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Posts Tagged “indiana”SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you this hour by the Hollywood Writer’s Strike. We would like to take this opportunity to thank the WGA and the MPANAMBLA for allowing us to surge forward in downloads, as their continued bickering has really allowed the masses access to the wonderful world of SomaCow. Thanks! In this, our finest (read: thin) hour, we discussed the movies that shape a man, our heroes, the legends, and what examples we would provide to help Aliens understand our culture. Strangely, we all want to be Harrison Ford. He is a perfect example of how Mythos and Storytelling can make a man out of a mumbling pile of mouthturds. Seriously, have you ever seen Harrison interviewed? It’s like watching a Dick Tracy villain rape a penguin with a broken umbrella. Okay, it’s not exactly like that, but you get the idea. So, the SomaCapsule movie edition episode, has many fine examples of films WE think shaped us (must have been wide screen). I will rattle off a few, and you, by all means, help add to this by telling us what movies we missed, and why they essencify man. Indiana Jones – There was no greater hero. He did it all for museums, and fortune and glory were just neat attachments. Jones got the girl, raised a stepchild, saved his dad, fought snakes, shot a terrorist, duped a monkey into eating poison dates, punk’d Herr Hitler, dodged an aerial assault by zigging, then zagging, and defeated Scientology in India. That, ladies and gentleman, is a goddamned man. Our only hope is that the fourth film does not take us somewhere we don’t want to go… Like… A colonoscopy. Star Wars – Screw Luke. Screw Anakin. Their simultaneous gay and whiny have no business here. Star Wars is about Han, Ben, and the wookie. Everyone else is just hanging out waiting for craft services to get more danish up in this. Jabba teaches us all we need to know about free trade, and Boba Fett….. Listen guys, I am sorry, but Boba Fett is LAME! He is not only an all grown’d up petri dish version of the Chinese kid from Goonies, he FLIES AROUND IN AN IRON. Look at his ship. Now look at your mom’s iron. QED, pickle. Rocky I-IV – Under review, as I am watching them this weekend if I can to understand what Mickey was saying. There is a lot of grit in this, but not like a sandy vagina kind of grit. J said he loved that one movie about the guy that was trying to get that thing, but then that other guy intervened, and something about a red shoe. Nyuk! The Official Score of the Motion Picture Soundtrack of This Episode is Now Playing in the Following Theaters:
This Week’s Weekly Constitutional Featured: Tags: abbott, aliens, black, bordello, colbert, costello, dolls, dresden, ford, gogol, han, harrison, independant, independent, indiana, jackass, jones, lab, mpanambla, music, orlando, Podcast, radio, rocky, solo, somacow, star, stephen, stooges, strike, talk, three, wars, wga, writer |
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