SomaCow

 

 204: So Who Was On The Phone? [59:44m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by a big steamy bowl of who cares.

In this hour, we complained about wikipedia, podcasters, J, luauers (people that luau), Shia the Beefs, harmonicas, Charlie Chaplin, and the Death of Chivalry. We were going to discuss great comedy partners, but, apparently, “Simpsons did it”.

So, why am I in such a bad mood? I have a great kid, a truly loving wife, powerful smelling friends with no active plots to destroy me, a decent job, and three pooches to boot. How could I possibly be so hissy and pissy when “a pack of blessings lights up upon my back”?

I really don’t know. I get a lot of enjoyment out of Kingdom of Loathing (sign up, Heard!), and spending time with the baby and wife, but otherwise, I am just seeing red lately. At work, we have a sign. The sign reads “No Solicitation”. I would think that that implies, “Do Not Try To Sell Us Your Scammy Copiers, Nor Your Free Delivery of Overpriced Sub Sandwiches, Nor Even Will We Give You Money, Even If You Just Need It To Catch a Bus and See Your 14-month Pregnant Wife”.

It apparently, does not. Today i was accosted by “the Gallery Rep”, who wanted us to buy 45 dollar cheap brass laminate framed Thomas Kinkade Art. I snarked, swore, and slammed the door.

WTF is up my butt? I normally LIKE breaks in the day like that…

I think I need some sessy time… Something.

Anyway, we had a good show, but in retrospect, we pick on J too much. I will give twenty dollars to the first listener that catches me being uncivil to J without reason, from here on out. See you in the Ustream, Saturday at 1:00 PM Eastern!

We fumed while rocking out to the following great bands:

• Goldfinger – War
• Wes Charlton – Daytime Blues

 

 193: Shorn [58:57m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media Network is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you by 2broadscast.com. Show them some love, and help them defeat the evil copyright infringers over at 2broadscasting.com – Hoors!

In this hour, we discussed How I Fail, How the Simpsons Fail, How Obama will now Fail, and how Our Sales Staff is a Very Big Fail.

I fail because I am very, very fat. No, it’s true. Yes, you are very kind. Yes, like a Hippo being attacked by Dig Dug, I agree.

The Simpsons, sadly, really do fail. Many people may attack me for this opinion, but that doesn’t change the fact that they should have wrapped up the story in Springfield circa sideshow Bob’s sixth showcase. They aren’t even dated anymore, they are charactertures (like that?) of themselves. If the Simpson’s were forced to adjust to the realities of 2008, Homer and Marge would be divorced, Homer would be the skinniest guy in his office, Marge would be a cougar, Lisa would be a militant PETA lesbian, and Bart would spend every day getting the ever loving Christ beaten out of him by the Mexicans. Ay Caramba, indeed.

Speaking of Mexicans… Our Boy O’Berto sure did step in it but good this week, yeah? I still have CHope, but not much. The man is a genius, so why does he not know enough to wait UNTIL he gets in office to awaken America to the sad, harsh realities she so desperately will fight to ignore? This is, yet again, the effect of too much pressure and coverage too early on the candidates. They blow their load. By the time someone is elected, they are already a lame duck, and half the country is fed up with their rhetoric.

Our sales staff got the tables turned on them. Allow me to try, once more, to explain to our audience – If you are selling shammy, scammy, shady, or shoddy… Sell it elsewhere, please. We’re full up to the brim!
Seriously… What is the deal with all the MonaVie and Juice Plus and Noni and on and on and on. It’s PART OF A BALANCED BREAKFAST, PEOPLE. There is no fountain of youth, nor is there a miraculous elixir, nor is there even a really decent cup of coffee… ‘Cept maybe wawa. Thanks again, Chrispy.

I shaved it down with my boys to the following great tunes;

Lust Penguins – Misunderstood

 

 192: Carr to Alms [58:26m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media Network is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you by Chef Scott. The man makes some incredible meat, and we thank him for his call in from the Gun and Knife and Nose Fireball Show.

In this hour, we discussed our various misspent youths (what is a yout?), the need to have bullets and things that shoot bullets, and a reader’s question for you, our audience.

What is it about the 8-bit and 16-bit era of games that continues to captivate my heart? Sure, J had his dusty textual affair games, wherein one might experience all the joy that heading “west” can afford, and yes, Mickey enjoyed much of the arcade era when a quarter bought you a game, and a kid from a trailer park could go on to protect the galaxy from marauders based on his ability to gyruss it up, but I am firmly entrenched in the virtual nes and the zsnes world. Hours of watching sprites race arond a simple background, doing NOTHING. I added up the time, and I could have written 37 novels, had sex with 4,123 women, or even done one situp, in all the time I wasted playing megaman alone.

I’d give all that time back, though, just to have my own pinball machine. I’d take one of the older ones, like Cyclone or Pinbot, but I’d love to have a Batman, or a Simpsons, or a Family Guy, or a Jurassic Park. Pinball was where it was AT. Healthy exercise, and the glass had perfect places to put your ashtray and beer… DAMN YOU MARCH OF PROGRESS! GIVE ME BACK PINBALL. It is sad to go around town looking for these machines. They are never kept up, the flippers often fail, and the bumpers have no chutzpah.

We got a chance to chat with Scott, who gave us a breakdown of the Cen Fla Gun and Knife Show. Always wanted to go, never had the time. Next year, we’ll take J and test the tasers. That’s so 2007, yeah? Fine. We’ll take J and kneecap him. Twice. Scott gives us the goods, and we all agree that the 2nd Amendment is pretty hot shit, you betcha.

I still really want to go shooting. Somebody start me!

So, interesting question, and maybe you will comment this entry with your responses. Or maybe you won’t you stingy bastard. Holding your comments back from me, making me beg. To HELL with your comment! I could care less what you think.

I didn’t mean it.

I’ve just been on edge.

It’s not you.

Well it is.

Sorta.

Anyway, what book summates your personality? Just one. Out with it, freak!

We jamonited to the following great bands:

• Likely Story – New You

• Powerman 5000 – Miss America