SomaCow

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by The Kingdom of Loathing, log in, create an account, and get on top of the best thing on the internet three years ago… Seriously, it’s a hootNANNY!

In brief, I’ll attempt to explain. We at SomaCow worry about people that play the World of Warcraft. Hundreds upon thousands of hours are dumped each year into a glorified, shiny, and incredibly neat sounding game of “fetch”. Proponents of WoW can argue until they are Night-Elf-faced in the face, but that really IS all that their pastime is based on. Go here, collect this, bring it there. It’s pizza delivery-level interaction, and we demand more.

More high-resolution, lifelike graphics? More ethereal, soul stirring music? Not so much.

Kingdom of Loathing takes everything that is good about the mmorpg universe, and churns out a dizzying level of depth, humor, and high adventure, all for the low monthly price of free. Seriously. Free. You pay nothing. I mean, sure, if you donate ten bucks, you get a Mr. Accessory, but that’s really just a neat side benefit, and not anything integral to the plot and advancement of the game.

You log in once a day, or every other day, or whatever. When you do, your turns will be waiting for you. You spend turns doing stuff, be it fetch, or cooking, or exploring, or fighting other players, and you can extend the base turn limit each day by eating and swilling sweet, sweet booze. Seriously, this game has more cocktails than a Mexican’s backyard. What? They chickenfight, take it up with them!

By the time you are addicted, your turns are spent, and there is very little left for you to do than go shower, and cook for your family, and read, and get some sun, and hold down a job, and all those other awesome things that you neglected wasting so much time playing WoW. Kingdom of Loathing goes deeper, holds tighter, and takes WAY less of your precious time and resources in return. It’s better than sex! Well, no. But it’s better than flossing, hands down!

We’re all on there, hanging out in clan SomaCow, which you are welcome to join. Sign up, have some fun, and meet new people… It’s what the internet should always be about.

A little backstory, here – In Kingdom of Loathing, the currency is known as “meat“. While I was typing this, user kmueller93, a complete stranger, noticed I was low on meat. So, she sent me meat. A crap ton. Like, significant digits of meats.

I am now rich with meat, and will be touring the mall looking for some better pants to wear. Life is good!

We sat around pantless til now to the great music of:

The Slackers

Tags: booze, Browser Based, clan, comedy, Games, internet, Joystiq, kingdom of loathing, kol, meat, orlando, Podcast, radio, Roleplaying, somacow, talk, Video game, warcraft, world of warcraft, wow

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you this week by the fine folks at Rational Riot. It’s sort of like that Candlebox song, but without all the emotive rocking.

Okay. Shocker episode this time around, because we talked about food, and drinking, and rude. We were champing at the bit to get down to Texas de Brazil, and so we raced around. In a valiant effort to get the goddamned subject off of eating for once, we discussed the finer points of shaving. I seriously need to, and ingrown hairs are just plain nasty. What a horrific flaw in the design of man that is, and proof positive that shaving is an unnatural and weird act.

I find it humorous that people consider shaving to be a sign of culture and etiquette, considering the irrational ideas behind such behavior. You pluck hair from a horse, and make lather from alkaline death, and sharpen steel and place it by your jugular… How barbaric.

Look… I will shave. I really will. I just have to spread out the time between shaves, with the average being about two to three months. We discuss in this episode what happens if you do more.

We also talked about drunken behavior, and cell phone behavior, and why it is incredibly difficult to not walk over to the counter at seven eleven and pick up the happy yellow coffeepot and smash it over the guy next to you in line’s head repeatedly, until he collapses into a heap of bloodied skin, broken bone, and smashed bluetooth. I’m not violent, but I am willing to learn, you know?

Weekly Constitutional focused on Henry Rollins’ The First Five, a collection of his earlier narratives and verse from the 80s. Gripping stuff, and I highly recommend it if you are intelligent and somewhat mad. Then again, you listen to this show, so you are obviously intelligent, and quite mad. Buy the book, support the show, free your mind, eat at Joe’s, and all that razzamatazz.

This hour also features the oddest, and most frightening thing I have ever been asked by a listener. I don’t even want to go into it. It’s just… odd. I want to believe the person asking was a woman, and joking, but I am pretty sure that neither was the case. Just go listen. The Horror.

You know what would be good to listen to on a Free iTouch, courtesy of SomaCow? The following great artists, THAT’s what. Chicken Butt.

• Straight Outta Junior High – Meatheads, Douchebags, and Me
• Dirty Wormz – Top of the Food Chain

Oh, and apologies to Mickey for the Dane Cook reference. I just can’t control myself. My. SELF.

Tags: 7-11, all, all you can eat, ayce, bluetooth, boobs, brazil, can, candlebox, constitutional, cook, dane, de, dirty, drinking, drunk, eat, eleven, first, five, food, free, henry, high, independant, independent, internet, ipod, itouch, junior, meat, music, orlando, outta, Podcast, radio, rational, riot, rollins, rude, seven, sojh, spaghetti, straight, talk, texas, tickle, weekly, wormz, you

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by The Lunar Room. Check out Xander and Lauren and all their guests each week on Saturdays at 5pm Eastern.

SomaCow had a run-in with the fine folks at Texas de Brazil tonight. Sometimes you eats the beefs:

And sometimes, the beefs eat you.

We are all going to die of full.

/from intern who didn’t get to go to dinner/

So the guys talked about truckers. I do not understand why Geoff, Mickey, and J have such a respect for truckers. There truckers.

Then they talked about the Adirondack dog sled race. I don’t see what the issue is here. I mean, there just stupid dogs.

And they talked about beef. (It is singular. If you are going to be on the radio you should at lest learn good English.) They went out to eat and left me at the studio to write the blog. Real fun, considering I can’t read anything Jen wrote. You figured they would train me to take over when Jen has her baby, but aparently they went to dinner with a guy that is supposed to take over for her when she has her baby after she has her baby.

How unfair is that?

Seriously. I have worked my ass off.

Oh, and another thing. Bagging on teh French, how clishay. George W. Bush jokes are real cutting edge.

I will agree with Geoff, Mickey, and J, Penelope Cruise and Selma Heyick are hot.

/end intern who didn’t get to go to dinner/

Please, if you can read this, play the following great songs during our mass funeral:

• Me First and the Gimme Gimmes – Eastbound and Down
• Emery – The Movie Song
• Naome Bradshaw – Walking Wounded

This is Naome Bradshaw:

Tags: alternative, brazil, comedy, de, eat, emery, first, free, gimme, independant, independent, internet, itouch, lunar, me, meat, orlando, Podcast, portuguese, radio, room, somacow, texas