SomaCow

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Yeah, so here I am, trying to help out Geoff as he is working late. So I pull out the green book with the notes…

How the hell am I supposed to write a blog when the notes look like this:

g wants some chisexmass

food like wilbsh chrtsed are good, usually

mickey likes boobs and did some l.c.

jaye told a joke but I didn’t get it…

music played:

Yeah…that’s what I got. And the music? Not listed!

So the guys did a great show (I know as I listened live Saturday 1-4 at Ustream and all 3 hours were fabulous…I just can’t recall the details now) so listen, enjoy, and leave your recap here!

Tags: Arts, Arts and Entertainment, boobs, business, comedy, Education, geoff, internet, jokes, Lessons and Instruction, music, note taking, orlando, Podcast, radio, shopping, talk, ustream

Needless to say, today is a big day for me.

April Fool’s Day? The day when jokes are king? I’m like turmeric oleoresin in your Post® Fruity Pebbles, man: I’m all up in it!!

Even when I was a kid, I would celebrate this day by making prank phone calls. My favorite was to call someone at random, then hang up before they could answer the phone! I don’t recall at the moment why this was considered a prank. I would also sneak into the kitchen when Mom was cooking supper, and turn down the temperature on the oven by 5 degrees, so it took about eight minutes longer for the food to cook. I’m not sure what the point of that one was, either, but I had a great laugh!

Later on, though, my April Fool’s pranks grew more sophisticated and clever. One year, my friends and I went downtown and put quarters into all the parking meters. Ha! We never got caught! Then we went to one guy’s house and smeared grease all over the tracks of his garage door so it opened really smoothly and quietly. He never found out who did it!

As my sense of humor matured, my April Fool’s Day pranks become more subtle and devious. A group of us decided to freak out the employees at the local library, so we all returned our overdue books on April 1st, and we each paid our fine with a twenty dollar bill which they were unable to break, so they had to keep all the change! Then, that afternoon, we went down to the main drag and stepped off of
the curb, bringing traffic to a complete standstill, every time the light turned red or the crossing guard helped some school kids across. We nearly got busted on that one!

Now, as an adult, some people think that I should be above all this tomfoolery and/or shenanigans. Nothing could be further from the truth. Already today, I have tricked the new clerk at the convenience store by buying a different brand of cigarettes than the ones I actually smoke, and when I went through the drive-thru at the bank, I replaced the bank’s ballpoint pen with one of my own. I wish I could see their faces when they realize what happened!

I hope you all enjoy pulling your pranks today. I gotta run, because I’m about to go and unzip all the ZipLock bags in the box in the kitchen cabinet. Then, when somebody takes one out, it will already be unzipped and they won’t know what hit them!

So watch your back today. You never know when YOU might be the victim of one of my over-the-top pranks.

MUAHAHAHAHA!

Tags: april, april fools day, fool, fools', funny, gag, joke, jokes, pranks

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by the fine folks giving away a free iTouch media player, SomaCow! Click here for a chance to win!

We dedicate this hour of SomaCow to the woman behind Danielle is a Hor. Take a moment to hear her plight in this episode, and maybe send her some salsa and support in this terrible time. Utterly disgusting system we have created, and I go off on it a few times during the hour.

The mexican hatred in this country is at an all time high, spurred on day to day by the right wing blah-jocks that spew their vitriol into thousands of Americans’ ears every day. Last time I checked, I live in a city and state that was sold back and forth from the french, the spaniards, the british, the indians, the blacks… How can you have the audacity to deny entrance to a plot of land your forefathers were welcomed into? Unless your great grandparents were sneaky border jumpers, in which case, you should deport yourself, shouldn’t you?

I read a lot of blogs. I probably read more than I should, and certainly more than you would, and what I find out there is that everyone is filled with fear. What happened to cause such utter paranoia, and hate? Why are we seeking to close down our borders, limit our own freedoms? Cause two structures were toppled? Few thousand people passed away horribly?

Do you have any idea how many people die of drunk driving every year?

Or being injured at an unsafe job site?

The ONLY way to defeat terror is to remain free, and it is high time we gave up this retarded idea that we can patrol every border and inspect every entry. The terrorists slipped under our nose, and there will come a time again one day when something worse happens, no matter what stopgaps we put in place. The secret to winning is being brave, and standing together, and demonstrating that we are not our government. We are not our military. We are a free people dedicated to truth and the future of all mankind. We must lead, and be a beacon of goodness in this world.

Until that happens, we will never overcome terror.

We go back and forth on this topic quite a bit, and some of it is pretty spirited. I invite you to listen, and agree/attack/question as you see fit. There’s some truth, and a decent amount of comedy, racial, redneck, and otherwise. J would like to start a redneck joke list, so, if you have any jokes that poke fun at scared dumb white men, send it!

Are all rednecks white? I don’t think so. I have met plenty of dumb scared members of any race. You know what I never WILL understand?

What the hell is THAT supposed to be? Do you have any idea how much I pity/loathe you inside, when I sit behind you at a traffic signal, staring at your little three inch wide proclamation of futile bullshit, surrounded by yellow, red, white, blue, and green ribbons, and usually next to a smarmy bumper sticker about al gore? You aren’t HUNTING terrorists. You are sitting on your fat ass listening to talking heads sell you hate. “Bag Limit”? I would fall down dumb-dead if one of you ever actually went where a terrorist was and did anything other than sweat and sit still. Pansies. Utter fucking pansies. False bravado, false machismo, and shameful, all the way down to the yellowed, curling detail that that “decal” was printed 7 years ago, and this nation has yet to find the man who claimed to have caused the destruction of the World Trade Center.

Coward, peel that shit off your car. I do not fight because I truly believe the government is wrong, and has been for decades, on how it handles the middle east. This has caused this hatred for our nation. The first step to putting that situation right is to get out of their house. You do not fight because you are a coward.

Also – Check out Mickey’s Life Coaching near the :40! – It’s got Biscuits in it, yeah?

We plunked the following quiet little chords as we scrambled over your puny fence:

• NOFX – USA-holes
• NOFX – Leaving Jesusland
• NOFX – Idiots Are Taking Over

Note from Mickey: Yeah, I played three songs from the same band. It is not something I would normally do. I kind of like to spread out the love. but if you watch the live video stream on Ustream.tv, you can see a poster on the back wall from one of the greatest bands on earth… NOFX. I was also burying my angst about missing their show when they came to Orlando. I was working nights. It happens. Also, they have a Mexican in the band.

Tags: alternative, biscuits, border fence, comedy, danielle is a hor, free, immigration, independant, independent, internet, itouch, jokes, life coaching, mexican hatred, mexicans deported, nofx, orlando, Podcast, racist, radio, rednecks, take our freedom, terror, terrorist, terrorist hunting, world trade center