SomaCow

 

 SomaCow 564: What Does Canada Have [1:05:18m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Originally roughing it at http://somacow.com

WAR! and other card games
Cameron Diaz Likes it ROUGH
What’s On TV
Call from The Perpetrator re: Wizarding World of Harry Potter
Ridin’ Rides
Bitch Parity
Mexican Mole Men
Poutine + Nachos
$moke$
Tony Hayward Sings!
Ultimate Teachers Lounge
Tah-Cose

 

 SomaCow 561: Hola Bunny [1:00:35m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Originally executed at http://somacow.com

Harry Potter Orlando
Perez Hilton Child Pornographer
Mexican Rabbits
Utah Firing Squad
Pron

Cinco de Mayo is very similar to St. Patrick’s Day, except with goofier hats.

There are other similarities, too. On St. Patrick’s Day, we drink thick, bitter Irish beer and pretend that we like it. On Cinco de Mayo, we drink excellent Mexican beer and thank God that we aren’t drinking thick, bitter Irish beer.

I wanted to add some authenticity to the holiday, by calling an actual Mexican family in my neighborhood and wishing them the compliments of the day. Unfortunately, my neighborhood is so prestigious that the closest I could find to a Mexican was Stanley Jacobson, who employs several Mexicans and once watched a
donkey show in Tijuana. He has slides of it.

Me: Hola, Stanley!
Stanley: Huh?
Me: Feliz Cinco de Mayo, amigo!
Stanley: What?
Me: Bye bye.

Next year I will just go down to the day-labor office with a piñata in the form of an I.N.S. agent.

A local Wing House, which shall go unnamed, was having its Cinco de Mayo festivities nearby, and I decided to attend. Nothing says “fiesta internationale!” like construction workers and bikers swilling down Bud Light with buffalo sauce in their beards and on their work boots. The wait staff, known for their skimpy
outfits and inability to make their knees touch, was decked out for the occasion, all in varying degrees of not looking like Salma Hayek. It was fun, but it was too crowded and too noisy and too NASCAR. I took my party back to the house.

Nick at Night was playing its “Cinco de Lopez” marathon of “George Lopez” episodes. Now, I understand that George Lopez has done for Mexican-Americans what Rosie O’Donnell did for annoying, fat, unfunny women, but anybody who claims that they are watching that show for anything other than the hot Mom (if you are over 18) or the hot daughter (if you are under 18) is either lying or is confused and is actually watching “Chico and the Man”.

I drank more cervezas (beers), took a siesta (nap), and got Loco en la Cabeza (porn). It was a good day.

So, here’s to you, Pablo, and Juan, and Paco and Jesus and Rrrrramone and Manuel.
But, especially, here’s to you Salma. OLE!