindly grandfather legs at the TV, and swear that they were going to vote against that sonofabitch whom they just voted INTO office during the previous election.

See? Old people actually CARE about what the valueless, ineffectual politicians say and do. Kids, like me, see the world with the clarity of youth and realize that it is far more important to eat Fruity Pebbles, watch Scooby-Doo and put baseball cards in the spokes of your bicycle because it makes a cool noise that sounds exactly unlike a motorcycle.

What’s more, I can PROVE that no elected official in history has had the slightest impact on this nation, or on me, or on you, or on our families as Americans. Ask the Republicans where the problems of today came from, and they will say “From the Clinton administration”. They realize that George Washington Bush has done NOTHING during his eight years in office that impacts us in any way. Next, ask the Democrats where the problems of the Clinton administration came from, and they will say…(ummm…hang on a second while I look up who the President was before Clinton…OH!..OK.) They will say that George Harvey Washington Bush (no relation) was the source of all the misery, completely negating anything that Clinton may have pretended to do while in office. And so it goes, back and back and back through Presidents Ronald Reagan and John Fitzpatrick Kennedy and Benjamin Franklin. None of them, if you ask their party, did anything wrong and none of them, if you ask the opposing party, did anything right.

Net effect: zero.

So, for years I just ignored Washington (the city, not the actual d00d, because I believe that he may be deceased) hoping that it would lobby and spend and impeach itself out of existence, and we citizens could all get back to the REAL American business of hating foreigners and manufacturing sub-standard cars.

But, I finally realized that participating in the election process gives me the ultimate power as an American: the power to vote AGAINST more fat, old, white men in black suits on the evening news for two hours, causing me to miss the crucial opening minutes of “The Office” where the whole premise of the episode is established.

So Mickey is looking to move. In this market, should he take the plunge and buy? Or keep on renting? I mean renting at least you wouldn’t have to climb on the roof, crawl around the attic, replace the wet carpet, pay to have the a/c recharged, mow the lawn, clean the pool, shock the pool, chlorinate the pool…shit.

Hulk-a-datea? Now that Hulk has gotten his divorce, what will his next stunt be? Hogan dates best?

Geoff doesn’t like summer or Muscular Dystrophy…June through Labor Day must be some rough days for the guy…

In local news, the search for Caylee Anthony is everywhere so of course our A#1 newshound, J, wants to get in on the action. Go for it J, in the name of SomaCow! (and write a damn blog about it)

This week, Geoff reviewed Goodnight Moon, one of my favorite children’s books. This leads into a discussion of the best children’s books out there…and how the Bible needs to be rewritten.

Oh! And SomaCow LOVES Neil Patrick Harris. Have you seen Dr Horrible? If not, shame on you (and now you have no excuse!)

This week’s music was:

• The Presidents of the United States of America – More Bad Times

For some reason, politics and religion are dangerous discussion peices.  Raising children is another.  These topics tend to cut to the very core of a person’s ego.  Calling into question something someone believes causes synaptic overload.

The hard part about discussing these topics is the attitude by anyone listening or participating.  I’m a very gray area kind of person.  For most folks, there is a lot of black and white.  “This is a Republican, and anyone who is a Republican believes this.”  “Democrats do this and anyone who is a Democrat does this.”

The way the political machine is operating today is leading us, as a nation, as a world, as a species, to the brink of complete and total failure.

There is no listening, no compromise, no wiggle room.

I am, by most accounts, a Republican.  Not a George W. Bush fascist regime style Republican.  I am a Teddy Roosevelt, Barry Goldwater, Abraham Lincoln Republican.  Ok, I’m not gay, so maybe not a Lincoln Republican.

Normally when I discuss politics, I am cut short by anyone who is part of the discussion.  They only hear the first part of anything being said.  They do not wish to hear anything further because they have already been mentally condition to think they know what the rest of the statement is.

“I don’t believe the Federal Government should give money to the poor… ”
“Oh yeah well they give it to the rich to bail out companies and RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE BLAR BLAR BLAR.”

“I don’t feel that the Federal Government should take responsibility for bankrupt industries…”
“That’s stupid because RUMBLE ROBBLE ROBBLE GLAB GLEEB GLOOB.”

Democrats look at anyone with an R on thier shirt and instinctivly disagree because they see the Republicans as Fundamentally flawed.  Republicans will not even allow a Democrat to begin to speak because they see something wrong with the very foundation of the Democratic party.

It is all rhetoric.  All the articles written by left wing, right wing, fascist, neoconservative, hippy style magazines, all the claptrap spewing forth from the Liberal and Conservative talk shows, all the speeches, all the pomp all the circumstance… it is all bullshit.

Try watching any Political show that has opposing sides.  It breaks down into a cackling roost of hens.  Might as well just watch The View.  Watch a one sided show, and you get O’Riley regurgitating whatever fried over lied he has been fed or you get Obberman re-regurgitating what O’Riley said and picking out the nuggets.  You could watch Bill Maher and lose IQ points as he mugs to an invisible friend on the other side of the stage.  Listen to Rush and hear smarm ooze out of every drug addicted fat cell.

We are eternally stuck in an Us vs. Them bear trap that is leading this nation into the anus… err… annals of history to sit along other failed empires.  We are locked in a never ending tug of war.  The flag may scoot to one side or another for brief periods of time, but no one knows when to say when.

When my marriage was failing, we attempted counseling.  One of the only worthwhile things the “the rapist” said was along the same lines as the tug of war metaphor.  He described a box in the middle of the floor.  For the purpose of this article, the box is our nation, The United States of America. He said my wife, in this case, the Democrats, was on the left side of the box.  I (the Republicans) were on the right side of the box.  We were pulling as hard as we could, but never getting anywhere.  He said that we could still pull in our own direction, but also pull forward.  There would be some give and take, but the box would move forward.

We are not moving anywhere.  The nation is freezedried into “My idea is right, his idea is wrong”.  Here’s a secret Columbo… You are both fucking wrong.

Guy one has education plan a, guy two has education plan b.  Do you want to know something?  Both education plans are going to lead down the path to poor (financially and performance wise) teacher, dumb students, and new breed of politicians rolling out the same damn plan during the next election cycle.

Stagnate.  You pull left, I pull right.  We can sit here all day.

No one is willing to admit that the other side has a few good points.  No one is going to say, “Well, overall, our education plan is shit, but I think this and this and this would work, if we just got rid of a bunch of crap.”

Regardless of all that, I was asked what my political beliefs are, so I decided to write this on our site.

===============
I believe that success and hard work should be rewarded.  I think the tax bracket idea is stupid.  If someone works enough overtime, or gets a good raise, he should not have less take home pay.  Why punish those that wish to achieve?

I think the government should stay out of my home.  Don’t tell me who to marry or who not to marry.  Don’t tell me with whom I can and cannot talk.  If you are interested in my sex life… listen to my show, not my phone calls.

I think military or civil service should have perks.  Requiring such things will lead to animosity.  However, I think the kids should serve two years and get a card.  Put a happy face smilie sticker on their driver’s license.  It would be worth points in life.  Let’s say a black, a white and a kid with a sticker are all applying for a job.  They are all equally qualified.  The kid with the sticker gets one bonus point and he wins.  WOOT!

I think charity should be left to the community.  I will paraphrase an old quote:  If you have and others do not, it is better to give of it freely, before they take it from you.  Some would argue that there are too many greedy people.  These are also the same people that are not satisfied with Bill Gates giving $126 million to charity just wasn’t enough.  Allowing a philanthropist to give freely will bring forth more generosity instead of animosity.  The greedy who will not donate are the same people that are going to find every loophole in the tax code, so they will not be paying anyway.

I believe in a strong military with high standards.  In recent years, the standards have gone to the wayside.  It is harder to fill the empty slots because there is no real reward for being a member of the military.  The TV ads are flashy and loud, but lack substance.  When I joined, I was sold a bill of goods that included large sums of money.  In the end, I discovered they were mostly flat out lies.

I believe that stupid kids and smart kids should be separated.  A child’s brain is a sponge.  If a child is keeping pace with a teacher throwing out information, why slow her down to wait for BillyBob Dumfux?

I believe federal taxes should pay the military, pave the roads, pay for some cops, and take care of a few odds and ends.  Anything beyond that is bloat.

I believe that if there is a session in congress or the senate, everyone should be there.

I believe that campaigning should be done off the job.

I believe that it is not difficult to be a decent human being.  Just stop being so self centered every now and then.

I believe the president is nothing more than an icon to identify the age.  When they mention Teddy, I think of America putting on its big boy pants and going to work.  When they mention FDR, I think of the time when America became big brother and started talking down to its people.  When I think of LBJ, I picture America as a rebellious teen.  When I think of George W. Bush, I think of America as the guy who just got out of a divorce, went out drinking, and just got riled up and pissed off.  Running around pissing on the neighbor’s lawn, honking the horn on his Chevette, blaring White Snake out of the stereo at 3am.

I believe that anyone who runs for President, is clearly, automatically, and unquestionably unqualified for the job.

====

With that being said, I think the entire political system is flawed.  It is a bloated fat kid trying to walk up the stairs carrying a overfull bowl of chocolate serial.  It may have a specific goal in mind, and a half baked plan, but that rolly rolly little fucker isn’t getting anywhere with out an asthma attack and spilling choco nibblets and milk everywhere.

So, with this embedded deep in your brain, come November I want you to go out and vote.  Vote Early, Vote Often.  And if you have a dead grandma, cast a vote for her as well.  It will count.  Unless you live in Florida.

Mickey

Related articles by Zemanta

• Howard Schweber: Representation: Jefferson versus Jackson