A little back story.  A few months ago, my best friend was in the hospital.  He wasn’t sick.  He was (physically) doing fine.  He was there for the birth of my goddaughter.  Actually he was at the birthing center, and then ended up at the hospital.  His wife, one of my best friends, was on death’s door.  There were complications, but like a trooper, she pulled through.

On that day, we were confronted by the universal flow of karmic spirituality of the nature of man… or whatever the hell kind of mumbo jumbo in which you have a belief.  A voice inside me said, “Mickey, the universe is like a fat girl in a rocking chair.  She goes back and forth and creeks a lot… with her chubby cleavage hanging out everywhere, but she always ends up right side up.”  I said, “You know voice, that makes absolutely no fucking sense what-so-ever, and Chubby-girls-in-rocking chairs is a blatant ripoff of fat-girls-in-party-hats (dot com).”

But, it made me think.  Every action has an opposite and equal reaction.  On that day, we were assaulted by the media.  They were blasting away telling us that gas would rise in price.  The gas did rise in price, but the major cause was the pure speculation that gas would go up in price.  We (J and I, joined by The Chick That I Am Dating) decided to fight back.

We pronounced and announced on that day that we would start a rumor.  A rumor to help drive gas prices down.  A rumor that called out to the world saying, “I heard a rumor that gas would be one dollar a gallon by March of 2009″.

People around the globe joined the battle.  Ross, took up the cause and spread the rumor around the airwaves.  Reports from all over, Chinamen, Singaporians, People of Canadia, West Uzbekistanians, and even Iranistanians were yelling from rooftops that they heard a rumor that gas would be one dollar per gallon by March of 2009.

For the first time in eons, the People of Earth were United.  Most of the people.  There were some that did not like our agenda.  Some claimed that for this to happen, the global economy would have to crash.

I said, “So Be It!”

Some claimed that wars would be waged, I said, “Bring it on!”

Some said, “OPEC is gone done fuck you up.”

I say, “Let them come!”

And they did.  OPEC (although we have no proof what-so-ever) sabatoged our beloved Hopper.  They cut power to the studio (again, no proof, only assumtion and conjecture).  And still we scream, “‘We will not go quietly into the night!’ We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!”

So I dedicate this (really poorly done) episode, to you… the people that took up a hopeless cause and brought forth on this continent, a new, lower gas price.  Get Jiggy with it.  Na na na nuh na na.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Midwifery groups welcome funding
• Opec wants to halt oil price slide but fears making financial crisis worse
• Fugly woman
• ‘DWTS’ Pros: These Girls Are Fat

In this hour, we discussed our respective Independence Day festivities, we remembered our listeners abroad, and the first time we ever got drunk.

Every year I challenge our listeners to take some time here, as our country celebrates its birth, and declare independence from something. It could be as simple as “clothes shopping with my wife” (although, I sort of enjoy that, ’cause I am gay), or overthrowing your local government, or just changing something for good about yourself. But what in your life, today, could you do with some freedom from? This year, I declare independence from AM talk radio hosts. No more Limbaugh, Hannity, Beck, etc. The days of listening, feeling my blood pressure rise as truth and intelligence are sacrificed for platitudes and gut noise are gone. If I want to listen to a parody of a human being, I will enjoy some Stephen Colbert, who does a far better and more believable portrayal of such than any of the originals ever did.

My politics notwithstanding, we also want to take some time to thank Seadad, Brent, Brandon, and all our other listeners stationed in the mideast. You guys be safe, and let us know if you need anything. To our listeners, we will be putting together a care package this month to send overseas, so email us moo@somacow.com if you would like to contribute to the pile.

From the sound of things, Mickey and J had a way better time than I did this Fourth of July. Next year, I am getting our Orlando listeners together for a cul de sac cookout and blow stuff up fest. It’ll be huge, as any event I attend is.

Ross is not fired, but he does have to eat ten pickles or something before he may come back.

Chixdiggit – I Wanna Hump You

Related articles by Zemanta

• Limbaugh and Stern