Brian Feldman Marries Anyone
Mickey Does Not Love Marriage
Heterosexual Dude Couples
Gay Church
Going to the Chapel and…
Geoff Pees A Lot
Insomnia
Chantix Dreamin’
RHPS
Going Green at the Hotel
10 Gallons of Water
Redeye = Shittiest Show Ever
Manscaping
Geoff is Going Two-Face

In this, their finest hour, the guys talked about it being episode 300! It was a time to party, a time to reminisce, and a time to look forward.

Geoff asked me to pick up a couple of balloons for the gang, something festive. Wow, am I going to love throwing Rowan birthday parties! I ended up getting balloons, glowing bracelets, sunglasses, party hats, poppers, noisemakers, and a cake! If you are following Ross or myself on Twitter, you will know what a green cake does to you :P. But it was cool! Many thanks to Publix for making a green cow print cake!

It was also a time to reflect and ask you, dear Heard, what you have liked and not liked. Do you like the episodic bits (i.e. Newsbomb, Life Coaching, Weekly Constitutional)? What’s your favorite SomaCow moment? What didn’t you like?

We’re not saying we’re going to change the whole show, oh no, we’re just looking at what we can do to make the next 300 even better. The way we can make it the best is you guys. Geoff has been working on his “Leader Board” and we have already received countless questions about how you all can get more points and that’s awesome! All I can answer is to listen live tonight (or listen back if it’s after Friday) for more details. Thank you all for all you have done. Keep commenting on the blogs (hint hint) and join us in the live chat every Friday night. You guys are the best!

Happy 300 SomaCow!

Jaysus! No wonder that country never built roads ’til the English came and gave ‘em what for.

History is replete with fine examples of Irishmen that have really made the world a better place, and SomaCow salutes them today:

(The Sweetest Pieces of Irish Lass)

Excellent Irishmen, all of them.We’ll be out toasting your health this Monday at Wall Street, enjoying some drinks and watching Enter the Haggis beat down the stage. We never really got into it during the show, but… Who invented that gay “pinch if you aren’t wearing green” schtick? Was that just a Woolworth’s invention to sell off massive reserves of shitty green clothing, or is there some real reason we do it? I never seem to get pinched by hot women, just weird dudes that look all happy about doing it. I have no idea why people generate so much pleasure from touching me. Psychos.

Don’t forget to check out J’s Newsbomb at the :40!

We also chatted about McCain, who apparently forgot to buy something at the Green Zone market last time he was in Iraq and has returned once more this week to bust down on some Baghdad Bargains. Best of luck to you, sir. Please try not to create an international incident during your visit.

And Obama, who had to work hard to distance himself from yet another foaming at the mouth lunatic, this time in the form of his Reverend. I am not sure I disagree with Goodman Wright’s statements, because, behind all the “fohty acres an’ a mool” rhetoric, there is some real truth is what he is saying. Consider these quotes:

“We have supported state terrorism against the Palestinians and black South Africans, and now we are indignant because the stuff we have done overseas is now brought right back to our own front yards. America’s chickens are coming home to roost.”

Well…. We did, regardless of how I feel Israel has a right to exist, we are pissing on the Palestinians when we support Israel. You cannot take a side without opposing another.

What we have allowed to happen, both with arms trade and resource rape, in Africa and other places, is simply unconscionable. The fact is, militant and psychotic Islamic fundies would not be able to win the hearts of these people if we would start showing them the good that America can do.

Another Wrightism:

“Barack knows what it means to be a black man to be living in a country and a culture that is controlled by rich white people…” “Hillary can never know that. Hillary ain’t never been called a n*****.” (censoring mine)

That is a fact. White rich people DO run this country. Well, rich white people and Saudi Royalty. AND! Hillary has never been called the n-word. She has, quite reasonably, lived a life of hate from the right, but nothing along the lines of what many blacks experience, even today.

These are opinions, given by a black man speaking to a congregation. They do not indicate Obama’s mind, no less than the fact that George Bush attended a school run by a religion known for having sex with pigs indicates that George Bush enjoys sticking his junk in a squealing oinker. ALL religion is dumb. As long as you people in this country insist on having a President that goes to church, you will continue to experience stupid preachers that say outlandish shit, and retarded terms like “Chief Spiritual Advisor”. What is this, Tenochtitlan circa 4oo BC? Ooonga the motherfuck Boonga, people.

One opinion that is fact is that we played fabulous music this week:

• Flogging Molly – Requiem for a Dying Dream
• Dirt Poor Robins – Eleanor Rigby
• Presidents of the United States of America – Mixed Up S.O.B.

Saturday was a big day for me and my wife, as we decided to actually leave the SomaCow Studio Compound and Sausage Emporium and head out. I had been told by a friend that Repticon made for a good fun walk-around, so we piled into the Saturn Running Show and headed over.

Place was amazing. I talk about it some in this episode, and Jen got a buttload of excellent pics which you can check out while listening – Some of these things have otherwordly colors, and blew my mind. Hell of a lot bigger selection than what we see at Pet Bazaar or any of the local cricket and mealworm shops.

There were lots of women there, surprisingly. I really do not know what that is about. Mickey and J say Snakes=Penis. Mickey feels that pets signal the death of a person’s social life, and I tend to agree.

Those of you that like snakes, you should head down to the Central Florida Zoo and wave “hi” to a good friend of ours serpents, both of whom idle away their luxuriant life in happy herpe heaven. Maybe next weekend I will hit the zoo and get you guys some pics. God knows something good has to come out of that camera I bought Jen.

We talk a lot about snakes, and Mickey clues us in to what it REALLY means when a chick touches a reptile. I wonder what it means when a chick touches her iPod iTouch, that she won from SomaCow Media? Take the test and win!

Also – PSA -don’t have hermit crabs as pets- You think it’s cute. Your kid may say they do, but they are lying. Stop scaring your children, people.

We finally agree that, for some people, reptiles are just their “Thing” – Everyone needs to have a thing, something that they get nutty for, or follow religiously. Mickey’s might be comics, mine might be authors and their first editions, and J… J loves shrimp.It came up during the episode, and maybe you can sound off here: How much would you pay for a piece of the moon, or what object would you pay an exorbitant amount for, far above it’s supposed “value”?

Check out J’s NewsBomb at the :40, where he makes Mickey AND I laugh. No. REALLY!
In sadder news -

Guess who’s Back?

Back Again?

Nader’s Back.

Stupid Bastard.

Yeah, it didn’t rhyme, but there is no less evocative, more meaningless, less likely candidate to ever announce. I have more belief that Chavez, or Charlie Chaplin, or Charlie freaking Brown, could be elected, than Ralph. S. Mouse Nader. Dude is a perfect example of the guy that just does not know when to leave the party and go the F home. And that’s coming from a card carrying member of the Green Party. That whole organization is falling apart at the seams. Maybe I will fix it in a later episode.

We rounded out the hour with some Oscar talks. We must just not get out to the theaters enough, cause I have not seen a single big contender. Give me some suggestions, listeners. I saw 3:10 to Yuma, and it was excellent. What else from this year’s harvest should I be seeing?I apologize for the Jungle Fever singing. Sincerely.

Don’t forget to check out Justice at the Club at Firestone, coming soon. Get in, get’tained, and let us know how it was.

And enjoy the following hissy hissy tunes in this episode:

• Cobra Starship – Bring It (Snakes on a Plane)
• Bittybox – Snake Eyes