SomaCow

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Jesus. For all your savior needs, drink Jesus Christ!

Fah who for-aze, Dan yelsza hor aye!

In this J-free hour of SomaCow, Mickey and I entertain ourselves discussing Easter, and religion, and the creepiness of my neighbors, who constantly stare at my pale, quivering nakedness. I, as a man, a man’s man, a guy, a dude, contend that if I own 6 feet of privacy fencing that forms a perimeter around my property, I should be allowed to take my morning coffee and smoke with all my jumblies left out for the world to see. Somehow, the old couple that live catty-corner (I hate that term) to me seem to pick those EXACT naked moments to stand at their sliding glass door and stare at my junk. It’s creepy, and no matter how much I try to wiggle it at them, they simply will not go away and leave me in peace. Am I in the wrong? Where ELSE can a man be naked but in his own yard? More so, I only have a few precious weeks left of “naked time” in general, before the arrival of my daughter. I need every minute of sun-soaked johnson time I can get!

Anyway, we spent some time on the Holiday, which I hope you all enjoyed, and we invited the girls of Say Anything in for a few shows. We thank them for helping us make radio history, as we devoted an entire segment to eating Cadbury Creme Eggs, a true Easter tradition as far as I am concerned. Have you people tried the new varieties? The Reese’s product is obviously superior, but I will entertain other submissions, should you feel the need.

We have some new stickers in, and will most probably be getting coozie and faubs soon as well. If you would like any of that stuff, just send a SASE to:

SomaCow Media, Inc.

PO Box 162224

Altamonte Springs, FL 32716-2224

And throw in a buck or two to defray costs if you want a coozie. Coozy? How the hell DO you spell that?

We brought up an interesting point: the relationship between business persons and religion, and how it is easier for some folks to search within their own pew for like-minds to engage for their financial dealings. It’s creepy to me to consider a guy picking a plumber based on that guys willingness to believe certain aspects of a dogma, but to each their own. I just think it’s tacky to put an actual Jesus Fish/scripture ON YOUR LOGO. Weirdos. Whatever the business owner thinks is coming across, all I am hearing is, “I am using God to make a buck”. Sinner.

And we talked about the girls, and how proud our network is of the longest running show we’ve ever worked with. You guys really need to try out Say Anything. Chicks talking about Life, Love, and Sex. It’s a lot of what’s right in podcasting, and we love what they do. And not just cause they would hit us if we said otherwise. I am serious. After Debe left the studio, I found a straw wrapper formed into a noose. That girl is scary.

Not scary? The following great bands that we featured in this hour!

• Hot One – Get Your Priest On
• No More Kings – God Breathed
• Flogging Molly – Us of Lesser Gods

Tags: anything, business, cadbury, chick, christ, comedy, coozie, coozy, creme, debe, easter, egg, faub, fish, holiday, hot, independant, independent, internet, jen, jesus, jumblies, kings, life, love, more, music, naked, neigbors, no, noose, one, orlando, peeping, Podcast, radio, reese's, religion, sase, say, scripture, sex, somacow, stickers, talk

We congratulate you, as a person of taste, class, and sophistication. We hope you will put that all aside and enjoy the wonder of our new show, Somacow.

We began this venture under a different name, and with a different cast, in a different studio. Lots of adversity has befallen us, including one of our show members winning the lottery and going on to build custom choppers in the Caymans and not answering our phone calls. The changes we have undergone have forged us anew, and we stand now ready to provide you, our listeners, with a wealth of phenomenal internet radio the likes of which have never been heard.

Well, right after we get through this first episode. It was like losing our show virginity again, with Mickey and I stumbling over each other’s cues, flailing away at the following topics:

Mickey has anger issues that often lead to tantrum fits. I consoled him, but I think what I said just enraged him further. He is an angry, angry co-host, and I fear him. I am terrified that he will show me what “The Penis Thing” is, and I simply do not feel the show can survive such an incident.

Copyrighting, in general, is a good thing, but many organizations are abusing their trademarks, causing creativity to become stifled and capitalism to fail. We give a few specifics, and encourage you folks to check out all those Star Wars Parodies. Some of them, especially Troops, slay us.

One of the biggest problems we faced with the show rename was that it is impossible to develop a name these days, seeing as most every letter series is now owned by some upstart company in TwoHams, Idaho. Seriously… Copper Pig media? Steel Rabbits Amalgamated? SynCorn? MADNESS. We selected SomaCow Media, and trademarked the ass out of that. So, please, if you use the name, send us some cheddar. better to be a landowner than a squatter, or something.

We touched on the tragedy up north, but I am not entirely sure we got all the facts right. Lots of people were yelling at us in the chat room, stating that we were mixing up the facts and making a mockery of the situation. This was not our intention, and we welcome folks to set us straight on what went down that fateful night in Ohio.

Featured during the show this episode we had some great music! Check out these bands:

* Fabs – Surfing Safari
* Luck and Trouble – One Hit Blunder
* Cobra Starship – Bring It
* Hot One – Pistol Whip Me
* The Sleeping – Loud and Clear

We wrapped up with the Alec Baldwin Incident, and Mickey refreshed me on parenting. Poor Alec, so hated, and so misunderstood by the world. We know the level of anger a harpy-like ex and her Salacious Crumb Demon Pawn Offspring can drive a man to, and we… well, I, stand by you now in your time of pain. All divorces make men insane.

Please feed us back on what you thought of this episode. We’ll see you on Wednesday with Episode 2!

Tags: alec, baldwin, cobra, copyright, copywriting, cow, episode, fabs, first, hot, internet, little, luck, one, orlando, phat, phoenix, pig, Podcast, radio, rude, show, sleeping, soma, starship, the, the syndicate, trouble