SomaCow

 

 SomaCow 483: Hurritsunaquake [1:03:33m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Originally voyeured at SomaCow.com

Ross takes notes during the show.  Here they are:

Jeff Howell Fail-for now
Moovie of the Week Review- Lo
Moovie of the Week- Omega Man
Chile Quake/Tsunami
Hurricane Prediction
Disaster Drinking
The Apocalypse on CNN
How to Survive the Apocalypse
Where is All the Gold Going?
Gold Party in the USA!
Roller Skating
Pinball
Unobtanium

 

 220: All Wet [1:01:19m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by The Sports Buzz. You can catch them live every Sunday from 6-8 PM.

In this hour we took a break from having Hurricanes here in Florida to point and laugh at the people of Ike-besotten Texas, we discussed the use of red-light cameras at intersections, and we struggled to determine if Lock-Ins cause Teen Pregnancy.

Look. I don’t want to get a bunch of mail about this (geoff@somacow.com), but screw Texas. Isolationists, overly tough boys and pasty oil men, setting brush fihres n’ swappin’ spit wit’ a rattlesnake pissin’ onna cow standin’ onna flatrock, come back. I spent this weekend watching tough guys stand on their roofs and beg God, Helicopter, and Boat for a lift out of their self-imposed misery. What portion of CERTAIN DEATH rang insincere to you, Skeeter? I don’t need to stand next to a marginally funny SNL castmember to say, “Geoff from SomaCow does not care about white people“.

Cause I don’t. I hope you drowned, and are accessing this blog from a submerged starbucks. Put my balls right on your ghosty chin, dead man.

We all struggled with the red-light camera issue. If you are unfamiliar with this pending device rollout, there are thousands of municipalities determining whether to implement a fully automated fining system for vehicles that violate the red light stop line. I believe it is for the best, with red light running fatalities rising each year, and yet there will surely be a massive outcry from the public when they realize just how many of those “yellow-oranges” were quite, quite red. My other question to you is, what are we gonna do with all that money? I’d say a safe assumption for the first year revenue is $85.00 x the number of driving citizens in a given municipality. Almost an extra year of gas tax revenue, yo.

Finally, J recants to us a chilling tale of bowling and imprisonment!

It was all good, folks, the News Bomb, the laughs, the bitter resentment… Share and Enjoy!

We loaded up the hopper and threw away the F Key to the following great band:

• Drench – Texas

The east coast of Florida suffered significant damage from TropiCane Fay. Our thoughts and prayers are with them.
Inland, where I live, not so much with the flooding or wind damage.
Still, that doesn’t mean I can’t get all emotionally fired up about this tragedy…

As we all pull together the shattered remnants of our lives in the wake of the carnage and destruction wrought by TropiCane Fay, I look back and see how I could have better prepared to withstand Mother Nature’s onslaught. Though the misadventures I report below may be nerve-shattering, I hope that they might help you fare better than I did through future stormy disasters.

• Ensure that all playing cards are stored securely in their cases! I overlooked this obvious preparation, and stood helpless as I watched several cards whisked away by the fierce winds. I now face the reality of enduring whatever may come, in the form of nature’s fury, bereft of the Six of Clubs and the Jack of Diamonds.
  How the hell am I supposed to play Texas Hold’em with no Six of Clubs or Jack of Diamonds?!
• The floor lamp on my patio will never again shed its warm, comforting light on me.
  At least, not until I replace the bulb that was shattered when the lamp tipped over and smacked against the side of the house.
• At one point, my son opened the French doors in order to check on the unspent fury of the storm. Though the doors were only open for a brief moment, it was still long enough to blow the pages of my desk calendar ahead by four days. Those are four days of my life that I will never get back.
• Why, oh why, did I not bring inside the People magazine with Christina Applegate on the cover.
  Now, her beautiful face is blurred by the pelting rain, and the cologne sample cards inside are of no use to anyone.
• Our beloved family pets, dachshunds Blitzen and Riley, whom we now lovingly keep outside because they lovingly pissed all over the carpet when we had them inside, may never be the same. Long-haired Blitzen was slightly dampened, resulting in an unsightly matted ear, while Riley was devastated by the loss of part of an old trash bag that he had been chewing on. Lovingly.
• The coupon, left on my front door by Mama Mental Pizza, is no more. The anguish of that missed opportunity is unbearable.
  Maybe we could order Chinese. See? Already I am looking bravely to the future.
• The little red plastic flag on my mailbox was blown from the up position to the down position, despite the fact that I have outgoing mail.
  How will I communicate with the outside world?!
• At one point, as I endured the fierce gales, my hair moved.
  I have no words.

PS: Does anyone have instructions on exactly how to go about unhunkering down?