Originally pantsing at http://somacow.com
Trying to be Human
Fat and Naked at 2 AM
Eatin’ Out
Pants
Life Coaching with Cassandra
Worms in Your Virus
Happy Birthday Amanda!!!
Family Feud
Kei$ha Is White???
Lily Allen Is White!
Cheese Chat
Posts Tagged “pants”You’ve probably already heard that the SomaCow clan is all up in Kingdom of Loathing (KoL). We now spend more time playing this online game than we spend getting our collective pants let out, if you can believe that. How to describe Kingdom of Loathing? It’s an adventure game, to be sure, but it is a “minimalist” adventure game. No sounds. No animation. No “Gore Level” settings. No warning that it might induce an epileptic seizure from flashy-lights. You just click on things to do, or places to go, and you are presented with a description of the results, along with a picture of what happened. Well, “picture” is not exactly the right word. More like “sketch”. No. More like “Etch-a-Sketch”. “ZOMG, J, that sounds more boring than that time you blogged about your trip to Mitten World!”, you may be saying. But, as usual, you would be wrong. Don’t let the simplicity fool you. This is probably the most clever and creative game since “Victoria’s Secret: The Stubborn Understains”. The characters are funny. The weapons and armor are funny. The places are funny. I guarantee that you, the player, will be the only possible unfunny aspect of the whole experience. Let me give you an example of how a mighty battle might take place. Let’s say that you have combined your “Fortune 500 Cookie” with a “Glorioski” in order to create the “Fortune and Glory”, an object which allows you to pass through the “Glory Hole” into the “Unsanitary Toilet Stall”. You are armed with the mighty sword “Formercalibur” and wish to engage in combat with the “Flagrant Homosexual”:
“A garishly-clad man with a hypnotic ascot leaps guiltily up at your approach. He draws his Meat Sword, but you counter with your Sly Wink spell. You have vanquished the fairy, but the aroma from the toilet does not promise treasure. It promises a prescription for antibiotics in your immediate future. You gain 2 GayBashiness.” What could be more fun than that?! I was a little frustrated, at first, that I played and played and played and could not progress above level three. But, then Mickey pointed out that what I was playing was actuallythe instructions for the game, so that was my fault, really. Try KoL out for yourself. I promise you’ll love it. And if not, you can kiss my “Glistening Mushroom Cap of Swollenness”. Tags: adventure game, boobs, computer game, glory hole, Jick, kingdom of loathing, mitten, mushroom, pants, teenSomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you this time by House, M.D. No, seriously, we talk about that show a lot in this hour, and I apparently, am one of the last people to hear that doctors are putting maggots and leeches and bandages on their patients. Is this the 1400s? If so, Primae Noctis, bitches!
So, we discuss Mickey’s very, very frightening issue with feet. The dude can’t see them, touch them, look at his own, or even talk about socks, and has actually learned to put on his shoes by jumping into them. I don’t know, the guy has been a rock for years for me now, and all of the sudden he is coming off like a freaking pansy. It’s not like feet are Spiders. We also talk about the necessity of a happy ending. Look, Masseuses of the world… I don’t want to get off on a rant here, but what you do isn’t relaxing, or even all that necessary, and the fact that you want to pretend you are anything other than the facilitator of a fastbatch is fine by me, but let’s be honest… The only way to “relax” a man fully would involve completion of the massage act. Oh, and guys do not let guys massage their bodies. Period. QED. See the abacus for details.
Oh! And speaking of quackery, the following “diseases” are a goddamned joke, and do not exist: Chronic Fatigue Syndrome That all being said, there is a very real disease that can lay a man low, and cause marriages to end, and blind children, and may even bring about asphyxiation or death! I speak to you today of the dreaded GrumblyPants. Please, if you have GrumblyPants, tell your friends. And if you know someone who you think might have GrumblyPants, squirt them with some Clorox or something. For God’s Sake, Man. No one should have to go through that.
If you are in the Central Florida area, make sure you check out The Black Rabbits January 5th at Taste in College Park. And a shout out to The Dollyrots who have been featured a few times on The Reaper! Speaking of which, here are the songs we played by these awesome bands this week: The Dollyrots – Tummy Tum Tum Order all three…
|
|
|
Entries (RSS)