SomaCow

SomaCow Media Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you by Peter Billingsley.

I do not mind working on holidays.  I really don’t.  And I do not want to abuse this space to bitch about my bosses.  I joined teh SomaCow project because I believe in the project.

But let’s face it, while the gang is out at Christmas parties, having great dinners, opening presents, visiting family, some of us are shackled to the desks to put together a show.  We were locked in the production facility, and hopefully they remember to come down here and unlock the door before the live show.

Sam lost the remote, and the tv is mounted in such a way that you cannot open the little bay to get at the channel changer buttons.  So, we watched A Christmas Story.  Over and over and over.  I like the movie, but after the eigth run through, it makes my head hurt.  It is even worse that it was on TBS and they were really pushing some really bad sitcoms.

Alex was rushed because he didn’t want to be late for work, so he forgot deoderant.  He’s kind of chubby, and he sweats a lot.  Some one seems to have turned on the heat, and the thermostats are behind lock boxes.  He also ate a lot of garlic and vinegar.  His sweat is actually eating holes in his shirt.  To say that he smells “rank” would be an insult to French people.

Trish is apparently lactose intolerant.  She also didn’t realize that lasagna has dairy in it.  Whoever said that girls do not fart was lying.  The clouds from her ass trumpets are the only thing that can over power Alex’s BO.

The only coffee left is decaf.

To the fans who read the blog, thank you.  Please email Geoff and Mickey and tell them we are still down here.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Cinematical Seven: Ways to Watch ‘A Christmas Story’
• Jean Shepherd, the man who told A Christmas Story.
• ‘Ralphies,’ leg lamp fans keep film thriving
• ‘Christmas Story’ Celebrates 25 Years
• Oh Fuuudge, It’s the Holidays in Hammond

Tags: christmas, Christmas Story, Holidays, Holidays and Special Days, Kids and Teens, People and Society, Peter Billingsley, TBS

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by the Dutch. Regardless of what Austin Powers’s father said, they have their…uses.

We here at the ‘Cow love our listeners. All six of them go out of their way in their own special ways to make us feel appreciated, nourish our spirits, and, well… let’s face it. Our listeners want us to eat until we are more swollen than Thunder after discovering the Death of Lo Pan. We’ve received scrumptious brownies, forkliftfuls of Mountain Dew, tips on where to find the best Water Ice, catcalls goading us to ever greater barbecue adventures, and on and on and on.

But this was just classic:

There is nothing that goes straighter to our hearts than sweet meats and delicious cheeses.

Merry Christmas to all of you that love the sweet Baby Jesus. Happy Money to those of you that love the dreidel. Whoopty Corn to those of you Kwanzified. And a big slobbery tentacle to all my followers of the Ancient Ones!

Sincerely… This has been a great year for all of us.

At least… until this week. Stay tuned for episode 262.

Other Stuff

• Soda Can Christmas Tree
• Rock For Hunger
• The Little Match Girl

Tags: Austin Powers, christmas, Holidays, Holidays and Special Days, Kids and Teens, Merry Christmas, Mountain Dew, People and Society

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Maalox, Mylanta, Pepto Bismal, Tagament HB, Zantec, Immodium AD, and anything else that will put right what once went wrong.

In this hour, we discussed our respective Thanksgiving Aftermaths, Tall People, Aldi? (WTF is an Aldi?), and the Terrible Tantrum of Mumbai.

Hopefully you all ate well, lord knows we did, as SomaCow Media was directly responsible for the killing and eating of 13 Turkeys, 14 Stuffing-Sharks (You never knew stuffing came from sharks? Hell of a thing, isn’t it?), and an entire cranberry vein from the cranberry mines of Cranbertania. I have no idea what I am talking about. The gravy has made me mad.

My kid bounces in her bouncy seat now, thanks to Mickey’s son’s tutelage in all things bouncy. We stare at her for hours, leaping and cavorting to some incredibly fast inner beat. It’s funnier every time. I want an adult bouncy seat, damnit.

There is a new grocery store here in town, goes by the name of Aldi (All dee, or Al digh?). Consensus seems to be that it is a German company with euro brand goods, better than sav-a-lot but not, say, Albertson’s. I am just glad someone is using the dying space available in all our shopping centers. Plus, when you think about it, it makes sense for people in Europe to be making money off of feeding us here in the US, what with the lack of agriculture here in America. Huh?

We rounded out the hour talking about the you-know-whos, who have once again shat the global punchbowl and brought fire, fear, and fanaticism to the shindig. I won’t waste penspace and font here recalling the details, seeing as CNN has spent the week gorging themselves off the sorrow of families aplenty. Just heed my words in the show, and let’s be consistent in our upbringing of the poor, retarded child that is Islam.

Tags: albertson's, aldi, bouncy, cnn, comedy, cranberry, Europe, Grocery store, heartburn, Holidays, immodium, internet, islam, jumperoo, maalox, mumbai, muslim, mylanta, orlando, pepto, Podcast, radio, sav-a-lot, somacow, stuffing, tagament, tagamet, talk, thanksgiving, zantac