SomaCow

Yes, yesterday’s episode was chock full of my birthday.

Thanks to Geoff and Mickey for keeping the elderly jokes down in the triple digits.

d00d, I’m NOT all that old.

One way you can tell that I am not all that old is that I just spelled “dude” in the vernacular of “the kids today”. That is because I am a baller who is also dope and, possibly, fly.

So what’s up wit all dat old-people stuff directed at me, yo?

Word!

Crib!

Posse!

Just because I drive at speeds inversely proportional to my age, such that, should I live to be older than 70 I will actually be driving in reverse; and just because nearly every gift I received this year contained some form of bran; and just because I got flashed by a young hottie during my birthday visit to Burlington Coat Factory, which caused me to exclaim “My GOD! These coats are on clearance for only $29.99!”…doesn’t mean that I am getting old.

Good lookin’ out, dawg!

Iced-out grill!

Badonkadonk!

I can still hang with the younger crowd. I can still shake my grooved thing. I can still make young, twenty-something girls gasp when I pass by, and whisper excitedly to each other “You have mace in your purse, right?”. I can still bust a movement, thanks to all that bran.

Sure, maybe I DO wear my pants pulled up so high that my belt more closely resembles a push-up bra. Maybe I DO like to fall asleep at 8:30pm to the phat breakbeats of Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly.

And maybe I DO have a tiny bit of a middle-aged spread around the tummy department that makes my cellphone ring in my front pocket every time I bend over. None of that makes me OLD, bitches!

Don’t make me bust a capsule of laxative in yo’ ass.

Someday, you might just find YOURSELF staring down the business end of a bran birthday cake.

Peach out, my brothels.

What would we do without you, the listener?

I’ll tell you what we would do without you. We would eat flamed beefs. All day, every day. But, as good as that would be, it would still leave a large empty place in our hearts, though not our thighs.

What would be the point of us getting actors’ names mixed up, making up ridiculous news stories or tickling fatties on the webcam if it weren’t for you, and the time you spend with us?

Everything we do here at SomaCow, we do for our listeners. Whether it’s giving away a free iPod Touch (no purchase necessary, some restrictions apply), scouring the Interwebz for things that
might interest you, or coughing into the mic during Mickey’s Life Coaching segment, the point is: you complete us.

And what is our reward? What’s in it for us? It’s the growth of our show, our network and ourselves (for which you listeners are not ENTIRELY responsible, see flamed beefs above).

So thanks to each and every one of you who has downloaded our podcast, or listened to us live on Sundays from 2-5pm EST, or watched our video stream on ustream.tv, or donated funds or commented our blogs or entered our contests.

THIS JUST IN:
Ok, one of you listeners has gone completely nuts. And we love it!
Candy, our favorite stripper from the midwest, has captured the very ESSENCE of the personalities on the SomaCow show with her masterful and insightful rendition of: The SomaSims. Wonder how J would look if he were skinny? Want to know what’s REALLY under Mickey’s omnipresent trucker cap? Dying to see how Geoff plans to knock off Mickey and J so he can be the sole heir to the empire? Visit Candy’s The SomaSims site. Leave her a comment, and the lap dance is negotiable.

THIS is why we do what we do.

And we would cuddle every one of you.