Moovie of the Week Review The Vanishing 3/5
Director’s Cut
Moovie of the Week: Year One
Drug Movie Breakdown
Deland vs Lakeland (lose/lose)
Sci-Fi City
D & D Chat
D 3 Dilemma
Facebook Robbery
Does Geoff has Asperger’s?
Fromunda Cheese vs Nut Butter vs Taintynaise
Drinks with NOFX
Counterculture for Sale
WSJ Online for Sale
News on the Web

In this hour, Mickey, J and I eschew our standard fare and discuss some financial news YOU need to hear, Icees vs. Slurpees, and Gilligan’s Island. Random, aren’t we? Shut up and tune in, it’ll all make sense when it’s over.

First off, we talked about the giant, coughing, cancerous elephant laying in the middle of the room (not me), and what, if anything, could be done to resuscitate it. The scariest thing about an economy is that it DOES correct itself, and we have been enjoying several decades of uninterrupted “yay”. As the rollercoaster now seems to have plateaued off, what will the upcoming plummet feel like? If you have any sense, you are making hay right now for the dark times ahead.

But it is easy for me to sit back and demand credit conscientiousness from you guys. It is easy for Mickey to state that you should “not buy what you cannot afford”. It is easy for J to snarf down a dozen gull shrimp. What isn’t going to be easy is extricating ourselves from this massive $700,000,000,000 debt. I am putting my daughter into trade school now, cause she is going to have to start making some serious payments now if we are ever gonna touch that principle.

Speaking of touching Principals, nobody seems to have raped a kid this week! Hurray! What? Oh.

nevermind.

SomaCow’s PSA of the week involves Slurpee Science, and how you can make a great frosty sugary beverage out of a bad situation. Between the falling standards at the modern 7-11, and the difficulty to even find a Kmart that does not have 11 hoboes and a tire fire in it, it is getting pretty damn dicey out there in the slushie territories.

We finished the hour, sadly, discussing Gilligan’s Island, a.k.a the worst show on television, a.k.a. the sigil of all that is wrong with America, a.k.a. Brain Poison. Why is this show STILL being run? Who watches this crap? The Professor is a sexless automaton, tolerated only for his coconut technology, the Skipper is an abusive alcoholic, Ginger and Maryann are doing a double team on the back end a la Requiem for a Dream, the fat rich white people hold everyone at bay for fear of being touched by their jowls… This was the show that let me know it was time to go take a crap. I still poop at 5pm every day, thanks to mass syndication.

We would never poop during the following great band’s efforts:

• NOFX – Leaving Jesusland

Hi guys! So this was the first week without me, Jen, as the Producer. The guys decided that the pregnancy was making me a little too emotional and me crying in the talk back had proved too much for them to handle.

So they brought in Ross. I think he’ll do well. I had to remind him to write down the music played, and the studio has a bit more of a man smell on Sundays, but I think I pounded home how important it is to hit record! He seems to be doing well. Geoff wanted to give him my laptop so he could interact but then what would I do? So I cried, and they relented, and I still have my trusty laptop to hang out with you guys Sundays in Ustream :)

But hark! Ross is still in training and all of a sudden they are giving him the hopper (yeah, I’ve only been asking to do that since the old days) and letting him talk on the mic!?! I mean what the hell? See here’s the thing folks, it is very well documented that women can multi-task and guys can’t and Ross is a guy and I am a woman. See what I’m saying? Yeah, I thought so. Not bitter!

No, seriously, Ross is going to do an awesome job and I’m going to enjoy spending these last few weeks of my pregnancy sitting in a comfortable chair…or bed…and listening and laughing with all of you!

This year working with SomaCow has been fantastic. Not only because I got to work next to my best friend, Geoff, and my good friend, Mickey, and the lone voice of reason in this posse, J, but also because I love the show and I love to produce. I wanted more time to do things around the house, nest you could say, but I didn’t want to lose the producer position. Somewhere in my mind I pictured me being able to continue doing everything and just adding the SomaCalf into our lives, but I realize as the time draws nearer that this is not the case. So, with a slightly heavy heart but with all the confidence in the world, I have handed this trusty job over to Ross.

Oh, I’ll still be around (you can always catch me on Say… Anything LIVE Tuesdays 7-8 PM Eastern). I have a feeling a proud dad will want to show off his daughter once or a million times so we’ll be close by. Maybe by the pool, but we’ll be listening. Hmm, how old can she be until she shouldn’t listen anymore? Eh, we’ll worry about that later. I’m seriously excited about being a mom. I talked about it some on a recent episode of Say… Anything but I love being a podcaster, producer, my-other-job-worker, wife and I didn’t know how mom fit in as it seemed some of those were being taken away. What I’ve come to realize, is that being a mom is a damn cool thing, and I can still love and support the show, just from another room.

I think my favorite part of producing for SomaCow was being “silent”. It’s kind of like when you’re having sex and someone else is in the next room over so you have to be quiet…it SO intensifies the experience. Do you know how hard it is to try to be professional, and keep levels in check, and write notes for the blog, while also stifling your laughter every 2 minutes? Yeah, it’s hard.

This wouldn’t be a Jen blog without me throwing in a question for you guys. See, I do this when I help out and write the blogs so you’ll comment so… comment! *ahem* What is your favorite SomaCow memory from the last year? What made you laugh the most?

A brief synopsis of this episode…the guys love trivia (listen this Sunday to find out how they did!), there is a guy in the Army being picked on for being an Atheist (and he made a pretty good comment, if I may say so), J said a really funny line about tang and I cracked up (would have been hard to keep silent for that one), The Bible’s in a bunch of languages, religion vs science is discussed, Geoff does his Weekly Constitutional on a classic-Jelly Belly, bowling for boobs rocks as does fat guy olympics.

Check out this music played (thanks Ross for the notes!):

• NOFX – The Separation of Church & Skate
• NOFX – Franco Unamerican

See you all on Sunday! (click on that highlighted word “Sunday” to see where we all meet 2-5 PM Eastern every Sunday)

We dedicate this hour of SomaCow to the woman behind Danielle is a Hor. Take a moment to hear her plight in this episode, and maybe send her some salsa and support in this terrible time. Utterly disgusting system we have created, and I go off on it a few times during the hour.

The mexican hatred in this country is at an all time high, spurred on day to day by the right wing blah-jocks that spew their vitriol into thousands of Americans’ ears every day. Last time I checked, I live in a city and state that was sold back and forth from the french, the spaniards, the british, the indians, the blacks… How can you have the audacity to deny entrance to a plot of land your forefathers were welcomed into? Unless your great grandparents were sneaky border jumpers, in which case, you should deport yourself, shouldn’t you?

I read a lot of blogs. I probably read more than I should, and certainly more than you would, and what I find out there is that everyone is filled with fear. What happened to cause such utter paranoia, and hate? Why are we seeking to close down our borders, limit our own freedoms? Cause two structures were toppled? Few thousand people passed away horribly?

Do you have any idea how many people die of drunk driving every year?

Or being injured at an unsafe job site?

The ONLY way to defeat terror is to remain free, and it is high time we gave up this retarded idea that we can patrol every border and inspect every entry. The terrorists slipped under our nose, and there will come a time again one day when something worse happens, no matter what stopgaps we put in place. The secret to winning is being brave, and standing together, and demonstrating that we are not our government. We are not our military. We are a free people dedicated to truth and the future of all mankind. We must lead, and be a beacon of goodness in this world.

Until that happens, we will never overcome terror.

We go back and forth on this topic quite a bit, and some of it is pretty spirited. I invite you to listen, and agree/attack/question as you see fit. There’s some truth, and a decent amount of comedy, racial, redneck, and otherwise. J would like to start a redneck joke list, so, if you have any jokes that poke fun at scared dumb white men, send it!

Are all rednecks white? I don’t think so. I have met plenty of dumb scared members of any race. You know what I never WILL understand?

What the hell is THAT supposed to be? Do you have any idea how much I pity/loathe you inside, when I sit behind you at a traffic signal, staring at your little three inch wide proclamation of futile bullshit, surrounded by yellow, red, white, blue, and green ribbons, and usually next to a smarmy bumper sticker about al gore? You aren’t HUNTING terrorists. You are sitting on your fat ass listening to talking heads sell you hate. “Bag Limit”? I would fall down dumb-dead if one of you ever actually went where a terrorist was and did anything other than sweat and sit still. Pansies. Utter fucking pansies. False bravado, false machismo, and shameful, all the way down to the yellowed, curling detail that that “decal” was printed 7 years ago, and this nation has yet to find the man who claimed to have caused the destruction of the World Trade Center.

Coward, peel that shit off your car. I do not fight because I truly believe the government is wrong, and has been for decades, on how it handles the middle east. This has caused this hatred for our nation. The first step to putting that situation right is to get out of their house. You do not fight because you are a coward.

Also – Check out Mickey’s Life Coaching near the :40! – It’s got Biscuits in it, yeah?

We plunked the following quiet little chords as we scrambled over your puny fence:

• NOFX – USA-holes
• NOFX – Leaving Jesusland
• NOFX – Idiots Are Taking Over

Note from Mickey: Yeah, I played three songs from the same band. It is not something I would normally do. I kind of like to spread out the love. but if you watch the live video stream on Ustream.tv, you can see a poster on the back wall from one of the greatest bands on earth… NOFX. I was also burying my angst about missing their show when they came to Orlando. I was working nights. It happens. Also, they have a Mexican in the band.

In this episode, we and our free iPod pat ourselves on the back for aligning the Powerhouse Team of Awesomeness that is SomaCow Media, Inc. Five solid shows and a free iPod, each striving to entertain, inform, and excite their listeners, for the low, low price of free (as in free iPod)! You are not worthy. You say you listen, but do you REALLY? We’ll see, check the bottom of this entry for details (about the free iPod).

(You can skip the contest and buy yours today!)

Apple 8GB iPod Touch Media Player with WiFi

We’re really looking forward to speaking with Drew Curtis of Fark.com next week, as he is a genius, a mogul, and the coolest internet not news provider ever. Plus, he may be reading and listening to this, so, yes.

We also toss out a solid salute to Wikipedia, for standing up to the pressure of thousands of Muslims as they desperately struggle to retain some dignity for their diety. Sorry, my dear friends-with-smooth-knees, the secret is OUT! Mohammad has a lazy eye, Mohammad has a lazy eye!

-Some called him Cassius…

We also discussed the tracts of hand, specifically, the irritation one feels when you realize that the guy working beside you is not only devoutly religious and reeking slightly of patchouli, but that he has waited until this exact time as you struggle to extricate yourself from the weeds to announce his desire to “save” your immortal soul. I guess it could be worse. You could be a waitress. Or even worse, still, get a SomaCow Sticker as a tip (which is no where near as cool as A FREE IPOD).

We also did a run down of the top 20 beers. Yeah, I said “as picked by Americans, but screw it. Americans just pick coors and natty ice. This guy has the straight dope on the long pull of the gold drink.

Tune in around the :40 to get some of Mickey’s Life Coaching. To thine own self, unless you are looking in a mirror or something, be true.

We sampled all the music across the land and found these to be the fairest of them all:

• Scissors for Lefty – Mama Your Boys Will Find a Home Soon
• NOFX – She’s Nubs
• Chixdiggit! – IRemember You

(all of those songs would sound extra awesome on a free iPod)
Free ipod. For reals.
Okay. So, you are here, at the end of the blog, and you are wondering – What is all the buzz about.

How about free iPod?

“But Geoff”, you wheedle, “I don’t want some crummy Nano. I know they just lowered the price on the 1GB to, like, $49.00, and I really don’t need a…”

It isn’t the Nano.

“Oh! Well, I mean… The old spin screen white model is pretty nice… I mean, it has video and stuff. I guess that’s pretty cool of you…”

It isn’t the old spin screen.

No, dear listeners, I am feeling high on the hog, or cranked on the cow, or whatever other euphemism you need. We are getting ready to celebrate one year of SomaCow Media, Inc. invading your ears and filling your life with laughter and sexy talk and the best Indie music known to man, and I feel generous.

So, I am giving one of You, loyal members of the Heard, an iPod touch screen.

All you have to do to win is listen, and pay attention, and answer 10 questions. Those questions will be posted this Friday, and we will draw the winner live from a hat filled ONLY with entries that have all correct answers. Here’s some boilerplate for you to stare at:

HOW TO ENTER

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. To enter, complete the entry form from our Quiz, with all answers being approved by the appointed panel by SomaCow Media, Inc. To be eligible, entries must be completed and received on or by April 15th, 2008. Incomplete entries will be disqualified. All entries shall become the property of SomaCow Media, Inc. SomaCow Media, Inc. is not responsible for lost, misdirected or delayed entries. Entries received by telephone, fax, smoke signals, random shoutout, courier (including but not limited to bipeds and pigeons) or personal delivery will not be accepted.

CONTEST RULES:

1. The contest is open to the general public as well as anyone currently subscribing to SomaCow Media, Inc. products (except residents of Deltona, Fl [it's a miserable place]), of age of majority. Employees of SomaCow Media, Inc., advertising and promotional agencies and their respective affiliates and associates and such employees’ immediate family members and persons with whom such employees are domiciled are excluded from this contest. Any questions as to your eligibility should be sent to somacow@gmail.com wherein you may plead your case. I wish you luck.

2. The prize is not redeemable in cash and must be accepted as awarded.

3. Decisions of the contest judges are final. No appeals. Hush. Just shut up and win.

4. By claiming the prize, the winner authorizes the use, without additional compensation of his or her name and/or likeness and/or voice/photograph and municipality of residence for promotion and/or advertising purposes in any manner and in any medium (including without limitation, radio broadcasts, newspapers and other publications and in television or film releases, slides, videotape, distribution over the internet and picture date storage) which SomaCow Media, Inc. may deem appropriate. Hubba. Hubba.

5. In accepting the prize, the winner, and any guest(s), acknowledges that SomaCow Media, Inc. may not be held liable for any loss, damages or injury associated with accepting or using this prize(s). Seriously, WTF are you doing with an MP3 player stuck up there, anyway?

6. The person(s) whose name(s) is drawn from the finalized collection of correct and completed entires as being the winner(s) of the specific prize will be required to provide a mailing address to redeem their prize.

G. Winners must reply in positive to a release form as prepared and accepted by SomaCow Media, Inc. acknowledging their acceptance and understanding of the contest rules.

LVI. SomaCow Media, Inc. retains the rights, in its absolute and sole discretion, to make substitutions of equivalent kind or approximate value in the event of the unavailability of any prize or component of the prize for any reason whatsoever. Don’t worry, barring Steve Jobs going nutty and exploding the store I am going to, or some kind of giant pandas from space invasion where the human race is enslaved and/or eaten by our new, furred masters, you will get the iPod.

10. This contest is subject to all federal, provincial and municipal laws. So, if its illegal, you may not play.

10. SomaCow Media, Inc. reserves the right to withdraw or terminate this contest at any time without prior notice. You know what? This is a shitty rule. Strike it!

10. You will get the 8GB version. Deal with it. 8GB is a lot. It would hold all of SomaCow Media’s shows, and that is all you will ever need.

14. Contest is most certainly NOT open to Canadian residents. Unless you are hot, and or comment the blog a whole bunch in a meaningful way. Meaningful is a term to be decided on strictly by me. And J. And Mickey, maybe, if he has time.

J. One entry per person.

Dear Listener,

In case you missed it, Geoff is dipping into his pockets full of beefy juicy cash to purchase an iPod. He is then going to take that iPod and give it to a listener for free. Could that listener be you? (If you are hot, and really want to win… you know the drill… we might could maybe work something out. Ok? Shhhhhhh…)

And, just in case, February 19th, 2008 – SomaCow Media bought a new microphone, Debe from Say … Anything was the first one to use it. Something silly and trivial might be important on your quest to obtain the free iPod that Geoff is giving away to one of our lucky listeners.

Good luck, I hope you win the free iPod. That would be totally cool.

Lurv,

Mickey

Again, if you are not eh best at paying attention, you can buy your (Non)Free iPod today!
(You can skip the contest and buy yours today!)

Apple 8GB iPod Touch Media Player with WiFi

I am dedicating this blog to the fact that George W. Bush is a flipping retard, a boob, an idiot, an imbecile, a half-wit, a moron, a blockhead, a featherbrain, a dolt, a numbskull, a nincompoop, a pinhead, a goon AND a boob, a dunce, a donkey, a knothead, a jackass, and a base-faced eater of broken meats. Let me know if I missed any adjectives.

In this hour, we played the following great bands:

• BAYSIDE-CHOICE HOPS AND BOTTLED SELF ESTEEM
• NOFX-LEAVING JESUSLAND

Don’t forget to check out American Gods, by Neil Gaiman!

Click here to get it!

So, in this hour, we say goodbye to ‘07 and all that it entailed, including a rundown of our respective Christmases. I had a really great time at my wife’s parents, Mickey had a miserable time in Jacksonville, and J got a tie clip, and some slinkies, or something.

Okay, so, Christmas – Three things:

1. What the hell is the deal with Brighthouse trying to pretend they are giving us a Yule Log Exclusive? I am watching my TV, and here is a yule log, courtesy of Channel 13… I go to my wife’s parents’ house, and there is the EXACT SAME YULE LOG, NOW FROM BAY NEWS 9? SINNERS!

So, yeah…. tell me how those stocking weren’t hung with care for dear old “Cunt”? Classy, you crazy cable companies.

2. Christmas Eve Dinner – One should not trust that Albertson’s will be open on Christmas Eve, because, it turns out, the manager may decide to suffer spontaneous Anti-Scroogification and send his whole staff home at 6pm, leaving you with only one Christmas Eve Dinner Option:

Believe me… If you eat this kind of meal, Santa will not come, although any creatures that may have once stirred in your home will be quite dead from the fumes, including your dogs, wife, and fish.

And…

3. Make sure you swing by Kobe and check out Isamu Mao, or whatever Diana says was his name. This dude lit the fires of Nippon and served it up with unparalleled skill and ruthlessness.

Look at that onion. LOOK AT IT. It’s like some kind of Vegeta of Babel, and stuff.

Oh, and screw the RIAA! Merry New Year, you guys! We appreciate it all, and we’ll be back Wednesday with Resolute Desks… and stuff!

Straight Outta Junior High – Meat Heads, Douche Bags, and Me
Justice – D.A.N.C.E.
NOFX – Separation of Church and Skate
PieTasters – Change My Ways