SomaCow

 

 246: Rock For Hunger [1:05:06m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Rock for Hunger – It’s a great cause, a great concert, and we hope you will avail yourselves of it.

In this hour, we discussed charity, kung fu, and the Chinee Zodiac. Listen, enjoy, and I will have some information on how you can help SomaCow make a whizbang holiday for some lucky family.

In the meantime, I would like to provide you with your horoscope, Neat-Chi Long Style!

There are 4 elements in Chinee Zodiac -

Sizzly – People born under this sign are universally hot to trot, and frequently suffer from fever blisters, itchy bits, and multiple offspring. Their rhetoric is fiery, but quickly runs out of substance and must be added to keep the action going. Ross is very sizzly.

Dippy – Folks governed by this sign are remarkably tasty, creamy, and smooth. They have rich, buttery voices, deep, darkened, honeyed features, and are essentially just waiting to accept what you have to say, provided they can cover it with their own ideas and somewhat sickly-sweet take. J is so Dippy, it’s whack.

Choppy – These people are just plain to the QUICK, yo. Without regard for life or limb, they attack the problem head on, or rather, sidelong, as they wick away layer after layer in a clatter of metal and spark and sinew. Sure, some people get hurt, and yeah, not every bit that lies now asunder was necessarily ready to be cooked. But the F^%$ing thing is CHOPPED. Mickey is known to wield a knife or three, when TCTHID lets him.

Skewery – These people are perfect in every way. Plump, succulent, ready for consumption. All they require, sadly, is a means of deployment. A spine, if you will. They must have the assistance of a strong sliver of wood to uphold their edicts, scribe their thoughts, and carry them to bed for scratchies at night. I have no idea who resides under this element. Maybe Jen knows.

I will be back with a blog for the 12 signs, as soon as we have 12 listeners. HA!

Hey – Check out Greg Rollet’s page – Dude has some real sense, especially when it comes to New Media and getting your band noticed in an ever wider talent stream!

Also, feel free to comment here with your Kung Fu must sees – I will be collecting the top 10 as listed by you, so, get to, Yu.

If you are only going to do one good thing in your life, let us make a strong pleas that that one thing be helping out a worthy cause like Rock For Hunger.

Other links to other stuff

• FretKillr playing acoustic guitar
• Kung Fu King Smashes Coconut With Finger, Retires (VIDEO)
• Kung Fu Panda on DVD Tomorrow
• Measuring the Increase In The Homeless Population
• PCH, Post-Apocalyptic Cult Leader Ride Edition: Rolls-Royce or Bentley? [Project Car Hell]

 

 185: Of Pandas, Emu Legs, and Mickmas [1:00:56m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Kung Fu Panda. Kick, Punch… It’s all in the mind.

Listen to me, folks, and listen good. We talked about a range of subjects in this hour, including Mickey’s birthday, turkey legs and sundry street food, and the need for Mike Myers and Adam West to do something useful with their autumnal years, but none of that matters.

What matters is that you understand Joe Piscopo is crap. If you already know this to be true, skip along with your bad self, and enjoy this episode. The rest of you, hold still for a moment.

Born Joseph Charles John (already, what the fuck?? What kind of insane parent names their fucking kid Joe Chuck John? RABID WEASEL PARENTS, that is who. And Joe Piscapoe is their perfect weasel child. Bready of eye, rank of fur, he wriggles and slashes his way from project to project, spreading mediocrity and gayish gauntness to the small screen like some kind of Rotten Johnny Weaselseed. But there is no fooling us here at SomaCow, JoeChuck. We know you for what you are – talentless also-ran base faced eater of broken meats)!

In all sincerity, we wish Mickey a Happy Birthday and discuss the finer points of SNL cast members, least of which is certainly Joe Pisscapough, who not only lied about the evidence that lead this great nation into armed conflict against Iraq, but also was probably responsible for the 400 years of oppression forced upon black men and women long ago.

That was probably offsides, and it really isn’t my intention to list off the terrible crimes against humanity that Joe Pizzapoke has wrought. But, as long as there is white on my screen and honor in my heart, the truth will out! Nefarious bastard!

Anyway, we played the following great bands, none of which do hackneyed impressions of Frank Sinatra ad nauseum. Unless we played Richard Cheese, but I think he does a lovely Frank. Ad Nauseum.

• The Presidents of the United States of America – Mixed up S.O.B.
• The Frauds – Days Go By