SomaCow

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by… SomaCow! It’s our anniversary, and we’re glad to celebrate it with you, dear listeners. Thank you to all of you that take the time to comment the blog, write Itunes reviews, vote for us on Podcast Alley, send us mail, donate to the show, subscribe to our feeds, and join us in the Ustream channel each week. It means the world to us, and we only do what we do for the sick ego feeding your attention does provide us. Thanks for that, truthfully!

In this, our finest hour, we gave away the free iTouch to a lucky listener, discussed Fair Rides, and Yet Another Way We Will All Surely Die.

At last, it was time to give up the goods, and by goods, I mean the SomaCow 8GB iTouch Media Player, which we have been trying to give to a lucky listener for weeks now. The test we set up was grueling, and we thank everyone who participated. Your email addresses are being lovingly expedited to our Chinese Masters, who will surely send you plenty of offers for mortgage enlargements and Nigerian brides. Enjoy, and give all our love to Nboonswa!

We launched into a topic of the Fair, which was in town this week here in Orlando. I personally am glad to have NOT attended, as I am a notorious (sucker) gamesman, and frequently (rarely) win the many games of chance made available on the Midway. We talked about one of my favorite small town rides, namely, the Gravitron. What an incredible comic-book like invention, allowing you to feel a momentary burst of super human strength as you cut a swath through terrified attendees, slamming hot dog carts aside and nerf-tossing popcorn machines. Am I confused, or have you ever felt this burst of sudden strength after riding this ride?

We asked the question, no, not that question, “Where have all the flowers’ stink gone?” It seems that, in addition to the crazy exodus of bees wi-fi has allegedly been causing, now the very flowers are turning listless, their scent a fraction of what it once was. Mickey is presumably all for it, as he sees no purpose in stopping to smell the roses when there is plenty work to be done. Check out his Life Coaching at the :40, spanning the topic of Sticking to Your Guns. Peanut Buttery!

We have a new producer, Ross, and he gives some great notes, specifically pulling quotes right out as they are said. I think, as a new value added addition to the value our show provides, I am going to pop in some of the better quotes at the end of these blogs.

:50 – “I’m the crazy old guy at the crossroads, shouting, “There’s Death that way!”"

Jam to the world coming down to the following dope beats:

• They Might Be Giants – Ana Ng
• Against Me! – Sink Florida Sink

Tags: against me, bees, carnie, comedy, death, elross, fair, flower, gravitron, independant, independent, indie, internet, itouch, midway, music, orlando, Podcast, pollen, radio, rides, scent, smell, somacow, talk, TEST, they might be giants, tmbg, wifi

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Copper Rocket. From Psychobilly to Comedy, this club has it all, plus a decent beer selection.

In this hour we discussed J and I’s visit to Open Mic Night, Comedy and Hecklers, and Book to Movie translations.

We headed out last Thursday to Copper Rocket, located next to the tracks that separate Eatonville from Maitland north of Orlando. It’s a good bar, the kind of place where the bartender has a Hunter S. Thompson shirt on and the seats are all knifed up by revelers past. We snuck into a decent seat right near the stage, and my pregnant wife Jen and I began the arduous task of pushing the table back and forth between our bellies. I was at a loss as to who should win, because, on one side, the table crushing her belly might mean the permanent disfigurement of our child, whereas if it were crushing my belly, I might be discomfited for a while. Thankfully, J arrived and we both opted to shove the table into his rapidly shrinking belly.

So, the comedy started up, and it was good. The emcee was a mic shouter, but in a club full of assholes that turn their back on the stage, that’s sort of to be expected. In all we saw about 10 comics, 5-6 of which were chicks. Some were fantastic, like Uncle Ray, Alicia, and Katie, and some were… well… They were working out the kinks of their act, let’s just say that. I found the room to be oppressive for comedy, and I think that went a long way towards showing the skill of some of these people. To generate laughs when you have a dull crowd, a weird lighting system, and one f^%$ed up redneck heckler can’t be easy.

And that heckler guy exercised every Floridian Redneck Retard Trait you can imagine. What? You’ve never heard of an FRRT? It’s how you spot the natives, people! Allow me to clue you in, so that you can keep an eye out for this truly rare and special breed. He frequents bars, clubs, Denny’s, and truck shows.

1. Hair – disheveled, lengthy, sweat soaked and yet buoyant. This guy may be balding, but he doesn’t let it faze him. Look for what appears to be a mid-eighties South Eastern Championship Wrestling style haircut, kinda like Sammy Hagar, but with no hint of product.

2. Skin – Slightly resembling Trashcan Man from The Stand by Stephen King. All visible areas will be lobster red, with deep seated melanoma from spending day after day toiling in the brush. This guy works hard, and it shows. Sure, we’ve had silly things like sunscreen, hats, and shirts for a few decades or so, but he is hesitant to change, cause chicks dig a nice dark 3rd degree tan.

3. Clothes – If you have ever been to a gas station on the wrong side of town, and seen an enormous box with what appear to be dirty shop rags spilling out of a funneled slot near the top, you have seen the FRRT boutique. Usually there is a strength in teals and yellows, but the occasional shirt sans sleeves is always appropriate, even on a 50 degree night. The gooseflesh really helps the blisters stand out, you know?

4. Shoes – Flip Flops or sandals. The bluer and rattier the better. The goal of all FRRT’s is to showoff their busted ass feet, which have had countless drills, bricks, car tires, and bottles smashed across them. Typically, an FRRT will grow hobbit fur on their toes to cushion the blow of these many accidents, and this fur they will groom fastidiously if given a second stool to hoist them up upon.

5. Accessories – Ah, here is where the FRRT shines! From the puka shell necklaces they got on Spring Break 32 years ago in Daytona before dropping out “for one semester”, to the sweat stained cigarette or blunt behind their ear, this guy knows how to bring an ensemble together. Look for sunglasses, even though it is 10:30 at night in the bar equivalent of the goddamned Bat Cave, a Firebird or Camaro keychain, and bus transfer tickets. I would say that the frothiest, most spillingest, stankest foamy beer you can imagine is also an accessory, but no FRRT has even been seen without one, and if he spills one, you can be damn sure he was two-fisting.

6. Eyes. Always vacant, they stare in a way that perfectly indicates how many miles of edging and blowing this one man has done in his life. Also, yellow. Very, very yellow. Jaundice, or gonorrhea? Something. Do not maintain eye contact with an FRRT exhibiting individual, for any reason. If you are a male, it will indicate your desire to fight, or discuss “The Mexicans”. If you are a woman, it will indicate your desire to copulate with him, and your need to also discuss “The Mexicans”.

Hope that helps!

Anyway, the gals and guys did a good job in the face of such adversity, and we’d definitely go back, and I think J wants to do a set, which would be a hoot that I will be sure to videotape for you all. Have you ever done an open mic night? How did it go?

We wrapped up with some discussion of Where the Red Fern Grows, which J and Mickey never read. I am beginning to think that the book topic may not be such a hot item, seeing as I work with two guys that spend more of their time staring at porn than they do anything else. Maybe I should do Porn Reviews, instead. At any rate, J hated Frankenstein for the dumbest reason I have ever heard. I actually bought him a puka shell necklace.

See you guys here next week, or, come join us in the Ustream for our show, Sunday at 2pm, Eastern. We’ll be giving away the iTouch live, so if you entered, good luck, and if you didn’t, well… damn.

We yukked it up to the following great musics in this hour:

• Straight Outta Junior High – Happy Fun Song
• Snog – The Happy Song

And check out some of Katie Hughes work:

Myspace Video from Bonkerz

Tags: alicia, bellies, booth, comedy, copper, crush, eatonville, flip flops, frankenstein, frrt, hecklers, high, hunter s thompson, independant, independent, internet, itouch, junior, katie, mic, music, open, orlando, outta, Podcast, porn, pregnant, radio, redneck, rocket, sammy hagar, snog, sojh, somacow, stephen king, straight, table, talk, trashcan man, uncle ray, ustream, where the red fern grows

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by The Aftermath. Every Saturday night from 8:00 to 10:00pm (Eastern), check out their relentless and entertaining show!

So, we’re always growing here on the network. We’ve enjoyed success with many new additions over the last few months, and we are very excited about our new show, The Aftermath. Jordan and CJ are bringing fresh takes on all manner of topics, from politics to entertainment to local issues… There isn’t a row they won’t hoe. I don’t even know what that means. Get in there and check ‘em out!

 

A long time ago, George Carlin once commented that “Most people that are against abortion are people you wouldn’t want to F#$@ in the first place.” I wanted to see if that could be true, and we valiantly, if not vainly, attempted to find a hot republican woman. Babs? Ann? Laura? Sigh… Government is broken.

We touched on the Florida Voting Armageddon, set to unleash as,yet AGAIN, Floridian Idiots will end up somehow deciding the fate of the entire nation. How does this continue to be the recurring theme in every election? At least, this time, Michigan will have to take some of the heat. The Democratic Party should be ashamed of themselves, and I changed my party affiliation to Democrat so that I can participate in the special election they will inevitably force soon.

I am not going to mount a soapbox here, I just want you to think about this. The Democrats are broken. The Republicans are broken. We need third party intervention, or fifth party, or seventy eighth party… There are far too many voices in this country to summate the scope with a single man. It may have worked in the 1700s, and even the 1900s, but we can no longer have the bomb, the military, and the veto in one dumb hand. Time for government to shut up for a while, and people to get busy producing. Let’s aim for creating a quagmire, and halt the addition of ANY new legislation.

Okay. Enough about world issues. We discussed a dark secret of one of our very own hosts. Followers of Oz may remember a certain prison term known as “spooning”. Which of us harbors such a creepy history? Strangely, this is the part of the blog where I will not choose to inform you that SomaCow is giving away a free iTouch media player. Take the test for a chance to win damn near $300.00 of shiny plastic and glowing parts. You deserve it, sweetie.

Please forgive the singing. I swear, I never wanted you to hear that. We made it up to you with the following fantastic artists:

• Dirty Wormz – Black Piranha
• Dirty Wormz – Wig On The Pig

Can someone please tell me why Simon is doing this all the time now on American Idol?

Did they finally address it on the show? I noticed it a few weeks ago, and it’s just…… WEIRD

Tags: abortion, aftermath, alternative, american, ann, baba, barbara, bullwinkle, carlin, comedy, democrat, dirty, election, florida, free, gargamel, george, hand, hbo, idol, independant, independent, internet, ipod, itouch, laura, moose, orlando, oz, Podcast, primary, prison, radio, republican, simon, spooning, vote, woman, wormz