SomaCow

 

 223: Fidouchery [1:00:45m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by The National Debt. Get some!

In this hour, Mickey, J and I eschew our standard fare and discuss some financial news YOU need to hear, Icees vs. Slurpees, and Gilligan’s Island. Random, aren’t we? Shut up and tune in, it’ll all make sense when it’s over.

First off, we talked about the giant, coughing, cancerous elephant laying in the middle of the room (not me), and what, if anything, could be done to resuscitate it. The scariest thing about an economy is that it DOES correct itself, and we have been enjoying several decades of uninterrupted “yay”. As the rollercoaster now seems to have plateaued off, what will the upcoming plummet feel like? If you have any sense, you are making hay right now for the dark times ahead.

But it is easy for me to sit back and demand credit conscientiousness from you guys. It is easy for Mickey to state that you should “not buy what you cannot afford”. It is easy for J to snarf down a dozen gull shrimp. What isn’t going to be easy is extricating ourselves from this massive $700,000,000,000 debt. I am putting my daughter into trade school now, cause she is going to have to start making some serious payments now if we are ever gonna touch that principle.

Speaking of touching Principals, nobody seems to have raped a kid this week! Hurray! What? Oh.

nevermind.

SomaCow’s PSA of the week involves Slurpee Science, and how you can make a great frosty sugary beverage out of a bad situation. Between the falling standards at the modern 7-11, and the difficulty to even find a Kmart that does not have 11 hoboes and a tire fire in it, it is getting pretty damn dicey out there in the slushie territories.

We finished the hour, sadly, discussing Gilligan’s Island, a.k.a the worst show on television, a.k.a. the sigil of all that is wrong with America, a.k.a. Brain Poison. Why is this show STILL being run? Who watches this crap? The Professor is a sexless automaton, tolerated only for his coconut technology, the Skipper is an abusive alcoholic, Ginger and Maryann are doing a double team on the back end a la Requiem for a Dream, the fat rich white people hold everyone at bay for fear of being touched by their jowls… This was the show that let me know it was time to go take a crap. I still poop at 5pm every day, thanks to mass syndication.

We would never poop during the following great band’s efforts:

• NOFX – Leaving Jesusland

 

 164: Speak Softly and Carry a Big Mickey [57:18m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by 2BroadsCast.com – If you have consumed all we have here, by all means, head over and grab North Carolina’s neatest new podcast!

In this, our finest hour, we discuss a poonbonnet of great topics, including Hillary Clinton’s struggle to overcome… a coffee machine? We delve into the importance of good Slurpee consistency, and Mickey threatens to buy us a new board!

Poor, poor fettered Hillary, she struggled mightily against the shame of a lousy philandering husband, the ludicrous nature of the constant attacks by the right-wing talking heads, the insanely “unfair” proposition of being forced to fight a black man for positioning… and now she has been defeated by… A Cappucino machine. But while we may pity her her embarrassing moment of shame, it does force the question: How hard can a coffee serve machine BE to effectively operate?

It’s not like it’s a Slurpee machine, which is obviously the most complex steam punkian alchemists’ nightmare contraption. I remember being a kid, heading out every day with a pocketful of recently stolen change, heading straight for the 7-11 with one thought in my mind: Cold, Swollen Coke. Maybe in a neat cup! I remember to this day the thrill of getting a perfectly chilled, perfectly suspended Slurpee, and sitting for hours, alternating between overly sugary dry tongue and unbelievably painful brain freeze. Now, not so much. Stupid entropy! WHY must everything that is good in the world die?

We wanted to take a quick moment and thank all of you that have been placing reviews up for us on iTunes. It means a lot to us that you take the time to do so, as hard as it seems to have been made to PLACE such a review. If you need help with it, I will be giving a webinar each week on “How To Help SomaCow”, cause lord knows we need it. Next week’s topic: The Donate Button and YOU! Just… stop picking on Mickey. I like him, and he does so damned much around here, and he might stop, and then the whole site would just be pudding in a dumpster.

“All protesters are ugly.”

We do a bit of visual humor from time to time, also, so, if you guys ever want to check out the show live, make sure you swing by Ustream on Sundays, at 2pm, Eastern!

Our audio senses were filled with excitement with this week’s songs:

• Peter & the Penguins – She Took Me By Surprise
• Peter & the Penguins – Biff, Bang, Pow
• The Refreshments – Bandito