SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by yardstickofdeath.com.
In this, our finest hour, we discussed Saving Gasoline in your life, The Girlfight on You Tube, and The Tibet vs. China Olympic Issue.
First off – In an effort to help you, our loyal listeners, make it through the coming summer months with your sanity and bank accounts intact, I will simply expound upon what we discussed with a few tips on how to save gasoline in your day to day driving.
1. Cut the AC.
Screw whatever you have read about “wind drag” – the majority of you are driving at speeds under 45 miles per hour, sitting in traffic, and have probably pegged your setting at Max A/C Full. It’s summer. You can enjoy a little wind, and tan that sickly pale arm of yours a little bit. Enjoy some fumes, and the sound of the vehicle next to you’s pounding salsa rhythms!
2. Get Off the Leadfoot, and Get On the Good Foot!
There is no need to jackrabbit race out of every green light, stop sign, and left turn you make. A slow, gradual crushing of the gas pedal, spanning a period of ten seconds, will accelerate you nearly as fast, and not cause you the initial waste of injected but unused fuel.
3. Tell Her to Stop Eating Cheeseburgers
In addition to the obvious added weight load to the vehicle a “tubby” woman can provide, there is a frequently unconsidered cost, the extra travel time brought about as you take back roads, byways, and dirt paths in an effort to make sure none of your friends see you “transporting bison”. Take the past of least resistance by stocking the girls of least gravity in your vehicle, whenever possible!
4. Draft EVERYTHING
Everyone that has seen Days of Thunder knows that you can add 700 hp and conserve approximately 15 gallons per minute of fuel by riding the rear end of the vehicle in front of you. The modern civilized man has adopted this somewhat risky but always cool maneuver to the highway, slotting in a hair’s breadth behind tractor trailers and cement mixers and enjoying the lessened wind resistance, but a little known fact is that ALL vehicles can lessen that same wind power. Don’t be afraid to stay on the back tire of motorcyclists, bicyclists, pedestrians, folks in wheelchairs, and trotting horses. If these conveyances are moving too slow for your purposes, a gentle nudge to the offending tire, sneaker, or hoof will alert the front driver to your special needs, and help them giddy up. Hey, rubbing is racing.
5. Pee in a Bottle
Longtime secret of the modern trucker, a container (with lid, if possible) and some artistic seat sitting are all that is required to cut down on needless trips to nasty gas station bathrooms. Every time you slow down to exit for a bathroom break, you are sacrificing precious time and gas negotiating various cloverleaf ramps, parking lots, and additional left turns. By simply zipping, dipping, and dripping, you can get down the road in record time! I once traveled from Orlando to Alabama on an 18 oz Gatorade wide mouth bottle! Make sure you dispose of the receptacle appropriately, in conjunction with tip #4, by utilizing it a “lobbed encouragement” to people you might be drafting!
I hope this list helps you, and feel free to comment with your own Excellent and Thrifty Gas Saving Techniques!
We also discussed the famous Girlfight swirling across news desks and web browsers aplenty. Take a moment to review the footage, and see if it makes you laugh, burn with anger, cry, or yawn. Your reaction can be analyzed as follows:
Laughter – You are a sicko, and you are probably German. The word schadenfrued was invented specifically to describe you.
Anger or Vengeance – You know what it means to be downtrodden, and you seek justice in this world. You are Charles Bronson, and you have a death wish.
Crying or Sadness – You are a Jewel fan. People often give you things with bunnies and geese on them. You have cat(s).
Yawning or Boredom – You are Mickey. See you next week.
We wrapped up this hour with an Olympics request: Shut up about the torch and Tibet, already. Social justice is meted out by actions and the people, not by some asshole 6700 miles away grabbing a torch. The monks are now being arrested for organizing attacks against Chinese officials. This is strange, because, if you are an American who believes in Freedom, you could say they are “fighting for their independence”. If you are an American who believes in Freedom, you also could say that they are becoming a “terrorist faction”. I love a well blurred line, don’t you? No one should live under the yoke of another, and yet we ALL toil under a collective yoke, it would seem. What is the answer to the Chinese Puzzle Box? Should Tibet be free, and if so, should we extract ourselves from Cuba, Iraq, and all the other nations we have injected ourselves into in an effort to protect our interests? Sound off if you have a pair.
And this hour we featured a new artist from The Hopper:
Deaf Pedestrians – Hail to the Geek
Tags: cat fight, China, gas, gasoline, girl fight, independant, independent, internet, music, olympics, orlando, Podcast, radio, save, talk, tibet, wera, youtube
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