SomaCow

SomaCow Media Network is proud to present Somacow, brought to you today by Semoran Skateway. If you’re ever in the Orlando area, it’s the only place left, really, for you to throw down and trip the lights on a fat four wheeled skate session.

In this hour, we talked about Mickey’s 35th birthday party, which The Chick That He Is Dating was kind enough to throw. It was… surreal, and J and I came to the terrifying realization that Mickey was born to skate. He just looks right, twirling around, gossamer threads of diet mountain dew sweat arcing from his magnificent suddenly seven foot tall hair. The dude needs to be retro-installed into every ABBA video.

We also discussed Bill Gates leaving office, as tipped by one of our chat room listeners. If you ever want to listen live, its pretty easy – just swing by the ustream and you can watch anonymously, or create a log-in and take part in our discussion. Just one of the many gifts that Bill Gates and his OS of shame have yet to take away from us. Maybe next build, yeah?

We rounded out the hour talking about pie. Specifically, $60.00 if you eat it, you get it for free pie. I have yet to hear from the guys this week, as I know they are cowardly and afraid of my skills in the fields on munch, I cannot say that I am surprised. But I promise you this – the competition will happen, there will be video, and I will not fail. What’s 29 inches, multiplied by 3.14? Lunch, that’s what.

Happy 4th of July to all our listeners. Try not to blow off any of your appendages, and send pictures of your firecracker boobs to Mickey@somacow.com. I will, apparently, be spending much of today getting to know our new toilet seat. I wish we had gone with the $700 dollar model.

And listen to these fine tunes with us:

• Richard Cheese – Welcome to the Jungle
• Richard Cheese – Hey Ya!
• Richard Cheese – Material Girl

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A cold wind blows across the dusty plains of what was once a fertile land. Harsh, acidic rain pours down upon the horrorscape that the world has become. Mutants leap with delight on the outskirts of the few remaining pockets of humanity… A dark and mournful “moo” their only warning, before leaping upon the stragglers and travelers desperate enough to venture so far from the safety of the tent cities.

In other words, the future is bleak, people, and today we talk about why. Robots controlled by the same people responsible for this. Can you imagine the many and lame ways with which our doom will befall us? I submit that you cannot, and therefore we will be happy to expound, pontificate, and generally chat up the end of mankind.

We talked previously about the fact that all the bees disapparated, and now we know just where they all got off to…

right into this lady’s brain, apparently.

Mother Russia… Mother Russia… Mother Russia rain down down down. Look, I may just be a kino runner for the DDR, but it looks like Putin and the rest of the Generals want one more chance with the ball. Can we survive a reheating of the cold war? Hopefully we win again this time. I only hope there is enough time to get a new team captain before the game. Five dollars to the first member of The Heard that figures that convoluted analogy out. Here’s a visual aid:

SomaCow needs to get right with the Lord, if for no other end than the fried okra… mmmm… Colored Greens. That naturally led to what you need to do before you die, and it seems that no one is saving one damn penny for their retirement. 401K or Soylent Green, the choice is yours. Great book out there by the name of Die Broke. Check it out, if you wish… Better to pretend you meant to screw up your golden years than be all surprised by it.

We unleashed the holy terror of the News Bomb. There are no words to summarize what the News Bomb is. I leave it to you to go discover, and report what you have found here.

We rounded out the hour with a little surprise from Bart Simpson. Ew. Seriously. No one needed to see that.

Featured artists of the hour went jiggy thusly:

Richard Cheese-Welcome to the Jungle
Devo-Satisfaction (I Can’t Get No)
Dr. Steel-Build the Robots
Die So Fluid-Spawn of Dysfunction

Share and Enjoy, friends. Tell one friend, and then the two of you will have a secret to lord over others.

Tags: 401k, beekeeper, bees, comedy, devo, die so fluid, dr steel, internet, mother russia, orlando, Podcast, radio, richard cheese, robots, soylent green