SomaCow

 

 SomaCow 239: Sie sagen, es ist Ihr Geburtstag [57:11m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media Inc. is proud to present SomaCow.  This episode is brought to you, once again, by Hide Tide Harry’s All You Can Eat (which isn’t that much for J) Crab.

Today marks a turning point in our show.  For starters, we need to step up security.

The host has been infiltrated by OPEC (allegedly) Operatives trying to dismantle out “Gas will be one dollar per gallon by March of 2009″ rumor.  “They”, who(m)ever “They” maybe, also kidnapped Jen (Geoff’s Hippie Wife).  They forced her to call me at midnight (Geoff doesn’t answer his phone – he just has Jen answer for him – so you can see the logic loop on her calling him after being kidnapped) to let me know she was being held hostage and that they were taking down our server.

I received word this morning from our production staff (who worked tirelessly, actually, they have tires, their just really bald at the moment until they can get the production truck to a Tire Kingdom, through the night) that Jen was rescued.

Our production staff is awesome.  They are like a SEAL Team, only, less trained, less in shape, and less good looking, not very well armed… ok… they are nothing like a SEAL Team, but they get shit done, thanklessly, quickly, and without any recognition.  And that is the way we like it.

When Jen has recovered from the ordeal, and she can decypher the cryptic Rossian Code, she will update the blog for you fine folks.

—Jens update can be found here—

Another major turning point for the show is that now Geoff is older.  Today is his Birthday.  Wish him a happpy birthday.  Down below.  In the comments.  Down there.  Go.  Do it now.  I’ll wait…

…

Back?  Ok… Wait.  You didn’t comment.  Stop fucking with me.  Go comment now and wish the man a happy birthday.  It’s not like I am asking you to buy him a gift.  A simple comment saying “Joyeux Anniversaire!” or “Happy, Birthday, Eh” if you are from Canadia.  “Bonne Fete!  Eh?” If you are from French Canadia.

As a Hungarians chick would say, “Boldog szuletesnapot!” or “Isten eltessen!” depending  on how Hungarian she is.

Happy Birthday Geoff… may you have many more!

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 238: The OPECalypse [1:02:47m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media Inc. is (proud?) to present SomaCow.  This hour is brought to you by piled up disasters.

A little back story.  A few months ago, my best friend was in the hospital.  He wasn’t sick.  He was (physically) doing fine.  He was there for the birth of my goddaughter.  Actually he was at the birthing center, and then ended up at the hospital.  His wife, one of my best friends, was on death’s door.  There were complications, but like a trooper, she pulled through.

On that day, we were confronted by the universal flow of karmic spirituality of the nature of man… or whatever the hell kind of mumbo jumbo in which you have a belief.  A voice inside me said, “Mickey, the universe is like a fat girl in a rocking chair.  She goes back and forth and creeks a lot… with her chubby cleavage hanging out everywhere, but she always ends up right side up.”  I said, “You know voice, that makes absolutely no fucking sense what-so-ever, and Chubby-girls-in-rocking chairs is a blatant ripoff of fat-girls-in-party-hats (dot com).”

But, it made me think.  Every action has an opposite and equal reaction.  On that day, we were assaulted by the media.  They were blasting away telling us that gas would rise in price.  The gas did rise in price, but the major cause was the pure speculation that gas would go up in price.  We (J and I, joined by The Chick That I Am Dating) decided to fight back.

We pronounced and announced on that day that we would start a rumor.  A rumor to help drive gas prices down.  A rumor that called out to the world saying, “I heard a rumor that gas would be one dollar a gallon by March of 2009″.

People around the globe joined the battle.  Ross, took up the cause and spread the rumor around the airwaves.  Reports from all over, Chinamen, Singaporians, People of Canadia, West Uzbekistanians, and even Iranistanians were yelling from rooftops that they heard a rumor that gas would be one dollar per gallon by March of 2009.

For the first time in eons, the People of Earth were United.  Most of the people.  There were some that did not like our agenda.  Some claimed that for this to happen, the global economy would have to crash.

I said, “So Be It!”

Some claimed that wars would be waged, I said, “Bring it on!”

Some said, “OPEC is gone done fuck you up.”

I say, “Let them come!”

And they did.  OPEC (although we have no proof what-so-ever) sabatoged our beloved Hopper.  They cut power to the studio (again, no proof, only assumtion and conjecture).  And still we scream, “‘We will not go quietly into the night!’ We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!”

So I dedicate this (really poorly done) episode, to you… the people that took up a hopeless cause and brought forth on this continent, a new, lower gas price.  Get Jiggy with it.  Na na na nuh na na.

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