SomaCow

I have been advised by sage commentators to use my food as medicine, and I’d like to think I have been, mostly.

Still, I know some naughtiness has been sneaking in. Somehow, there are eggs showing up pretty frequently in my diet, along with more protein than is necessary, and at some meals, I am eschewing (that means shunning, or avoiding, for those of you “reading” from Tampa. Just think of what you do with education, or soap) carbs altogether.

Which is a no-no. I may have yet to go to “diabetes education”, but I know I AM supposed to eat some carbs. Diabetes is not equal to Atkins, forsooth.

Incidentally, I am somewhat concerned about “diabetes education”. It sounds like “defective citizen reprogramming” or “12 hour snooze fest” or “Department of Motor Vehicles times 1,000″. It sure is taking a long time to get scheduled. I will probably need to start calling people. I am learning the truth about modern medicine and doctors – the squeaky but polite patient gets to live.

Anyway, in an effort to eat a carb, today I had a slice of whole wheat bread, a 1/4 cup of brown rice, and a tray of raspberries. The raspberries were delicious, and I feel pretty balanced. I have been enjoying back to back days in the 100s on my blood sugar, which is right within that magical 70-120 range.

Today it occurred to me that I am a different person than I was. I am angrier than I used to be. I really need to work on that. The whole idea of this blog is that I supposedly do NOT want to die, but it’s obvious that anger leads to ragey blood, and ragey blood leads to heart snap, and heart snap leads to pine box. I cannot help that I get pissed, but I can learn to redirect that anger to something useful.

But along with that, I now have… I am not sure what the word is for it… Drive? Ambition? People, I had a break today and chose to use it to walk.

To walk??!?!? WTFBBQ?

If you have known me for, oh, any length of time, you know that I am the kind of guy that will circle a business for a half an hour (or force dear nurse to do so) waiting for a parking space in the “cush” zones.

Now I park anywhere. Now I offer to double back in the grocery store to pick up nurse’s hoo-hoo products. Now I… walk a mile and a half on my lunch break? And it’s not even like I argued in my head. Saw park, pulled over, took walk. Pretty neat!

As I walked, I felt my inadequacies cavorting, trying to talk me out of it.

“You’re wearing jeans – Fatboy gonna chafe!”

“Your shoe tongue keeps popping forward of your pant leg – People will stare!”

“There’s a school – Bet the teachers are calling the police on you right now!”

“Your poor knees – You must hate them so to do this!”

…and on and on and on. If you have ever been fat, you know how loud and somehow persuasive the “voices” get.

But I was in no mood for the negativity, and just kept walking. It was a good day to live!

My eyes were still good today, but around nightfall I started to notice some slight blurring around the edges. Much of this blog is fuzzy, and I have been up since 4:30, so I am going to take a break.

Tags: anger, carbs, diabetes, exercise, park, raspberries, voices, walk

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you today by ESPN radio. Please check out Ryan of zoos and museums. In Orlando, we have a significant dearth of these establishments, and it seems that any amount of funding is spotty, and usually pays just enough to renovate the establishment to a two decade old standard of presenting. I expect that is what any transient town that comes to a complete standstill whenever a penny sales tax is discussed should expect.

We talk about the possibility of charging extra to tourists for gasoline, in addition to the bed taxes we already gouge them for. If we are going to develop into a city, it has to be more than just one company’s attraction that supports us. You never know when some incredibly devout religious types might try to mix things up, and it would be good to have a system of high tech, low waste producing jobs at our fingertips… At least, more than the call centers at Convergys and AAA have given us ($7.00 an hour, w00t!!).

We discussed the possibility of developing a nerf theme park, but went soft when it got down to the nuts and bolts of the plan.

We also discussed over-reactive cops, and the anger that they are somehow allowed to have. I want you to think about the guy that strove to be hall monitor, or kickball team captain, when you were a child. That asshole was on and on about the stupidest shit, all day long, and all he ever wanted was to have a tiny bit of control, in the form of a whistle, or a stupid fluorescent sash with some fake badge, just to prove he was in authority and lord it over everyone. That little prick, it turns out, invariably grows up to be a cop, and we’re tired of it. Look, pigs. I watched SuperBad. I know what you are doing. You drive through stop lights, race around rush hour, and generally pull 7 and a half hours of dick moves every day on your shift. Yeah, you might pull one guy out of a burning car, or stop one bad guy midrape, but these are rarities, and the majority of your job is sitting, half-hidden, giving out exorbitant tickets for meaningless infractions and generally hassling the public. We’re on to you, and I am ready to arm this city with enough camcorders to keep an eye on you. Dirty Birdies.

Oh, and God, it seems, is packing. Not heat, but meat.

We toasted our wieners on the flames of the following great musics:

Sean Fournier – Paper Tiger
The Downshifters – Outlaw Bliss
Amber Pacific – Summer (In B)

(Buy and Amber Pacific T-shirt… or just gawk at the model)

Tags: aaa, alternative, angry, bad, buzz, call, camcorders, centers, convergys, cops, downshifters, espn, fournier, independant, independent, internet, museum, nerf, orlando, overreactive, park, Podcast, radio, sean, sports, super, theme, tourist, zoo

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you this time by House, M.D. No, seriously, we talk about that show a lot in this hour, and I apparently, am one of the last people to hear that doctors are putting maggots and leeches and bandages on their patients. Is this the 1400s? If so, Primae Noctis, bitches!

So, we discuss Mickey’s very, very frightening issue with feet. The dude can’t see them, touch them, look at his own, or even talk about socks, and has actually learned to put on his shoes by jumping into them. I don’t know, the guy has been a rock for years for me now, and all of the sudden he is coming off like a freaking pansy. It’s not like feet are Spiders.

We also talk about the necessity of a happy ending. Look, Masseuses of the world… I don’t want to get off on a rant here, but what you do isn’t relaxing, or even all that necessary, and the fact that you want to pretend you are anything other than the facilitator of a fastbatch is fine by me, but let’s be honest… The only way to “relax” a man fully would involve completion of the massage act. Oh, and guys do not let guys massage their bodies. Period. QED. See the abacus for details.

Oh! And speaking of quackery, the following “diseases” are a goddamned joke, and do not exist:

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
Attention Deficit/Hyperactive Disorder
Fibromyalgia
Rickets
Shingles
Plywood
Endometriosis
Restless Leg Syndrome
Irritable Bowel Syndrome (It’s called farting, you whiners!)

That all being said, there is a very real disease that can lay a man low, and cause marriages to end, and blind children, and may even bring about asphyxiation or death! I speak to you today of the dreaded GrumblyPants. Please, if you have GrumblyPants, tell your friends. And if you know someone who you think might have GrumblyPants, squirt them with some Clorox or something. For God’s Sake, Man. No one should have to go through that.

If you are in the Central Florida area, make sure you check out The Black Rabbits January 5th at Taste in College Park.

And a shout out to The Dollyrots who have been featured a few times on The Reaper!

Speaking of which, here are the songs we played by these awesome bands this week:

The Dollyrots – Tummy Tum Tum
The Dollyrots – Nobody Wants You
The Black Rabbits – Clouds in My Coffee
The Black Rabbits – Emotion

Order all three…

Tags: adhd, alternative, attention, black, bowel, chronic, college, deficit, diseases, disorder, dollyrots, endometriosis, farting, fastbatch, fatigue, feet, fibromyalgia, grumbly, grumblypants, house, hyperactive, independant, independent, internet, irritable, leeches, leg, maggots, massage, masseuses, md, orlando, pants, park, plywood, Podcast, rabbits, radio, restless, rickets, shingles, spiders, syndrome, taste