SomaCow

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by The Secret Terrorists. Learn the secrets of who killed Kennedy! Thrill to the truth about Bill Clinton! Amaze your friends as you blame every single problem ever met by the world on… The Jesuits? WTF are the Jesuits, mom?

We discussed what happens when you give kids the conch, the real reason gas prices are so damned high, and we lamented those hardest hit by the energy crisis.

It’s no secret that autistic children can be annoying! Their impromptu outbursts, stereotypy, and ritualistic behavior make them into excellent talk radio hosts, but terrible classmates. Enter Port St. Lucie, Florida (The Land That Decency Forgot), and their forward-thinking educators, who assemble a brilliant plan: Rather than wait for these kids to kill Piggy on the recess playground, why not schedule a time IN CLASS to berate an autistic child before banning his sorry ass from the room? Hahahah! Oh, kids, they say the darnedest things. Wendy Portillo, Hitler salutes you!

I get a lot of email from you folks, (well, that isn’t true. I get ten emails from you. One is usually asking me to have somebody tickle J, one is Chrispy, mocking me for not having the sense to eat something as good as what he has been eating for ten years now, six are requests from bands that we play their song on the show, and one is from my mom, who has yet to listen to a single episode, but wonders where the play button can be found) asking me about Gas Prices. We spend a good part of this hour explaining who is at fault with the energy crisis, and how you can help bring them down.

We rounded out the hour with a report on those hardest hit by these ever-increasing fuel prices and steadily-declining dollar value. Truckers? Arsonists? Race Car Enthusiasts? Nope, nope, and nope. But I sure would like to connect to her bp before I chevron her amoco and then exxon all over her mobil until my pump runs dry, ten-four.

Watch the scenery pass you by while you jam on the following great bands:

• Bedouin Soundclash – Until We Burn In The Sun
• 16Volt – Come For You

Tags: 16 volt, 16volt, autism, bedouin soundclash, comedy, gas, hitler, independant, independent, indie, internet, jesuits, music, orlando, Podcast, radio, secret terrorists, somacow, talk, teacher, wendy portillo

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this, our finest hour by Mickey’s Life Coaching and Old People Computer Use Help Desk.

The ladies of Say Anything sit in with us for a final hour, which, again, is far prettier eye candy than what we are used to. We start out with something that aggravates us to no end, the end user that can’t use their computer to a meaningful end. That being said, I think I picked up a few thousand “applications” from my last bout of “browsing”. The only thing that is protecting me at this point is Vista’s hostility towards the operation of ANY program, much less scumware and spyware.

Mickey brings up a valid point that NO candidate can hide from the public lens, and will forever be hiding from their past. How prescient (that means “future done seen”, Apopka) of him, considering Hillary Clinton’s current efforts to align her memory with actual footage. I am still praying for a last minute third party swoop-in, saving us from four years of… THOSE people.

We have no time for politicking on SomaCow, it seems, and quickly get off topic into tongue piercing and oral. It’s the effect of the girls in the studio, I believe.

As an aside – Hiter was Swedish. Shocking, isn’t it?

Why is America so willing to “take back” Obama? I mean, I like the guy. I had NO problem with him and his racist friends, but I do not understand that whole battered wife/Stockholm “just say you are sorry and all will be fine again” mentality people seem to be approaching this with. Nothing is fine, and glossing this race issue over is just a guarantee that it will revisit with a vengeance in October. Oh well… The Democrats know how to lose an election, and it shows!

Again, why are we talking about Politics during a visit from the ladies?

I think it had a lot to do with THIS (read at your own leisure and peril)

After reading that article, I was in a tizzy. Our society: bankrupt. Our way of life: defeated. A giant fat wet fart and The American Way is On the Way Out. We have to take steps to avoid this calamity, in addition to all the other calamities we are currently facing (Disease, The Housing Market, and Starbucks Coffee).

I had high hopes for Starbucks, as I thought they had clearly identified their problem (bitter, bad coffee, dumb staff, unethical managers, and too many layabouts holding up The Line). So, today, I swung by a Starbucks adorning my local mall and went to get a Venti Caffe’ Americanoeoee. It was god-awful. Bitter and repugnant, I see no change in their corporate behavior evidenced, as “Morris”, the 17 year old cheese-face that poured my Joe, stared at me, thenm stared at the machine, then stared at me, then stared at the sink, then WALKED TO THE SINK AND POURED MORE TAP WATER INTO MY COFFEE. Mmm… Nothing makes coffee taste better than the microbial soup of a dirty sink tap.

Let me be clear, I have no problem drinking from “A” tap. I drink from mine at the house, public drinking fountains… Hell, I have sucked off a garden hose just to feel that cold, slightly dry iron-y mouth feeling. But this sink was a cesspool of spilled beverages, uncleaned canisters, and filthy steam rags. Screw you, Morris. I sentence you to another year of working in a Mall Starbucks under the not-so-watchful eye of Bernice.

Speaking of Starbucks, THIS JUST IN, one thing you can get that’s good at Starbucks? your barista’s kidney!

We continued our topic sprint in an effort to get the girls to chime in, and they finally came to as we did a bit of girl vs. guy trivia. Feel free to play along:

Thanks to Paul Redman for the idea. Next week, Dialing for Dollars, or something. Mickey hates trivia, which sucks, cause he is good at it. at the :40, for my Weekly Constitutional, I reviewed The Bible. It was a complete pantload, mostly about this guy with daddy issues… But – it gave me a GREAT idea for a story. More details later!

For now, simply bask in the glow of the following great bands:

• The Dollyrots – Nobody Wants You
• Notorious MSG – Warlord

Tags: anything, barista, clinton, coaching, comedy, constitutional, debe, disease, dollyrots, hilary, hillary, hitler, housing, independant, independent, internet, jen, kidney, ladies, life, market, msg, music, notorious, obama, orlando, Podcast, politics, radio, say, somacow, starbucks, swedish, talk, the bible, vista, weekly