SomaCow

 

 264: The Day After [1:04:44m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you by Peter Billingsley.

I do not mind working on holidays.  I really don’t.  And I do not want to abuse this space to bitch about my bosses.  I joined teh SomaCow project because I believe in the project.

But let’s face it, while the gang is out at Christmas parties, having great dinners, opening presents, visiting family, some of us are shackled to the desks to put together a show.  We were locked in the production facility, and hopefully they remember to come down here and unlock the door before the live show.

Sam lost the remote, and the tv is mounted in such a way that you cannot open the little bay to get at the channel changer buttons.  So, we watched A Christmas Story.  Over and over and over.  I like the movie, but after the eigth run through, it makes my head hurt.  It is even worse that it was on TBS and they were really pushing some really bad sitcoms.

Alex was rushed because he didn’t want to be late for work, so he forgot deoderant.  He’s kind of chubby, and he sweats a lot.  Some one seems to have turned on the heat, and the thermostats are behind lock boxes.  He also ate a lot of garlic and vinegar.  His sweat is actually eating holes in his shirt.  To say that he smells “rank” would be an insult to French people.

Trish is apparently lactose intolerant.  She also didn’t realize that lasagna has dairy in it.  Whoever said that girls do not fart was lying.  The clouds from her ass trumpets are the only thing that can over power Alex’s BO.

The only coffee left is decaf.

To the fans who read the blog, thank you.  Please email Geoff and Mickey and tell them we are still down here.

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 261: The Gift of the Sausagi [1:02:31m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by the Dutch. Regardless of what Austin Powers’s father said, they have their…uses.

We here at the ‘Cow love our listeners. All six of them go out of their way in their own special ways to make us feel appreciated, nourish our spirits, and, well… let’s face it. Our listeners want us to eat until we are more swollen than Thunder after discovering the Death of Lo Pan. We’ve received scrumptious brownies, forkliftfuls of Mountain Dew, tips on where to find the best Water Ice, catcalls goading us to ever greater barbecue adventures, and on and on and on.

But this was just classic:

There is nothing that goes straighter to our hearts than sweet meats and delicious cheeses.

Merry Christmas to all of you that love the sweet Baby Jesus. Happy Money to those of you that love the dreidel. Whoopty Corn to those of you Kwanzified. And a big slobbery tentacle to all my followers of the Ancient Ones!

Sincerely… This has been a great year for all of us.

Eat More Peeple

At least… until this week. Stay tuned for episode 262.

Other Stuff

• Soda Can Christmas Tree
• Rock For Hunger
• The Little Match Girl

 

 SomaCow 239: Sie sagen, es ist Ihr Geburtstag [57:11m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media Inc. is proud to present SomaCow.  This episode is brought to you, once again, by Hide Tide Harry’s All You Can Eat (which isn’t that much for J) Crab.

Today marks a turning point in our show.  For starters, we need to step up security.

The host has been infiltrated by OPEC (allegedly) Operatives trying to dismantle out “Gas will be one dollar per gallon by March of 2009″ rumor.  “They”, who(m)ever “They” maybe, also kidnapped Jen (Geoff’s Hippie Wife).  They forced her to call me at midnight (Geoff doesn’t answer his phone – he just has Jen answer for him – so you can see the logic loop on her calling him after being kidnapped) to let me know she was being held hostage and that they were taking down our server.

I received word this morning from our production staff (who worked tirelessly, actually, they have tires, their just really bald at the moment until they can get the production truck to a Tire Kingdom, through the night) that Jen was rescued.

Our production staff is awesome.  They are like a SEAL Team, only, less trained, less in shape, and less good looking, not very well armed… ok… they are nothing like a SEAL Team, but they get shit done, thanklessly, quickly, and without any recognition.  And that is the way we like it.

When Jen has recovered from the ordeal, and she can decypher the cryptic Rossian Code, she will update the blog for you fine folks.

—Jens update can be found here—

Another major turning point for the show is that now Geoff is older.  Today is his Birthday.  Wish him a happpy birthday.  Down below.  In the comments.  Down there.  Go.  Do it now.  I’ll wait…

…

Back?  Ok… Wait.  You didn’t comment.  Stop fucking with me.  Go comment now and wish the man a happy birthday.  It’s not like I am asking you to buy him a gift.  A simple comment saying “Joyeux Anniversaire!” or “Happy, Birthday, Eh” if you are from Canadia.  “Bonne Fete!  Eh?” If you are from French Canadia.

As a Hungarians chick would say, “Boldog szuletesnapot!” or “Isten eltessen!” depending  on how Hungarian she is.

Happy Birthday Geoff… may you have many more!

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