SomaCow

 

 206: M, I, C [1:00:02m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by muchedumbre.com. I was told every time a user creates a free account and posts there, a Mickey gets his due dew.

Right off the bat, as promised, I just wanted to provide the link to “Office Space” as a drama:

http://www.thetrailermash.com/office-space-drama/

Sorry, still cracks me up.

In this hour, we break free from topicality and attempt to center the holy light of our podcast onto the shining countenance of our very own Mickey. New listeners can get up to speed on what makes this production dynamo tick, and old listeners can compare this episode’s lies with previous lies and see which lies lie best!

We talk about my good, good friend quite a bit, and so I will just add a simple game here in the blog. Winner gets a free slap and tickle!

Better know a Mickey:

Mickey works at “The Facility” – what industry does the facility cater to?

Mickey lived in Georgia at one point. I know, ick, right? What town did he call home for the most part in that awful, awful state?

Mickey has a Chick. The chick once ordered “the most look-at-me food” in existence. What dish says “PAY ATTENTION TO ME!”?

Add up your scores, and let me know how you did!

While enjoying an hour of Mickey, we also cavorted (yeah, I said cavorted) to the following bands:

• Gogol Bordello – Supertheory of Supereverything
• Goldfinger – Handjobs for Jesus

 

 204: So Who Was On The Phone? [59:44m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by a big steamy bowl of who cares.

In this hour, we complained about wikipedia, podcasters, J, luauers (people that luau), Shia the Beefs, harmonicas, Charlie Chaplin, and the Death of Chivalry. We were going to discuss great comedy partners, but, apparently, “Simpsons did it”.

So, why am I in such a bad mood? I have a great kid, a truly loving wife, powerful smelling friends with no active plots to destroy me, a decent job, and three pooches to boot. How could I possibly be so hissy and pissy when “a pack of blessings lights up upon my back”?

I really don’t know. I get a lot of enjoyment out of Kingdom of Loathing (sign up, Heard!), and spending time with the baby and wife, but otherwise, I am just seeing red lately. At work, we have a sign. The sign reads “No Solicitation”. I would think that that implies, “Do Not Try To Sell Us Your Scammy Copiers, Nor Your Free Delivery of Overpriced Sub Sandwiches, Nor Even Will We Give You Money, Even If You Just Need It To Catch a Bus and See Your 14-month Pregnant Wife”.

It apparently, does not. Today i was accosted by “the Gallery Rep”, who wanted us to buy 45 dollar cheap brass laminate framed Thomas Kinkade Art. I snarked, swore, and slammed the door.

WTF is up my butt? I normally LIKE breaks in the day like that…

I think I need some sessy time… Something.

Anyway, we had a good show, but in retrospect, we pick on J too much. I will give twenty dollars to the first listener that catches me being uncivil to J without reason, from here on out. See you in the Ustream, Saturday at 1:00 PM Eastern!

We fumed while rocking out to the following great bands:

• Goldfinger – War
• Wes Charlton – Daytime Blues

 

 160: Four Eyes Are Better Than Your Mom [1:00:40m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Dr. Joseph Vo and his superior optometry skillz. You made an old, feeble, sweet smelling man feel safe, and for that, we salute you!

In this, our finest hour, we discussed J’s new glasses (which you can check out in our Ustream Channel, if he ever wears them again), sharks (and other dangerous things that can lurk in the water), and Hurricanoes and Earthaquakes (We’re all gonna die!)

Ah, glasses. I think no single appliance can so instantly, effortlessly, and effectively ostracize a kid from his existing peer group more so than a good set of really bad eyewear. Certainly, in the last few years, huge leaps have been made in the advancement of the frames and lenses, but, at the end of the day, bottom line, you know in your heart that wearing glasses means you are genetically weak. You are the fail. Team captains will never pick you for any position, and will often try to make the ball connect with your face in hundreds of exciting ways. Women can never truly love you, for you will always suffer from blind spermatozoa, forever bumping their heads uselessly against the vaginal wall, never reaching an egg without squinting their teensy sperm eyes. I hate to be the one to break this to you, but it is time you knew. If we all lived on an island, your “friends” and cohorts would set up the bomb, and drop a giant rock on your head, killing you horribly and forever silencing your fat, whiny mouth. SHUT UP, PIGGY!

But honestly, with all the advancements medical science has given us, like shoving glass into your eyeball and choking your retinas, or slicing open the ocular tissue with friggen laser beams and “deflating” your optic nerve to make it more aesthetically pleasing, you should not worry. There is no reason your continued ocular degeneration should keep you from living a healthy and normal life, swimming through the cavernous depths of some dank cave, forever polishing various junk jewelry and arguing with fat hairy hobbits about where the wind blows.

Look, people. I am just in a bad mood. I can see it in my writing. We talked about some great stuff in this episode, and you should give it a listen. We’re very funny, and very witty, and very self-deprecating, and Mickey and J BOTH get in some good ones, so tune in, and check out the following great bands.

• Goldfinger – One More Time
• Ryan Shaw – I Do the Jerk

I, for one, have already referenced Lord of the Flies AND Lord of the Rings in one blog, and I just do not want to wait around and see what will happen next. I think you and I both are better off without it coming to that.

And don’t forget the Newsbomb at the :20. It’s summed up well:

“You took a week that had no news…”

“…and turned it into a bit with no jokes!”